step parents support thread

[cowboys angel]

Everybody, we need prayers, positive thoughts, whatever it is you believe in. My step daughter is in imminent danger, trying to get enough people calling into CPS to get her out of there. I didn't recognize the name given to us as her mom's new boyfriend...because as a little kid I didn't know his last name. Now I know who it is. We need to get her out of there ASAP.

Oh god! What are the police / CPS saying?!

Can you and your OH not just go and get her? She is his daughter at the end of the day.

No we can't. We have split custody, but her mom has physical custody (which means she lives with her). We could go to jail if we just go and take her.

So now, we're just bombarding CPS with calls. Our friend Jessica called, I called, our friend Keely is calling tomorrow, one of Evie's old babysitters is going to call today or tomorrow, and another neighbor said the would call.

*sigh*

This is bullshit. Her mom makes a false claim against us, and we have CPS and police crawling up our asses for weeks. We make a serious call, and they're dragging their feet and not doing anything. Meanwhile, SD could be abused or raped at any point in time.

Our greatest hope right now (as bad as it sounds) is that her boyfriend refuses to let her bring us Evie. Then we can go to the courts tomorrow and get her arrested. She'll spend 90 days in jail, then we can file to have custody changed.

 

[tallybee]

Oh my gosh cowboys angel that's awful

I hope that the CPS get their act together and do something, that poor girl cannot be put in danger! Hopefully the fact that other people are calling them to voice concerns, as well as you guys doing so, will make a difference. Thinking of you all x

On our side, DH spoke to his sons on the phone yesterday evening and had a long chat about how they need a system for visits... it's never fair that this has to be done through the kids but if the mother will not communicate and changed her phone number so that DH couldn't even try to speak to her, there is no choice but to call the 14-year-old's mobile The whole situation saddens and frustrates me no end but at least DH is being more pro-active... he seems to be taking on board what I told him about it not being the boys' responsibility and that she will be feeding them crap and giving them grief for wanting to know their dad so he has to stand up and sort it. He would never admit that the 'nagging' I have done was completely necessary and all, but I don't care. I don't do it for thanks, I do it because I won't stand by and see their relationship with their dad fizzle out to nothing because of her being obstructive and poisonous and DH not knowing how to take some control back and act!

xx

 

[cowboys angel]

bahaha so...my FIL is going over to CPS and raising hell here when they reopen after lunch. My poor MIL might need to bail him out of jail later. *shakes head* Is it bad that I'm extremely amused by this? (Not a fan of my FIL at all, but maybe something will actually happen because of it).

 

[TheNewMrs]

Girls we were back in court Jan 3rd.
The mother made so many lies and the judge believe every bloody one of them & didnt even give hubby a chance to defend himself. Here we are now and havent seen SS since Dec. Hubby will need to apply to a Circuit court if he wants to appeal the judges decision which is going to cost 5-7K in Euros. Which we simply have not got.

Hubby wants to take out a loan. Now even if it does get to court, there is no telling what kind of lies she'll make up again.

I really feel like I cant take any more. I know its his child, I know he means the world to him, I know I should support him every step of the way but this woman will not quit! I feel as though even if we do get access again, its only a matter of time before she makes up more lies and stops hubby seeing him again...

Oh I just needed a vent.

 

[Lownthwaite]

bahaha so...my FIL is going over to CPS and raising hell here when they reopen after lunch. My poor MIL might need to bail him out of jail later. *shakes head* Is it bad that I'm extremely amused by this? (Not a fan of my FIL at all, but maybe something will actually happen because of it).

What happened with your FIL? Good news I hope.

 

[cowboys angel]

Haven't heard anything lol...just sent my hubby a text asking if he's head from his dad lol.

TheNewMrs - I totally relate with what you're saying/feeling right now. I'm sorry you're having so much trouble!

 

[cowboys angel]

Hubby texted me back: "Just got off phone with dad, will call you on my break to tell you what happened."

 

[Lownthwaite]

Hubby texted me back: "Just got off phone with dad, will call you on my break to tell you what happened."

Keep us posted

 

[tallybee]

Sorry things are so frustrating TheNewMrs. I am not surprised you have had enough. It's not pleasant getting into personal debt because of the crap an ex puts out, that is from personal experience... of course your husband wants to do anything he can, but where would it end

Cowboys angel I have everything crossed that there is something positive to report

 

[cowboys angel]

Sounds like my FIL convinced CPS to go look at SD's mom's house... I dunno for sure though.

We decided to give up on CPS doing what they're supposed to do, we are simply going to take her mom to court and try to take custody. If we can't get custody, we're going to petition to have our visitation increased so she's with us more of the time. Basically our goal right now is to piss her mom off enough that she just leaves.

