September Sweet Peas (Our 2015 Rainbows)

[carebear1981]

I haven't tried any gender things yet, but my friend told me to hold a string over my belly. If it circles, it's a girl and if it moves from side to side then it's a boy. I might try it soon.

Found out one of my friends is 9 weeks last night. Instead of being happy for her, jealousy reared her ugly head... still! So ashamed of my reaction... I was polite with her and happy for her but after having a loss I still get annoyed when people tell me they are pregnant... and I'm pregnant!!! I should be happy to have an actual live bump buddy. and I guess I am. Maybe I'm also jealous of sharing the spotlight when this rainbow means so much to me. I really am happy for her. Please tell me I'm not the only jerk to feel this way

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

You're not a jerk, carebear!! Please don't say that. I've had a few friends announce pregnancy since I've known about this little rainbow, and while it was nothing like the jealousy and even...I'm ashamed to say it...anger that I would feel during the baby fever days before my loss and after the loss before now- but I did feel some kind of way. A little twinge of something. One friend is two weeks ahead of me, and her daughter is like 9 months old. So two babies right in a row? Nice. I'm not sure what bothered me though- I am genuinely happy for her but I suspect my feelings have to do with the fact that I probably will never have another simple carefree pregnancy. I've lost a baby weeks before knowing, I've lost a baby the "regular" way with plenty of blood and gore....and it feels like she's just getting handed baby after baby. I have to try and remind myself of my friends who have struggled just to GET pregnant and sometimes still don't stay that way. Maybe they feel this way when I got pregnant so easily after losing my angel. I don't know.
I know I have a LOT more pregnant friends, I'm talking like 6-8, but I ruthlessly unfollowed everyone with a pregnancy announcement on fb between October and now- there were a lot.

 

[maryanne1987]

Defo not a jerk! Honestly don't think that. One if my best friends rung me yesterday to tell me she thinks she was pregnant and my reaction was awful. I mean I think I was really snappy with her. My reaction was something along the lines of 'just take a test then if you think you are'. That's not like me at all. We have been friends for years. But it is the thing of she has had healthy baby after healthy baby, currently 3 boys under 6 and now a 4th child. I know I should be happy for her but at the time I was just filled with this horrible envy that she has never struggled to have a child. Today however I feel bad and will do my best to make it up to her. As it's not her fault we have struggled so much to have a second. You can't help the way you feel and in no way does it make you a horrible person. Hugs Hun.

 

[carebear1981]

Thanks DH said I was being selfish when I told him how I felt. Glad you both understand

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

Andddddd I think I lost part of my mucus plug. At 11+3. Great.

Ultrasound on Thursday was "perfect", couldn't talk to the doc on Friday to see about lifting restrictions. Forced myself upon my husband Saturday because it's been a solid month.
Called doctor this morning, said I've had no bleeding etc., can I go back to work and can I enjoy the sexy time with hubby?

Waiting for them to call back and passed a quarter sized glob of stringy brown blood and at least nickel sized clump of solid clear mucus. It's now pink tinged when I wipe.

I can't have gotten through what I did, only to lose this sweet little rainbow now??? I listen to his/her heart beating so strong everyday. Don't know what to feel right now.

 

[maryanne1987]

I'm so sorry your going through another scare mrs goodheart. I'm sure I read somewhere that the mucus plug can regenerate though? I think I read it in one of my pregnancy books. Will cross my fingers that all stays ok for you and that your rainbow is ok.

 

[Christi85]

Oh MrsG - hang in there! Probably your uterus still has retained tissue from the twin sac and having sex might have 'moved' things. I had something similar after my D&C for a few weeks. Every time I'd have sex with DH, I'd start bleeding again the next day. This happened every single time until I finally got my first post D&C period. Don't assume it's the mucus plug - it may just be retained tissue. But even if it is, that's right, the mucus plug does regenerate itself. When I was spotting on week 8, I thought I lost a small chunk of my mucus plug the morning of my OB appointment. I wiped and there was this thick, white mucus-y thing, mixed with some blood (sorry for TMI). Together with the spotting and the mild cramping I'd been experiencing, I went to the appointment convinced that things were bleak. Well, the baby was still there, had grown well and the hb looked good. Two days later the spotting stopped and two weeks later on week 10 I had another OB appointment and things looked good still! So don't despair and don't think the worst (I know easier said than done). Ring your OB, let them know what happened, and they'll probably get you in for a check.

Re jealousy - I think it's absolutely normal when we've gone through a lot to have a baby, and we're still scared about the outcome. I have found that I've felt much less jealous of other women's pregnancies ever since I got pregnant again, at least after I went through the first few weeks and the baby was still there and doing well. I've already experienced some jealousy from the few friends I've told, which was quite unexpected. While some are totally understandable (e.g. one of my friends is 30 and doesn't even have a bf, so marriage and kids are still a distant dream for her when seemingly everyone else around her is doing exactly that; another one has kids but is currently battling a serious disease, so maybe it's hard for her to deal with other people's happiness etc.), their luke warm reactions still hurt me, I must admit. I try to get in their shoes and I totally understand, but it still stung that they didn't share my happiness. So that's the flip side of the coin. Knowing now how it felt to be on the receiving end of weird reactions to something that is so important to me, I now make a conscious effort to genuinely be happy for other people's exciting news. And most of the time I do feel this way. I hope as our pregnancies progress more and more, we will start to feel more secure and that will help any bad feelings that are still lingering go away.

