Struggling with female factor infertility

[Christi85]

Thank you so much, everyone!

The weekend was a little rougher than I expected, but still not too bad in retrospect. Saturday I had some light cramping and very light brown bleeding, but it got worse later in the day. I woke up in the middle of the night Saturday with bad period-like cramping, although there was still no bleeding. I'd been taking Tylenol Extra every 6-8 hours and used a heating pad, both of which seemed to help some, though not 100%. Cramping continued on and off through Sunday, sometimes quite intense, and then I started period-like bleeding and passed a few small-ish clots. That seemed to ease the cramping and I've been feeling much better since. I'm still bleeding like a light period, but at least it's manageable and I have no cramping. Hope it continues like this from now on. The worst is supposed to be over within a week of the procedure and today is day 3, so getting there...

 

[Hatethewait85]

Sorry you had such a rough weekend. I too found that my bleeding worsened a day or two after my surgery but then tapered off. I bled/spotted for 8 days and haven't had any spotting since. I'm glad to hear things are slowing down too for you. Hope you are able to relax this week and recover from things.

 

[Christi85]

Sorry I disappeared again. Turns out, my first recovery week wasn't as rosy as I was hoping for.

First off, as I said, I had some heavier bleeding on Sunday night which got better by Monday morning, only to come back with a vengeance on Monday afternoon/evening. This was a bit of a surprise after going the first 2 days post op with just minimal pain and spotting/very light bleeding. In addition to that, I started getting pretty bad cramps, though nothing that couldn't pass with 2 Tylenol Extra. The bleeding has continued the same pretty much since then (like a moderate period with occasional jelly-like clotting - sorry for TMI!), although I did notice that it has started to get a bit darker, which I take as a good sign. I also had horrible cramping for 3-4 hours on Tuesday afternoon, which wouldn't go away with pain killers, heating pads or lying down. It would be very intense and at its worst, it would come and go every 5 minutes or so, much like labor contractions (though I can't say it was like that, since I've no experience with labor contractions, lol). The worst part lasted about 2 hours, though the whole experience with the intense cramping may have been around 4 hours, and then it slowly subsided over several hours, only to leave a 'tender' feeling by Tuesday night. Wednesday afternoon again I had some bad cramping, but it lasted much less and was much less intense than Tuesday. I switched to Advil to help with the inflammation and it did wonders for the pain, though I only took it for a day or so and then switched back to Tylenol, as Advil made me bleed somewhat more

I'm happy to report that I've had no severe pain for almost 48 hours now and that most of the day I'm completely pain free (except for an occasional 'bloated'/discomfort feeling down there), so I'm starting to hope that the worst is behind me pain-wise. Bleeding wise, not so much. As I said, it's still like a moderate period and I'm still going through 3-4 pads a day which has been quite frustrating. On Wednesday morning I rang the nurse at the clinic where I had my D&C and spoke to her for a good 10 minutes, mainly as I was terrified about the pain I had experienced the day before. Since I had no fever, signs of infection or excessive bleeding and the pain had subsided, she didn't seem too concerned. She just told me I probably over-exerted my body too soon and it complained (at its worst, I could even feel my cramping reflect on my legs, lower back etc.). So her advice was to rest as much as possible, take it very easy, and take pain meds and use a heating pad as needed. Luckily, the pain has gotten better. Last night I started freaking out about the bleeding not getting less (or turning to brown), so I rang the clinic again this morning and spoke to the nurse again. The doctor who did my procedure a week ago is in on Fridays, so she offered to have me go in to get checked for my peace of mind. So I went in this morning, the doc gave me an internal ultrasound and it all looked good. She actually saw some of my blood when removing the wand (sorry for TMI again) and she said it's darker red, so it's slowly getting to be old blood, meaning I'm healing fine. The uterus was empty, no retained tissue (phew!) and based on what she was able to see lining-wise, she didn't think I'd be bleeding for any more than 1-2 more weeks max. She said they sometimes do an aspiration procedure to relieve bleeding from any remaining blood, but since I didn't seem to have all that much in there and all looked normal, her advice to me was to just wait it out. She also said, based on my lining which is starting to build up again, my pregnancy hormones should be close to dropping completely now and that I should be starting a new cycle soon.

