Soap in the Mouth....

[Andypanda6570]

My mother did do it to me, I did threaten my kids but I never did it. They are 21 and 19 and 12 now. Just the threat was enough for them. That comment just has gotten me so upset, I am so sorry if anyone reading this thread has been through that. I just don't know what to say to that

 

[Tasha]

I've been trying not to comment on the oral thing because it's too close to home and I don't know how to reply without it being personal. So all I will say is oral rape is horrific, just absolutely horrid for everyone that has it happen to them. It is such an intimate act (obviously don't mean the good intimate). I dont agree with the soap thing but the two are nothing alike. We've read here people say they've had it done to them and they're not traumatised, do you really think any oral rape victim ever said that?

 

[lemongrass]

I have had my mouth washed out with soap and I have been raped. To compare the two has to be the most offensive, disturbing and upsetting thing I have ever heard about rape. Don't trivialize what happened to me by saying it is the same as an unpleasant experience. Going to the dentist was worse as a kid than having my mouth washed out. My parents thought that it would stop me from swearing (and I never called my mom a bitch again) and explained why they were doing it. The guy who raped me? He did it for his own sick pleasure and caused a LIFETIME of damage doing so. Comparing the two is just a slap in the face of what happened to me. Even just reading that makes me feel so much more powerless than a washing out did.

 

[Tasha]

Lemongrass, thank you. You put exactly what I wanted to say.

It's no secret (on here) that I was sexually abused from a very young age until well into my teens and just writing the reply that I did, had me burst into tears and run to my husband for a cuddle. I surpress memories because if I didnt then I just couldnt cope but the reply I wrote meant I had so many images just flash before my eyes.

I've been raped both orally and vaginally, and to say that soap in the mouth is the same is so upsetting and offensive. I am pretty sure all the people here who have replied wouldnt say they have been traumatised for the rest of their life. I cant even begin to go into how it affects you but it does.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I've been trying not to comment on the oral thing because it's too close to home and I don't know how to reply without it being personal. So all I will say is oral rape is horrific, just absolutely horrid for everyone that has it happen to them. It is such an intimate act (obviously don't mean the good intimate). I dont agree with the soap thing but the two are nothing alike. We've read here people say they've had it done to them and they're not traumatised, do you really think any oral rape victim ever said that?

 

[louandivy]

to lemongrass and tasha. Anyone who thinks it is a fair comparison is completely wrong and seriously needs to consider what they are saying.

 

[Jaylynne]

I was sexually abused from 4-17. I was so traumatized that I actually blocked it out completely from my head for a few years. Soap is so not the same thing. I'm getting pissed off and so fucking tired of people calling things rape, mutilation and abuse on this website when it's simply something they wouldn't do or agree with. Parents who may use this method care about their kids and discipline them. If they didn't care, they wouldn't try to correct them.

Hugs to Tasha and lemongrass. I was only touched for years and I have huge issues. Can't imagine worse.

 

[staralfur]

to you ladies.

Jaylynne, I totally agree. Strong words get thrown around so easily around here and all it ever does is upset people. There are ways to express your dislike of things without going that far.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I will say that I don't quite understand the big deal about soap in the mouth but the oral thing?

 

[Andypanda6570]

I was sexually abused from 4-17. I was so traumatized that I actually blocked it out completely from my head for a few years. Soap is so not the same thing. I'm getting pissed off and so fucking tired of people calling things rape, mutilation and abuse on this website when it's simply something they wouldn't do or agree with. Parents who may use this method care about their kids and discipline them. If they didn't care, they wouldn't try to correct them.

Hugs to Tasha and lemongrass. I was only touched for years and I have huge issues. Can't imagine worse.

 

[lemongrass]

I can totally understand not agreeing with a certain treatment or not feeling that it is right but to use such strong words such as rape and abuse doesn't make a point stronger it just desensitizes the words and trivializes those who have lived through them.

 

[oneandtwo]

I can totally understand not agreeing with a certain treatment or not feeling that it is right but to use such strong words such as rape and abuse doesn't make a point stronger it just desensitizes the words and trivializes those who have lived through them.