Re trying old wives' tales for gender prediction - I haven't done any of that I'm afraid. I only know I'm supposed to have a girl based on the Chinese calendar, but in the last few days I've had a strong feeling it may be a boy. Most likely I will just wait for my NT scan at 13 weeks, which might give an indication of the gender, otherwise I'll have to wait up to 4-6 weeks after that to find out with certainty But that's ok with me. I'd be thrilled to have a healthy, full term baby, so at this point I'd welcome any gender

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

Thank you, mamas. Pretty frustrated- I called the office and had to leave a message. They called me back while I was in another room and I literally touched the phone as it stopped ringing. Called back the very same second and got the answering service. At not even 4:30. Sigh.
The VM they left said to call back in the morning after 8, and they can't leave a message because they don't have permission, even though I initial the same box on their beginning of year forms every year saying they can leave detailed messages in a voice mail. Bigger sigh.
I am not content but have had no more bleeding or chunks of mucus, and I have listened to baby twice with the doppler since then. I truly think I might take a benadryl and go to bed early so I can call at 8 on the dot.

 

[AmbiguousHope]

I'm glad to know I'm not alone on the envy train. Unless they've struggled, I feel terribly jealous. It's not that I wish for them to struggle too but I wish I didn't have to struggle so much and I feel like they'll never truly appreciate what they have. It was especially hard when they've had one miscarriage in the midst of their 6 kids and try to tell me they know exactly what I'm going through.

After my son was born. I was over the moon in love with him but I was still sad for my other babies. I had a lot of mixed emotions because I knew if either of those babies had survived I would have never had my son. I know I would have loved them just as much but now that I know him, it's hard to imagine life without him. I wouldn't trade him for the world. Basically if I wish my other babies survived, I feel guilty because I feel like I'm wishing him away but on the other hand if I'm glad I have him I feel like I'm saying it's not a bad thing I lost my others. I know I just made myself sound completely nuts but I have a lot of emotions. My husband wants to tell our son about his lost siblings as soon as he's old enough and I don't disagree but I'm worried if he puts any amount of thought into it he'll figure out that he would not exist if they were alive. I'm afraid that could stir up a lot of strange emotions. Am I completely off my rocker?

Sorry for your bleeding Mrs.G. it's a good sign that it has stopped. I know it's impossible but try to relax until tomorrow. It could be any number of things but the important thing is it's not a flow. Hugs!

 

[cutieq]

I hope you get some answers tomorrow Mrsgoodhart, but it sounds like things are all good with the heartbeat and no more spotting.

My jealousy has passed. Now that I'm growing rainbow I don't care who or how anyone else gets pregnant as long as I have mine. Pretty selfish huh? Now I'm truly like my profile image. EVERYONE HAS MY PERMISSION TO GET PREGNANT!

AmbiguousHope, I think it's an ok thing to tell him when he's old enough to understand. I remember my mom telling me that she suffered a miscarriage & ectopic before me and that they actually weren't trying for me because the losses were too great. For years my brother joked with me that I was annoying and noone wanted me but my mom was great about explaining that she's glad it was me and that I survived and I feel pretty bad ass that I was the one to survive.

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

You don't sound nuts at all, ambiguous. My son knows about our two babies who died and we will someday tell this baby about its twin. Those lives were brief but they mattered very much and I don't want to discount their specialness by pretending they didn't exist.

 

[babyfeva]

Mrs G, sorry to hear about your scare. As others have mentioned, hopefully it isn't anything something to worry about. The important thing is that it has stopped and you can be rest assured soon by your doctor.

Ambigious, I don't think your nuts. I am considering telling my son one day when he's much older.

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

Thank you. More bleeding this morning including a clot. Spent a lot of time with the doppler!
Did finally speak with the doctors office- I bought myself another 8 days of bed rest, minimum. We will have another ultrasound and reevaluate the 25th.

 

[cutieq]

Any reason they don't want to bring you in sooner? Or are they pretty confident it's normal?

 

[Christi85]

Any reason they don't want to bring you in sooner? Or are they pretty confident it's normal?

That's exactly what I thought. Sorry for more bed rest MrsG, but glad you can hear the baby through the doppler! What a relief!!

 

[Mrs Reineke]

Hello ladies, just got caught up.

Bug, I'm excited to "officially" announce our pregnancy too so I don't need to worry about anyone not knowing.

Maryanne, I'm so glad baby is measuring fine and I've also heard a hb between 120-180 is completely normal, so I wouldn't worry about it. Plus baby's hbs can vary so much depending on if they're awake and moving around a lot or resting. I'm sure it's good to go, but so glad they want to keep checking you. That will be reassuring.