 

[cowboys angel]

My husband and my FIL went back to CPS this morning. Evie's mom took her out of school yesterday very early, did not treat her lice, sent her here with it, and it took us 12 hours to get it all out. CPS is not impressed at all. Then they were told that there is an ongoing investigation going of the living conditions and the new boyfriend. Apparently they have had multiple phone calls about living conditions and concerns, and also a lot of concern and complaints about the new boyfriend.

No idea where those came from. >_> <_<

Okay so maybe we asked a lot of people to call in lol.

 

[NewMummyx]

Xpensivtaste - congrats on your new addition, I feel I could have written your post myself!

Tallybee - Im glad you are making some progress with the kids at least

Stepmummy - I think we all have our harder days

cowboysangel - I really hope your little SD is not in the hands of a monster, please keep us posted!

Couldnt face going to PILs to see them and SD so OH to LO on his own. Last week she was an utter madam and as I can say nothing about her behaviour I am honeslty getting to the stage I dont want to be involved as bad as it must sound.
She threw a tantrum every 5 minutes, stood OVER THE TOP of LO when he was trying to crawl to sit on him (couldnt hold my tongue, told her to move now!) and kicked my OH and her grandad as hard as she could during her tantrums. NO ONE sees this as an issue! She started going onto her dad (OH) how her mums boyf is older, skinnier, this and that being quite snide tbh and is still making up her lies, or "storys" as PILs call them.
I really feel she is going to say something which will get someone in trouble with the police one day, she told her mum her grandad locked her on her room with a chair against the door so she couldnt get out! He didnt and would never.
I despair. . .

 

[cowboys angel]

Random post non-related to my SD:

Does any of you sometimes feel like your spouse is still living in the past when it comes to your relationship? Like reactions or whatever? Today I told my husband he needs to try to let go of his ex and remember he's married to me, I don't mean things the way she did. We had a good chat, and he said yes, he has a little trouble letting go of the past but he's working on it. Just wondering if you guys experience this?

 

[NewMummyx]

Random post non-related to my SD:

Does any of you sometimes feel like your spouse is still living in the past when it comes to your relationship? Like reactions or whatever? Today I told my husband he needs to try to let go of his ex and remember he's married to me, I don't mean things the way she did. We had a good chat, and he said yes, he has a little trouble letting go of the past but he's working on it. Just wondering if you guys experience this?

yes and I can get quite annoyed over it tbh. OH kept comparing things in my pregnancy to his exs till I went ballistic (hormones!) and learned to keep it to himself.. for a while

 

[cowboys angel]

Random post non-related to my SD:

Does any of you sometimes feel like your spouse is still living in the past when it comes to your relationship? Like reactions or whatever? Today I told my husband he needs to try to let go of his ex and remember he's married to me, I don't mean things the way she did. We had a good chat, and he said yes, he has a little trouble letting go of the past but he's working on it. Just wondering if you guys experience this?

yes and I can get quite annoyed over it tbh. OH kept comparing things in my pregnancy to his exs till I went ballistic (hormones!) and learned to keep it to himself.. for a while

Yeah, we ended up in a fight cuz I did something that both of his ex's did...but I meant it way differently. We been together almost 3 years... I finally blew up at him, he apologized, said he's still trying to unlearn learned behaviors. He felt really bad and I know he doesn't do it on purpose, but grrrr

 

[tallybee]

Random post non-related to my SD:

Does any of you sometimes feel like your spouse is still living in the past when it comes to your relationship? Like reactions or whatever? Today I told my husband he needs to try to let go of his ex and remember he's married to me, I don't mean things the way she did. We had a good chat, and he said yes, he has a little trouble letting go of the past but he's working on it. Just wondering if you guys experience this?

yes and I can get quite annoyed over it tbh. OH kept comparing things in my pregnancy to his exs till I went ballistic (hormones!) and learned to keep it to himself.. for a while

Yeah, we ended up in a fight cuz I did something that both of his ex's did...but I meant it way differently. We been together almost 3 years... I finally blew up at him, he apologized, said he's still trying to unlearn learned behaviors. He felt really bad and I know he doesn't do it on purpose, but grrrr

Yes, completely!

He's not as bad as he used to be, we've been together very nearly 3 years now and it took a long time... he still does 'slip up' on occasion

It's exactly how you say cowboys angel, little things he interprets as being 'like her' so insensitive!

NewMummy
I've not been preg with DH (we are TTC though), if he came out with comparisons between my and his ex's pregnancy I think I would smack him! WTF is going through blokes' heads sometimes honestly!!

