September loss thread, TTC our rainbow babies

[Sweetkat]

SweetKat I have no idea. This was my first loss so i was shocked when it happened plus i was 14 weeks too and nothing picked up on the scan or bloods etc. We have had no results yet and I am anxious.

Sorry for your loss. If it's a first time and you have 2 children already it might just be random bad luck? Hope you get answers soon.

It's hard going through MCs and never knowing 100% what caused it

 

[Sweetkat]

Ok so my options as I see them

- keep trying with high fragmentation
- wait for fragmentation to improve - problem is it changes daily and there is a 2 week gap between the test and the result
- DH to take antioxidants and proxeed - so far 2 months of this has led to 8% increase from 44% to 52%
- try Chinese herbal medicine which claims to cure fragmentation
-try ICSI (although apparently they can't pre-test sperm for fragmentation)
- try IUI with donor sperm

I am torn

 

[G x]

Hi ladies, & welcome to the new ladies,
Sorry not posted in a bit hope
Everyone is keeping well.

Well today @ 14dpo the witch arrived, I feel so down I think I had my self on such a high as I had actually ovulated & we BD at the right times that I just stupidly thought for sure if wee that BFP.. but it wasn't to be this cycle.x

 

[G x]

do you ladies mind me asking, how often do you have sex?

Helen- roughly twice per week, we do try bed a bit around the time I was getting the good CM x

 

[Myshelsong]

Ok so my options as I see them

- keep trying with high fragmentation
- wait for fragmentation to improve - problem is it changes daily and there is a 2 week gap between the test and the result
- DH to take antioxidants and proxeed - so far 2 months of this has led to 8% increase from 44% to 52%
- try Chinese herbal medicine which claims to cure fragmentation
-try ICSI (although apparently they can't pre-test sperm for fragmentation)
- try IUI with donor sperm

I am torn

Sorry Hun, I know how it feels with impossible decisions.
That is weird that it went up with the antioxidants... what amounts was he on of what? There are so many different theories and thoughts of treatment with fragmentation.

 

[Sweetkat]

Ok so my options as I see them

- keep trying with high fragmentation
- wait for fragmentation to improve - problem is it changes daily and there is a 2 week gap between the test and the result
- DH to take antioxidants and proxeed - so far 2 months of this has led to 8% increase from 44% to 52%
- try Chinese herbal medicine which claims to cure fragmentation
-try ICSI (although apparently they can't pre-test sperm for fragmentation)
- try IUI with donor sperm

I am torn

Sorry Hun, I know how it feels with impossible decisions.
That is weird that it went up with the antioxidants... what amounts was he on of what? There are so many different theories and thoughts of treatment with fragmentation.

So he was one 1g vitamin E and C and on proxeed. Month one it stayed 44%. Month 2 52%.

Obviously I don't really want a baby with a sperm donor, but the prospect of another miscarriage is too much and it is very likely as things stand

Chinese medicine for £3k seems like a waste. Waiting seems like time is running out (am 36).

Sigh sigh sigh

 

[HelenJane]

SweetKat, i know its difficult the "what ifs" and "if he hadnt done this". Hindsight. You may also be in the same position even if you did things a different way. So just try to think like that. It may help.

Also regarding your decisions, i know you have many and it could be a good idea to do a pro and con list about each and eliminate them like that untill you have a lesser number where you can make a decision. I just say follow your instinct. Look at the list with fresh eyes and see which one you gravitate towards immediately. Thats the one to go for.

 

[Sweetkat]

SweetKat, i know its difficult the "what ifs" and "if he hadnt done this". Hindsight. You may also be in the same position even if you did things a different way. So just try to think like that. It may help.

Also regarding your decisions, i know you have many and it could be a good idea to do a pro and con list about each and eliminate them like that untill you have a lesser number where you can make a decision. I just say follow your instinct. Look at the list with fresh eyes and see which one you gravitate towards immediately. Thats the one to go for.

Thank you so much for your reply. I know that no amount of what ifs will change anything and that things could have been the same or worse. We do have a healthy DD and I am grateful for that.

At the moment I am almost certain will go for donor IUI. OH isn't thrilled BUT he has 3 kids (two from a previous relationship and before he had arthritis and had to take medication). He has no incentive to have more kids and obviously it will be a bit embarrassing/ tricky admitting he couldn't give me a baby; but at this stage I don't care.

I am desperate for a second baby and having donor IUI from a young man (quite a few on the donor register are university students) at least brings my MC risk to 25%, with OH it's 50% or more!!

Being 36 and with 3 MMCs and a D&C I at least want to maximise my chance of a healthy baby by using a donor. Not ideal, of course, but being pregnant and knowing every minute of every day that there is a 50% chance of miscarriage is sh*t!!!

 

[Myshelsong]

If your DH will be fine with a sperm donor than I say do it if it feels right.

