Sleepover privileges for my 15 y/o and her bf?

[mummylove]

Isnt that against the law? If this was a celebrity they would be done.

I wouldnt be happy my daughter have sex at 15

 

[lhancock90]

Isnt that against the law? If this was a celebrity they would be done.

I wouldnt be happy my daughter have sex at 15

She has already explained the legality behind this if you look back.

 

[RaspberryK]

Ok I've not read all of the replies, I was left alone from 15 for weeks at a time when my dad and step mum went on holidays. I had a boyfriend at the time, never had a party, but he did stay over after bringing me back from party's while my parents weren't there.
I then got into a serious relationship at 16 (he was 20) with my now dh and we have been together 10 years.
I asked my dad about what his thoughts were on staying over etc and he was fine with that (even on school nights) . My dad has always said he'd rather know I was home (or at dh) and safe than out having to find other places like in the back of a car etc.
He has never been a "not under my roof" kind of guy, he had parents like that and they ended up in more trouble than I ever did.
I disagree with whoever said the reason op isn't discussing this with friends and family is because they know it's wrong,I acactually think it shows respect for her daughter who's sexual relationship is nothing to do with anyone else. It isn't her information to release.
I think you're striking the right balance xx

 

[sherwood]

...

 

[mummylove]

Isnt that against the law? If this was a celebrity they would be done.

I wouldnt be happy my daughter have sex at 15

She has already explained the legality behind this if you look back.

I didnt see that bit

 

[emyandpotato]

I don't think that whether a parent allows or doesn't allow their child to have sex in their home is in any way relevant to 1) whether they in fact will have sex and 2) what their relationship with sex will be like. It's way more to do with a child's sense of self worth that is instilled in them by their parents. I also don't think that making sex seem like something that isn't okay isn't going to stop a child doing it, only stop them feeling like it's something they can discuss openly.

OP I don't know what I'd do in your situation but by no means do you sound like a bad parent.

 

[Sour_Skittle]

Can I just say... I don't want my children to ever become teenagers?

I will be lost. I wasn't typical and I guess you can say I was sheltered/a loner.
Heart racing at just the thought. Will be clueless! Do what you think is right... I can't judge.

 

[NoodleSnack]

I find it a bit funny to see people equating respect for their parents with not having sex under their roof. In my culture, the husband moves into the wife's family house and 3 or 4 generations live together. If that's respect, no one except the great-grandparents would be having sex at home.

OP, I don't see a problem with what you're doing, weeken away included, except about the condom. I would try harder to talk her into using them because of the STD risk.

 

[FAB mama]

I find it a bit funny to see people equating respect for their parents with not having sex under their roof. In my culture, the husband moves into the wife's family house and 3 or 4 generations live together. If that's respect, no one except the great-grandparents would be having sex at home.

OP, I don't see a problem with what you're doing, weeken away included, except about the condom. I would try harder to talk her into using them because of the STD risk.

I think the difference is that they are unmarried teens as opposed to a husband moving in.

 

[NoodleSnack]

I find it a bit funny to see people equating respect for their parents with not having sex under their roof. In my culture, the husband moves into the wife's family house and 3 or 4 generations live together. If that's respect, no one except the great-grandparents would be having sex at home.

OP, I don't see a problem with what you're doing, weeken away included, except about the condom. I would try harder to talk her into using them because of the STD risk.

I think the difference is that they are unmarried teens as opposed to a husband moving in.

No. One poster said she still doesn't have sex in her parents' house and she has two kids.

I don't think being teens and not married is what makes it different, but whether OP forbid it as a house rule. Personally, I think OP's right to not forbid it if it will just push them to find somewhere else to have sex, but everyone's entitled to their opinions.

 

[Missnurse]

It was me that said that and I agree with the husband comment, there is a difference between married couples and young teenagers. In some cultures that is forbidden. I am not married yet so that situation has not happened for me yet and hopefully never will as I have my own house, I know different cultures are different and that is fine but where I come from (Scotland) it's down to individual families what they do and I just said what that mine wasn't happy about it. I was simply putting my side across and my opinion. I am entitled to that I think.

 

[Gingerspice]

I think some of the variance here is the laws in different countries. In the UK it is illegal. The 17 year old could be arrested and charged and put on the sex offenders list. That would limit his career choices a lot.

I'm really not sure what I would do. I think it would depend very much on the specific 15 year old.
Personally I'd struggle as I'm a christian so have strong views on sex. I did have sex before I was married but we were engaged and I had made that decision that it was ok. Even after years of marriage we fell pregnant while I was on pill and yes it was early and sooner than planned, so that might bother me. As such I think I would struggle with allowing it under my roof. I guess it would very much come down to the individuals and the openness with me about it all.

