Support Group failed IVF/ICSI IUI or any failed assisted conceptions 2014

[Lolly1985]

Hi Lou

Welcome back! Was wondering where you ahd gone and hoping yo were ok. Sorry to hear all your troubles, hope you are on the mend. Glad to hear you have pushed for some more answers, hope you get what you are looking for.

Hi Inky and Helen, how are you both getting on? All good I hope. Inky hope 2ww is treating you well (or as well as can be expected).

Sila, like I've said on the other thread congrats with your fab 8 cell embies!

I am getting my dates for cycle 2 on monday Finally feel like i'm getting there. Even though I know it'll likely be the end of march, at least with a date in mind I know what i'm working towards.

Love to you all!

Lolly xxxxxx

 

[Lou32]

I'm so excited for you both now! In fact, what are you still doing in the failed support group?! Lol You're back in the game!
Lolly - your cat is so cute! I have a lovely pussy cat called Freddie who's so soft he hasn't been out for two days because of the wind and rain. Honestly, I spoil my cat so much that I think I've made him that soft! I wonder what kind of child I'd bring up if I've done that to my cat!

Well my little sister went into labour today. It's been a really hard nine months, especially with the failed IVF happening while she was pregnant. Now she's gone into labour four days before we go for our appointment at Care. I sometimes think if there is a God, he must be having a right laugh at me! I am excited for her and I can't wait to meet her little one, but I just hope I won't be too far behind her as I don't think I can bear it any longer...We started TTC while she was planning her wedding and in that time she's got married and had a baby. Just doesn't seem fair.

Sila - two eight-cell embies is fab news. I hope you have a relaxing time being PUPO (as much as you can anyway!)
Hope everyong has a great weekend xxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Thanks Lou, my little Billy! We got him when I found out would have to wait 6 months between treatments. I felt like I needed something to love! He's great but yep, same as you, spoil him so much! I work with children and am so much tougher on them than Billy! DP often says if i'm like this with a cat what would I be like with a baby.... Yours sounds a cutie to, lovely fur babies!

Too true about the forum as well. Few of us have joined the 'ladies trying again in 2011' forum. Exciting to be trying again yet terrifying.

Pleeeeeeeeez let in be our year ladies!!

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh and also hope that your are coping ok with circumstances regarding your sister. Lovely to be an auntie but know the feeling that the only title that all of us really want is mummy. My SIL thinks she's pregnant. I wish her well (she has had 3 previous m/c), I hope its her time. Yet there is always that voice (the one that fills me with guilt), that says what if mine fails and I have to see her beautiful baby bump.... Then I try so hard to bring myself back to the here and now. Its a hard journey. I keep thinking that its got to work, there is no other option!!

 

[Inky2006]

Hello guys

By the way just to let you I am not in the two week wait yet. I am on a natural FET cycle. Today picked up LH surge and injected ovitrelle (HCG trigger) then tomorrow I start cyclogest suppositories. Then, this week I will have them back. I am abit nervous. I have a few hurdles to go through yet.

Lolly - Billy is georgous. I'm pleased youv'e getting info for next cycle Monday. Its good to feel that you can look forward again.

Lou - It must be really hard for you with your sister. I can really relate to that. My husbands cousin had a baby on my birthday back in November and we were only at her wedding in December 2009. I am happy for her but at the same time - like you I feel like someone up there is having a right laugh at me to. Having said that I am sure you are very happy for your sister.

Fur babies
It seems we are all cat lovers. If it wasn't for my fur babies I don't know if I would have coped so well. My cats are my babies, and like yours, they are all very spoilt. Funny, mine haven't been going out in this weather. Although they hardly ever go out. I wonder what ever happened to Rambo's hunter/killer instinct. Freddie and Billy sound very sweet.

