Spanking kids can cause long-term harm

[Dragonfly]

And spanking a child (appropriately i.e. a light tap not done out of anger) is the same as child abuse. And I imagine that people who actually have suffered child abuse would be very offended by the comparison.

I said it was abusive behavior to hit any one. Is hitting another person not considered abusive behavior?

 

[Natsku]

And spanking a child (appropriately i.e. a light tap not done out of anger) is the same as child abuse. And I imagine that people who actually have suffered child abuse would be very offended by the comparison.

I said it was abusive behavior to hit any one. Is hitting another person not considered abusive behavior?

Spanking is not the same as hitting.

 

[Divinebeauty]

There are different levels of 'hitting' I am talking about a goddamn TAP ON THE BUM!

You have no right to tell me I am abusive to my child at all.. there is no abuse involved in tapping his bum.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

You can look back on ALL my posts. I never compared spanking to child abuse. I've seen people abuse children and it's not pretty. While I don't agree with spanking, I don't consider it child abuse. I did mention that I was a bit shocked by the comment of raising your hand causes your son to stop what he's doing because I believe that a child does that out of fear. That's my opinion. I never called you a child abuser. That wasn't me.

 

[pinklightbulb]

And spanking a child (appropriately i.e. a light tap not done out of anger) is the same as child abuse. And I imagine that people who actually have suffered child abuse would be very offended by the comparison.

I've been sexually abused and you better believe I get furious when people equate it to BFing. It's horrible. There is NOTHING alike about the two: same with smacking and actual child abuse.

 

[Natsku]

And spanking a child (appropriately i.e. a light tap not done out of anger) is the same as child abuse. And I imagine that people who actually have suffered child abuse would be very offended by the comparison.

I've been sexually abused and you better believe I get furious when people equate it to BFing. It's horrible. There is NOTHING alike about the two: same with smacking and actual child abuse.

Yeah I think people need to stop equating the two, its offensive to so many people.

 

[Dragonfly]

There are different levels of 'hitting' I am talking about a goddamn TAP ON THE BUM!

You have no right to tell me I am abusive to my child at all.. there is no abuse involved in tapping his bum.

You are very aggressive. Its my opinion like it or not......It may not be abuse but to me its abusive behavior to a child

 

[Divinebeauty]

You can look back on ALL my posts. I never compared spanking to child abuse. I've seen people abuse children and it's not pretty. While I don't agree with spanking, I don't consider it child abuse. I did mention that I was a bit shocked by the comment of raising your hand causes your son to stop what he's doing because I believe that a child does that out of fear. That's my opinion. I never called you a child abuser. That wasn't me.

Spanking- is not child abuse. and spanking is the wrong word. Tap would be a better one I guess.

That is fine for you to be shocked. I am shocked at others parenting methods too , doesn't mean I am disrespectful and hurtful to the poster though.- or even call it out, that I am 'shocked'. I leave it alone so not to be disrespectful no one likes to be put down for their parenting.

Or throw in little comments such as 'guilty conscience'... which you knew I was going to respond to..

Its like you and other PP can be disrespectful to me, but then expect me to just take it? Like sorry but I am not going to .. treat others how you want to be treated.


ETA- I feel I was truly treated unfairly in this thread completely! I admitted my parenting method, which let me say again, not like I am proud or want to have control, its just a measure I have had to take a HANDFUL of times, but yet others admitted they spanked their children and weren't attacked like I was at all, or questioned if my child is hurt and so on.

So yes I take this as a personal attack- for sure!

 

[Divinebeauty]

There are different levels of 'hitting' I am talking about a goddamn TAP ON THE BUM!

You have no right to tell me I am abusive to my child at all.. there is no abuse involved in tapping his bum.

You are very aggressive. Its my opinion like it or not......It may not be abuse but to me its abusive behavior to a child

Anything else you would like to call me? Just wondering.

Now I am aggressive? I am not aggressive to my child AT ALL.. don't care if it is your opinion or not, I am not going to sit here and let YOU tell me what I AM.

 

[feeble]

Missed this one!

Here's my tuppence...

A smack (light tap not given in anger)

Is different to

A slap (hard, sore, in anger)

I think that a smack is a useful tool for disciplining children... Wether I will or not depends on my kids and what they do.