 

[stepmummy]

Gah OI'm having a nightmare here. Any advice would be gratefulyl received. We have SD over two nights a week and it's trying to say the least.I am so knackered at the moment and really try hard while she's here but tbh by the time she goes home again I breathe a sigh of relief that I can just concentrate on DD and the pregnancy and getting as much rest as poss.

The problem is that DH has been pushing for more time with her. I totally appreciate this and understand why he wants to but I don't think I can cope with any more at this stage in my pregnancy. The child support we pay to her (frankly very lazy) mother is based on us having her for two nights so that's how it's been for ages.

She's a demanding child and very hard work, as much as I love her, and it's a small house. I value having calm time with DH at the weekends while he's off work and when she's here, we just don't seem to relax together because of one thing or another.

But how do I say no when he asks if she can stay an extra night tomorrow? I was looking forward to a calm Saturday afternoon/eve together. Maybe I'm being totally selfish. Please feel free to tell me if I am! It's a horribly awkward situation to be in when I don't know what's right and what's wrong

 

[NewMummyx]

Gah OI'm having a nightmare here. Any advice would be gratefulyl received. We have SD over two nights a week and it's trying to say the least.I am so knackered at the moment and really try hard while she's here but tbh by the time she goes home again I breathe a sigh of relief that I can just concentrate on DD and the pregnancy and getting as much rest as poss.

The problem is that DH has been pushing for more time with her. I totally appreciate this and understand why he wants to but I don't think I can cope with any more at this stage in my pregnancy. The child support we pay to her (frankly very lazy) mother is based on us having her for two nights so that's how it's been for ages.

She's a demanding child and very hard work, as much as I love her, and it's a small house. I value having calm time with DH at the weekends while he's off work and when she's here, we just don't seem to relax together because of one thing or another.

But how do I say no when he asks if she can stay an extra night tomorrow? I was looking forward to a calm Saturday afternoon/eve together. Maybe I'm being totally selfish. Please feel free to tell me if I am! It's a horribly awkward situation to be in when I don't know what's right and what's wrong

i think you need to tell your husband how tired you are and stress the fact you need your rest hun. you are preggers and he needs to respect that

 

[tallybee]

Gah OI'm having a nightmare here. Any advice would be gratefulyl received. We have SD over two nights a week and it's trying to say the least.I am so knackered at the moment and really try hard while she's here but tbh by the time she goes home again I breathe a sigh of relief that I can just concentrate on DD and the pregnancy and getting as much rest as poss.

The problem is that DH has been pushing for more time with her. I totally appreciate this and understand why he wants to but I don't think I can cope with any more at this stage in my pregnancy. The child support we pay to her (frankly very lazy) mother is based on us having her for two nights so that's how it's been for ages.

She's a demanding child and very hard work, as much as I love her, and it's a small house. I value having calm time with DH at the weekends while he's off work and when she's here, we just don't seem to relax together because of one thing or another.

But how do I say no when he asks if she can stay an extra night tomorrow? I was looking forward to a calm Saturday afternoon/eve together. Maybe I'm being totally selfish. Please feel free to tell me if I am! It's a horribly awkward situation to be in when I don't know what's right and what's wrong

i think you need to tell your husband how tired you are and stress the fact you need your rest hun. you are preggers and he needs to respect that

Yea I think you need to talk to him without waiting till it comes up about whether she stays the extra night

Of course he wants to see his daughter as much as poss., but also needs to respect your needs too particularly that you're more tired than usual being pregnant!

If she's very demanding perhaps there are things to be addressed like that she must learn to share attention

 

[Inge]

havent been here for a while!
Having abit of a time of it tonight. SS put Leo on the stairs and then watched as he thumped down the stairs bashing his head into the stairgate. He just watched and didnt even pick him up when he started screaming Then OH just glared at me Every time we have SS we row and a few weeks ago we exploded and I told him id had enough and he packed to leave for his parents before I begged him to stay. I seriously dont know how il cope once we have this baby. Il basically be carrying 2 babies with me all the time hes here to keep them safe. If I leave them alone I hear a thud and Leo crying and SS laughing His mum said its normal and what kids do. Im not a violent person but Im so close to confronting her one day. OH just wont complain because hes scared of what BM will do (he wont declare him paying her money for SS so OH cant set up a formal agreement because she'll be in trouble for fraud from benefits, and she can say hes never paid and he'll have a 10 yr bill to pay)
Im dreading when they find out about the new baby as she caused so much trouble and early labout for me last time. Really dont know what to do about it all