I have a follow up with my regular OB/GYN a week from today, so I'm also going to see what he says and I will ask to have some blood drawn to check my hormone levels. The clinic doc also asked me what my future pregnancy plans were and I told her I wanted to wait 2-3 cycles before starting TTCing again, and she seemed to think that was perfect, as it would allow my body enough time to heal completely. So, hoping for better days from now on!!!
Have a great weekend everyone!!

 

[Mikihob]

Christi I am sorry you had to deal with such terrible pain. This won't be a consolation or anything, but when I was a teen and had my terrible PCOS periods that's exactly what it was like. I would always miss 3-5 days of school at the start due to the terrible cramping. I would bleed for 3-4 weeks and use I don't even know how many pads each day.

I can't imagine that being any harder- but it sure sounds like it was much harder for you. I wish that you never had to go through this and suffer so much. It's great that your body is healing well and that you are heading in the right direction. I am happy your doc is happy with your decision to wait 2-3 cycles to start. I am very glad you have doctors that take such good care of you. I hope the bleeding does die down and be completely gone within 1 week (it's better than 2 ). I am thinking of you and wishing you well.

 

[Hatethewait85]

Sorry to hear things got worse. But I am glad your doc was able to get you in and reassure you. Hope your weekend was pain free and you are nearing the end of the bleeding.

 

[Christi85]

Thanks ladies. Luckily I've been almost completely pain free for a few days now, so I hope the pain is now behind me
The bleeding isn't showing any signs of stopping though, it's still like a light-to-moderate period, some days lighter and some days a little heavier, although it is now darker red for the most part and I haven't been passing as many clots in the past 3 days.
My HCG levels are still high though At least high enough to be detected by a HPT. I took my first HPT post D&C this morning and it came back a clear positive. The pregnancy line was fainter than the test line, but it wasn't faint as such, if that makes sense. Somehow I thought HCG levels dropped very quickly - within days - of a D&C. Maybe not always. I may take another HPT in 2-3 days just to check again. If the pregnancy line is fainter next time, at least that will be a good sign.

I'm seeing my regular OB/GYN on Friday. He'll give me another u/s and I think I'll ask for a beta test as well. I'm concerned that there may be some missed retained tissue in there which is prolonging the bleeding and isn't allowing the HCG to drop completely, but on the other hand, wouldn't that show on u/s? The u/s I had on Friday at the clinic where I had my D&C showed that everything looked good and as it should, and the nurse told me that I also had an u/s done right after the D&C to make sure the uterus was empty (of course I was still under sedation, so I have no memory of that one), and that one looked good too. So I'm a little confused by it all. Maybe I'm just a worry wart...

I've also been wanting to book a trip to my home country sometime in late September/early October and I don't dare do anything yet, which is frustrating. I usually go once a year, but since I fell pregnant this summer I wasn't planning on taking such a long trip. Now that we lost the pregnancy I thought at least I could take the trip - definitely a break I need and something that would make me feel better. But I wanted to make sure I was on track to good healing before I went on to book anything, and now I'm very hesitant, since I don't feel like my healing is on a steady path as of yet. So I've been waiting and hoping. Very frustrating!

 

[Mikihob]

I am sorry that you still need to worry. I would be doing the same thing you are, I am a worrier by nature. I would assume that if the u/s showed everything was clear it should be. If your HCG doesn't start going down soon I would be they need to double check the double check.

I think a trip sounds wonderful. It is a great way for you to relax and take your mind of things. That sounds like a wonderful idea.

 

[Hatethewait85]

I'm a worrier too (you heard me stressing even after getting the mtx!!) so I totally get where you are coming from. I think it's a good idea to repeat the hpt before your appointment to see how it looks. I had the same plan as you before my post-op f/u, too - fortunately my hpt was negative then.

