Spanking kids can cause long-term harm

[Ozzieshunni]

Spunky, I was spanked as a child and I, too, fear disappointing my parents, even to this day. I felt guilty for getting a bad grade. I got two low grades in college because I was dealing with emotional abuse from a guy and I still thought I was going to get in trouble and I was 19!

 

[MizzDeeDee]

Lol he probably is hugging her to get out of the smack! Kids can be sneaky little buggers when it comes to getting out of trouble! (and I mean out of trouble in general, not just smacks)

And I don't know that's a bad thing. That means that he knows he did something wrong.. he knows he will get in trouble.. and he knows how to fix it.. problem solving.

And just to add- reading some of these posts- I don't think people realize what spanking is or how often it's done or why?


Most parents that spank don't just go straight to that. They use other tools first. Spanking is always a last resort. Most parents don't spank all the time either. Very seldom in fact. Most parents warn the children before they spank them and the child continues the behavior and THEN they get a spanking.Most parents DON'T spank angry.. they usually calm down first before they do it if they're angry. This is at least the experiences I have seen and grew up with.

 

[Divinebeauty]

I have an idea why don't we label the thread- spanking causes harm, only leave your opinion if you agree!


That would be better

Clearly anyone who agrees with spanking is the worst mom and their children are so afraid of them, and we are inflicting pain on our children and we should research that it causes such harm and so on...... like really.

 

[Spunky]

Spunky, I was spanked as a child and I, too, fear disappointing my parents, even to this day. I felt guilty for getting a bad grade. I got two low grades in college because I was dealing with emotional abuse from a guy and I still thought I was going to get in trouble and I was 19!

LOL! I totally agree with this! I was in college (Paying my own way) and would still tell them my grades and feel bad when they weren't good! When I was 18 and still living at home I would call to tell my mom I wouldn't be making dinner. She would tell me I'm an adult and I don't have to call and check in. BUT because I respected them and didn't want to disappoint them I would do my best to make sure I was making decisions and doing things so that they would be proud of me. I still take to heart when they now look disappointed in me.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I don't think anyone has called anyone a bad parent. We have differing opinions and people are asking questions and debating.

 

[Divinebeauty]

Lol he probably is hugging her to get out of the smack! Kids can be sneaky little buggers when it comes to getting out of trouble! (and I mean out of trouble in general, not just smacks)

And I don't know that's a bad thing. That means that he knows he did something wrong.. he knows he will get in trouble.. and he knows how to fix it.. problem solving.

And just to add- reading some of these posts- I don't think people realize what spanking is or how often it's done or why?


Most parents that spank don't just go straight to that. They use other tools first. Spanking is always a last resort. Most parents don't spank all the time either. Very seldom in fact. Most parents warn the children before they spank them and the child continues the behavior and THEN they get a spanking.Most parents DON'T spank angry.. they usually calm down first before they do it if they're angry. This is at least the experiences I have seen and grew up with.

I am one of those 'most parents'

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I dont think that means they're fearful, just that they'd like to avoid it. My sisters kids like to to the limit, but not beyond. If they get a raised hand or threat of being grounded etc they're beaming smiles and full of charm - and off on their merry way. No longer misbehaving and no longer in trouble.

or maybe it's just the kids in my family that can turn on a dime to get be I in the good books

 

[Spunky]

Most parents that spank don't just go straight to that. They use other tools first. Spanking is always a last resort. Most parents don't spank all the time either. Very seldom in fact. Most parents warn the children before they spank them and the child continues the behavior and THEN they get a spanking.Most parents DON'T spank angry.. they usually calm down first before they do it if they're angry. This is at least the experiences I have seen and grew up with.

I agree with this because of my experience with being spanked.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I'm also one of the parents that smacks (on the hand) as a last resort.

 

[JASMAK]

I find it sad that people who do believe in spanking, often think that those who aren't spanked aren't disciplined and walk all over their parents. It's such a shame that these people believe that spanking is the only way to discipline, and makes me wonder if they have even done any research into disciplinary measures before getting pregnant and instead just resort to how they were raised, even though research is pretty clear, it isn't the best way.

I have tried other disciplinary measures before 'spanking' my child. and I was not saying that every child that is not spanked walks all over their parents. For me if I did not spank my son when I did, then yes he would be a spoiled little brat. That is his personality, words were not enough, as Ive said previously!

In my opinion.I don't think you need to research disciplinary measures before you get pregnant, not every child is the same. I have 2 and they are complete opposite of each other, so how would researching disciplinary measures help at all? You don't even know your child's personality will be before you get pregnant....

I don't think I was personally quoting you, but for me, yes...I do think it's important to discuss parenting styles before getting pregnant, and here's wy:
1) you are on the same page as your hubby BEFORE you have children. If my hubby was for spanking, and I was not, we'd have some serious issues...and the last thing a child needs to see is a parent team not united. Luckily, hubby and I have the same views as far as discipline.
2) you are not caught off guard when bad behaviour occurs. You have a form of discipline you agree with, ethically, and you know the way it is carried out. When your child does misbehave, there is no wondering how to handle it, or what to do and then out of lack of knowledge, maybe go in a direction that you never intended.

