Spanking kids can cause long-term harm

[Ozzieshunni]

I'm not going to go into it further. If someone else wants to explain, they are more than welcome. I thought the issue was done and dusted.

 

[Dragonfly]

I wouldn't spank, as I've said before (call it what you will, the most commonly recognized word with this form of discipline is spanking). However, what got to me was the comment about raising your hand causes your son to stop. I think you have to realize what that might sound like to some people regardless of how you meant it! I'm so tired of fighting with you, Divine. You seem to take everything I say as a personal attack. I try to come across as diplomatic in my posts.

I apologize for the guilty conscience comment and I apologize if anything I have said has come across as offensive to you.

Ditto what she said.

ps it was my opinion perhaps I am not allowed one but thats the way these threads go.

I appreciate your apology.

However the 'ps' I never said you are not allowed an opinion, but if you go back and read your posts.. you can clearly see you were making a claim rather than just an opinion, just saying. the 'ps' was not needed.

So now you are telling me what I can say. You took my opinion as an accusation, its an opinion I have, wont change someone disagreeing to it.

 

[Divinebeauty]

The issue doesn't need to be 'done' the attacking needs to be done. I dont mind a good debate and I am happy to answer any questions and I understand that people may want to hear reasons behind, why I do what I do.

I feel that I have provided reasons, explained myself clearly, and defended myself. I am glad people realized how disrespectful they were being to the 'spankers'. I am also glad this attacking was solved without mods!

and ya the attacking is yes done and dusted.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Oh for the love of pete We're arguing about the apologies and who said what and what it means!

 

[Dragonfly]

Attacking=stating opinion when someone dosnt agree.

 

[Divinebeauty]

Agreed

 

[Divinebeauty]

I see someone wants to pick another fight with their snarky comments!

Go you!

 

[Natsku]

Glad this was solved without needing the mods

 

[6lilpigs]

On a slight change of note. Out of interest we're you as a spanker or non-spanker, spanked by your parents??

I was, and so was DH, which I think is why its just not a big thing for the threat 'you'll get a crack on your arse' as its called in our house lol to not be a big thing.

And also as another interesting thing that this thread has made me think of is, I don't think when I just had the 1 child I ever needed to smack but then she would have still been little when no2 came along, but it seemed to turn up a bit more when there was more kids running around? I wonder if it was age, behaviour or just needing the quicker response that made it turn up more often?? I also know that know it is alot less common again in this house, as I mentioned in an earlier post I don't think I've felt the need to follow up the threat for about a year??

Anyones thoughts on any of the above

 

[feeble]

Draw a line guys, both of you x

Can some please explain to me,

When jasper is doing something wrong (like attacking the cat, going for my cup of tea etc etc) and I say in a firm and low voice 'jasper'

He jumps a little bit because he bloody knows he is doing something wrong

Does that mean he is scared of me? Bear in mind I have never ever hit him. He is only 19 months old

Would it not be fair to suggest that the 'oops I'm being naughty' feeling jasper gets from my low toned 'jasper' is identical to the 'oops I'm really pushing the boundary here' vibe that divines kid gets from her raising her hand slightly?

Because I really, really (besides age appropriateness) cannot see a difference...

Have I made my son fear me without ever smacking/shouting at him?

Or is it just a natural reaction to your parental, making it clear that what your doing is wrong and that they are on to you?

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I'm going to be a non-spanker, but I remember being spanked. It ended as suddenly as it began though. I don't know if my parents just decided it wasn't effective or not anymore, I never asked. I remember, since then, being in fear of my parents disapproval. Because I was spanked, I knew that it could come back as a consequence, if you know what I mean? I was scared to be spanked. I didn't misbehave because I feared being spanked. I hope that makes sense.

 

[Ruth 1980]

Divine, I think you've had a rough ride of this thread. I'd love to say I didn't see it coming but I was the 1st to respond to the op (I think!) I said as much. What I didn't see coming was one person being vilified for their opinion/actions and then being vilified again for defending themselves. Shocking. Thread should have been closed. There's healthy, respectful debate and then there's being plain rude x

 

[feeble]

On a slight change of note. Out of interest we're you as a spanker or non-spanker, spanked by your parents??

I was, and so was DH, which I think is why its just not a big thing for the threat 'you'll get a crack on your arse' as its called in our house lol to not be a big thing.

And also as another interesting thing that this thread has made me think of is, I don't think when I just had the 1 child I ever needed to smack but then she would have still been little when no2 came along, but it seemed to turn up a bit more when there was more kids running around? I wonder if it was age, behaviour or just needing the quicker response that made it turn up more often?? I also know that know it is alot less common again in this house, as I mentioned in an earlier post I don't think I've felt the need to follow up the threat for about a year??

Anyones thoughts on any of the above

Probably a combination of more damage control (suddenly there is a baby to protect and a steep learning curve for the toddler about how to behave towards that child in a gentle manner) and age x

I wonder how much less I would have needed to use the low toned 'jasper' which is all he needs at the moment, if the cat wasn't around... Fact is I have to act quick to stop him prodding her, ripping her fur out, poking her in the eye!

 

[Natsku]

I think its the exact same response. If I say Maria's name firmly when she's doing something she shouldn't she jumps, its not fear as I've only used redirection so far.

