Sexist Traditions

[hayz_baby]

I always view these things as a personal choice and as long as we have the freedom to make this choice without any form of repercussion then we are in a better world. But if u look at it from the other side I think feminism as such takes too much and in return sometimes men can get a raw deal (not saying that there are women out there not getting the same raw deal I'm just purely throwing a spanner in the works) I can honestly say this with experience. Some of you may have talked about letting their children wear girls clothes if they are a boy eg and being gender neutral. I don't choose to do this. My lo is defo a boy in every sense but we challenge his view of sexism everyday. How? My oh is a sahd, does majority of cleaning and always cooks (i can't ) it's this action that I would much rather have instilled on my children rather then giving him a doll to play with. I honestly don't think it happens often enough. I'm not saying all sahm should get to work and roll reverse but my son certainly doesn't see me try and raise him and keep a tidy home and work ft. He sees us as a team. My oh hates going to groups, there are no sahd groups and he is always pushed aside when he has gone. Mothers have kept their children away from him. I know this happens, I have seen the nursery teacher is a male threads and the amount of mums who don't want them their children near them. How often do you see a male nurse? How often do you see a male midwife (mid husband if u will?) hey even the name suggest women only. It was a male who delivered my son btw too. I guess I sometimes find t hard to talk about the issue of weddings eg when there are still bigger issue as such. We should b free to make our decision based on what we think is right.. For us.. And not be Penelised on that decision

 

[Sarahkka]

I always view these things as a personal choice and as long as we have the freedom to make this choice without any form of repercussion then we are in a better world. But if u look at it from the other side I think feminism as such takes too much and in return sometimes men can get a raw deal (not saying that there are women out there not getting the same raw deal I'm just purely throwing a spanner in the works) I can honestly say this with experience. Some of you may have talked about letting their children wear girls clothes if they are a boy eg and being gender neutral. I don't choose to do this. My lo is defo a boy in every sense but we challenge his view of sexism everyday. How? My oh is a sahd, does majority of cleaning and always cooks (i can't ) it's this action that I would much rather have instilled on my children rather then giving him a doll to play with. I honestly don't think it happens often enough. I'm not saying all sahm should get to work and roll reverse but my son certainly doesn't see me try and raise him and keep a tidy home and work ft. He sees us as a team. My oh hates going to groups, there are no sahd groups and he is always pushed aside when he has gone. Mothers have kept their children away from him. I know this happens, I have seen the nursery teacher is a male threads and the amount of mums who don't want them their children near them. How often do you see a male nurse? How often do you see a male midwife (mid husband if u will?) hey even the name suggest women only. It was a male who delivered my son btw too. I guess I sometimes find t hard to talk about the issue of weddings eg when there are still bigger issue as such. We should b free to make our decision based on what we think is right.. For us.. And not be Penelised on that decision

Feminism is about choice and equality for women and men. Women or men who behave with the kinds of prejudice you describe against either gender are not feminists. And I agree, it makes me crazy when men go into careers that are not traditional and receive that kind of treatment. Some women seem to have forgotten that just one short generation ago, we were facing huge discrimination in the nontraditional workplace, and in many areas we still are. Do as you would be done by, eh?
I know what you mean about getting worked up about smaller traditions, but I think those smaller, more mundane choices have to be valued, too. There's a cumulative effect to having and exercising choice and defining traditions for yourself.
I am not knocking anyone who chooses the traditional way, but I do think there should be understanding and support when women (and men) question and redefine traditions.

 

[HBGirl]

I honestly don't care enough to get uptight about old traditions. I know my own strength and so does my husband. That is all that matters. Women can't scream inequality and then kick off about the lack od chivalry. Treat a man like a man and he will treat you like a lady. It swings both ways.

And for the record, while I am extremly traditional I make most of the major household decisions.

 

[Hooblet]

I think as long as people can make their own informed choices then that's the most important thing.

I'm not sure how helpful it is to refer to people as 'uptight' or suggest that they are being over-sensitive when they happen to care about an issue that you happen not to care about.

As other folks have said, it's about having the right to make whatever choices are best for you without being made to feel bad about it by anyone.

 

[Larkspur]

I honestly don't care enough to get uptight about old traditions. I know my own strength and so does my husband. That is all that matters. Women can't scream inequality and then kick off about the lack od chivalry. Treat a man like a man and he will treat you like a lady. It swings both ways.