I think discussing parenting styles is important before having children...and it was recommended to me by a marriage counsellor before hubby and i even got married.


Also, question for those who spank...some say other discipline doesn't work on their child...so what do you do when the spankings don't work, say, when they are teenagers? Then what?

 

[Lil_Pixie]

And indont think it's a bad thing. The child isn't misbehaving anymore. That's the plan!

 

[Divinebeauty]

I don't think I was personally quoting you, but for me, yes...I do think it's important to discuss parenting styles before getting pregnant, and here's wy:
1) you are on the same page as your hubby BEFORE you have children. If my hubby was for spanking, and I was not, we'd have some serious issues...and the last thing a child needs to see is a parent team not united. Luckily, hubby and I have the same views as far as discipline.
2) you are not caught off guard when bad behaviour occurs. You have a form of discipline you agree with, ethically, and you not the way it is carried out. When your child does misbehave, there is no wondering how to handle it, or what to do and then out of lack of knowledge, maybe go in a direction that you never intended.

I think discussing parenting styles is important before having children...and it was recommended to me by a marriage counsellor before hubby and i even got married.


Also, question for those who spank...some say other discipline doesn't work on their child...so what do you do when the spankings don't work? Then what?

Okay, so I get what you are saying, however talking about disciplinary actions for our childs personality- would not be possible.

When I talked to my husband about behaviours and such .. just randomly before our son.. I said in general I would never spank im not for it.. i wont do it .. end of story. I will redirect.. that is exactly what i said!

Obviousely things have changed, and that was solely because of the personality of my child... he is a testing guy.. and so I had to do what I had to do .. anyways

I personally have never had to go past spanking... there has never been a need after a spanking.. he knows .. time to respect , she means business!

 

[pinklightbulb]

Well, when they are teenagers I would hope they have a sense of personal responsibility regarding their actions, or I have failed in any method of teaching them how to be decent people By that age they mostly know right from wrong and can be effectively reasoned with. Different entirely IMO.

 

[Natsku]

If they're still misbehaving when teenagers, you didn't spank them enough!

 

[MizzDeeDee]

I find it sad that people who do believe in spanking, often think that those who aren't spanked aren't disciplined and walk all over their parents. It's such a shame that these people believe that spanking is the only way to discipline, and makes me wonder if they have even done any research into disciplinary measures before getting pregnant and instead just resort to how they were raised, even though research is pretty clear, it isn't the best way.

I have tried other disciplinary measures before 'spanking' my child. and I was not saying that every child that is not spanked walks all over their parents. For me if I did not spank my son when I did, then yes he would be a spoiled little brat. That is his personality, words were not enough, as Ive said previously!

In my opinion.I don't think you need to research disciplinary measures before you get pregnant, not every child is the same. I have 2 and they are complete opposite of each other, so how would researching disciplinary measures help at all? You don't even know your child's personality will be before you get pregnant....

I don't think I was personally quoting you, but for me, yes...I do think it's important to discuss parenting styles before getting pregnant, and here's wy:
1) you are on the same page as your hubby BEFORE you have children. If my hubby was for spanking, and I was not, we'd have some serious issues...and the last thing a child needs to see is a parent team not united. Luckily, hubby and I have the same views as far as discipline.
2) you are not caught off guard when bad behaviour occurs. You have a form of discipline you agree with, ethically, and you know the way it is carried out. When your child does misbehave, there is no wondering how to handle it, or what to do and then out of lack of knowledge, maybe go in a direction that you never intended.

I think discussing parenting styles is important before having children...and it was recommended to me by a marriage counsellor before hubby and i even got married.


Also, question for those who spank...some say other discipline doesn't work on their child...so what do you do when the spankings don't work, say, when they are teenagers? Then what?

You've already seen how this works by Spunky and Ozzie, who even though she doesn't spank was spanked. The hope is that once a child becomes a teenager that they've had morals, respect, and disipline instilled in them so they'll only go but so far. If you equip them with values hopefully that will shine through as they grow.

I would imagine it would be the same with a non-spanker when their kids are teens as well. You have to cross your fingers that what values you instill in them takes plant.

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Actually I think I probably had my last smack at about 11 or 12. After that rules were debated sometimes I won, sometimes my mum did. But her word was law. I never answered back as a teenager. Not once

 

[JASMAK]

If they're still misbehaving when teenagers, you didn't spank them enough!

God I hope you are joking! That sounds sadistic!

 

[pinklightbulb]

Yes, she is lol.

 

[Divinebeauty]

she most definitely is. Shes trying to lighten the mood im sure!

 

[JASMAK]

OK...whew!!! LOL