Spanking kids can cause long-term harm

[Lil_Pixie]

Did you specifically research discipline techniques before you go pregnant? I Didn't.

 

[Bentley.]

That being said I don't believe in spanking as the first resort in decipline, or the only way to go. Nor do I know how I will be when my son is older. All kids are different and need to be deciplined according to their personality, etc. I was a brat when I was younger and I think my parents did a great job raising me and my sisters. I also think other mothers shouldnt judge what other mothers think is the "right" way to decipline. Of course there are a million different ways to decipline a child and not everyone is going to be on the same page. I just think there are right ways to use different techniques. I think screaming at a child would do more damage than a little pat on the bum.
Also of course parents are more likely to use the same ways of decipline as their parents did, unless they were hurt in the process. If you were not spanked then you don't really know what it would of been like if you were. and if you were, in the right way i guess, i dont't know how to write it, then you probably will not see the problem with using the same actions on your child.
Spanking someone elses child is a no-no and hurting your child is also a no-no.
Just because you spank your own doesnt mean you aren't smart enough to think of a better way to dicipline your child. Maybe thats the way some people feel does work.
I didn't mean any bratty kid needs to be spanked. Or everyone should spank their child, or your kid will be a brat of they arent spanked

 

[Lauki]

Thing is, just because it didn't make you feel bad, doesn't mean your child will feel the same when they're older?

I don't believe in doing something, just because it's done to you and you came out fine in the end. Every person is different and I wouldn't want it on my conscience that my child MIGHT turn out not alright.

 

[cat lover]

SPANKING isnt the right word here. it implies abuse. if LO does something dangerous i will smack lightly but not spank. she will know what she is doing must not happen but will not fear me (the thought of her fearing me is laughable tbh).i had a light tap if i did something dangerous when i was a kid and have 3 degrees and my own home. noone here is talking about child abuse imo.

I would also say that a toddler is too young to sit down and reason with, so other forms of discipline are sometimes necessary

 

[MizzDeeDee]

I dont believe in spanking...but as Natsku said, Ive changed my mind on a lot of things since I became a parent so who the effin' hell knows what I will do?

I wasnt spanked and I turned out ok but Im sure if I had been, I'd turn out ok. People turn out the way they do for a whole load of reasons. Spanking isnt the be-all and end-all of how a person will be.

If I could, I would thank you 100 times for this post.

At the end of the day, we are all parents that should be supporting each other...not telling each other that we know what's best for each other's children.

Read this article today. Somewhat fitting to what I've seen in this thread.


https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/9061650/When-parents-go-to-war.html

 

[Lauki]

Just trying to explain my view though. People should parent the way that works for them, but just because you all say spanking is fine and you turned out okay doesn't mean I should feel like that too right?

If people can advocate for it being okay, I can advocate for me thinking it is not okay.

 

[JASMAK]

Did you specifically research discipline techniques before you go pregnant? I Didn't.

If you are asking me, then yes, I surely did! I did alot of research before becoming a parent! I was never around babies and children much as my twin sister and I are the youngest. I never really babysat, although I used to teach children, it's not the same. My sister had a baby first, two actually, before I did, and the way she did things made me question my own beliefs and what would be the best way. That included alot of things including nutrition, attachment parenting, breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding, how to pick up a baby, different types of labouring, etc...and yes, discipline was one of the topics, and hubby and I had a long discussion of our beliefs on discipline before we even got pregnant.

 

[Rockell8788]

I was smacked on the bum if I had done something really bad, I would be sent to my room and after however long my mum would come up smack my bottom and tell me why, no harm done her the only thing I can say came out of it is respect of my mum and what see said went.
I smack my daughter on the bottom if she is behaving really badly and being told a million times to stop, counting to 5 then the naughty spot, being sent to her room doesn't work and she is still behaving badly I will smack her bottom not hard at all with my hand. I don't often smack her.
I was against smacking before I had children and along with other aspects of raising a child I changed my mind. Each child is different my daughter is VERY determined and very often pushes boundaries. My ds may well be totally different and listen without a thousand warns for misbehaviour, and not require the last resort of a light smack on the bottom.

Iv no idea if any of that made sense I'm laid up in bed with flu so could be talking totally rubbish lol

 

[maddog37]

I think there's a difference between fearing a parent and fearing consequences.

Absolutely agree with this. Don't want to bore you with my stories, but I was disciplined with wooden objects. I realize now that fearing my parents (or any adult) was what I learned. It led me to not stand up for myself or tell my parents when a grade 1 teacher wrongly accused me of lying, then took extra money from me, and disciplined me; when the principal came to ask me what happened, I froze and refused to talk because she was the only one in the school who was allowed to hit students.

