Spanking kids can cause long-term harm

[MizzDeeDee]

I was spanked.. and when I was growing up pretty much everyone was.. and I don't know one person who has Anti-social Behavior Disorder. Not one.


I'm sure that the people who were spanked really appreciate you saying that.


Is that your professional opinion?

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I don't think hitting a child equates respect. I respect my husband and he does me. Doesn't mean we had to hit each other to get that respect.

 

[emyandpotato]

I meant you can't point out who has behavioural problems from specific parenting techniques, it's a combination. I did not say that it has that effect. It was sarcasm.

 

[tu123]

My own mother beat teh crap out of me and for little things. All it did was made me feel sad and lonely.

So i wont be doing it-but purely for personal reasons!

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I think there was a misunderstanding there. You get ASBOs from the police for bad behaviour, it's not a disorder x

 

[emyandpotato]

I know what an ASBO is I meant that smacking is just one tiny part of parenting unless it's taken to the extreme and probably doesn't make much difference. I'm gonna edit the post as it was worded badly.

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Lol I know you know what an ASBO is. But then Mizzdeedee said she didn't know anyone with a DISorder. I was just explaining its not an illness, it's a police thing

 

[MizzDeeDee]

I think there was a misunderstanding there. You get ASBOs from the police for bad behaviour, it's not a disorder x

There is a Anti Social Behavior Disorder.


ASBO- Which apparently is a criminal thing.... which still isn't nice btw- I had to put ASBO UK law to get the information.

Edit: It's basically being a criminal.. yes? An outcast of society?

 

[Divinebeauty]

I find it sad that people who do believe in spanking, often think that those who aren't spanked aren't disciplined and walk all over their parents. It's such a shame that these people believe that spanking is the only way to discipline, and makes me wonder if they have even done any research into disciplinary measures before getting pregnant and instead just resort to how they were raised, even though research is pretty clear, it isn't the best way.

I have tried other disciplinary measures before 'spanking' my child. and I was not saying that every child that is not spanked walks all over their parents. For me if I did not spank my son when I did, then yes he would be a spoiled little brat. That is his personality, words were not enough, as Ive said previously!

In my opinion.I don't think you need to research disciplinary measures before you get pregnant, not every child is the same. I have 2 and they are complete opposite of each other, so how would researching disciplinary measures help at all? You don't even know your child's personality will be before you get pregnant....

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Erm, I'd say round here it's mostly for bad neighbours who pick fights and things like that. Not terrible criminals, but people who make life difficult for other people in the community.

I don't know anything about there being a disorder one way or the other. That just wasn't what she was talking about.

I thought her Point was just because you had a smack as a kid doesn't mean you'll grow up to be a devient. I might be wrong, that was just how I read it.

 

[Divinebeauty]

I just wanted to add. I dont spank my children, because I was... that would be rediculous. I have said it time and time again that I spanked my child because NO OTHER disciplinary action was working.

Respect is respect and sometimes it doesn't come easy to some children.....

Anyways yes I spanked my kid.. now you all can think im the worst horrible mother on the entire planet.-

 

[pinklightbulb]

Looks like I better start squaring up my sons' future appointments with a good psychiatrist now Oh dear.
Anyway, I agree with previous posts (can't think who, just woke up here) that said my child reacts out of knowing I am DEAD SERIOUS, not because he is afraid. I rarely smack-- only if he is doing something dangerous and is not listening/keeps returning to the place I am removing him from where there is potential harm. The times I have done it, he has never done whatever action again. He will come running and hug me now and say sorry-- while smiling, not howling or crying-- if I raise my hand, and I will then explain to him that I am glad he understood I would much rather cuddle than smack, and we both go on our way lol-- tell me that is fear? I would say he understands he doesn't want a smack and knows I don't want to give one. Given that he is smiling I can't see any fear anyway...

 

[MizzDeeDee]

I just wanted to add. I dont spank my children, because I was... that would be rediculous. I have said it time and time again that I spanked my child because NO OTHER disciplinary action was working.

Respect is respect and sometimes it doesn't come easy to some children.....

Anyways yes I spanked my kid.. now you all can think im the worst horrible mother on the entire planet.-

If you are then so are my parents.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

But are they hugging you because they know it will prevent a spanking?

 

[MizzDeeDee]

But are they hugging you because they know it will prevent a spanking?

Or is he hugging her because he is generally sorry? Or maybe because he realizes.. as I notice most kids don't these days, that there are consequences for his actions?


Does it really matter why he is hugging so long as it curbs poor behavior?

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Lol he probably is hugging her to get out of the smack! Kids can be sneaky little buggers when it comes to getting out of trouble! (and I mean out of trouble in general, not just smacks)

 

[babyhopes2010]

i think spanking has its place although i was rarely spanked when i was i knew that was enough,and if i need to do it when lo is older i will

 

[Spunky]

My 2 cents:

I was spanked maybe 2-4 times as a child. I did not fear my parents, but I did fear disappointment and ANY consequence (taking away tv, internet, going out with friends, and yes, spanking). I was never hit with a belt or the face, I was spanked a limited amount of times with an open hand. I felt that the few times I was spanked I deserved it (I thought so at the time too even though I didn't like it! I must have been old enough to know why and right and wrong).

That being said I don't know if I will spank my son. I think it will depend on the situation and him. If a time out will be good enough for him then I will do that first. At this point he is 8 months old and has not done anything yet that deserves discipline, so I can't say definitely on what I will do when he's older.

On a side note I know some parents that wont spank but will yell and scream and cuss at their kids. I didn't like being at their house. That would have caused so much fear and anxiety in me. I would rather spank James a few times in his childhood than be a screamer or a yeller. I believe that verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical.


I hope everyone just does what they can live with themselves and does things in the best interest of their child.

 

[pinklightbulb]

He is hugging me because he's sorry, he does it when I use other methods of discipline too lol, forgot to add that. If he clicks on and sees me getting genuinely frustrated, in most circumstances he is sorry and will come and hug me and he gets the same talk- 'This is much nicer isn't it, Mum would much rather snuggle you than take toys off you/walk away/yell/put you in your room/smack. Please behave for me now mate. It's much nicer when I see you are listening to me'.

 

[Divinebeauty]

what?! You think a child will hug to get out of a smack? That is very strange and that would mean the child is fearful of that smack.

Hug is for affection, maybe the child is truly sorry that he disrespected his mother, and you know what , this is a good thing, it means your disciplinary measures are working and your child is learning the meaning of respect.

When other kids are being disrespectful I love how my son will mention to then you are 'disrespecting' means ive taught him respect and that is a BIG accomplishment for a parent!