Spanking kids can cause long-term harm

[Ruth 1980]

i reakon the damage done to children with smacking depends on how well they were parented in all areas. ie, if the childs parents were extreamly loving and affectionate but used a smack as discipline then the 'damage' caused by the smack would be minimal or none at all as apposed to a child that recieved little love, affection and smacking i imagine the 'damage' would be far greater. if any of that makes sense, i'm suffering with having to get up 6 times last night!

I completely agree with this. I don't think smacking/spanking alone causes 'damage'. By smacking, I mean I quick tap on the bum/hand not a beating.

PS - Chocolala, I remember my mam using a slipper once, that bloody hurt too!

^^wss! Completely agree also x

 

[Belle25]

Also, peoples definition of "smacking" to discipline a child seems to differ.

I remember seeing one woman in a shop and her child(about 3 years old, maybe 2) followed her in saying "mummy mummy" (not exactly in a whiny voice) but she snapped and swore at him and became aggressive, dragged him by his hood out of the shop and smacked him again and again-now THATS child abuse. Its humiliation too as everyone was watching this child

There is a fine line between hitting and giving a child a gentle tap with this sort of thing. Being aggressive towards a small child isn't going to help imho...
xx

 

[doggy121]

hmm...i'm best of friends with my mom now i'm a grown up but asa kid it was the norm to smack me with her hand,slipper or whatever came to hand, app i was a naughty child who deserved it hmm... no point me bringing it up with mum now, she just tells me i was naughty and deserved it so i'm happy to put it to the back of my head and get on with life, i'll never forget it but i have learnt that smackings not needed, it just sits in your kiddies heads forever, i'll never forget it myself and if i let it my mum and i would fall out forever if i ever brought her up on how she was.

 

[whit.]

I personally think it has a lot to do with personality rather than being spanked as a child.

There is also a difference in giving a spank because they have done something bad and they know they aren't suppose to do it/continuously doing it after being told no and beating your child/abusing them.

 

[Divinebeauty]

I spanked my son, after I think about 2 years old when he could understand it and was being extremely defiant, when words were not enough to control him.

As a mother I do feel like I had to spank my boy.. to keep him under control, to show him that momma doesn't mess around! He is a very very respectful child, I was get a lot of compliments on his behaviour, everyone is so impressed how mature he acts for his age, he is brilliant in school, lives an amazing social life, he is all around a great child!!

He is 5, and I barely have to give him a spank now, I can just lift my hand and he will already know I mean business- and this is good. This shows him not to push me.. or there will be consequences. When my father spanked me as a kid.. I told myself 'id never do this to my kids' yet ... I have and its only when every other discipline measure is not working!

A is still young so I haven't had to spank her yet.. I mean the usual age for them to need a spank is around 2. I think under 1 years old in unnecessary as they have no idea what you are doing, and you are teaching them to hit.

Anyways I dont think. criminals, and murders have anything to do with spanking, its the general upbringing and personality traits.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

In my opinion, it's terrible to think that a child shapes up because you raise your hand. That's not out of understanding, that's out of fear.

Just my opinion. No one has to agree.

 

[whit.]

In my opinion, it's terrible to think that a child shapes up because you raise your hand. That's not out of understanding, that's out of fear.

Just my opinion. No one has to agree.

In my opinion, If the child is being knowingly unruly and no other discipline has gotten them to stop, I don't think it's out of fear that they stop when a hand is raised. Some kids also stop what they're doing when a parent starts counting because the child knows the parent means business.

All personalities are different for children and not all of the same discipline methods work. I doubt her son is afraid of her.

 

[Divinebeauty]

My son is not at all afraid of me, he just knows that I am serious when it comes to discipline. Like I said ive only had to 'spank' him a handful of times, in order to show him, that I would take that measure. Words are not enough for him and that is his personality so therefore, I had to do something to make him mind me... or he would be one of those 'brat kids' and no thank you.

And yes 'spanking' him those handful of times, 'did shape him up' in a way that he now minds me when I speak words to him. So in my opinion spanking was best for him.

I am about respect and so will my children... and I will do whatever I have to , to get then to understand respect is important!!!

This is a ridiculous debate, because most on here have 'babies' and the thought of spanking your poor 'baby' is horrible. Yes I agree. I have a 5 year old so can speak for further along in life. By 2.. you non spankers.. may change your mind...

I understand there are some who are dead against it no matter what, but I guarantee there will be a few of the 'nonspankers' giving their children a tap when they reach that toddler age!

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I think my belief stems from seeing too many abused children and studying how children react to physical discipline. I'm not at all saying you are being abusive, but that's where my opinion comes from.

 

[whit.]

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, tell you what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

 

[Tor]

But saying that smacking doesnt teach them right from wrong doesnt make sense to me because it is a consequence of bad behaviour the same as the naughty step etc and children do know that if they are being smacked for something that it is wrong.

 

[Divinebeauty]

Not all children react bad to physical diciplne.. My son is proof.

 

[whit.]

and like I've said before - just because you spank doesn't mean you're abusing, there is a huge line between the two.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Yes, I agree there is a big difference between the two. I was commenting on the part about just raising your hand and the child knows to behave. Are they reacting out of fear of being spanked as a consequence? Are they reacting to the potential pain?

 

[whit.]

Or maybe the child realizes what he/she is doing is wrong and mom/dad aren't playing around.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

It's possible. To be frank, we really don't know. The way a child's brain develops is still really unknown and we don't know what the child is feeling when they stop. You can say your child isn't afraid, but you don't know how their brain is responding.

 

[Divinebeauty]

You are really going to have a go at me ozz? Like really.

SOrry I dont parent the way you do. I don't care. My children are different from yours therefore I need to parent different according to my childrens personlity.

When I raise my hand at him, he knows I will take the action to spank him, obv he doesnt want to be spanked so he will behave... he is not 'scared' he just knows this is his warning to get it together.. before i do spank him.

Like I would inflict pain on my fucking son, give me a break. He doesn't like spanking more for the emotional aspect of it.. not because I 'abuse' him./

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I'm not having a go at anyone. I've been very polite in my responses. If you feel offended, you've only to report me or ignore me. I was responding with my opinion.

 

[Divinebeauty]

ozz- I can tell you my child is not 'afraid' he just doesn't want to push me to that level, children want to impress their parents, and he does, when he see's ive reached that level.. he gives it up. and I like it.. would I want my kid having a temper tantrum all day and me to sit there and talk to him, take him to time out where he runs away? all day? like really?

Should I just never discipline him and have him because a brat child, that no one want to be around who has no respect? NO.

I spanked him because I felt I had to do so according to his personality like i said before. words did not work. at all. he was out of control and I needed to take another measure in disciplinging.

I spanked him as a discipline method, not because I was angry at him.

This is my way of parenting.. you have yours....on with it...

 

[whit.]

It's okay, Divine. You can find anything on the internet.

"Those who were physically disciplined performed better than those who weren’t in a whole series of categories, including school grades, an optimistic outlook on life, the willingness to perform volunteer work, and the ambition to attend college."