Soap in the Mouth....

[Piper84]

Thanks for "shedding light" by constantly repeating the original trigger. I would have deleted my offending post, but thanks to you and a few others the word has been repeated in almost every post in this thread, so it won't make a difference.

You're mad because people are taking you to task? I've been ripped to shreds in threads for having differing opinions but I don't blame other people. The words came out of my mouth, not theirs.

Who's "mad" here? I disagree with people on here, but no-one said anything about being "mad". I have said a few times my first post on here was badly-thought out. What's irritating is the people who kept it going, sometimes repeating it in caps, just for the sake of being outraged on someone else's behalf, not realising they're doing more harm.

 

[TennisGal]

'Just for the sake of being outraged on someone else's behalf'

Well, I actually value the feelings and thoughts of posters. I don't get angry 'just for the sake of it', in fact, I struggle to remember a time I've *ever* been angry on here, but this repeated allegation that we are just prolonging some form of nonsensical outrage is really making me pretty cheesed off.

Please do not make any assumptions about the reasoning behind my posts being about point scoring or some faux moral outrage when it is quite the opposite.

 

[lemongrass]

Thanks for "shedding light" by constantly repeating the original trigger. I would have deleted my offending post, but thanks to you and a few others the word has been repeated in almost every post in this thread, so it won't make a difference.

You're mad because people are taking you to task? I've been ripped to shreds in threads for having differing opinions but I don't blame other people. The words came out of my mouth, not theirs.

Who's "mad" here? I disagree with people on here, but no-one said anything about being "mad". I have said a few times my first post on here was badly-thought out. What's irritating is the people who kept it going, sometimes repeating it in caps, just for the sake of being outraged on someone else's behalf, not realising they're doing more harm.

I'm angry on my own behalf, thank you very much. And those who are sticking up for me, thank you. You chose to use the word solely to make a point- it is the same reason people are saying "abuse" "force" and "scare."

Perhaps people are thinking of wildly difference scenarios here. When I had my mouth washed out with soap- I didn't have it "forced" into me either- it wasn't a first resort. My parents tried talking and reasoning with me. Then they calmly rubbed the soap on my tongue for about 2 seconds. Then my mother brushed my teeth for me. It was not scarring or abusive because that wasn't the intent or behaviour of my parents. I knew why it was happening, it wasn't forced and I learned that if I didn't listen to my parents then unpleasant circumstances arose.

If a parent never tells their kid that swearing is bad and cusses in front of them and then angrily grabs a small child, pinning them down and beating their face in with soap to get it in their mouth as an immediate tactic to get them to stop swearing then THAT is abuse. It's not the soap however, that is the abuse it is the general action of the parent. It is just the means of abuse.

A stick is not abusive but if you smack a kid with it, then it is. Taking away the children of parent's who have poked the kid with a stick to get their attention? That is harmful to society in my opinion.

 

[Piper84]

My parents tried talking and reasoning with me. Then they calmly rubbed the soap on my tongue for about 2 seconds. Then my mother brushed my teeth for me. It was not scarring or abusive because that wasn't the intent or behaviour of my parents.

It's diabolical is what it is. There's no way to make it OK.

 

[suzib76]

My parents tried talking and reasoning with me. Then they calmly rubbed the soap on my tongue for about 2 seconds. Then my mother brushed my teeth for me. It was not scarring or abusive because that wasn't the intent or behaviour of my parents.

It's diabolical is what it is. There's no way to make it OK.

I can't understand why anyone thinks this is ok.

It's draconian and barbaric and totally unnecessary

 

[lemongrass]

My parents tried talking and reasoning with me. Then they calmly rubbed the soap on my tongue for about 2 seconds. Then my mother brushed my teeth for me. It was not scarring or abusive because that wasn't the intent or behaviour of my parents.

It's diabolical is what it is. There's no way to make it OK.

I can't understand why anyone thinks this is ok.

It's draconian and barbaric and totally unnecessary

My parents tried talking and reasoning with me. Then they calmly rubbed the soap on my tongue for about 2 seconds. Then my mother brushed my teeth for me. It was not scarring or abusive because that wasn't the intent or behaviour of my parents.

It's diabolical is what it is. There's no way to make it OK.

Savagely brutal? Devilish behaviour? No. It was mildly unpleasant. That is my experience and I do believe I am the one who gets to say what that experience felt like. At least allow me my own emotions.

I'm not saying that it was the best punishment or that I would do it or recommend it. I'm saying that it was unpleasant but not harmful. And in no way should my parents have had me taken away for it.

 

[Piper84]

I don't get the need to defend your parents' actions. My dad hit us when we were younger, which was unacceptable. Was it assault? Yes. Did he love us and was he a good Dad otherwise? Yes. Does that make what he did OK? No.