 

[Divinebeauty]

On a slight change of note. Out of interest we're you as a spanker or non-spanker, spanked by your parents??

I was, and so was DH, which I think is why its just not a big thing for the threat 'you'll get a crack on your arse' as its called in our house lol to not be a big thing.

And also as another interesting thing that this thread has made me think of is, I don't think when I just had the 1 child I ever needed to smack but then she would have still been little when no2 came along, but it seemed to turn up a bit more when there was more kids running around? I wonder if it was age, behaviour or just needing the quicker response that made it turn up more often?? I also know that know it is alot less common again in this house, as I mentioned in an earlier post I don't think I've felt the need to follow up the threat for about a year??

Anyones thoughts on any of the above

I am a 'spanker' and I was spanked as a child, it never occurred as a big deal to me.

I rarely have to spank my son now, since I have had number 2 he has been a lot better behaved he wants to act like that 'big brother' the worst behaviour he had was between the ages of 2-3 where he was testing my limits and words were not enough.

 

[6lilpigs]

I'm going to be a non-spanker, but I remember being spanked. It ended as suddenly as it began though. I don't know if my parents just decided it wasn't effective or not anymore, I never asked. I remember, since then, being in fear of my parents disapproval. Because I was spanked, I knew that it could come back as a consequence, if you know what I mean? I was scared to be spanked. I didn't misbehave because I feared being spanked. I hope that makes sense.

Perfect sense Its as if the message had gone in, and was always at at the back of your mind. With mine its the same, I think once they got to the age where they could fully understand then there was no point smacking them anymore because it then just became a corporal punishment I suppose?? But with the younger ones who might still need a reminder to not ignore 'the voice' lol, a little chase and 'crack on the arse' just buys me that little bit of time still lol.

 

[Divinebeauty]

Draw a line guys, both of you x

Can some please explain to me,

When jasper is doing something wrong (like attacking the cat, going for my cup of tea etc etc) and I say in a firm and low voice 'jasper'

He jumps a little bit because he bloody knows he is doing something wrong

Does that mean he is scared of me? Bear in mind I have never ever hit him. He is only 19 months old

Would it not be fair to suggest that the 'oops I'm being naughty' feeling jasper gets from my low toned 'jasper' is identical to the 'oops I'm really pushing the boundary here' vibe that divines kid gets from her raising her hand slightly?

Because I really, really (besides age appropriateness) cannot see a difference...

Have I made my son fear me without ever smacking/shouting at him?

Or is it just a natural reaction to your parental, making it clear that what your doing is wrong and that they are on to you?

I thing its just a normal reaction as they know they are doing something bad.. lol.

kids have natural reactions that make them jump, doesnt mean they are afraid just startled.

I have a problem with Ava and the cat too, all I have had to do is redirect her, and she listens, goes to show every child is different!

 

[6lilpigs]

On a slight change of note. Out of interest we're you as a spanker or non-spanker, spanked by your parents??

I was, and so was DH, which I think is why its just not a big thing for the threat 'you'll get a crack on your arse' as its called in our house lol to not be a big thing.

And also as another interesting thing that this thread has made me think of is, I don't think when I just had the 1 child I ever needed to smack but then she would have still been little when no2 came along, but it seemed to turn up a bit more when there was more kids running around? I wonder if it was age, behaviour or just needing the quicker response that made it turn up more often?? I also know that know it is alot less common again in this house, as I mentioned in an earlier post I don't think I've felt the need to follow up the threat for about a year??

Anyones thoughts on any of the above

Probably a combination of more damage control (suddenly there is a baby to protect and a steep learning curve for the toddler about how to behave towards that child in a gentle manner) and age x

I wonder how much less I would have needed to use the low toned 'jasper' which is all he needs at the moment, if the cat wasn't around... Fact is I have to act quick to stop him prodding her, ripping her fur out, poking her in the eye!

Lets not bring pets into this thread!!! There even more contraversial than spanking!! But it is a damage limitation thing, isn't it, I firm memorable reminder than eye gouging can't have a 2nd oppurtunity

 

[Dragonfly]

On a slight change of note. Out of interest we're you as a spanker or non-spanker, spanked by your parents??
:

No I wasnt spanked it was disrespectful to smack, hit, tap any one and if I had to hit someone my parents would have been horrified and embarrassed. My whole family would have been told about it and I would have been ashamed. Because spanking wasnt respectable it was classed as well what lower kind of people done and my gran always said use your words to fight never your fists it lets you down, same went for parents hitting kids. My mum would never even consider laying a finger on us we never needed it either. My dad came from an abusive dad, I dont know a lot on the situation but he wouldnt ever hit us and has said that to me when we had this discussion.

I mean that sincerely that is what it was like growing up for me not to annoy or put down any one. I probably can assume my post will be picked apart and accused of calling people all sorts now. Just saying like it was when I was growing up.

 

[6lilpigs]

I think its the exact same response. If I say Maria's name firmly when she's doing something she shouldn't she jumps, its not fear as I've only used redirection so far.

lol, that guilty 'I've been caught jump' Kids are so clever aren't they!! But then if we never tried out the boundaries, we'd still be in the caves wouldn't we!