Support Group failed IVF/ICSI IUI or any failed assisted conceptions 2014

[africaqueen]

Thanks for welcome ladies and Lou- Yes we waited a long time for the cycle i truly hope and pray we get some wonderful news next yr and our longed for babies xxx

 

[Lou32]

Oh, don't get me started on Facebook. In fact I log on when they send me an email threatening to close down my account, I check my alerts really quickly and then log off. If I could do it with my eyes closed so I didn't have to see the baby updates I would do. It's pathetic. OH says he doesn't understand - that there aren't any pregnancy/baby updates when he goes on Facebook. Well maybe that's because we don't have all the same friends duh! It would be a bit weird if he had as many thirty-something female friends like I do. Honestly...I've decided to switch allegiance to Twitter anyway. I can follow who I want. It's much better.

Talking of feeling bitter though, I've become incredibly bitter and I just don't know what I can do to stop it. I lost my temper at the TV this morning in front of OH, screaming at Mel C to f**ck off when she started going on about how being a mother had changed her blah blah. I feel awful. It's not her fault, but it just feels like it's rammed down your throat constantly. Even Tesco keep giving me money off vouchers for tampons at the till. Even Tesco's rubbing my flippin' nose in it!

 

[Lou32]

...and another thing! Why isn't there a little 'pissed off' face to put on your status?! I'm more pissed off than sad, but it's the closest I can find.
I don't have PMT, honest.

 

[Azreal]

Hello to everyone

I'm with you Lou.... a pissed of little face would be most appropriate!

Lolly - still wishing you luck with the adoption process. Here in Australia it is almost impossible - there is some debate and awareness re adoption in Aust at the moment. All I'm hearing is that people are on waiting lists for up to 8 years, files get lost, case workers change and that people just give up waiting. Having just turned 41 I don't think we have that time but we might look at fostering at some stage (I don't have much hope for the next cycle).

Now trying to decide whether we are going to have our 5th IVF in Dec or wait until Jan. Because the clinic closes down for a short time over Xmas/NY I would have to go on the pill so that it can be regulated and ensure I get my period by the 2nd December (cut off date apparently)... it's not really a problem but just another thing to think of. Plus I have been taking DHEA to improve egg quality and number you're supposed to take it for at least 3 months - if we have IVF in Dec it would only just be on the 3 months. If we wait until Jan then it gives us another month for the DHEA to work its magic even more (I hope) but we have a lot of birthdays/weddings etc around that time. We live in the country and it all requires 5 hours driving to and from the city. I don't really care at this stage if we do wait until Jan but I really wish I knew which was the best month to do it in. I have until Monday to decide which is when the clinic is going to call back.

Please keep looking after yourselves ladies - remember that whatever you are feeling - whether it be bitter, sad, fed up, pissed off or whatever - it's all completely normal and there are plenty of us who feel EXACTLY the same way. I felt so much relief when I found this thread and realised I wasn't the only one who had 'hidden' friends with babies/pregnancy on FB and didn't want to be around friends or family members who had just had a baby. I could also tell my DH that I wasn't crazy

 

[Helen76]

Ah Lou, I really feel for you. I didn't see the interview with Mel C but I did catch a bit of her singing and I did think to myself that all of the spice girls all have kids.

I guess, as you said, it's not their fault. We need to find some way of dealing with it becase its everywhere!!! Although I still haven't given up hope for you girls that are continuing treatment though, hopefully you'll be joining them very soon!

I'm on Twitter too and I like it for the reasons you describe. A couple of friends who have kids are on there but they never tweet about their kids, they save that for FB. My tweets are mainly about football related stuff, nothing exciting or thought provoking!

Finally, not wanting to encourage you but if you do want to get it out of your system there is an 'angry' mood on here.

Azreal - don't know what to advise you. I have always rushed things through so would have probably opted for the Dec but maybe it would be nice to get Xmas out of the way first? I think an extra month of DHEA would be good. Where do you buy it from?

H xx

 

[Lou32]

Thanks ladies. Sorry for yesterday's rant. I was having a bit of a bad day! Helen, I'm one for self preservation too. I try not to beat myself up about it but who am I kidding?! I feel bad all the time for avoiding people. I literally have no friends left who I see regularly. We have limited text and email contact now and they've just stopped inviting me to things. I know they feel awkward around me and embarrassed to talk about their babies, and I don't want to listen to it, so neither of us make an effort. Sorry, gone from pissed off to pathetic today!

