Softcups

[Nessicle]

well you look amazing pregnant that's for sure!

I can't wait to have a big belly

How come you weren't together when you planned Saraya and got pregnant? Did you just and no kissing?? I'm confused

My dad used to have bad OCD and although he's not as bad now he still has to go through routines of switching lights off and taking plugs out of the sockets bless him

 

[Nessicle]

I'm feeling a ton better today, thanks girls

I am so interested in water birthing, I think it would be amazing! And they don't deliver babies in the Military hospitals here, they refer you to the ones on the economy so I'm sure we could probably do it? I dont know but I'm for sure looking into it.

Ness- Sorry you're bleeding like crazy hun, but at least it's gettin' all the yuck out of your system, Thats how I always look at it I'd rather get that crap OUT of me than have it hang out inside. I'm weird like that.

Eve- Thanks hun today is alot better than yesterday for sure.

All of you ladies have a wonderful day! I have a bunch to do today but I'll be on periodically.

xxx

yeah you have a point there hun! least it'll all be fresh lining this month ready for an eggy!!

glad things are better today darling xxx

 

[BellaBlu]

Lol ness, i was confused too.. ! Eve is a tough-ass though.. They're pretty perfect for eachother. hehe

 

[Nessicle]

Lol ness, i was confused too.. ! Eve is a tough-ass though.. They're pretty perfect for eachother. hehe

ha ha felt daft asking but Eve doesnt mind

she is a tough cookie by the sounds of it!

 

[Helly]

Ah Eve, I had a similar relationship with an ex, he wasnt quite that extreme but it went on for years. Good job you're strong enough to cope with it, I wasnt and as life turns out I think my ex regrets it now, but were still good mates and he is James' godfather! OCD is an awful awful illness, hope the next little bean helps things for him.

 

[Aaisrie]

Yup it was sex but no kissing, it wasn't even like we were in a relationship but not telling, he actually went out of his way to tell people we weren't together and just had shared ideas and shit like that (I knew it was all bull!!), Saraya was planned because he said he would give me a child, he knew how much I wanted one and I had left my abusive ex etc so he said it would be a gift from him (have you ever heard such crap!). The kissing thing I know is a REALLY big deal for him - he can't touch his own mouth with his hands, he washes his hands ALL the time, he can't eat anything he's touched (you should see him eating crisps and tipping them into his mouth), he won't let Saraya touch his mouth, I can't cook for him, NOW he will occassionally let me make tea for him, his main diet is pasta because other foods freak him out (although I'm working on this heavily and we didn't have pasta either of the 2 days he was down at the weekend). He's also a total commitmentphobe which is hard work to. Oh the list just goes ON AND ON!!!!!!

 

[Helly]

Yeah my ex used to tell people we werent together and told me for years we werent together. He's also a bit OCD lol, maybe it goes hand in hand. Sounds like Chris could do with some therapy, if he would take it?

 

[Nessicle]

Yup it was sex but no kissing, it wasn't even like we were in a relationship but not telling, he actually went out of his way to tell people we weren't together and just had shared ideas and shit like that (I knew it was all bull!!), Saraya was planned because he said he would give me a child, he knew how much I wanted one and I had left my abusive ex etc so he said it would be a gift from him (have you ever heard such crap!). The kissing thing I know is a REALLY big deal for him - he can't touch his own mouth with his hands, he washes his hands ALL the time, he can't eat anything he's touched (you should see him eating crisps and tipping them into his mouth), he won't let Saraya touch his mouth, I can't cook for him, NOW he will occassionally let me make tea for him, his main diet is pasta because other foods freak him out (although I'm working on this heavily and we didn't have pasta either of the 2 days he was down at the weekend). He's also a total commitmentphobe which is hard work to. Oh the list just goes ON AND ON!!!!!!

wow Eve you really are a tough cookie!!

I'd crumble if I was in your position! How did he cope at Saraya's birth?