 

[suzib76]

My parents tried talking and reasoning with me. Then they calmly rubbed the soap on my tongue for about 2 seconds. Then my mother brushed my teeth for me. It was not scarring or abusive because that wasn't the intent or behaviour of my parents.

It's diabolical is what it is. There's no way to make it OK.

I can't understand why anyone thinks this is ok.

It's draconian and barbaric and totally unnecessary

My parents tried talking and reasoning with me. Then they calmly rubbed the soap on my tongue for about 2 seconds. Then my mother brushed my teeth for me. It was not scarring or abusive because that wasn't the intent or behaviour of my parents.

It's diabolical is what it is. There's no way to make it OK.

Savagely brutal? Devilish behaviour? No. It was mildly unpleasant. That is my experience and I do believe I am the one who gets to say what that experience felt like. At least allow me my own emotions.

I'm not saying that it was the best punishment or that I would do it or recommend it. I'm saying that it was unpleasant but not harmful. And in no way should my parents have had me taken away for it.

You are right, that was YOUR experience, no one else's. you can only speak for yourself. I wasn't disallowing your own emotions, but equally everyone has very different emotions which means we don't all feel the same as you do about the same experience.

I still can't get my head round why anyone thinks its an acceptable thing to do

 

[lemongrass]

I don't get the need to defend your parents' actions. My dad hit us when we were younger, which was unacceptable. Was it assault? Yes. Did he love us and was he a good Dad otherwise? Yes. Does that make what he did OK? No.

Because my parent didn't abuse me. To say that they did is offensive. While I wouldn't make the same choices it doesn't make the choices they made abusive. I believe that they did the best that they could and that it wasn't done out of anger. I also believe that people are taking this way OTT. It's the same as people saying you should never tell your kid no because that is verbal abuse. It's not verbal abuse the same as putting a bad flavour in a kids mouth isn't physical abuse. Feeding your kid broccoli or taking them to the dentist isn't abuse just because they don't want it.

 

[robinator]

You are right, that was YOUR experience, no one else's. you can only speak for yourself.

Exactly. Yet you sure are good at dishing out the condemnation.

Nobody's asking you to agree, but throwing us and our parents under the bus and raining down judgements on something you didn't even witness, is nasty.

 

[Piper84]

It's the same as people saying you should never tell your kid no because that is verbal abuse. It's not verbal abuse the same as putting a bad flavour in a kids mouth isn't physical abuse. Feeding your kid broccoli or taking them to the dentist isn't abuse just because they don't want it.

No it isn't.

Broccoli is sustenance and intended to nourish and if a child doesn't want it, it's not gonna eat it unless you force it to. Taking a child to the dentist is for the benefit of its health and if it really doesn't wanna be examined, it's not gonna be examined unless forced.

Force-feeding a child soap to stop it from swearing is intended to scare, humiliate and punish.

Stop acting like this is some wild, hippy view. As I posted before, it's also considered by the UN as an abuse of children's rights.

 

[suzib76]

You are right, that was YOUR experience, no one else's. you can only speak for yourself.

Exactly. Yet you sure are good at dishing out the condemnation.

Nobody's asking you to agree, but throwing us and our parents under the bus is nasty.

I think the practice of forcing soap into a childs mouth is unnecessary, it disgusts me that anyone would willingly hurt their own child in such a way. There is absolutely no need to ever do that to another human being.

I am not throwing anyone under a bus, but yes, I don't agree with the practice.

 

[staralfur]

I don't get the need to defend your parents' actions. My dad hit us when we were younger, which was unacceptable. Was it assault? Yes. Did he love us and was he a good Dad otherwise? Yes. Does that make what he did OK? No.

Your comparisons are RIDICULOUS! And I'm on your side. As someone who would never do it to my child and someone who never had it done to me I think it's gross and unnecessary.

But comparing it to being hit seems a bit dramatic and over the top.

IF my mom had washed my mouth out with soap when I was younger I'd probably look back and think "That is not a parenting decision I would make" and I'm sure I wouldn't remember it fondly. If she hit me? I would say she was abusive and that goes way past differing parenting choices/having a less than desirable experience.

 

[TennisGal]

Does anyone here agree with the practice? No!

All that is happening, as far as I can see, is some posters have experienced it and are vocalising that they feel uncomfortable with some of the labels their parents are getting...and people who have encountered very awful abuse have also been made to feel unhappy.

It's not about condoning the act, it's about wording things in a different way.

 

[Piper84]

Your comparisons are RIDICULOUS! And I'm on your side. As someone who would never do it to my child and someone who never had it done to me I think it's gross and unnecessary.

