Support Group failed IVF/ICSI IUI or any failed assisted conceptions 2014

[SarahAK]

Hello ladies,

I'm new to this forum. I'd start by saying I'm sorry for those who have gotten their BFN's , we should never lose hope. I just read in another forum something a very brave lady said that each BFN she gets makes her think she's a month closer to her BFP. I loved her frame of mind and promised myself this is how I will think from now on.

Congratulations to those who are hopeful and got their BFP's!

My second IUI cycle is going to start today, with Menogon injections for ovarian stimulation. I had 6 follicles the last time and I have no idea what went wrong, did none of them get fertilised, or did none of them implant. Everything seemed perfect.. I'm very nervous this time around. My ovaries aren't very strong and my egg reserve isn't all that good either. Let's see what luck has in store for me..

Lots of baby dust, good wishes and prayers for everyone!

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi my lovely ladies.

Well sadly it was a bfn from me. Have started the horrible AF now (just to add insult to injury). I was very upset Saturday night, which is strange because deep down I always knew. I think it was the false hope it had given me. I didn’t imagine the cramps and the fact the bleeding stayed away so long. Horrible progesterone!! So adoption is now our dream and I guess it was always meant to be this way.

So we are going to adopt and are going to an information evening a week Thursday. We are both excited, and kinda wanna get things moving asap. Don’t think that’ll be possible though and there needs to be a ‘grieving period’ in between failed treatment and starting the process so more waiting! But means we can hopefully have a great Christmas, take time together and then start the process next year sometime. So a long road ahead but I am excited, and always knew deep down that this was the path we would end up taking. We are thinking maybe to adopt overseas so we get a younger child. It costs then as you pay for translating documents, legal fees etc, but our families have said they will help us. Lots to think about but a positive step as at least we know there is a definite plan, and not a lot of maybes. We also are going to get married. It’s not the huge romance but it makes sense in every way. Love, a commitment, people can see we are a stable unit and I think it can mean more when going down this route. Maybe it’s wrong to get married as it makes ‘sense’ but we were always going to, it just makes the reasons even more valid. We thought we would ask for money as a wedding present to help us complete our family – pull at a few heart strings, we’ll make a fortune!!!

I know that I will no doubt be sad again, it’s all still sinking in. But I will be a mum, its just not the ‘normal’ way. But then none of this is normal. And as long as I can hold a child in my arms I know I will be fine. Whether its biologically mine or not isn’t a huge thing to me to be honest. I have looked after so many children over the years and have created amazing bonds. And these were children I saw a few times a week. This would be always as they will be our baby, and I know it will be just fine. I think the worst bit is the time as I am so impatient!! But I guess I am only 26, I just feel a lot older and I have been through a lot at a younger ages with all of this TTC. I know by 30, I will have a child, and hopefully a lot before then. DP is happy too which is a massive relief. He said now we know a massive weight has been lifted and he can just enjoy us again and stop worrying about treatment, health, appointments, side effects, heartache. Obviously the appointments side will start again but this is something definite, so somehow is different.

I want to thank you ladies for all your amazing support through my journey. You have been amazing.

Lou, I need to to prove that third time can be lucky, ok! I know how much you need this, and you deserve to have your happy ending. Keep fighting for what you believe in and I pray that you get some answers to what has been going wrong. You are a very brave lady, and have been a true support to me. Thank you so much.

Angie, you have been amazing to me and I can’t thank you enough. You are an inspiration and I hope that your little frosties are soon all nice and warm in you and getting ready for the long haul! You are so strong and I want this for you, and all of the ladies, so so badly! Keep positive and believe that you will make it this time.

Azreal,thank you for all your wonderful support. I truely have been so lucky with all of you girls. I pray that everything works out for you, we all deserve our dreams to come true. Wishing you all the very best for your journey.

Ann, so here I am, in the same boat as you. I know it is probably not the path we had thought we would walk down one day, but it is a path to happiness. I know the children we will have will not be biologically ours, but as soon as we hold them and look into their eyes and hurt will melt away, our babies will be home. We can do this and when we get our family we will be so happy to have been blessed with such heartache as it will ultimately bring us our happiness.

Nell, I am rooting for you all the way. Just like I have said to Lou, you go girl and show me that third time can be a charm! You deserve your forever baby and I am praying that this time you will get your greatest wish. All my love to you.

Sunshine, thank you for your lovely support along the way, especially during the 2ww, horrible thing that it was! I hope that your follie continue to grow and you get some fab eggs! I want one of those eggs to be your forever baby. You have been through tough times and deserve this so much. Stay strong and take good care of yourself ok hun. All my love.

