Spanking kids can cause long-term harm

[Ozzieshunni]

So, I'm not allowed to further a discussion by asking questions? Children develop coping mechanisms. Action/reaction. There is no need to attack me verbally. I'm allowed an opinion. After all, I'm just someone behind a keyboard. No need to take offense surely?

 

[Divinebeauty]

Yes state your opinion. fine. Judge my post? no thank you. Answer the Op's question and be done with it..

that is what I was saying. Don't ask me.. if my child is afraid or in pain... my post is not up for discussion.

It my opinion after all.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

You brought it up. I'm allowed to comment on posts. I don't have to just answer the OP. This is a discussion. And who are you to dictate what I am and am not allowed to do?

 

[Divinebeauty]

I grew up being disciplined for my actions if it was warranted. For the argument that spanking is wrong,

I believe it taught me right and wrong and the consequences of my actions. How many other 23 year olds have a BA, a successful job and a mortgage? I daresay spanking didn't do me any lasting damage - quite the opposite.

Look at the volume of crime committed today by young people - a lot of these people were raised in 'no-spank' homes and have no consequence of crime and punishment. They have never been held accountable for their actions

Spanking being 'wrong' in the eyes of society, I think is a big mistake! And for those who object to violence, I don't mean beating our children with belts and hitting them until they bleed or pass out.

I mean a few well places like pats on the behind - enough to reinforce a negative consequence in a way that will last in my child's memory!

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I think there's a difference between fearing a parent and fearing consequences. And that bit of fear of what will happen of you misbehave is what keeps kids in line - it certainly kept me in line as a kid!!

My mum would give us a good wanger if we misbehaved, my dad would give us the sad face and tell us he was disappointed. Personally I was afraid of both of these and indie as I was told (although my dad was worse). However you do it, the child needs to have respect for you and know your the boss.

My husband was beaten with a belt/broom/wooden spoon and that's jus going too far. When. We told them we were expected his dad said he'd go dig out his old belt - if anyone ever raised a weapon to hit my child I would hit the roof!

I believe it's more about personality and overall upbringing how a person turns out. I'm one of six and personally im gentle and socially awkward. All of my brothers and sisters are loud and confident and harsh - I have to be moral compas for all of them in one way or another. Some of them were smacked every five minutes, one of them was never smacked at all. I think for the most part we are who we are, regardless.

I think it's reasonable to smack a child's hand to stop them going for plug sockets/fires etc. other than that I'd like to think I won't smack him, but he's only 8 weeks old and don't have to consider discipline yet - ill just have to wait and see.

 

[whit.]

in my opinion, it's terrible to think that a child shapes up because you raise your hand. That's not out of understanding, that's out of fear.

Just my opinion. No one has to agree.

i think there's a difference between fearing a parent and fearing consequences. and that bit of fear of what will happen of you misbehave is what keeps kids in line - it certainly kept me in line as a kid!!

this.

 

[whit.]

How do you plan to discipline, Ozzie?

 

[griffinh]

I agree with a smack on the bum. I was smacked growing up and it was the only deterrent that worked with 5 kids, but it never did me long term harm. Its not like we were beaten til we bled or anything but it was more a 'youll get your warnings and if you dont behave youll get a smack'. wasnt often though cos once we had it one time, that was enough you know? i agree with it more for tapping small hands away from hot ovens or plugs lol

My brother in law wasnt disciplined in any sense and hes a psycho (no really) lol. I think whatever works for you should work and if people decide youre a bad parent for it, well, its really none of their business

 

[Starry Night]

I was spanked as a child and it was with an implement. I definitely did not fear my parents and looking back we were only spanked as a final resort and we did deserve punishment. And my parents never whipped it out in a fit of rage. Well....almost never. I still have an excellent relationship with my parents and I do believe they taught my siblings and I right from wrong.

However...

I will never, ever use a spoon, belt, stick or anything to hit my children. I'm not against spanking but I think an open palm on a clothed bum is more than enough. Even then, the goal is not to make it hurt because a child will grow a tolerance to that and soon you have to hit harder and harder and it's just a slippery slope. If anything, I see it in the same light as how some horse trainers use a whip. They don't try to hurt the horse but use the touch as a guide. Like cause and causation. "I do this and then I get a non-fun pat." Even then I'm hesitant to use it and I do think it stops working once you are able to reason with a child. I know as I got older my spankings made me feel resentful more than anything. It's the one area I don't appreciate how my parents raised me.

 

[griffinh]

We had a plastic spoon on the palm as the furthest resort and depending on what we did (ie, when my brother threw the other down the stairslol) xxx

 

[Divinebeauty]

I only have ever used my hand- I guess I should add that.

 

[griffinh]

Fair enough

I don't like to judge any other parents, cos its really what works for them. For example, if very necessary I will tap a hand or bum, but thats my choice, just like it is not to breastfeed/cosleep/babywear

Doesnt make us bad parents (well, if you use clubs and spiky bats, yes it would)

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Ooh a spikey bat - I've got to get me one of those!

 

[griffinh]

lol as long as its for husbands not babies its all good

 

[JASMAK]

People who agree with spanking will read the article with rose coloured glasses because they don't want to see the truth. I don't agree with spanking AND I agree with the article...of course, it *could* just be Canadians...and I am a Canadian.

 

[whit.]

People who agree with spanking will read the article with rose coloured glasses because they don't want to see the truth. I don't agree with spanking AND I agree with the article...of course, it *could* just be Canadians...and I am a Canadian.

I don't think that's true. I don't agree or disagree with spanking and I read the article with my clear glasses & don't necessarily agree with it. You can find studies on anything on the internet. You should have read the link I posted about a study done that it depends on the age.

Not every disciplinary action is going to work on every kid the same way, obviously.

 

[MrsPOP]

I dont believe in spanking...but as Natsku said, Ive changed my mind on a lot of things since I became a parent so who the effin' hell knows what I will do?

I wasnt spanked and I turned out ok but Im sure if I had been, I'd turn out ok. People turn out the way they do for a whole load of reasons. Spanking isnt the be-all and end-all of how a person will be.

 

[Bentley.]

I don't agree with that statement, I do not believe in hurting a child, but I was spanked as a kid, as were my 3 sisters, and I don't feel bad about my parents for it. It was always after we wouldn't listen to my parents several times, and we'd get one swift slap on the bum over the pants, and I don't feel bad about it now. I'd only ever do it to my son the same way my parents did it to me. It made me feel like "oh i guess they really didn't want me to do that."
I think there are fine lines, and spanking to hurt a child is crossing it. I'd much rather give a pat on the bum when my son is misbehaving then let him walk all over me and act like a complete brat like some parents do

 

[JASMAK]

I find it sad that people who do believe in spanking, often think that those who aren't spanked aren't disciplined and walk all over their parents. It's such a shame that these people believe that spanking is the only way to discipline, and makes me wonder if they have even done any research into disciplinary measures before getting pregnant and instead just resort to how they were raised, even though research is pretty clear, it isn't the best way.

 

[Lauki]

I'm siding with Ozzie on this one. I will be going a complete different way with discipline and will never raise my hand. I know a lot of my parenting believes have changed, but I don't think hurting anyone physically for whatever reason is right.

I do not believe I can teach my child to respect other people if I do not respect her. And to me spanking someone, or being spanked feels disrespectful.

Not judging anyone, just trying to explain my point of view and why I chose not to ever spank my child.