But comparing it to being hit seems a bit dramatic and over the top.

What world do you live in? It's a perfectly reasonable comparison to make. I bet just as many people on here who had their mouths washed out with soap got a smack now and then. It doesn't make it not physical abuse just cos it happened to YOU as a child and YOU don't see your parents as "abusers". It's no reason to deny that it is physical abuse.

 

[chell5544]

Your comparisons are RIDICULOUS! And I'm on your side. As someone who would never do it to my child and someone who never had it done to me I think it's gross and unnecessary.

But comparing it to being hit seems a bit dramatic and over the top.

What world do you live in? It's a perfectly reasonable comparison to make. I bet just as many people on here who had their mouths washed out with soap got a smack now and then. It doesn't make it not physical abuse just cos it happened to YOU as a child and YOU don't see your parents as "abusers". It's no reason to deny that it is physical abuse.

I have to completely disagree with you here I had my mouth washed out and yes I was smacked now and then but I WAS NOT abused in any shape or form because those actions were not classed as abuse back then.
Just like our grandparents got the 'cane' back in school when done apporiatly and correctly they were not abused/assaulted by their teachers.
IMO to call someone abusive means that what that person is doing 'knows' exactly that what they are doing is wrong.

 

[lemongrass]

It's the same as people saying you should never tell your kid no because that is verbal abuse. It's not verbal abuse the same as putting a bad flavour in a kids mouth isn't physical abuse. Feeding your kid broccoli or taking them to the dentist isn't abuse just because they don't want it.

No it isn't.

Broccoli is sustenance and intended to nourish and if a child doesn't want it, it's not gonna eat it unless you force it to. Taking a child to the dentist is for the benefit of its health and if it really doesn't wanna be examined, it's not gonna be examined unless forced.

Force-feeding a child soap to stop it from swearing is intended to scare, humiliate and punish.

Stop acting like this is some wild, hippy view. As I posted before, it's also considered by the UN as an abuse of children's rights.

Actually I believe that my parents did it not to scare or humiliate me but to show me that there are unpleasant results to naughty actions. They didn't "force-feed" it to me either. My point is that my parents felt that they were doing it for my benefit- the same way you make your kid eat their veggies or go to the dentist. It wasn't so that they felt better about themselves or because they couldn't handle their anger- which is abusive.

Also, you have no right to tell me how to act. You can disagree with me but who are you to tell me how to behave? All I am doing is saying that my parents aren't monsters and that my experience wasn't as extreme as the words that you are putting out there.

 

[staralfur]

What world do you live in? It's a perfectly reasonable comparison to make. I bet just as many people on here who had their mouths washed out with soap got a smack now and then. It doesn't make it not physical abuse just cos it happened to YOU as a child and YOU don't see to deny that it is physical abuse.

Evidently a different one than you, which I'm quite thankful for at the moment.

I already said I never had it done to me so whatever you're going on about isn't applicable to me.

To put someone who washed their kid's mouth out with soap on the same level as someone who beat the crap out of their kids is ludacris.

 

[lhancock90]

So if i walked up to a chav on the street and shoved soap down his mouth for swearing i would be arrested and locked up but if its my own kid, thats okay? Because as a parent thats my right?

Erm no.

Its abuse. Its a vile way to punish or force your will upon your innocent child.

 

[TriChick]

Thanks for "shedding light" by constantly repeating the original trigger. I would have deleted my offending post, but thanks to you and a few others the word has been repeated in almost every post in this thread, so it won't make a difference.

You're mad because people are taking you to task? I've been ripped to shreds in threads for having differing opinions but I don't blame other people. The words came out of my mouth, not theirs.

Who's "mad" here? I disagree with people on here, but no-one said anything about being "mad". I have said a few times my first post on here was badly-thought out. What's irritating is the people who kept it going, sometimes repeating it in caps, just for the sake of being outraged on someone else's behalf, not realising they're doing more harm.

I will refrain from investing any more emotion to the conversation, but taking the time to explain point blank for some needed clarification.

Personally, I was mad at the accusation that I was using an offensive term in order to "score points" (and rightfully so). I would ask that you not make assumptions regarding the reasoning behind people's emotions and outrage. You do not know individual circumstances, so it's wise to not speak as though you do. Many of the people who "kept it going" did so because they have had personal experience, and it is admirable that they were able to come forward with their stories, not "irritating".

Your wording on many posts has offended people. Whether or not you mean to, your posts come across as aggressive and your apology half-hearted. The blame shifting only further exacerbates the situation and, if anything, serves to reoffend.

This is why you are getting the reaction you are from a myriad of sources.