Wallie, again third time must be a charm ok! You can do it lovely! Well done for trying again, I know it is not an easy thing to do, I admire everyone’s courage and determination for their dream so much. I am rooting for you all the way and believe that you will get your dream.

Ladies, you are all amazing, special people. I could not have done this, and come out of the other side so positively without the support of each and every one of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t know if I will be back or not. I don’t know how I will manage without you!! I just worry that I will not be able to get true closure if I do. Its all a bit jumbled in my head at the moment to be honest. But what I do know is please do not be sad for me. I am a peace with what had happened, and know clearly now where I need to go.

I hope that all of your dreams come true,

All my love, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mrssunshine78]

lolly, i'm so sorry for you hun, i honestly thought that this time was going to be your time, i've been checking the last couple of days to see if you'd been on. Sending huge your way.

i'm glad you've got a plan, hopefully it wont take too long for you to have your baby in your arms. Maybe them supposedly relaxing the adoption rules and regs will make this sooner for you rather than later.

you sound like such a strong person and i really wish you all the luck in the world

 

[jappygirl76]

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this thread, but I am feeling a bit hopeless, so I was hoping to get some encouraging feedback to try and get my PMA back.

Just a little about myself and DH, we have been trying since July 2009. We did 2 cycles of IUI, both ending in BFN. Finally we decided to bring out the big guns and try IVF. We attempted our first round of IVF in June 2011. We had 2 embryos/day 6 blasotcysts transferred and AF showed up only 6 days after transfer. Unfortunately, there were no embryos that made it to the freezing stage, so we decided to wait until after our wedding to try IVF again.

We are now 11 days away from our wedding and I am starting to get anxious about our next IVF cycle, but at the same time this is our last try that we can afford, so my mind and nerves are starting to get a life of their own and making me a bit nuts.

I was hoping that the wonderful people who are reading this, will possible have some words of wisdom and maybe some advise for how to get through this.

I look forward to reading all replies, and thank you to everyone in advance for their caring words.

 

[SarahAK]

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this thread, but I am feeling a bit hopeless, so I was hoping to get some encouraging feedback to try and get my PMA back.

Just a little about myself and DH, we have been trying since July 2009. We did 2 cycles of IUI, both ending in BFN. Finally we decided to bring out the big guns and try IVF. We attempted our first round of IVF in June 2011. We had 2 embryos/day 6 blasotcysts transferred and AF showed up only 6 days after transfer. Unfortunately, there were no embryos that made it to the freezing stage, so we decided to wait until after our wedding to try IVF again.

We are now 11 days away from our wedding and I am starting to get anxious about our next IVF cycle, but at the same time this is our last try that we can afford, so my mind and nerves are starting to get a life of their own and making me a bit nuts.

I was hoping that the wonderful people who are reading this, will possible have some words of wisdom and maybe some advise for how to get through this.

I look forward to reading all replies, and thank you to everyone in advance for their caring words.

jappygirl, firstly woohoo for the upcoming wedding!

Secondly, I understand how you feel hun. Especially the financial aspect of it all. One feels nervous because of the feeling that it all depends largely on your resources.

I've heard from MANY people that the success rate with IUI increases with every cycle, for at least a couple of cycles. Maybe I've been reading that because I myself have started IUI recently, or maybe there is some truth to it (this is what I strongly want to believe because we cannot afford IVF and right now we can't even afford a third cycle of IUI).

At my gynaecologist/RE's clinic I met another patient when I was getting my first IUI done last month. She had had two failed IUI's and one failed IVF and she conceived on her second try, so maybe the same is going to happen with you!

Are you taking any medications to assist pregnancy/fertility? Such as baby aspirin, prenatal vitamins, green tea etc? Try those and try not to let yourself worry too much. And remember, no try is the last try until the docs say there's no hope left. You can always save up for another cycle, but with every cycle believe and think that this is the one!

After the last month's failed cycle, we didn't have any money even for this second cycle of IUI, I sold some stuff and started the second cycle, today is my CD 5 and is going to be day 3 of inj Menogon (my ovaries only respond to injections, that is what makes my treatments very costly) and I'm staying very much positive and keep telling myself that this cycle is going to be a success I'll be sending happy healthy and positive vibes your way as well!