I was both molested and abused as a child, and I do not feel trivialized by the use of those two words in this context. By their very definitions they are accurately used when referencing this type of punishment; however rape, by no definition of the word can rightfully be used in this conversation and agree that it was used to denote a violent emotive response. At the very least whoever made the correlationmust be uneducated and just doesnt understand the meaning of the word they used. I would prefer to think them uneducated over believing they were callous and thoughtless towards the trauma of others...

 

[Piper84]

I can totally understand not agreeing with a certain treatment or not feeling that it is right but to use such strong words such as rape and abuse doesn't make a point stronger it just desensitizes the words and trivializes those who have lived through them.

I was both molested and abused as a child, and I do not feel trivialized by the use of those two words in this context. By their very definitions they are accurately used when referencing this type of punishment; however rape, by no definition of the word can rightfully be used in this conversation and agree that it was used to denote a violent emotive response. At the very least whoever made the correlationmust be uneducated and just doesnt understand the meaning of the word they used. I would prefer to think them uneducated over believing they were callous and thoughtless towards the trauma of others...

I said that some jurisdictions refer to this as "foreign object rape", in this case oral. It wasn't intended to hurt or offend anyone but I now see it has triggered strong responses and I apologise for that.

It doesn't change the fact that coercing a child into ingesting soap is a massive abuse of power and I'm surprised how many people are defending it, just because their parents did it to them.

I'm still interested in whether or not proponents of force-feeding a child soap would accept a teacher or other authority figure punishing their child in this way?

 

[TriChick]

I can totally understand not agreeing with a certain treatment or not feeling that it is right but to use such strong words such as rape and abuse doesn't make a point stronger it just desensitizes the words and trivializes those who have lived through them.

I was both molested and abused as a child, and I do not feel trivialized by the use of those two words in this context. By their very definitions they are accurately used when referencing this type of punishment; however rape, by no definition of the word can rightfully be used in this conversation and agree that it was used to denote a violent emotive response. At the very least whoever made the correlationmust be uneducated and just doesnt understand the meaning of the word they used. I would prefer to think them uneducated over believing they were callous and thoughtless towards the trauma of others...

I said that some jurisdictions refer to this as "foreign object rape", in this case oral. It wasn't intended to hurt or offend anyone but I now see it has triggered strong responses and I apologise for that.

It doesn't change the fact that coercing a child into ingesting soap is a massive abuse of power and I'm surprised how many people are defending it, just because their parents did it to them.

I'm still interested in whether or not proponents of force-feeding a child soap would accept a teacher or other authority figure punishing their child in this way?

Just because we don't run to slap the term "child abuse" or "oral rape" on it does not mean that we are stocking up on Ivory, ready to "force-feed" our child soap. Personally, I reserve the term child abuse for instances that warrant such an extreme label. My issue with some of the responses in this thread have to do with the choice of vocabulary. My God.

 

[Stevensmummyx]

I just can't seem to justify why anyone would force a cleaning product into a childs mouth to teach them a lesson :/ there is easier ways to go about things and I personally think its a bit extreme

 

[Piper84]

Just because we don't run to slap the term "child abuse" or "oral rape" on it does not mean that we are stocking up on Ivory, ready to "force-feed" our child soap. Personally, I reserve the term child abuse for instances that warrant such an extreme label. My issue with some of the responses in this thread have to do with the choice of vocabulary. My God.

Some people obviously deem it child abuse and its their right to have that opinion, but I can understand why that shocks people who had it done to them as children and do not consider their parents "abusers". What surprises me though is the nostalgia some commenters seem to feel for having soap put into their mouth as children.

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child views it as corporal punishment and sees it as "invariably degrading" treatment which children should be protected from (p. 4, III., 11.), so it's not only a few people on here who view it as unacceptable.

My issue here is with people making the matter of soap in the mouth about them and not their children. It's about the child's wellbeing and nothing else. If you can't be bothered to teach a child why swearing is wrong with words and have to reach for the soap, you need to have a look at yourself.