Don't know if you saw in my journal, but 3chords hcg is down to 6 but she's still getting decent lines on her hpts- hopefully your level is low even though you're getting a good line on those tests.

What has your acupuncturist said about the bleeding? I'm pretty sure they have certain points they can help start/stop bleeding.

Hopefully you get some reassurance on Friday so you feel able to make your appointment to visit family soon. That must be so hard to be so far away. I think a trip is more than deserved after the past couple of months.

 

[Christi85]

Wow, an hcg of 6 (practically negative, since below 5 is negative) and HPTs still show? I hope I'm the same.

I will take another HPT either tomorrow or Friday morning before my doc appointment. I do feel though that I may be finally taking a turn towards a more steady recovery. The bleeding is still there but it's now mostly brown since yesterday and lighter in quantity (I suppose you could call it spotting), which makes me hopeful that it may be gone completely in a few days. And I've had no pain whatsoever in days - I think Friday last week may have been the last time I took a painkiller, so... I also feel hopeful that my hcG is indeed going down, as I'm experiencing something very weird (if it wasn't a crappy situation, you could even say it's funny): I think I'm having reverse symptoms. Meaning, I've been having symptoms that I had through my short pregnancy in reverse order. For example, I was having nausea in the last 2 weeks before I had the D&C and that was the first symptom to go away within 2 days of the procedure. Then a couple days ago my boobs felt sore and tender, which I had at about 5 weeks along and then it eased off. Same with some weird itching that I had only had for a couple days after I got my BFP. And yesterday, I had crazy hot flashes, which I had only experienced on the day of my BFP and the day before that. They had gone away after that. So I've been wondering if I've been getting the same symptoms I'd been getting back then when the hcG reaches similar levels in my system, only then it was going up and now it's going down. Crazy huh?

I also have no idea when to expect AF and that makes me a little worried about my trip. I've read the first AF can be anything from super light to super heavy/clotty and possibly very crampy too, so I've been hoping that I'm still here when the first one comes, so that I don't have to worry about that during my trip (where I usually start to see friends and family immediately and do things). But I've read very conflicting accounts on when AF is supposed to come. Some people will say that the hcG needs to drop to <5 for a new cycle to start, so it's going to be about 4 weeks from the time hcG drops to negative. Others say that if it's anything under 30 you can still get AF as normal. Then some articles I found said that your hcG drops to negative when all the bleeding stops, so AF should be expected after about 3 weeks, but I've also read womens' experiences who only stayed bleeding-free for a week or two and then got their first AF, more or less 4 weeks from their D&C/miscarriage. Very confusing

HtW, I haven't been to my acupuncturist since before my D&C. I wanted to take that week and the week after off to regroup, and my intention was to go back this week. Since my recovery went a bit slower than I had anticipated, I decided to ditch this week as well, but I should be going back next week. Actually, I think I'd rather get all the remaining blood out now and not 'make' it stop, especially since the doc last Friday said that there wasn't all that much left. If it doesn't get out now, it will get out with my first AF, and I'd rather have a lighter than a heavier AF and less chances of scar tissue forming. Other than that, I had asked my acupuncturist about a fertility cleansing after we found out the pregnancy wasn't viable, and she had said she had something to give me, but I haven't seen her since. And I think that I should wait until I get an AF before I take anything again herb-wise. I may even skip this first cycle post D&C since the nurses have all told me that it may be weird and that I may not even ovulate, and start things again after the second AF which should be closer to normal.

Yes, I am looking forward to that trip! I can't wait to be able to book! Hopefully not too long now...

 

[Hatethewait85]

I'm glad things seem to be settling down finally. So strange that your symptoms are disappearing in reverse! But I suppose that makes sense. I didn't really get many symptoms even though my hcg got up over 10000 so I'm no help there.

I do think there is no way to prepare for your first AF like you say. I was expecting mine at least a week later than it came, but my body has bounced back better than it was before this pregnancy. I just hope it 'fixed' whatever is wrong with me so that this uphill journey is much quicker once I'm back in the game. I hope yours comes before you head on your trip. It will be much easier to handle at home. I was pretty emotional on day 1 of mine which I wasn't expecting either.