Chrissi, I lose my appetite here and there as well. I'm actually down 2lbs since I've been pregnant due to that fact. I just can't eat like I used to even when I am hungry and feeling decent.

carebear, I check the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom still and I'm 11 weeks 1 day. Probably will the entire 9 months out of fear I'll start spotting.

Christi, I'm so happy you found the hb. It took me 4 times before I found it. It takes some practice.

confuzion, I feel the same way about if I don't talk about baby much or tell anyone it some how will keep baby safe and I won't jinx anything. But I'm forcing myself to announce it if everything looks great after my appointment on Thursday. I try to tell myself whether we tell or not, it doesn't change the outcome. But trust me, I totally get it!!

Mrsgoodhart, I'm not a doctor, but I wouldn't think you losing some fluid/clots would be retained stuff from the mc of the twin. It seems like your body would eventually want to rid itself of that since it is not needed. Keep us updated. I'm praying for you.

AFM: I've got my next scan on Thursday and I'm nervous of course that something isn't going to be right. I've heard my baby's hb with my doppler in the past couple days, but I'm still worried it won't be measuring good or something. I'm praying it all looks great and if it does we will offically announce it. I'll be 11 weeks 3 days, so we figured it was close enough, especially if the scan looks great. So praying for the best and just want it to get here already so I can stop thinking about it.

 

[Christi85]

Wantabby - how did your scan go today?

MrsR - best of luck for your Thursday scan! It's a great sign that you've been finding the baby's hb on the doppler. I'm sure their development will be fine too

AFM - Some good news and some not-so-good news.

The not-so-good news is that I'm suffering from a yeast infection since pretty much week 5. Symptoms include external itching, white discharge (luckily odorless) and in the past couple of days, an occasional feel of irritated vagina, sometimes out of the blue, sometimes when I pee (not burning though). My doctor ran a bunch of tests (urine) on week 6 and they all came back negative for a UTI or other urinal infection. He didn't take a vaginal swab though. His conclusion was, I must have a yeast infection. His thought was that the vaginal progesterone might be contributing to it, so once I come off it (won't be until late next week) he wants me to see how I feel in a few days, and if my itching hasn't eased, he was going to give me a cream. My acupuncturist who I saw today though told me that a cream won't do much, as yeast is basically produced from within the body. He'd been giving me probiotics mixed in my herbs in the hopes they'd help, and they did a little bit, but not much. Today, since I'm on week 11 and things are going well, he told me he'd add some more anti-microbial herbs to try and prevent the infection from getting worse. Basically we don't want it to become a UTI, because THAT can be dangerous for a pregnancy if it spreads to the kidneys, and THAT requires antibiotics (which he really wants me to avoid, if possible). Normally they'd start this sort of treatment from week 12 onwards, but he thought it is safe enough to start it now, and that it's important to prevent a spreading of the infection now. Needless to say, I'm freaking out as to whether the baby would be affected, but to be fair, I'd be freaking out even more if I had to go on antibiotics, so I'll take the herbs and hope for the best. I've also been ordered to stay away from dairy except yogurt and all sorts of wheat for at least 2 weeks. So I'm going 100% gluten free for now. And of course as little sugar as possible, but I was doing that already.

On a brighter note, I gave in to the doppler today (originally I had wanted to wait until tomorrow, but I was feeling like cr*p and worried about the yeast infection), and I was able to find the hb within a minute or two. Right in the middle and at the height of my pubic bone. The doppler started at 154 and went up to 166 (at which point I took it away), so I guess baby was around 160 on average, which makes me really happy Also happy that I didn't have to spend much time at all trying to locate the hb and I was done in 2 minutes. This time I was lying on my back and had an empty bladder.
Another thing that lightened my mood today is that my acupuncturist offered to help me guess the baby's gender once I hit week 12 (which would be next week), if I wanted. Of course I said I did. He said it's not a science and not to take it as a definite thing, but they are apparently able to use traditional methods, like slight pulse variations and some other calculations to try and guess the gender from week 12 onwards. So I was like 'sure, why not?'. So I may have a more concrete gender prediction to share with you ladies next week At least based on what a traditional doctor would do to try and guesstimate before scans were widely available. Though of course I won't take anything for granted at this point, but I thought it would be fun

 

[cutieq]

So sorry about the YI. Those can be such a pain, but it sounds like your doc has a plan as a plan to help and I'm excited to hear about your gender! Diet changes and lots of fluid seemed to help me. The creams never did.

 

[wantabby]

My appointment went great!!
Baby measured right at 11 weeks. The HB was 138, and the doctor said it was a good looking/healthy fetus.. Yayy!! I was amazed to see how much he/she had grown! It also kicked its feet and "waved" at us!! I cried... She is going to see us in 5 weeks instead of 4. I requested it because my mom is coming into town the next weekend for Easter and if baby cooperates we will have a reveal party. Oh and as far as posting on social Media. We did at 10 weeks..lol! Here is today's scan!

 

[cutieq]

Cutesy! Glad you had a great scan!!