 

[Lolly1985]

oh my god i am so glad im not the only bitter and twisted one!! (and why the hell shouldnt we be, hummphh!) I actually did the same thing and added up how many children the spice girls have between them and its 10 or 11 depending if emma b had her baby, who cares, or not! I just thought greedy b*tc*es!! Grrr!

Im at work now. Had a bit of a bad night last night, tears, arguemets with DP, then bad dreams. Came into work early and typed out a big message to post later but feeling quite a bit better. Will still probably post it though. I wish we lived close by and could meet up for no baby chats and lots of wine drinking!

Azreal, i cant believe the adoption system is so hard over there. I am studying international perspectives of childcare as one of my modules at uni and we are looking at australia now. I might raise this as it seems just so unfair. I of course really hope you get great results from your cycle but understand you are being realistic. I do admire how you keep going, i am too much of a coward and think sometimes maybe i have given up too easily? Its tough deciding which month is best, pros and cons to both, its the whole do whats right for you line, but lets face it, none of this is right.

Well girls im going to try and sign up to twitter this weekend as my tutor wants us to all follow her so she can tweet new government initiatives and crap! I havent got a clue!!

Know im thinking of you all (and eating a giant flapjack!) Love Lolly x x x x x x x x x x

 

[MySillyGirls]

Hey, Lolly! I don't know if you remember me but we did IVF at the same time a few times last year. I see that you have started the process to adopt and wanted to let you know that it was one of the best experiences for us. We adopted our youngest daughter at 13 mos old from Ekaterinburg Russia in 2004 and she adds the color to our lives. My newest nephew just came home from St. Petersburg Russia at 18mos old and he is also so wonderful. I know adoption processes vary by country, but, please know there is so much hope. My hugs and best wishes to you, dear.

 

[Lolly1985]

MSG!! Of course I remember you! how lovely to hear from you, and equally lovely of you to support my next steps! I often think of you and remember the beautiful picture you shared of your little girl. What you have done is now mirrored in my dreams and I hope that I can follow you in the adoption journey and find my family. Great to hear that you have a new addition to the family, congrats! How are you lovely? I see you have started a new thread so am about to go and read. Loads of love to you and your family, Lolly xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Helen76]

I'm sorry that you've lost all your friends Lou, that must be really hard. I guess I'm fortunate in that I have 3 groups of friends and in each of the groups there is at least one other person that isn't a mum. In one group there is only one person who is a mum - that's my favourite group!

I agree Lolly it would be nice to meet up over a few glasses of wine if we lived closer! Where is everyone from? I live in the North East.

Sorry you've had an argument with your DP, hope it's sorted out now.

MSG - just seen your other post and have everything crossed for you.

Hope you all manage to have nice weekends.

H xx

 

[MySillyGirls]

Helen, thank you! Lolly, so great to hear from you too!! After my last BFN I had to just walk away from the board for awhile since our ivf funds were depleted and it seemed like little hope. I forgot how wonderful and supportive you ladies are. I am so happy to hear you are considering adoption. And, even though I know doors have to close, I am (at least today) proof that sometimes that door might open again a crack.

Over the summer, we hosted a little orphan girl from Ukraine as part of an international orphan hosting program. She lived with us for 6 weeks. We considered adoption of her
and her 5 yr old sister. But, we have just learned that they also have a 4 yr old brother, so that door has closed (although we will always have her in our heart and will keep in touch). So, that door closed for us.

Hugs to you!!!

 

[Lou32]

MSG, that's such a lovely story! If we have to go down the adoption route I have to say I'd rather adopt from abroad. It must have been hard though? But v worth it. Lolly, so sorry to hear about your argument. I hope it's all over now and you've made up. It's so easy to say how tough this is on relationships, but you have no idea just how tough until you're living it. He sounds like he's been a great support to you though so I'm sure you'll both be fine. I'm in West Yorkshire btw, so not too far from north east Helen. Would be lovely for a few of us to meet.xxx

 

[Lou32]

MSG, your dog is sooo cute!

 

[MySillyGirls]

Hi, Lou! My furbaby, Honey Bear, is just the best pup and is the reason i am now awake at 5:42 in the a.m. on my 39th birthday. LOLL Well, at least dh is able to sleep.