I guess i would encourage regular checkups and try to encourage extra care tbh.

I hope you have come to some arrangement. I definitely would be setting limits on no school nights and not every weekend etc.

 

[Missnurse]

Ginger spice - this was exactly the view I was trying to get across instead of being shot down as have a ridiculous view of it being disrespectful, that was my individual families view and I respected that.

 

[Natsku]

I would talk to her (and him as well actually) very seriously about condoms, and buy some and put them in her room too, but otherwise I think you are handling this very well and its great that your daughter is so open and honest with you.

I don't see a problem with you leaving them alone for a few nights at this age if you can trust her (and clearly you can as you already did leave them and it went fine), 15 isn't so young after all.

 

[Bumblebee2408]

I've not got teenagers however my parents did similar with me I was also on the pill from 14 for medical reasons until I was 16 they wouldn't let a Boyfriend sleep in my room but they could stay over. Once I was 16 they said it was entirely up to me but told me to be careful as my actions would have consequences.

I'm glad they were more liberal with me I respected them much more for it and I've just had my first baby planned with my husband to be at the age of 23 almost 24. I think them being adult with me about it all made me have a mature out look on things xx

 

[minties]

Sophie wouldn't be here if I hadn't had sex under my MIL's roof! Glad I did, hehe.

 

[FAB mama]

I would talk to her (and him as well actually) very seriously about condoms, and buy some and put them in her room too, but otherwise I think you are handling this very well and its great that your daughter is so open and honest with you.

I don't see a problem with you leaving them alone for a few nights at this age if you can trust her (and clearly you can as you already did leave them and it went fine), 15 isn't so young after all.

But to me, 15 IS very young! Where I am you can't really get a decent job, drive a car, find a place to live etc at that age. What do you do if you get pregnant?? That's then the parents (grandparents) responsibility. There's no good public transportation where I am… how do you take a baby to the doctor? Provide for him/her? I think you should be old enough to at least do those things before having sex. I guess I'm conservative, but that just seems logical to me. There's no fool proof way to prevent pregnancy.

 

[morri]

It sounds like you have a lovely relationship. If everything works fine for you continue so.

 

[Natsku]

I would talk to her (and him as well actually) very seriously about condoms, and buy some and put them in her room too, but otherwise I think you are handling this very well and its great that your daughter is so open and honest with you.

I don't see a problem with you leaving them alone for a few nights at this age if you can trust her (and clearly you can as you already did leave them and it went fine), 15 isn't so young after all.

But to me, 15 IS very young! Where I am you can't really get a decent job, drive a car, find a place to live etc at that age. What do you do if you get pregnant?? That's then the parents (grandparents) responsibility. There's no good public transportation where I am… how do you take a baby to the doctor? Provide for him/her? I think you should be old enough to at least do those things before having sex. I guess I'm conservative, but that just seems logical to me. There's no fool proof way to prevent pregnancy.

Well to me 15 isn't young because its only a year away from 16 which is the age some of my brothers left home, the age when some people here move away from home to go to a non-local high school. 15 is when youngsters get their first jobs here.

You don't get many pregnant 15 year olds here though, combination of good sex education and more relaxed attitude towards teens having sex, which means they are more likely to talk to their parents and doctors about it and use contraception properly

 

[sethsmummy]

Op i think you are doing a fantastic job and i congratulate you on how you've brought your daughter up! She obviously has a very strong bond with you for her to be so open. I really hope that when my boys are that ae i will have the same kind of relationship with them.

Yes in the uk 15 is underage.. but there are thousands upon thousands of children who are younger than this having sex behind their parents backs. I for one would much rather know my child is having sex and is protected so that if anything does happen they feel comfortable coming to me about it, than them going behind my back lord knows where and having sex without protection because they were too scared to ask. ITs those who think their children are too young and not open enough for their child to talk to who end up with teenage mothers in the majority of cases. At least if you are open to the idea you can coach your child in how to have safe sex!


My folks went away for a week at a time when i was 15 years old and I was fine. I went to my job, i went to college,.. didnt have any parties etc. My parents were'nt as open and we couldnt really talk to them about anything so my sister and I both had sex behind their backs.

You are doing a fantastic job hun keep going just the way you are. Anybody who judges you as just plain silly in my books..they dont know your life.. dont know your daughter.. and dont know her bf. And those who have never had a teenager and are being judgemental... they have no right to say anything hun... they have no idea xx