My hubs and I thought about it, and at one point said if the IVF didn't work we would consider it. He said he would be fine with donor, but I am the one on the fence.

We have our first doctors appointment in a few hours, I am trying not to freak out too much. Hoping for some answers but not expecting much. Trying not to get my hopes up.

 

[Sweetkat]

If your DH will be fine with a sperm donor than I say do it if it feels right.

My hubs and I thought about it, and at one point said if the IVF didn't work we would consider it. He said he would be fine with donor, but I am the one on the fence.

We have our first doctors appointment in a few hours, I am trying not to freak out too much. Hoping for some answers but not expecting much. Trying not to get my hopes up.

Good luck. With us we got reasons for what didn't cause the losses but no definite reason for the causes (we went to the best private specialists in London and £3k later not really any the wiser).

OH doesn't want me to get pregnant with donor sperm, but he hasn't got a leg to stand on as he wasted 4 years of my life telling me he didn't want more children!!

 

[MorgansMom09]

Hi Ladies,
I lost my first son at 38weeks on Sept 11 due to a double nuchal and a true cord knot. My husband and I just held his memorial service this Saturday and get the all clear to try again Friday. My AF however decided to add to my misery by showing up last Thursday. However in the effort to stay positive I know this means my hormones are back on track.

My younger sister was pregnant and only due 2 weeks after I was and she recently had her baby. I've been learning to cope but it's really hard. I'm so ready to try again. Because I feel like I made it so close only to have everything ripped from me. Coming home to the fully set up nursery was the worst. I've been looking for a forum to join where the women were supportive and you all seemed all right to me.

I'm wishing everyone good luck in TTC.

 

[StillPraying]

Welcome morgan i am truly so sorry for what you have gone through. I don't have the words to even try to explain how much my heart aches for you. Youre in good company here and im wishing you a ton of

 

[HelenJane]

Wow morgan that is so sad. You sound like your coping amazingly. I am so sorry for your loss too and welcome to this site. Its very helpful for finding people with the same feelings and who have been through the same thing. Life is so cruel. Good luck for trying again, you are very brave.

My 2nd period showed up bang on time so this is good news my body has gone back to normal but I am so ready to have another baby now. Its been tough this past week. Seeing babies and hearing news of new pregnancies. But also enjoying Halloween celebrations and whats to come knowing my baby will never be able too, its so sad

And if i hear one more person say "well you've already got two". I will have a breakdown

 

[Myshelsong]

I am so sorry for your loss Morgan, I have no idea how you are coping with your sisters birth.

I am having such a hard time this week, it was my birthday on Friday and we tried to have a weekend away but we were surrounded by families and it was so hard to be positive. Still waiting for af to show, maybe it will rear its ugly head soon so I can move onto the next phase. The waiting game is so horrid.

 

[StillPraying]

Happy Halloween ladies!

 

[MorgansMom09]

Happy Halloween tho to be honest I would be happier if I was spending it with my son. We had planted a memorial garden for him so I at least got to put out a pumpkin for him.
Myshelsong, happy birthday! And a family away trip sounds like a good idea. Me and the hubby are taking one this weekend and going away to Colorado springs for a week. I just needed to be a little further from my sister for a bit and let the rest of my family bond over her new baby without them getting worried about upsetting me. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed that I come back pregnant. But I don't want to get my hopes up too much. At least all the sex is fun. I missed being able to be close to my husband without a huge belly in the way.

 

[Myshelsong]

Happy Halloween!
I hope everyone's night was pleasant. This is normally my fav holiday because my bday is so close, but this year was really low key. No pumpkin, no makeup, but I did decorate outside with a few things. I am glad that I didn't buy the pregnancy costume I was thinking of getting. No tears handing out candy so that is one thing!

Morgan hope you are having a good trip in Colorado. Ours was pretty good, but we had some up and down times which we expected. One step at a time.

Helen - I can't believe people would say that you already have two. What As$hats!! Glad that your cycle seems regular already, that is a good thing to hear. Big hugs

Right now I am still waiting for af to arrive. Think it might be soon, my emotions are starting to comeback to normal (with some extremes) but my numbness is gone for the most part. I really am dreading this but want this to make sure my body is responding correctly. I want to be pregnant again!

 

[HelenJane]

My AF came back 5 weeks after i had my daughter with some random spotting days leading up to it. But after it there has been no issues. I hope its the same for you.
Some days i also feel numb and as each day goes by sometimes it just hits me that it's actually real and i can't believe what happened. Its too much for my soul to comprehend. I miss my baby so much and want to wake up from this nightmare but thats never going to happen.
I heard a quote recently about greif. It said:
"Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

And that's what we will be doing for the rest of our lives.

 

[StillPraying]

ladies

Where is everyone in their cycles?

 

[HelenJane]

We are going to get on the baby making boat full force from tomorrow! Eeek its scary and exciting all at once