 

[_Nell]

Lolly I know you said not to be sad for you and you do sound as balanced as anyone could ever hope to be where you are right now, but I am so sad that you didn't get your BFP. After all the effort and emotion in your journey you really deserved it.

It's heartwarming to read how you feel about adoption, it's very much how i feel too.....unfortunately my DH doesn't feel the same but I hope one day that will change.

There's lots of talk of cutting red tape and speeding up the adoption process so i hope you can benefit from that

Sending you lots of love, strength and good fortune for the future
xx

 

[angiemon]

Hi my lovely ladies.

Well sadly it was a bfn from me. Have started the horrible AF now (just to add insult to injury). I was very upset Saturday night, which is strange because deep down I always knew. I think it was the false hope it had given me. I didn’t imagine the cramps and the fact the bleeding stayed away so long. Horrible progesterone!! So adoption is now our dream and I guess it was always meant to be this way.

So we are going to adopt and are going to an information evening a week Thursday. We are both excited, and kinda wanna get things moving asap. Don’t think that’ll be possible though and there needs to be a ‘grieving period’ in between failed treatment and starting the process so more waiting! But means we can hopefully have a great Christmas, take time together and then start the process next year sometime. So a long road ahead but I am excited, and always knew deep down that this was the path we would end up taking. We are thinking maybe to adopt overseas so we get a younger child. It costs then as you pay for translating documents, legal fees etc, but our families have said they will help us. Lots to think about but a positive step as at least we know there is a definite plan, and not a lot of maybes. We also are going to get married. It’s not the huge romance but it makes sense in every way. Love, a commitment, people can see we are a stable unit and I think it can mean more when going down this route. Maybe it’s wrong to get married as it makes ‘sense’ but we were always going to, it just makes the reasons even more valid. We thought we would ask for money as a wedding present to help us complete our family – pull at a few heart strings, we’ll make a fortune!!!

I know that I will no doubt be sad again, it’s all still sinking in. But I will be a mum, its just not the ‘normal’ way. But then none of this is normal. And as long as I can hold a child in my arms I know I will be fine. Whether its biologically mine or not isn’t a huge thing to me to be honest. I have looked after so many children over the years and have created amazing bonds. And these were children I saw a few times a week. This would be always as they will be our baby, and I know it will be just fine. I think the worst bit is the time as I am so impatient!! But I guess I am only 26, I just feel a lot older and I have been through a lot at a younger ages with all of this TTC. I know by 30, I will have a child, and hopefully a lot before then. DP is happy too which is a massive relief. He said now we know a massive weight has been lifted and he can just enjoy us again and stop worrying about treatment, health, appointments, side effects, heartache. Obviously the appointments side will start again but this is something definite, so somehow is different.

I want to thank you ladies for all your amazing support through my journey. You have been amazing.

Lou, I need to to prove that third time can be lucky, ok! I know how much you need this, and you deserve to have your happy ending. Keep fighting for what you believe in and I pray that you get some answers to what has been going wrong. You are a very brave lady, and have been a true support to me. Thank you so much.

Angie, you have been amazing to me and I can’t thank you enough. You are an inspiration and I hope that your little frosties are soon all nice and warm in you and getting ready for the long haul! You are so strong and I want this for you, and all of the ladies, so so badly! Keep positive and believe that you will make it this time.

Azreal,thank you for all your wonderful support. I truely have been so lucky with all of you girls. I pray that everything works out for you, we all deserve our dreams to come true. Wishing you all the very best for your journey.

Ann, so here I am, in the same boat as you. I know it is probably not the path we had thought we would walk down one day, but it is a path to happiness. I know the children we will have will not be biologically ours, but as soon as we hold them and look into their eyes and hurt will melt away, our babies will be home. We can do this and when we get our family we will be so happy to have been blessed with such heartache as it will ultimately bring us our happiness.

Nell, I am rooting for you all the way. Just like I have said to Lou, you go girl and show me that third time can be a charm! You deserve your forever baby and I am praying that this time you will get your greatest wish. All my love to you.

Sunshine, thank you for your lovely support along the way, especially during the 2ww, horrible thing that it was! I hope that your follie continue to grow and you get some fab eggs! I want one of those eggs to be your forever baby. You have been through tough times and deserve this so much. Stay strong and take good care of yourself ok hun. All my love.

Wallie, again third time must be a charm ok! You can do it lovely! Well done for trying again, I know it is not an easy thing to do, I admire everyone’s courage and determination for their dream so much. I am rooting for you all the way and believe that you will get your dream.

