Support Group failed IVF/ICSI IUI or any failed assisted conceptions 2014

[Lou32]

Deb, I don't think you've missed anything there! Good luck with your follow up and let us know what your doc says. X

 

[Helen76]

Helen I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. Life really isn't fair and I find it hard not to feel bitter about it. I've no idea how long we'll be able to go on for. I know we would struggle financially, and that's not even taking account of the unbearable emotional stress. I suppose we cling onto the hope the next go will be the one. I know we would go down the adoption route if we had to, but I imagine it must be heartbreaking to reach that place. It's hard enough thinking about it. Lolly was in the same position as you so maybe you could catch up with her when she next pops in?

Thanks Lou, I would love to catch up with Lolly but I'm not sure she'll be back on here.

 

[pk2of8]

Deb, that looks like a great comprehensive list. if you go a few pages back...whoops never mind...I can't believe I forgot to post the results of my wtf appt here. Ok...here's a link to where I posted it on another thread with a lovely group of ladies that I started my ttc journey with here on bnb... I had some similar questions to you and I think you might get some similar answers as I did, so maybe this will give you an idea...
RESULTS FROM MY WTF APPT-it's the top post on that page and it's a LONG one. I can't believe I forgot to post here about it. I haven't put it in my journal yet b/c I get a little OCD about doing things "in order" and I'm not to that point in my story. And life has just been crazy busy...anyway, I hope the info helps you deb.

Helen, I'm so sorry to hear your last cycle didn't work I'm so terrified of this being the result when we try again, so I can only just imagine what you're feeling. I hope you can catch up with Lolly too

 

[dreamofabean]

Well girls I'm here a lot sooner than I thought I'd be. Had short protocol this time (2nd cycle) and had ec yesterday. We got 5 eggs. None fertilised. Apparently my eggs had no resistance to the icsi injection. Clinic are calling back later to discuss some more.
I'm just devastated. £5000 for nothing.

 

[Wallie]

Oh fuck, I'm shocked Dream, I'm so sorry

Helen sorry to hear you're at that point of giving up. I fear I'll be the same in a few months after our third IVF round. It's so heartbreaking.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like if they were with someone else it would all happen naturally? I know it's bad to feel like this but WHY won't it just happen for me!?

 

[Helen76]

DOAB - I've posted in your journal, I am so so sorry

Wallie - thanks. I'm in the reverse situation to you, all the problems are with me so I feel bad for hubby and think if he'd met someone else he might have been a father by now.

Either way it's sh*t and I guess none of this is anyone's fault but I feel like a childless freak. I find myself looking at people and hoping they don't have children too so I'm not the only one. For example I checked out Anita Dobson after watching her on Strictly, she doesn't have children. How sad am I??

 

[Wallie]

Yeah, everything comes back to children. Even today I was at a first aid course and the guy said you can't use the bandages for real now and just take them home for the kids to use bandaging up the dog or something. I was like oh fuck off I don't have kids...!!!

 

[Helen76]

ha ha your post made me smile even though I don't think that was the intention!

Maybe we should make that our slogan 'oh fuck off I don't have kids!'

H xx

 

[pk2of8]

I can relate to that feeling wallie.... my ex-husband was abusive. It seemed nothing prevented pg and it happened regardless of what we did to prevent or what I wanted. Now I have problems and my dh has problems. Now with my soulmate, the true love of my life, we may never get the experience. It's so depressing.

 

[africaqueen]

Hi ladies.

Dream-I am so sorry x

Just spent the evening in tears and now just had a giggle at the 'new title' haha.
Anyway a little about me...I am 30, dh is 31. We had 2 natural pregnancies last yr that both were ectopic and resulted in me losing our babies and both tubes so then IVF only option for us. It was OTD on 3rd Nov and i got a BFN and then AF.
We are devastated but it was not a great cycle at all. I had 4 follies and only 2 contained eggs at collection... one of which fertilised and was a 5 cell grade 4 embie that was transferred at day 2. We needed our miracle so bad as i lost my lovely mum to MND 3mths ago and we started the cycle a mth after my mum died and had prayed for some much needed joy but instead we are grieving the embie that could of been we have a FU appt 15th Dec and as our clinic makes you wait till 3 bleeds we are hoping to start again in Feb next yr. It is our 2nd and last NHS cycle so praying it gives us our miracle baby.
I wish each an everyone of us the joy of a sticky BFP next yr xxx

 

[Helen76]

AQ what a sad story, I'm so sorry you have to join us here and for what you have had to go through with your Mum

I hope you get some answers at your follow up. Many clinics view the first cycle as a trial so they should hopefully be able to make some changes to enable better results for you next time.

Thinking of you,
H xx

 

[Lolly1985]

Hello everone

Can I thank you all for your amazing words of support. Some have truely been the nicest words I have ever read and mean such a lot to me at what (as you know) is a very challenging time.