I never told my parents I made my bro and I late for school once because I fell down a 2 story escalator and you could almost see bones on my shins. Or the time I sprained my ankle. Or the time I very likely fractured a finger. Or the time I was molested. My answer for everything was to hide it all from them because the consequence of telling them would be far worse.

I still have a close relationship with my parents, but some incidents that went too far have left me with PTSD now that I'm a parent. So, for me, it caused long term damages, and in that sense I agree with the article. But mine was crazy bad at times. The last time my dad hit me was when a piece of the stick the size of a pinky broke on impact with my hand (I was 16), and that wasn't even close to the worst times.

I believe a few good open handed slaps on the bum is fine as a last resort. I think most of the older generations were spanked and it's not like we're all anti-social with cognitive problems.

The other thing about the article is that the study suggested spanking decreases grey matters. But I've read books about brain damage from physical or sexual abuse, and those scans actually showed grey matters increase and kinda take over other parts of the brain (thus shrinking those parts). So it seems kinda contradictory to other studies based on the little I've read on this subject, even though it's a slightly different topic, but kind of along the same line.

 

[Dragonfly]

Not all people who where spanked or hit whatever you want to call it will turn out abusive but you wont know that till after you have done it as some people very well do turn out like that. Are you willing to take the risk? hitting adults is not right you cant start off hitting expecting kids to know not to hit when thats all they know. Its not respectable and rather lazy quick fix parenting. There are other ways long term which are far better for you and your childs relationship. Spanking also is humiliating to some children to. Its punitive.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

To answer Whit's question, I intend to use redirection and reasonable consequences when my son is old enough to understand them. I have worked with high risk children and these methods worked, even though they were hard to handle.

Thank you Lauki.

 

[TTC86JMS]

I was not spanked as a child.I was beaten!!!my mum would use slippers,belts,broom and sticks.sometimes I was sent to get my own stick!!!we were also hit in school by teachers,and if u went and told your mum,she will beat u as well cos according to her u were misbehaving in school to have the teacher beat u.
I sometimes think my mum did too much back then,but almost every child in seychelles were in the same shoes.in my mum's days it was worse,my grandma would throw pots and pans at her and my uncles if they were greasy.
I sometimes think of it and do think my mum over did it,we are best friends now and we talk about everything.iback then I was a real bad kid,and realy liked messing around and I must say I have the proper respect for my mum compared to my younger sister who wasn't beaten as much.
She actually drives my mum nuts,she says she doesn't know where she went wrong with her.she's lazy,disrespectfull and snobbish.
I personally will use spanking to discipline LO,but not to the extreme,if u are afraid of someone in life as a child it keeps u in line and u learn to have limits.
U don't have children swearing at u and being disrespectful to u in public.
I will not have my child make me cry because they are being brats,I will not have mychild screaming and swearing at me or anyone.
He will get it if he does get out of line.

 

[emyandpotato]

I hope never to smack/spank my children but I don't fully trust myself not to as when I am angry I have to hold myself back from being violent. I don't do it anymore but it was a problem when I was younger. I think this is a direct result of violence in my own family, although this went a little further than the occasional smack so I don't know how far it can be compared. I don't think it's worth the risk though.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I don't find instilling fear in a child a very effective parenting method. Mutual respect can be given. I'm a bit shocked that you believe fear is effective.

 

[Dragonfly]

I wasnt spanked ever, I turned out ok. If you hit any one you where shamed for it it was considered thugish and embarrassing in my house growing up. I never even hit my brother and we fell out enough times. It wasnt a respectful thing to do. I will do the same on my children they grow up respectful of their body and others.

 

[emyandpotato]

EDITED, worded badly & misunderstood

 

[Shortcake01]

I'm unsure as yet, definitely don't agree with "spanking" but I think a smacked bum or hand is a different matter. I have a fab relationship with my mum and she did smack me, maybe a total of 5 times in my life but looking back I really think I deserved them. It didn't have any long term effects on me but I loved my mums way of parenting. She allowed me loads of freedom but I had to respect the ground rules such as when I was a teenager I had to provide telephone numbers and addresses of where I would be and general things like that. I felt like she respected me and vice versa and the smacking was because I pushed the boundaries. As my LO is only 9 weeks it's hard to imagine even being in that position! xxx

 

[losingtheplot]

Hi ladies, i was smacked as a child, but i would never hit my children! x

 

[JASMAK]

Personally, maybe it's just me...but to me, a spank means, a tap on the hand, swat on the bum, a smack, and a hit.. I think wooden spoon, sticks, soap in the mouth, kicking, punching, tripping, name-calling is on a whole completely different level..and I wouldn't use the word spank for those...

 

[Wildfire81]

In my opinion, it's terrible to think that a child shapes up because you raise your hand. That's not out of understanding, that's out of fear.

Just my opinion. No one has to agree.

Not trying to argue with anybody, but being spanked as a child gave me a healthy dose of respect. I will discipline my child, but not beat him.