Ladies, you are all amazing, special people. I could not have done this, and come out of the other side so positively without the support of each and every one of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t know if I will be back or not. I don’t know how I will manage without you!! I just worry that I will not be able to get true closure if I do. Its all a bit jumbled in my head at the moment to be honest. But what I do know is please do not be sad for me. I am a peace with what had happened, and know clearly now where I need to go.

I hope that all of your dreams come true,

All my love, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Im really sorry Lolly, I really wanted this time to work for you but it is fantastic that you and your OH are thinking exactly the same way and so I will try not to be sad for you (although i had tears in my eyes when reading your post). I read it yesterday evening but to be honest did not know what to say....
You have been such a support to so many ladies on this forum, me included and you always sound like you have given so much thought to everybodys circumstances which is so hard going through this. It is difficult to not just think of yourself but you haven't, you've given everything and I know you are going to make such a brilliant mum and your future children will be so lucky to have you. They will have found the end of the rainbow and you will be their pot of gold!
Lolly, I hope you come back but I understand thats it difficult not to get wrapped up in Bnb so I completely know where your coming from if you decide not to.
I wish you all the happiness in the world and as Nell said hopefully you won't have to wait so long as the government make the changes they need to with the existing adoption process.
Lots and lots of love,
Angela

 

[Lou32]

Hi Lolly,
I know I PMd you the best of luck, but I just wanted to reiterate what Angie said above. You do go out of your way to really support everyone else and always have so many kind words of wisdom. I have no idea how you keep it all in your head as I struggle to keep up with what stage everyone's at! I'm going to really miss that.
As Angie said, I understand if you don't want to come back regularly, but I'd love you to keep in touch and I can't wait to hear the news that you've adopted a beautiful baby.
x

 

[angiemon]

I second that Lou xx

 

[Helen76]

Lolly,

I am so sorry to hear your news. I don't like to post on this thread too often because my signature isn't happy reading. Currently in the 2ww for cycle 4 and then this is it which is petrifying!

Like you we have also considered adoption and have been to an open evening. I think if this doesn't work we intend to have a long period of time out and take it from there.

I've been reading your story from afar and hadn't wanted to post in case I jinxed you, I thought the lack of spotting meant this would be your turn. So sorry that it gave you a false sense of hope, so annoying and unnecessarily cruel.

You have always been incredibly supportive to me in the past and if there is anything I can do to help now please let me know. I am thinking of you You are an incredibly special person and you will be a fantastic mum.

H xx

To offer a bit of hope to people out there. This thread was set up by Inky and she gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday.

 

[Deb111]

Can I join girls?

Just had a after a failed ICSI cycle as well as dealing with a hubby with azoospermia who needed a very detailed surgical sperm retrieval op. We had 2 grade 1 embryos transferred on day 5 - 1 blastocyst and 1 morula. Every step went better than we expected and then a

We have 1 frozen blastocyst and a tiny amount of frozen sperm - and I mean TINY (as in about 30-35 sperm). Have a consultation booked with consultant on Tuesday to see where we go from here

 

[Wallie]

I'm really sorry Deb It stinks how things don't work out as you hope.

 

[lorri70]

I just wanna wish u all the very best of luck in the world!!!!! I know how i.v.f can work,,or not!! I was really blessed as i say,,1st time was my only time,,6 eggs,,5 fertilised n only 2 were strong enuf to put back...Strong being the very word as i fell pregnant This was my 2nd child (conceived naturally with 1st daughter) and my chances were so low,but there ya go..Don't give up!!!! xxx

 

[pk2of8]

Lolly, I know I'm late with this, but I just wanted to send virtual you are very strong and have so much to be proud of with what you've been through and the plans you're making for the future! I know that you will be blessed! I do believe that if we keep the faith and never lose sight of the goal that we will all reach the desires of our hearts!

Welcome to the new girls...although as we say, im sorry you had the experience to now find yourself posting here. Many many to you. I know I haven't posted in a while...life has just been crazy and there hasn't been much to say. I'm still waiting for a new schedule from my ivf nurse. I had the bloodwork done for the immunity issues and my nurse said everything looked "normal". I want to know what that means. I'm just not convinced. It's such a tough place to be in. It's not that I want something "wrong" so much as I want to know why the ivf didn't work for us and be able to take steps to prevent it from happening again. Kwim?