If you smack your kids in anger, for very little because you are frustrated, I think that's akin to shouting at them and snapping at them for little reason and is not good, it promotes a child who feels they can do no right and ends up very unhappy

If you give your kids love and support and attention and occasionally when they cross a boundary, you give them a light tap, that's not going to cause massive psychological damage lets face it.

If (and this is the worst one) you ignore your kids and give them no love, you then only give them passion and excitement when they have done something wrong and you give them a good hiding, you promote a very odd reality where by the child believes the only way of giving love is through abuse, which is incredibly damaging.

But you cannot put all these things into the same box and slap a label on it. Life is more complicated than that.

I would rather have a 'final' thing that stops my children getting on my last nerve, a send to the room and a smack on the bum (for example) because I am not perfect and without that tool I may well be a snappy, got at mother which I don't want to be. I think constantly being picked apart, or attacked verbally is far worse than a smack, a cool off and a new beginning

Perhaps some people feel they have enough patience to not have to resort to shouting, smacking, getting narky or anything else... But actually I spent a lot of time with older kids and I know that for their well being as well as mine, they need to understand when enough is absolutely enough (like when they are in danger or have been totally out of line)

That might make me an abusive mother (lol) but the fact is. I will love my kids happily 99% of the time and maybe have to discipline them 1% of the time, so how will that 1% be the deciding factor? It won't of course...

I have watched mothers who are into 'alternative' or 'gentle' discipline, literally spend all day going over and over and over and over a child's irrational thought processes because the mother just 'has' to understand them....

Which I personally find more abusive (having watched it) thank a quick sharp 'sort it out child' wether physically or verbally and then moving on.

 

[6lilpigs]

Missed this one!

Here's my tuppence...

A smack (light tap not given in anger)

Is different to

A slap (hard, sore, in anger)

I think that a smack is a useful tool for disciplining children... Wether I will or not depends on my kids and what they do.

If you smack your kids in anger, for very little because you are frustrated, I think that's akin to shouting at them and snapping at them for little reason and is not good, it promotes a child who feels they can do no right and ends up very unhappy

If you give your kids love and support and attention and occasionally when they cross a boundary, you give them a light tap, that's not going to cause massive psychological damage lets face it.

If (and this is the worst one) you ignore your kids and give them no love, you then only give them passion and excitement when they have done something wrong and you give them a good hiding, you promote a very odd reality where by the child believes the only way of giving love is through abuse, which is incredibly damaging.

But you cannot put all these things into the same box and slap a label on it. Life is more complicated than that.

I would rather have a 'final' thing that stops my children getting on my last nerve, a send to the room and a smack on the bum (for example) because I am not perfect and without that tool I may well be a snappy, got at mother which I don't want to be. I think constantly being picked apart, or attacked verbally is far worse than a smack, a cool off and a new beginning

Perhaps some people feel they have enough patience to not have to resort to shouting, smacking, getting narky or anything else... But actually I spent a lot of time with older kids and I know that for their well being as well as mine, they need to understand when enough is absolutely enough (like when they are in danger or have been totally out of line)

That might make me an abusive mother (lol) but the fact is. I will love my kids happily 99% of the time and maybe have to discipline them 1% of the time, so how will that 1% be the deciding factor? It won't of course...

I have watched mothers who are into 'alternative' or 'gentle' discipline, literally spend all day going over and over and over and over a child's irrational thought processes because the mother just 'has' to understand them....

Which I personally find more abusive (having watched it) thank a quick sharp 'sort it out child' wether physically or verbally and then moving on.

Put perfectly.

 

[Divinebeauty]

My sons discipline is 1% of the time like you said, which is why i am offended I am being called an abusive mother.

 

[Divinebeauty]

Missed this one!

Here's my tuppence...

A smack (light tap not given in anger)

Is different to

A slap (hard, sore, in anger)

I think that a smack is a useful tool for disciplining children... Wether I will or not depends on my kids and what they do.

If you smack your kids in anger, for very little because you are frustrated, I think that's akin to shouting at them and snapping at them for little reason and is not good, it promotes a child who feels they can do no right and ends up very unhappy

If you give your kids love and support and attention and occasionally when they cross a boundary, you give them a light tap, that's not going to cause massive psychological damage lets face it.