I think it's just about treating individuals with equal respect. I'm not even really sure what it's meant to mean to 'treat a man like a man' so he will 'treat me like a lady'.

Who are the women screaming about both inequality and lack of chivalry that you are talking about? Are they actually the same people or are they two different groups of women who are lumped together into some kind of female hive-mind?

 

[Natsku]

I honestly don't care enough to get uptight about old traditions. I know my own strength and so does my husband. That is all that matters. Women can't scream inequality and then kick off about the lack od chivalry. Treat a man like a man and he will treat you like a lady. It swings both ways.

And for the record, while I am extremly traditional I make most of the major household decisions.

I don't want to be treated like a lady. I want to be treated like a human being, and in the same way that I treat other people. I think chivalry should die away and instead we should treat all people with respect and good manners regardless of gender.

 

[cookette]

I honestly don't care enough to get uptight about old traditions. I know my own strength and so does my husband. That is all that matters. Women can't scream inequality and then kick off about the lack od chivalry. Treat a man like a man and he will treat you like a lady. It swings both ways.

And for the record, while I am extremly traditional I make most of the major household decisions.

I don't want to be treated like a lady. I want to be treated like a human being, and in the same way that I treat other people. I think chivalry should die away and instead we should treat all people with respect and good manners regardless of gender.

Some women are okay with honoring traditional gender roles. I think "feminism" attempts to shame some women for wanting to live biblically. If it doesn't float your boat, then each to their own lot in life

 

[Larkspur]

Some women are okay with honoring traditional gender roles. I think "feminism" attempts to shame some women for wanting to live biblically. If it doesn't float your boat, then each to their own lot in life

Like Christianity, I think feminism can often be judged negatively based solely on the voices of its most strident or extreme proponents, who in no way represent the views of most people.

 

[cookette]

Larkspur, I wholeheartedly agree.

 

[Warby]

One thing that bugs me is honourifics/titles. Once males become teenagers they are "Mr" their whole lives, unless they earn some other title like "Dr" or "Rev". Women are supposed to be "Miss" until married and then "Mrs" after marriage (unless she has earned another title like "Dr" or "Rev". For women, everyone is supposed to know her marital status by looking at her name, while with men it is a mystery.

Now there is the "feminist"Ms, which I use. To me it means "none of your business", but I think many people associate it with being divorced.

 

[HBGirl]

I honestly don't care enough to get uptight about old traditions. I know my own strength and so does my husband. That is all that matters. Women can't scream inequality and then kick off about the lack od chivalry. Treat a man like a man and he will treat you like a lady. It swings both ways.

I think it's just about treating individuals with equal respect. I'm not even really sure what it's meant to mean to 'treat a man like a man' so he will 'treat me like a lady'.

Who are the women screaming about both inequality and lack of chivalry that you are talking about? Are they actually the same people or are they two different groups of women who are lumped together into some kind of female hive-mind?

I see women imasculate their parnters in the name of equality but get bent out of shape if they don't give way at a door for her.

I wasn't aware that a discussion of this nature had to have clearly defined parties involved. I was talking generally.

 

[Larkspur]

I honestly don't care enough to get uptight about old traditions. I know my own strength and so does my husband. That is all that matters. Women can't scream inequality and then kick off about the lack od chivalry. Treat a man like a man and he will treat you like a lady. It swings both ways.

I think it's just about treating individuals with equal respect. I'm not even really sure what it's meant to mean to 'treat a man like a man' so he will 'treat me like a lady'.

Who are the women screaming about both inequality and lack of chivalry that you are talking about? Are they actually the same people or are they two different groups of women who are lumped together into some kind of female hive-mind?

I see women imasculate their parnters in the name of equality but get bent out of shape if they don't give way at a door for her.

I wasn't aware that a discussion of this nature had to have clearly defined parties involved. I was talking generally.

I'm not sure that those women are what you'd call feminists by any definition of the word though. Nothing in feminism is about emasculating men (I'm not even really sure how you do that outside the literal act... Denigrating a man in the name of equality seems like fucking in the name of abstinence).