 

[TennisGal]

Well, I never had soap put in my mouth. I did, however, used to eat soap of my own volition, apparently, so I could blow mega big spit bubbles

My parents very strong thoughts on acceptable language have stayed with me - we didn't swear, but we would have been much more likely to get away with a shit, bollocks or such like than we would a 'you're stupid' or 'shut up'. They took much more serious issue with language that was offensive to another person. I think that's actually my dads background, because a lot of my friends who share the same roots say the same thing.

I fully expect to try and talk through my children's choice phrases...but when they are teens, I will pretty much be adopting the same stance. If you wallop your funny bone, it's ok to say shit...but don't say your sister is an idiot, that kind of thing.

Soap being shoved in a mouth doesn't sit well with me at all. But to compare it to any form of rape is wrong on a number of levels.

Even comparing it to a serious abuse...do you think some of the previous posters parents had them sit with a bar of dove in their mouth for hours on end? Day after day? I'm pretty sure it was a two second 'shock tactic'. Not for me, not for my children, not something I'd choose to defend...but some of the comparisons on here are unfair at best, and offensive at worst.

 

[TriChick]

Just because we don't run to slap the term "child abuse" or "oral rape" on it does not mean that we are stocking up on Ivory, ready to "force-feed" our child soap. Personally, I reserve the term child abuse for instances that warrant such an extreme label. My issue with some of the responses in this thread have to do with the choice of vocabulary. My God.

Some people obviously deem it child abuse and its their right to have that opinion, but I can understand why that shocks people who had it done to them as children and do not consider their parents "abusers". What surprises me though is the nostalgia some commenters seem to feel for having soap put into their mouth as children.

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child views it as corporal punishment and sees it as "invariably degrading" treatment which children should be protected from (p. 4, III., 11.), so it's not only a few people on here who view it as unacceptable.

My issue here is with people making the matter of soap in the mouth about them and not their children. It's about the child's wellbeing and nothing else. If you can't be bothered to teach a child why swearing is wrong with words and have to reach for the soap, you need to have a look at yourself.

Again, not condoning however I wanted to say that some people chose certain means as a last resort, when words seem to fail. If every kid listened to what their parent said regarding right and wrong parenthood would be a walk in the park. Sometimes alternate means are not about "being bothered", nor is it the result of what some call "lazy parenting". I don't believe a single one of us said we were opting to put soap in our children's mouths, just that from personal experience it wasn't something that scarred us or traumatized us for life as some would believe.

Maybe I'm just sensitive and tired of all the judgement and knee-jerk reactions on this forum

 

[Piper84]

Again, not condoning however I wanted to say that some people chose certain means as a last resort, when words seem to fail. If every kid listened to what their parent said regarding right and wrong parenthood would be a walk in the park. Sometimes alternate means are not about "being bothered", nor is it the result of what some call "lazy parenting". I don't believe a single one of us said we were opting to put soap in our children's mouths, just that from personal experience it wasn't something that scarred us or traumatized us for life as some would believe.

Maybe I'm just sensitive and tired of all the judgement and knee-jerk reactions on this forum

"You" is not you in this case. It's directed at people who see this as a legitimate form of discipline, of whom there are many.

And actually yes, there are examples in this thread of people reporting trauma from having this done to them.

No-one said parenting was easy, but making a joke out of this kind of punishment and condoning it while accusing those who condemn it of being hysterical and misusing certain vocabulary is absolutely vile.

 

[TriChick]

Again, not condoning however I wanted to say that some people chose certain means as a last resort, when words seem to fail. If every kid listened to what their parent said regarding right and wrong parenthood would be a walk in the park. Sometimes alternate means are not about "being bothered", nor is it the result of what some call "lazy parenting". I don't believe a single one of us said we were opting to put soap in our children's mouths, just that from personal experience it wasn't something that scarred us or traumatized us for life as some would believe.

Maybe I'm just sensitive and tired of all the judgement and knee-jerk reactions on this forum

"You" is not you in this case. It's directed at people who see this as a legitimate form of discipline, of whom there are many.

And actually yes, there are examples in this thread of people reporting trauma from having this done to them.

No-one said parenting was easy, but making a joke out of this kind of punishment and condoning it while accusing those who condemn it of being hysterical and misusing certain vocabulary is absolutely vile.

Vile? Being upset that someone labels it "oral rape" is vile? Wow.

Speechless.