If (and this is the worst one) you ignore your kids and give them no love, you then only give them passion and excitement when they have done something wrong and you give them a good hiding, you promote a very odd reality where by the child believes the only way of giving love is through abuse, which is incredibly damaging.

But you cannot put all these things into the same box and slap a label on it. Life is more complicated than that.

I would rather have a 'final' thing that stops my children getting on my last nerve, a send to the room and a smack on the bum (for example) because I am not perfect and without that tool I may well be a snappy, got at mother which I don't want to be. I think constantly being picked apart, or attacked verbally is far worse than a smack, a cool off and a new beginning

Perhaps some people feel they have enough patience to not have to resort to shouting, smacking, getting narky or anything else... But actually I spent a lot of time with older kids and I know that for their well being as well as mine, they need to understand when enough is absolutely enough (like when they are in danger or have been totally out of line)

That might make me an abusive mother (lol) but the fact is. I will love my kids happily 99% of the time and maybe have to discipline them 1% of the time, so how will that 1% be the deciding factor? It won't of course...

I have watched mothers who are into 'alternative' or 'gentle' discipline, literally spend all day going over and over and over and over a child's irrational thought processes because the mother just 'has' to understand them....

Which I personally find more abusive (having watched it) thank a quick sharp 'sort it out child' wether physically or verbally and then moving on.

^^^^^ Very well said, I appreciate your response!

 

[pinklightbulb]

feeble!

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I wouldn't spank, as I've said before (call it what you will, the most commonly recognized word with this form of discipline is spanking). However, what got to me was the comment about raising your hand causes your son to stop. I think you have to realize what that might sound like to some people regardless of how you meant it! I'm so tired of fighting with you, Divine. You seem to take everything I say as a personal attack. I try to come across as diplomatic in my posts.

I apologize for the guilty conscience comment and I apologize if anything I have said has come across as offensive to you.

 

[feeble]

I suppose I just don't see how there can be this vast differentiation, if you shout at your kids all the time but never smack them, your going to mess them up!

If you smack your kids occassionaly, your not going to mess them up, people seem to get all upon arms about smacking, when it's the overall respect, care and love we give our kids that is more important... And decent, firm and clear boundaries are part of that.

 

[Divinebeauty]

I raise my hand to him- as a warning. I am about to tap him on his bum. so not to just go straight to 'spanking' him he gets that warning. I see no problem with this so unsure of why this is considered so bad.

Anyways thank you for the apology, and to be fair I posted my discipline method, and you decided to attack me on it a long with others, of course I am going to be offended and hurt and defend myself.

I never attacked the 'nonspankers' at all. So didn't really deserve this.

 

[Dragonfly]

I wouldn't spank, as I've said before (call it what you will, the most commonly recognized word with this form of discipline is spanking). However, what got to me was the comment about raising your hand causes your son to stop. I think you have to realize what that might sound like to some people regardless of how you meant it! I'm so tired of fighting with you, Divine. You seem to take everything I say as a personal attack. I try to come across as diplomatic in my posts.

I apologize for the guilty conscience comment and I apologize if anything I have said has come across as offensive to you.

Ditto what she said.

ps it was my opinion perhaps I am not allowed one but thats the way these threads go.

 

[feeble]

How is raising a hand any different to saying 'child's name' in a stern voice?

 

[Divinebeauty]

I wouldn't spank, as I've said before (call it what you will, the most commonly recognized word with this form of discipline is spanking). However, what got to me was the comment about raising your hand causes your son to stop. I think you have to realize what that might sound like to some people regardless of how you meant it! I'm so tired of fighting with you, Divine. You seem to take everything I say as a personal attack. I try to come across as diplomatic in my posts.

I apologize for the guilty conscience comment and I apologize if anything I have said has come across as offensive to you.

Ditto what she said.

ps it was my opinion perhaps I am not allowed one but thats the way these threads go.

I appreciate your apology.

However the 'ps' I never said you are not allowed an opinion, but if you go back and read your posts.. you can clearly see you were making a claim rather than just an opinion, just saying. the 'ps' was not needed.