 

[Azreal]

I've been away for a week so haven't had a chance to log onto the forum until now. Lolly - so sorry about your BFN. I agree with all the positive things the other girls have said about you and also thank you for your support and wisdom. Best of luck with the adoption - I hope one day you might come back to the forum just to let us know how you got on.
There seems to a lot of us asking 'WHY?' on this forum - and I'm definitely one of them. We've had numerous blood tests, scans, tried different medications/supplements, trawled the internet for any information, had acupuncture and still no results and still no answers. Sometimes I just want to scream 'WHAT THE HECK DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE THIS WORK?!'
I'm glad I'm not the only one who 'knows' when a cycle hasn't worked even before AF arrives. I understand and appreciate other people trying to be positive but it hurts more than it helps. I don't think I can make people understand that I 'know' deep down that it's not going to work. MY DH certainly doesn't understand this knowing.
For those of you who don't know me - we are having our 5th IVF cycle in December. We're lucky enough in Australia that we get a lot of the fees back through our Medicare system. It breaks my heart when I read of all the girls who can only afford 1 or 2 cycles or the doctors won't order tests because they are too expensive. It is one of the most unfairest things in the world that we have to pay for something that so many get for free.
Our cycles have not been very successful and we've never had any embryos to freeze. Basically I have crappy eggs and am what they call a 'poor responder' to any of the medications. This doesn't sound very positive for anyone else reading this but I'm hoping that even in the face of all the negativity that you don't give up. I don't have any expectations of the next cycle working at all but it's still something I have to do. It's better than wondering 'what if?'
Keep looking after yourselves xxx

 

[Lou32]

Azreal, I just wanted to wish you luck for your cycle in December. My doc says luck is what it comes down to but I'm the same as you, desperate for answers. I really hope this is your time.x

 

[Deb111]

So we have our review appointment with the clinic tomorrow and have come up with some questions.
Just wondering if I've missed anything obvious that I should be asking?
Ta

ICSI Review / FET questions
What was the quality of the :
- eggs ?
- sperm ?
- embryos ?
- uterus / lining? Is there anything we could do to improve lining?

From what we were told – eggs were good and all mature, sperm was good quality, embryos were best quality they could be so surely the issue just lies with implantation?

I’ve read that the actual transfer / difficulty with transfer / spasms can affect the outcome?
The actual transfer was much more difficult for me than my mock transfer at MFS clinic and I was disappointed that the Dr who did my transfer was not aware of any mock transfer and said it wasn’t in my notes and he knew nothing about it
Without criticising the Dr, I don’t feel that he took my vaginismus into account at all and this meant the transfer was very uncomfortable for me. I appreciate he has a job to do and needs to get the embryos transferred, but is there any way to make this easier for me / less spasming next time?

Why do you think the cycle failed ?

Would it be worth considering assisted hatching?

Can assisted hatching be done with FET?

Would it be worth using steroids to help stop body rejecting embryo?

Would it be worth considering DHEA to help with eggs?

What, if anything, should we do differently the next time?

Are there any additional tests we should do – e.g. natural killer cells?

How soon can we do FET / ICSI?

Would FET be medicated or non-medicated?

Is there any benefit in doing another fresh IVF cycle for me and using Terry’s sperm to hopefully get some frozen embryos before AMH / follicles decrease any more?

Any benefit in acupuncture?

 

[Wallie]

I think that's a good list. Most things will be covered when you speak to the Consultant anyway, but it's good to have a list to make sure it's all covered.

 

[Helen76]

Well I'm back here again after a 4th failed attempt

This is the end of the road for me. I'm not emotionally strong enough to go through another cycle. I really admire you for your perserverance Azreal, I hope number 5 is the one for you.

I was reading Deb's questions which I think are all fine. My clinic said having top quality embryos and a smooth transfer give the best chance of success. I had both so why didn't this work?

SIL is pregnant after ICSI, not sure how we are going to cope with it but I think it will be hard especially as it will be the first (and probably only) grandchild on DH's side.

I've created a new post, specifically for people that are at the end of the road with the biological option. If there is anyone on here who is at that stage please feel free to come and join me. I hope that there aren't many and that you all get your happy endings.

Life is really unfair sometimes

H xx

 

[Lou32]

Helen I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. Life really isn't fair and I find it hard not to feel bitter about it. I've no idea how long we'll be able to go on for. I know we would struggle financially, and that's not even taking account of the unbearable emotional stress. I suppose we cling onto the hope the next go will be the one. I know we would go down the adoption route if we had to, but I imagine it must be heartbreaking to reach that place. It's hard enough thinking about it. Lolly was in the same position as you so maybe you could catch up with her when she next pops in?