 

[tina3747]

Slight tangent...I've recently been thinking about the 'respect your elders' thing. It's drummed into you really from an early age that anyone older than you is more important basically... From school age you were very unlikely to 'hang around' with anyone younger as it was deemed uncool. When you started working its the same, any person who is in a higher position over older people just don't gain the same respect if they were older.
We have a teenage son, were at the terrible teens stage... (It comes not long after the terrible twos! ) He's 14 and begining to get a voice for himself. Husband sees it as back chat, he's very old fashioned with his views whereas I think that's half the problem with kids at this age, they don't get an awful lot of respect because of the reasons stated above.
My son has and always has been an absolute dream... We get so many compliments on him but every time he challenges something someone older says he gets shot down as if to say he's disrespecting when I see it as questioning!
Is this something we need to change now... I hear so many still speak about respecting their elders but how about giving everyone the same respect?

 

[lozzy21]

Most of the older people I meet day to day are horrid. They are disrespectfully and down right rude most of the time. They go on about the "youth of today having no respect" what do they expect when they have them setting an example.

 

[louandivy]

I honestly don't care enough to get uptight about old traditions. I know my own strength and so does my husband. That is all that matters. Women can't scream inequality and then kick off about the lack od chivalry. Treat a man like a man Iand he will treat you like a lady. It swings both ways.

And for the record, while I am extremly traditional I make most of the major household decisions.

I don't want to be treated like a lady. I want to be treated like a human being, and in the same way that I treat other people. I think chivalry should die away and instead we should treat all people with respect and good manners regardless of gender.

Agree! The replies to this,thread are bumming me out. since when does being passionate about feminism mean.that you are overreacting to innocent things?

 

[Natsku]

One thing that bugs me is honourifics/titles. Once males become teenagers they are "Mr" their whole lives, unless they earn some other title like "Dr" or "Rev". Women are supposed to be "Miss" until married and then "Mrs" after marriage (unless she has earned another title like "Dr" or "Rev". For women, everyone is supposed to know her marital status by looking at her name, while with men it is a mystery.

Now there is the "feminist"Ms, which I use. To me it means "none of your business", but I think many people associate it with being divorced.

Well men used to be called Master but that was only to distinguish boys and young men from adult men so not quite the same really.

Thats what I like about Finland though, you never really hear anyone say Mr or Mrs or Miss (the Finnish versions obviously) as the old formal ways of greeting and addressing people have mostly died out.

 

[Natsku]

Slight tangent...I've recently been thinking about the 'respect your elders' thing. It's drummed into you really from an early age that anyone older than you is more important basically... From school age you were very unlikely to 'hang around' with anyone younger as it was deemed uncool. When you started working its the same, any person who is in a higher position over older people just don't gain the same respect if they were older.
We have a teenage son, were at the terrible teens stage... (It comes not long after the terrible twos! ) He's 14 and begining to get a voice for himself. Husband sees it as back chat, he's very old fashioned with his views whereas I think that's half the problem with kids at this age, they don't get an awful lot of respect because of the reasons stated above.
My son has and always has been an absolute dream... We get so many compliments on him but every time he challenges something someone older says he gets shot down as if to say he's disrespecting when I see it as questioning!
Is this something we need to change now... I hear so many still speak about respecting their elders but how about giving everyone the same respect?

I agree, respect should be regardless of age, gender, race etc etc

And I think teens should be encouraged to question what their elders say, its how they come to reach their own conclusions about things and thats important.

 

[lozzy21]

Another thing iv noticed is if both parents work and the child is sick it's assumed that the mother will take the day off work. This only happened in our house because he earns more.

At medical appointments its all ways been me that gets addressed first and even yesterday when buying a bed the sales person made more eye contact with me than OH when it was him that needed convincing!

 

[Rhio92]

I'm very interested in sexism and feminism. The whole thing fascinates me.
If I ever get married, my dad will walk me down the isle. Not to give me away, but as we are very close and I'm his first daughter, I'd like him to accompany me to my wife/husband. I would however, take their name, double barrelled with mine. I love my surname and family, and want the 2 families to join together, not one of us join the other's.
I'd wear a ring, but only because I like them.
We have the knowledge, and we have a choice. Marriage is no longer sexist unless it is made so.

 

[mayb_baby]

I've done a lot of feminist/sexism research in literature as part of my degree but I wouldn't say I was an extreme feminist, I am a feminist and still see places where sexism is awful.

When I get married, my (step-dad I hate the term as he has reared me with my mother since I was 4) dad will walk me down the isle. As part of my religion and the fact I adore him and I believe he would be honoured to give me away to my husband.
I will take my husbands name, as it's my children's surnames too, I wear my engagement ring as a symbol of my commitment to him and we will both wear our wedding bands for the same reason.
I don't find any of it sexist as it's my choice.