As for other forums. I don't want to go on a cycle forum. What I mean is I don't want to compare with others. Its also disappointing when they get a BFP and you don't. So I stick to my journal and coming here. Anyway, take care.xxxxxx

 

[Lou32]

Inky - I totally understand about not wanting to go onto a forum where you're checking symtoms. When I went through the last icsi before Xmas I deliberately kept away from the computer all the way through injections, but then during the 2ww I couldn't resist a few posts, but I wasn't into comparing symptoms. Everyone's so different, it's impossible to compare anyway.
Well, I just went to visit my sister and little nephew in hospital this afternoon. I was actually dreading it and couldn't stop crying all morning, as I just didn't think I'd be able to handle being around my parents who are so happy and excited - feels like it should be me as I'm the oldest But it actually wasn't that bad. My sister was absolutely exhausted as she's gone three nights without sleep. She said it was so painful she couldn't even talk about it (he was 9lb!) I couldn't stop thinking about a poster I saw in our ivf clinic though that said the one thing that's more painful than having a baby is not having a baby...It always makes me cry when I think about it.
I am really happy for her and he's absolutely gorgeous, but that gaping hole in our life is just so painful. Anyway, on that cheery note, I'll leave you all before I have you all crying with me! Really have to snap out of this miserable mood!
x

 

[Lolly1985]

Lou I think you've done really well and should be proud of yourself. I hope your parents are too as I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Don't fight being down, its natural, and I hope it'll ease given some time. Big

Inky, sorry I must have gotten muddled with your FET. Wishing you well for your actual 2ww (nasty thing that it is!)

I am happy to talk on forums now but once treatment starts I have a feeling that I will clam up and hide away from these forums. I know how helpful people are but the comparisons are awful and last time I drove myself insane googling 1dp3dt 2dp3dt 3dp3dt etc etc, over and over again each day. I have vowed that I WILL NOT do that this time, and if I am to discuss the 2ww it will be on here in one of the 3 forums I look at and that's it!!!!!

Phew!!

Love to you all

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[LizzB]

Hi Everyone,
I've just spent the afternoon reading through this thread..... we found out 5 days ago that our first crack at IVF/ICSI didn't work.

I'm devastated and really surprised by my reaction. I'm usually a really strong and positive person, we were both convinced it would work (no point in not being) and we're completely flawed by our feelings.

I went to work the day we found out as normal and had a crap day, but then came home early and cried and cried. This has repeated itself virtually every day since. I feel so bad that i've had to take time off work today as i just can't pull myself out of it. The day after it was my birthday, so we went out to try to have fun. Didn't work, still felt miserable. It's hit the husband really hard too, we couldn't believe the test said NOT in front of the word pregnant.

We haven't told anyone what we've been going through either, so we have no one else to talk to.

We have our follow up appointment tomorrow at the clinic, so hopefully we should have some answers, but it appears that everything but the implantation was perfect; 17 eggs, 10 fertilized, 1 blasto went in and 3 blasto's frozen......this is way harder than i expected.

I would really like some advice on how I can pull myself out of this funk.

 

[Inky2006]

Hi Lizzi

First of all welcome. second of all sorry about the BFN.

I don't know whether this is advice, but just reassurance. Back last year I had my first ICSI (due to male factor) with a perfect 1 8 cell. I was pragmatic. Outwardly I said I thought it probably wouldn't work but secretly thought would and hoped. Your right, you have to remain optimistic. Otherwise, what would be the point.

I am also a strong person, but was thrown by the emotions that hit me when i had a BFN. I think all of us on here can relate. I remember my mum being very worried about me because just couldn't get myself out of it. I remember wandering around the supermarket and crying. I must of looked a real mess. It didn't help that everywhere I looked there were new borns. Give yourself some time. Like all of us, you will find the strenghth to carry on.

No one knows why implantation fails. Remember, the stats aren't 100% success. Sometimes despite all the conditions, it just fails. My husband always says that as humans we are badly designed, I think he is right.

In my case. I think i was slightly overstimmed, my consultant speculated that maybe I had raised oestrogen and this can have a negative impact on the receptiveness of the womb. It could of course be other factors, but I am throwing myself back into FET.

It could be a number of factors

Remember you still have your frosties, which is very positive. Hopefully once you have met with your FS you will feel better, because you will feel like you are moving forward.

Don't worry about work, it will be there tomorrow. Just take care of yourself and get yourself strong. It is quite natural to feel upset (I have had counselling so I should know.) Remember its all part of the bereavement process, and don't be mistaken, it is like a bereavement.x

Anyway, take care. If you want to talk, you know where we all arexxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[LizzB]

Hi Inky, Thanks for the advice, the weirdest thing is that you're ok one minute and then it completely throws you again, huh?