I have to say, having done both, I found IVF more difficult emotionally than adoption. Especially, adoption from abroad, since I knew how that was going to end once I signed with an agency. I never thought IVF would rock my world the way it did. I walked into it thinking, "oh yeah, i'll try it and if it doesn't work, i'll just move on." Boy, it sure doesn't work that way. I cried more in the last year of ivf than I ever did with the adoption. Of course, our adoption was 12.5 mos start to finish (my sister in law just brought home her 18 mos old from Russia 9 mos start to finish), so the timeframe was in our favor.

 

[SarahAK]

Hi Ladies, I had my second IUI done again this month. I got the HCG shot on the 10th. The RE called me on the 12th and 13th (day 2 and 3 after the HCG shot) for my IUI. I thought you're supposed to get IUI done on day 1 and day 2 after your HCG shot. I got that done last month but the IUI was unsuccessful...

What do you guys think are the chances of my IUI being successful? Do you think the IUI done on day 3 after HCG was of any use?

 

[Wallie]

If i remember correctly IUI is done around 35 to 42 hours after HCG shot.

 

[Lolly1985]

I'm in the north west, in Lancs, so we are not that far away from each other really!

Me and DP all good again now, you know how it goes, ups and downs We went out last night with DPs sis and her hubby, and I got pretty drunk, had a bit of a dance and then back for singstar on playstation!! Was good, although SIL got quite drunk too and cornered DP to make sure he was alright with everything!! She went on and on at him, all sweet in a way but don't think he could be bothered with it all

Have you guys had nice weekends? Boo to the sunday night feeling

 

[Lou32]

Yup, I have that Sunday night feeling too! Not happy there's no Downton Abbey either to look forward to. It makes Sunday nights bearable!
I've been to the gym twice this weekend, so feeling pretty pleased with myself. Been going for over two months now and been on a low GI diet, but not lost any weight at all, which is sooo frustrating. In fact when I got weighed on the Wii Fit last week I'd put on 9lb over the past year (that's the last time we got the Wii Fit out!) OH had lost weight (typical, he wasn't even trying) and even the cat had lost 1lb! I don't understand how that's happened as he's been on steroids! Determined to lost a stone before the next IVF in Jan. I usually do fast uphill walking on the treadmill, so decided to step it up a gear and start running. Running's so much harder than it looks!
Anyway, just checked my email and I had a message on the dreaded Facebook so I went on. I went on one of my friends' pages (we've been good friends for years, she only lives a couple of miles away, but we hardly speak any more)...her page is just full of baby and toddler photos. Loads of posts from women I've never heard of and photos of her and her kids at various childrens' parties with her new friends. Just makes me so sad and empty. I don't know why I had to torture myself by looking.

Lolly - Sounds like you had a good night! Sundays are for hangovers anyway. Have you made any plans for your wedding yet?

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh Lou i'm sorry, you shouldn't torture yourself, but I know sometimes we just do it to ourselves and don't know why. Once I clicked on a friends page and she has message my ex who I was with for 6 years, congrats on the arrival of his baby. Took me a long while to get over that, which is stupid really.

Good for you with your health regime, and even if you are not losing weight (which is just so unfair), you will be getting a lot fitter. I know, DP won't go on wii fit anymore, it can just be mean and tells him off!! I took up the running on there and did my feet in with all the pounding on the wooden floor, so how you run uphill Youch!!

Been very naughty and topped the weekend off with a KFC, perfect hangover stodge! Went for a walk with DP too, was nice. He held my hand all the way, and told me off for not sqeezing tight enough!!

No real wedding plans yet, don't wanna start booking stuff until I have the ring on my finger, a bit traditional like that!! But have it all in my head and we talk about it a lot. DP has a ring, so excited to see it, but is waitin for the right moment. He says he has a plan in his head but wants to wait until we are in a bit of a better place, so we can truely be happy for the engagement, and not treat it as a sticky plaster over a big crack. I think its for the best, if he gave it to me now I would be happy, then sad again about the failed cycles. I just want to be happy. Probably be early new year, and then the wedding planning starts!!

Don't worry Lou, i'm a celebrity get me out of her starts tonight

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Helen76]

Maybe we should arrange a day trip in York???

Good on you for the exercise Lou and good on you for having a drunken Sat Lolly!

Been a hard weekend, seeing SIL wasn't too bad, I'd said I wasn't having a good day so wasn't up for seeing her 20 week scan picture and she said she understood. DH doesn't want to tell them we've failed yet.

I love Downton but I'm a Celeb will do as a replacement.

Hope we all have a good week ahead.

H xx