My OH is a star like you although he doesnt have to deal with as much, he has to deal with my anxiety and irritability - I came off antidepressants in December after being on them for a year. Before my coeliac was diagnosed in January this year, I've had really bad illnesses and been in and out of hospital and had two laparoscopies cos they couldnt find what was wrong with me. One surgeon even told me I had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease cos I had chlamydia. She told me 3 hours after my op (when I was still groggy from anaesthetic) that she didnt know the extend of the damage I'd caused by the PID to my fertility...horrible woman. I've never had an STI in my life!

Sunk in to depression last February and even contemplated suicide I was so sick of being ill and being a burden on my family....prozac is an amazing drug

don't know what I'd have done if not for that! within a month was feeling fab and although off them now still struggle with anxiety and weepiness. It's getting better though and my OH is brilliant he just hugs me until I stop crying

We've only been together 8 months but he's my utter soul mate xx

 

[Helly]

Thats brill Ness, so good that you have someone to support you like that, my OH has said he will make sure I never get ill with depression again. Its so nice to have someone like that.

 

[Nessicle]

definitely it's so important to have someone to support you through your (for want of a better word) crazy times!

Sometimes I feel I'm gonna have a breakdown again but he reassures me.

That was the point of my story though - having someone to support you like Eve does for Chris is amazing it's what gets you through the days!

 

[Aaisrie]

Helly he went for therapy before but the person was STUPID.... she told him she was going to report his brothers partner (they are gay but his partner has a son from a 1 night stand) because being gay he shouldn't be allowed to bring up a child - UM what does that have to do with OCD?!?!?

Ness - Having been ill myself for a number of years it makes it easier for me to understand Chris. I've suffered from self-harm, anorexia nervosa, borderline personality disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression since I was 12. I started overdosing when I was 16 and have taken more than enough to kill me repeatedly. I was told by more than 1 doctor that I'm a medical mystery. My liver should be shot to pieces - I was taking over 100 paracetamol every time I OD'd because my friend died from 70, it should be enough! I did it 3 months in a row and still didn't die!! I have recovered off my own back, with my own hard work. I was on antipsychotics for a while to try and calm me down because I was so all over the place, I have been inpatient because I was a constant risk to myself and others... I was housebound for 4 years with my anxiety not even being able to go to the corner shop. I've been there, got the teeshirt and worn it many many times. I'm proud of my recovery because I didn't do it with anyones help - my psych was great but the waiting lists were so long for treatment I never got any.

 

[Aaisrie]

Oh and he was fantastic at Saraya's birth. As much as he makes of point of saying he doesn't love me, I know he does. I know he loves me by the way he is with me, the way he talks to me, you can see it in pictures of us. He just can't admit it and I accept that part of him

 

[Nessicle]

aww yep I agree just looking at that picture of you both he is totally in love with you!

I can't believe the therapy person said that about his brother - I mean WTF?!!! It has nothing to do with what Chris was going through, they're ridiculous sometimes!

Well it sounds like you are the perfect person for Chris having been through what you have so you totally understand him and accept him for him!

it's amazing what people can bounce back from and you're right to be proud of yourself for coming through what you did without any help! I just couldnt do it without prozac to lift me out of the rock bottom but as soon as that kicked in everything turned around for me and I'm the happiest I've ever been!

the vicious cycle of illness and depression has gone now thankfully

 

[Aaisrie]

Unfortunately mine is caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain so I could end up back there through no fault of my own. Having said that I am older and wiser (well we are talking 16 years!) and I can now recognise if I'm starting to get sick. I'm also nicer to myself - like I have had a really stressful week, I know I have more stressful stuff the rest of the week so I'm sitting here, curtains closed, with my laptop, Saraya is down for a nap because she's grumpy, doing NOTHING! I'm drinking coffee, there are dishes need washed, laundry to come out of the washing machine but DO I CARE?! NO! I know the important things now and it's looking after No1! Today I'm chilling!

Yea the therapist was a nutter!!

It took me the antipsychotics and a stint in-patient to get to some form of normality. I took myself off my meds and worked my butt off to get to where I am. Meds are important if used properly but so many people use them as a crutch instead of trying to get well. It's hard work so well done Ness!!

 

[Helly]

Jesus christ Eve, i had generalised anxiety, borderline personality disorder and chemical depression. I was never anorexic but people assumed I was cos my weight was low with the illness. Spooky...