I managed to hold the tears in at the supermarket, but on the bus home from work i was dribbling away at the back - there are babies everywhere!

The annoying thing is I just can't set my mind to anything, I'm normally really organised and productive but the sad feelings are just underpinning everything - I really thought we'd have something really positive to focus on, but it's just the nothingness....

Anyhow, hopefully the appointment at the clinic tomorrow will make me feel better, I think there are so many people on these forums who have gone through much more, but it's hard. Especially as we haven't told anyone, i'm very lucky as my husband is amazing, but it does kind of feel like I want to shout at everyone else for not knowing!
Feels bonkers doesn't it!

x

 

[Inky2006]

The way you feel is completely understandable. Emotions hit you like waves. Anyway, hope the clinic appt goes okay. Let us all know how you get onxxx

 

[Helen76]

Hi Lizz,

I'm so sorry you have had to join us here. I think we all understand what you are going through and its still very early days for you so not surprisingly you are feeling raw.

That's good that you have your follow up appointment so soon. Our clinic normally makes you wait 6 weeks, although I got them down to 4 weeks the first time. The sad truth of the matter is that IVF doesn't work a lot of the time hence why they recommend you should have 3 attempts on the NHS. Our clinic said they weren't worried until it had failed 4 or 5 times, I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like! There are lots of success stories on this site though so don't give up!

Allow yourself time to grieve and get plenty of cuddles from your OH.

Thinking of you,
H xx

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi Lizz

Firstly welcome to the thread and secondly i’m so sorry you had to join. Everyone on here can totally empathise to the hurt that you are feeling. I know now that you feel like you will not get over it, but trust me, in time you will begin to. Talking will help. Have you considered counselling? Your hospital will provide it. At first I honestly didn’t think it was for me but was feeling so low I decided why not try it. It doesn’t change anything but I found unloading to a neutral party refreshing. I must say that it was a turning point. There are still many ups and down but these days I don’t wallow in my misery so much, although must say some days are easier than others. Only time will heal the hurt. Inky is right when she says that it is a grieving process. I personally think many would not think of it this way but you created something and built all the hopes around that and to find it taken away is crushing. Again like Inky I would not outwardly allow myself to be positive (like a defence mechanism I suppose) But I was secretly so hopeful. I didn’t make it to OTD, began bleeding early on and knew it was over before it began.

Please take some comfort that you have your frosties. That has got to be a positive that you take from this. Realistically it’s only your first try but I understand that right now you feel like it’s the end of the world. A girl on here told me when I was down to think of your first cycle as a trial run. She said to me that the first try is a certain amount of guessing as they get to know your body and how it ticks. The next try will be specifically tailored to your responses on the first try. I took some comfort in that.

Don’t be afraid to cry, its how we deal with the hurt and become strong again,

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I see you also have a fur baby, it seems we are all cat lovers on here!!

 

[LizzB]

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for all your thoughts it helps to know that you're not alone. I'm nervous this morning as i had the clinic appointment in a couple of hours - silly isn't it?! Hopefully we will find out where we go next and why, how etc. The sun is out and it does make you feel a bit more positive.

Going through this process it's just a series of anxious waits isn't it, you get over one and then there is another round the corner.
The clinic we are using (we're NHS funded, but it's a private clinic, we get 2 fresh and 2 frozen shots) are amazing, the nurses are really positive and the doctors are great too.
It must be mad when you actually manage to get pregnant - then you have another 9 months to wait. One step at a time.

Lolly - I have 3 fur babies, or monkey babies as I call them - funny how we all seem to be cat people!

Thanks again for your thoughts, hope you're all ok.

Liz x

 

[Inky2006]

Hi Lizz

Good luck with your appointment. You are right, you are completely not alone. It was funny whilst going for one of my scans last week, I couldn't help but notice how many patient's notes were piled up. Its an astounding ammount of people this infertility affects. Apparently 1 in 7 have difficulty having children, just annoying that we have to be that 1 in 7.