I don't blame you for not wanting to force the bleeding to stop. I think that acupuncture doesn't stop it before it's complete, just hurries up the process maybe? I don't really know. I definitely credit acupuncture to helping me heal and recover and feel grounded again so I really recommend it once you're feeling up to it again. I totally understand waiting to take any supplements, though.

Best of luck on Friday. Hoping everything checks out at your appointment. Update us on when you can.

 

[Christi85]

I'll definitely update after my doc appointment.
Took another HPT this morning. It gave me a faint positive, so I was happy about that (the faint, not the positive ) and I hope this means the HcG is going down. Of course it wasn't the best sample I could have had, as I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, so I took this test in the morning after maybe 3.5 hours of the last bathroom trip (though I had nothing to drink in between). I'm just wondering if the line came out faint because the sample was more diluted than say, after a full night of not using the bathroom (which was what my Monday sample was). Still, I'm hopeful that it's a confirmation that my hcG is going down as it should (and hopefully drop to negative within a few days from now).
We'll see what the doc says tomorrow, and I'll probably ask to have blood drawn to check my exact HcG levels, though this means I'll probably have to repeat the draw next week for comparison
I'm sick of seeing doctors, I can tell you that

 

[Mikihob]

I hope that you start seeing negative tests so you can avoid the blood draw. I hope the appointment goes well and you can move forward with your supplements and TTC in a couple of months. I hate getting my blood drawn. Especially over and over again.

 

[Christi85]

I hope that you start seeing negative tests so you can avoid the blood draw. I hope the appointment goes well and you can move forward with your supplements and TTC in a couple of months. I hate getting my blood drawn. Especially over and over again.

I hope so too. Normally I don't care about having blood drawn as much, but since I've been bleeding for several days now post D&C, I'm a little concerned about my iron levels, and the blood draws aren't going to help. I'm still taking my prenatal vitamins that have a lot of iron though, so hopefully that will help my iron levels stay at a decent level.

 

[Christi85]

Girls, I just need to vent. Just checked my email and my mother in law emailed hubby and I (and hubby's sister, who doesn't know about our recent ordeal) the news about a family friend's grandson who was born yesterday. The baby's dad is a childhood friend of my husband's who now lives in another state and my MIL is good friends with his parents. While we're definitely happy and thrilled for them all, I'm very pissed at my MIL. She knows our whole recent ordeal (and very few people know about it), she knows I'm still recovering from the D&C, I hope she understands how cr**py I still feel at times (it's still very recent after all), and yet she sends an email titled 'Exciting news from the (insert family name)!!!' together with a picture of the newborn and forwarding all the info the baby's grandma sent. Of course we want to know about it, of course we're happy for the couple and the whole family, but would it hurt to take it down a notch and just keep it more informational rather than this excited/celebratory? I guess what got to me was her overly excited tone when I'm struggling to get over what happened to us. I'm not the kind of person who shows their grief to other people (except hubby), so if you talked to me right now you probably wouldn't notice a big difference to how I am normally, but I would think that as a woman who is close to us and KNOWS all that happened, she would be able to understand that I'm still hurting inside, even if I don't want to burden other people with my pain?? It felt like a punch in the stomach to me. Maybe I'm over- sensitive, but what hurt the most was not the news (which we were expecting any day, anyway), but rather that it was delivered in a very inconsiderate way (in my opinion) from someone close to us who knows about our grief. Right now I'm VERY mad at her! Venting over!

 

[Mikihob]

I am the same way Chrisit. I can be very mad or upset or sad and no one would be able to notice (except DH). I agree that it was very inconsiderate of her to email in that way. She should have sent the excited email to your SIL and then sent an informational one with an attachment of all the extra stuff. That way, you could view it when you were ready. I think she wasn't thinking about your feelings and only thinking about how excited she was. Some people "get over" things quicker and expect everyone else to too. I am sorry that she did that to you. I would be mad too.