 

[Aaisrie]

omg Helly!! That's so funny.... well not FUNNY... but you know what I mean!! The borderline is a bitch, that's why I have the social workers on my back at the moment because in December I kinda went off the rails slightly with the miscarriage in September I had bottled it up and not talked about it. In December everything went tits up and I was really erratic and all over the place uncontrolled impulsivity which is never good. They are investigating as to whether I am stable enough to be a mother!!! I have to have a psych evaluation... which is totally shit because I would NEVER put Saraya in harms way, when I started feeling ill in December I sent Saraya to my mum's for 4 days. I mean hello?! My current social worker said she isn't concerned about me at all and that Saraya being as far ahead as she is developmentally is all down to me as a mother etc etc

HAHA the feedback ad at the bottom of this page (which is normally pregnancy/baby related!) says "STOP PANIC ATTACKS & General Anxiety Fast!" lol

I showed Bella some of my pics when I was thinner and she said I look better now lol I don't have any from my lowest weight which was just under 6 stone (84lbs) and I'm just over 5ft6
This was me just before I went into recovery, with my sister and my mum. My sister was only a size 10 (UK) in this:
https://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v133/4/91/691364803/n691364803_257596_8133.jpg

The girl next to me in this was a recovering anorexic and weighed about 7 stone
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v689/lady_bug/legs240307.jpg

I'm in the front - this was March 2007, I had Saraya March 2009, I came a long way huh?:
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v689/lady_bug/arms250307.jpg

I'd just gotten my tattoos done this day, you can see how gaunt my face was:
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v689/lady_bug/guin3.jpg

I was about 6 and 1/2 stone in this:
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v689/lady_bug/dress2.jpg

I was about 7 stone here:
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v689/lady_bug/front99.jpg

So yea you can see, even without seeing my thinnest pics, that I have come a LONG LONG LONG way!!!

 

[Nessicle]

Unfortunately mine is caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain so I could end up back there through no fault of my own. Having said that I am older and wiser (well we are talking 16 years!) and I can now recognise if I'm starting to get sick. I'm also nicer to myself - like I have had a really stressful week, I know I have more stressful stuff the rest of the week so I'm sitting here, curtains closed, with my laptop, Saraya is down for a nap because she's grumpy, doing NOTHING! I'm drinking coffee, there are dishes need washed, laundry to come out of the washing machine but DO I CARE?! NO! I know the important things now and it's looking after No1! Today I'm chilling!

Yea the therapist was a nutter!!

It took me the antipsychotics and a stint in-patient to get to some form of normality. I took myself off my meds and worked my butt off to get to where I am. Meds are important if used properly but so many people use them as a crutch instead of trying to get well. It's hard work so well done Ness!!

yeah depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain - that's what i have too unfortunately, I'm a bit scared it'll kick back in after I have a baby but at least if I make people aware they'll watch out for it if I don't see it!

I defo agree some people try to use them as a 'I'll just take these antidepressants forever' rather than trying to get off them and doctors hand them out willy nilly, I knew I didnt want to be on them forever - defo hard work and we deserve a big pat on the back

You too Helly!!

to all of us!

Eve I can't believe you got thinner than those pics - you look like a different person. That is awful about being investigating why is they're so quick to investigate the wrong people and there are so many kids out there being abused in so many ways?!

 

[Aaisrie]

Ness what makes it worse is the reason they got involved was because I have a new psych (who I haven't met yet) and I phoned and asked for the appt. to be brought forward because I was having a hard time!!!!

 

[Nessicle]

Ness what makes it worse is the reason they got involved was because I have a new psych (who I haven't met yet) and I phoned and asked for the appt. to be brought forward because I was having a hard time!!!!

that is shit making out as though you're a bad mother cos you're recognising you may need a bit of a helping hand at this moment in time

It's totally backwards

 

[Aaisrie]

Exactly!!! On a Friday afternoon they were able to send a social worker to see my perfectly healthy daughter and yet to date, NO-ONE has seen me!! This kicked off on December the 11th... and someone saw HER then and I haven't been seen yet!! INJUSTICE!