Sounds like you have picked a good clinic anyway. Your right, the weather is lovely. I live in kent and the sun is shining. I have even been out the front gardening this morning (or an excuse for it.) My little black cat 'Inky' came out to keep me company. She was absolutely loving the sunshine, rolling around on her back. Little flousy!!

By the way I also have 3 cats. I love dogs too, I hasten to add. I know that Helen has two dogs. Lolly has an adorable kitten, Lou also has a cat. Your cat is also beautiful (looking at the avatar.) So I guess you could say alot of us are animal lovers. I am however, abit cat mad. I have framed cat art, cat mugs, callenders, bags, ornaments and so on. Its just everyone buys me something cat related for birthdays and christmas. Have turned into the mad cat lady. Its funny because, up until a few years ago I was more broody about kittens than babies. even now, if anyone has a picture of their cat on their mobile phone, I positively swoon over it. if they showed me their baby, you wouldn't get the same response.

Anyway, enough of my maddness. You take care and keep coming back so we know how you got onxxxx

 

[LizzB]

Hi Ladies,

It's amazing the difference a day makes. I went for my follow up appointment today and feel so much better.
Our doctor said that we had such an excellent cycle that he was so disappointed that it didn't work out, he said we really should be optimistic about the future and that we would nail it. It's just the kind of reassurance I needed, he really seemed to care about it and after jumping through many NHS hoops to get this far and almost fighting doctors along the way, just someone being nice makes you feel there is hope.

Anyhow, the good news is we're getting back on the horse in March, day 21 of my cycle (should be around 25th) with a new fresh ICSI cycle. He's keeping my drugs/protocol the same, but slightly increasing my gonal F as it took a little longer last time for the folicles to grow.
It sounds utterly bonkers but i'm so happy that they said they'll put 2 back in as well. I'm sure twins are hell in the first couple of years, but i'd rather have baby hell than no baby - i'm sure you know what I mean.

I think we're really lucky with our clinic, so I have to be thankful for that massively.

Inky - your cat sounds gorgeous, I think we actually could be related - all my birthday cards had cats (or shoes) on last week, I have cat art too, in fact they run the house and we just happen to live here! They're all rescue cats too, so I spoil them far too much - just off to open the tuna......

Thanks for all your positive thoughts, I hope things are going ok for you all.

x

 

[Inky2006]

Oh Lizz, glad you feel better. Good that you can start so soonxx

 

[Helen76]

That's great that you are feeling better Lizz. Fingers crossed your visit to this thread is a short one

Yep as Inky says I have dogs not cats (although the rest of my family have cats). I'm also like Inky if I see a dog I go ga ga but less so with babies. Thankfully that's the case or people might suss that I'm TTC.

Was on a course today and the trainer was talking about the fact she had twin boys. She gave me a lift back to the train station and I was very casually trying to find out if it was IVF 'are they identical?', 'are there twins in the family?'. If it was IVF then she wasn't giving anything away!

Loving the new pic Inky, good luck for tomorrow!!!

H xx

 

[Lolly1985]

Your clinic sounds great Lizz! I'm really glad you are feeling so much better and can't believe you can try again so soon! You doc sounds lovely and just some kind words can really restore your faith!

Inky, I want to wish you all the very best for tomorrow. Good luck girl, I will be thinking of you and update only when you are good and ready.

Hi Helen, hope you are getting on ok. Any progress your tests or are you still waiting?

To let you ladies know I have found out that my second fresh cycle starts 28th Feb, can't believe its finally here. So excited yet terrified!!!

Right on the sunject of mad animals better go and get my Billy out of the garage... threw him in there for a little explore to get him out of the way of my mopping. Plus he kept trying to wee in the plant in my kitchen!!!

Lolly xxxxxxxxx

 

[alocin55]

Hi ladies, i am new to this. We have been visiting the hospital for the last how many months to begin treatment but we can't due to a number of different things such as not enough follicles etc. The most recent is due to cysts on my ovaries which resulted in me having am MRI which was an ordeal in itself. Anyway, been treated for the cysts with injections for last three months, which haven't even worked. I just want to begin my cycle, has anyone else suffered anything like this? To make matters worse, i am suffering a lot of emotional problems which is having an impact on my marriage - does anyone know what i can do? Is there anyone to talk to?