 

[Christi85]

I am the same way Chrisit. I can be very mad or upset or sad and no one would be able to notice (except DH). I agree that it was very inconsiderate of her to email in that way. She should have sent the excited email to your SIL and then sent an informational one with an attachment of all the extra stuff. That way, you could view it when you were ready. I think she wasn't thinking about your feelings and only thinking about how excited she was. Some people "get over" things quicker and expect everyone else to too. I am sorry that she did that to you. I would be mad too.

You are right. Unfortunately she can be like that. She doesn't quite think and goes with the first thing she feels spontaneously, without 'filtering'. She's hurt me like that several times.

What puzzles me with that woman is that she knows about pain. She's not someone who has lived her life sheltered from pain, so you would think that would have made her much more considerate to other people's pain. Her dad left them for another woman when she was a teenager and I know that hurt her a lot. Then she got married when she was a young adult right after college and her husband ended up dying of a heart attack a year into their marriage (luckily no kids from that marriage), so she became a widow at the age of just 23-24. And later on, when she met and married my FIL (hubby's dad), they were never quite right together, so they had a pretty love-less and passion-less marriage (and 2 kids to complete the picture ) for about 30 years, until my FIL rekindled a college romance and asked her for a divorce to be able to be with and marry his college sweetheart. In a way repeating what she had experienced with her own father years earlier. So this woman has had a pretty miserable personal/family life (despite the happiness of having 2 children and a successful career) and she's sure no stranger to pain. Which is why I don't get it when she shows such lack of consideration to other people's emotions

 

[SarahLou372]

Hi ladies can I join in please?

I don't want to barge in on your conversation

 

[Mikihob]

Usually people who have dealt with such hard, emotional blows are very considerate of the feelings of those around them. How odd, she wasn't. The things she has gone through is so hard. Especially, losing her husband so young and then having her second husband leave her for another woman. Yes, they may have had a love-less and passion-less marriage but 30 years, wow. Is she the type to internalize her pain? Maybe she just assumed you would too and not even read the email. Can you talk to her about it to ease your mind?

SarahLou welcome!!

 

[SarahLou372]

Hi there

I suffer PCOS and me and my OH are ttc out first baby

 

[Christi85]

SarahLou - of course feel free to join in! Looking at your signature, you've been TTC for 4 months and have PCOs? I'd say a pregnancy (well, a healthy viable one, that is) that comes in less than one year is awesome time, and one that comes within 2 years is still not too bad. I know PCOS can make things tricky though and Mikihob can sure tell you more about her own situation that's similar. But, even though you seem to have an obstacle in your TTC efforts, DON'T make the mistake of considering yourself 'infertile' as of yet with just 4 months under your belt. Having conceived for the first time after 16 cycles of TTC (sadly, only for it to turn out to be a missed miscarriage), I can tell you in retrospect that I still think the time it took us wasn't all that bad, except of course I wish it had been a viable pregnancy (so now hoping for another one that sticks and preferably one that comes sooner than last time). Anyway, welcome to the thread! Looking forward to hearing your story.

Mikihob - my MIL is totally one to internalize her pain. She doesn't share it with other people, but that still doesn't mean other people should be inconsiderate to her. I don't know what went through her mind, probably nothing much. She was probably just happy with the news and forwarded the email to all of us after adding her own 'touch'. Of course it's beyond me how a mother cannot be more sensitive to her children's emotional needs, but that's how she is I, on the other hand, don't internalize my pain as such. I will usually tell people I feel like cr**p if we're close enough, but I will usually suggest we change topics and talk about 'lighter' things, so as to avoid depressing conversations. So I appear to be feeling fine. Oh well... I may actually tell her, but it bothers me that I'd have to state the obvious: when a couple has just lost a pregnancy (however early on the baby stopped developing - it's still a very real loss to us!) and you know all about it, it's very inconsiderate and somewhat rude to send an email about another couple who just had a healthy baby in a celebratory tone!