I'm so sorry to see new names here. As always we root for you girls and feel the pain all over again when it doesn't work out as it should. And special love to dream, that must be so so hard, i'm very sorry hunny

Helen, I have posted on your other thread, I feel we now have a very similar outlook and hope that we can support one another through the next part of our journey. Although of course it is heartbreaking that this is a step we have had to make, I know we will get our happy endings one day

Lou, have you had any luck getting your results back. The waiting must be agony for you. Wishing you all the best with them and hopefully some long awaited answers

Azreal, thank you for your support, you are just a star, as are all you lovely ladies

Angie, I hope that your FET went as well as can be expected. Eugh, the dreaded 2ww, its the worst. Lets hope it ends with the best possible news. Good luck sweetie

Have received my adoption pack through the post and spoke to a lovely woman. There is an open evening tomorrow but we have decided against going as we must have 6 months off anyway before we can officially fill out the first adoption forms. We feel going might just torture us and so are gearing up to go to the next one in the new year.

Love to all of you, it takes strong women to keep going, fight for what is right for you girls, and I hope we all get our families one way or another. Love always, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lou32]

Dream - That's just awful. Do they think it's just a fluke? I can't imagine how upset you must be right now. The whole process is one hurdle after another and it must be just devastating to not even get to the 2ww.

Africa - Again, I'm really sorry. Were you waiting a while for this round too? I seem to remember seeing you in one of the other threads a while back. You've had a terrible time of it and my heart goes out to you, especially after losing your mum.

Lolly - Hi! So nice to hear from you. You are sounding more positive, despite having such a tough time. I really wish I could find the strength to have your positivity, I really do. We will get our immune results on 30 Feb. Not sure what to think really. I just hope everything comes back OK, but I have a feeling it won't. This sounds crazy, but when I had the bloods taken I had been itching like mad for a couple of days, which I think was a reaction to my flu jab. I can't help but think this will affect my results and I hope it doesn't give them a false reading. I really should stop worrying, I know.

Helen - OMG, I do the same. I do it ALL THE TIME, looking to see if someone has kids and if they don't it makes me feel better. I feel like an idiot for doing it, but have this strange compulsion. Another thing I find myself doing is finding out how old someone was when they had their kids. If someone was late 30s or 40s, it makes me feel better because I feel like I have time still...Crazy, I know.
I was quite enjoying watching the TV show on Sky called Mount Pleasant because all the couples in it were childless, and it made me feel so much better to watch telly and not be reminded that everyone else has kids and families and I don't. Then I found out that the actress who plays the lead role (can't remember her name, but she was in Corrie and she's in Loose Women now) actually has kids in real life and it spoilt it for me totally. In fact I saw her on Loose Women yesterday and she spent the whole time talking about her twins and I took a major disliking to her. Sometimes I think I'm losing my marbles. I know it's not hear fault, but she ruined my illusion that I wasn't a freak and that there are plenty of childless couples out there. Clearly it's not the case, as the show is pretend.
I feel like a freak every single day.I now don't have any friends at all without kids, so we're the token infertile, childless couple.

Wallie - I often think that too. I feel terrible, because I want nothing more than to have kids with my OH and have a family with him, but then sometimes I upset myself thinking that I might never have kids of my own, and not because there's anything wrong with me. That's also when I start to get angry at the total lack of support and downright hurtful comments from MIL, as she has no idea what I might have to sacrifice. Sometimes I wonder if I actually can give kids up for him, which gets me even more upset.

Anyway, I had a totally shit day. Got a letter from my friend who lives abroad and is 20 weeks pregnant. The whole letter was about her pregnancy and how happy she is being pregnant. We both started TTC the same time and she now has a lovely little girl and is pregnant with her second. It was like someone was thumping me in the stomach repeatedly as I read the letter. Then she said she might visit in January. Now I don't see her very often, but I reeeeeally don't think I can cope with seeing her pregnant. I told OH how upset the letter made me and he just said, 'Oh, it's not her fault, she just doesn't understand'. I realise that (althougth she is aware of our situation), but it doesn't make it any more bearable.

Just feel so down about it all today. It really is a struggle carrying this awful infertility weight around, isn't it? We've now officially been TTC three years.

Love to everyone and sorry I've droned on so long. xxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh Lou what a sh*tty day

That letter would have killed me too. I know people don't realise and I guess its not their fault but doesn't make me want slap 'em anyways!! It feels like rubbing it in your face. I'm sorry that your friends all have babies, that must be very hard. I am kind of in the middle with my mates, some do some don't, but we are at the stage of every announcement either being a wedding or a baby. And its usually the latter. Every time my heart skips and I get that weird pins and needles adrenalin thingy, and am so so thrilled if its an engagement announcement. Its bad I know but its so hard to cope with isn't it I know DP doesn't understand and says we should focus on our life and not other peoples. But its different for guys, if a girl is pregnant and its your mate you have to not only physically face it, but hear about it non stop and deal with 101 scan pictures and status updates on facebook. I am currently convinced his cousin is pregnant as all her status updates are about feeling sick and its like she is looking for attention. She has a daughter and she talks about her 24/7 and when she went to school in september she was in tears for weeks, so it fits. I have no idea why I am obsessing but have already told DP if she is I am deleting her as a friend. I know that may sound awful but she posts 4-5 times a day and I just couldn't cope with that. It drives you crazy!!

I am also like you ladies! I read a magazine and when it says 'carole 39' and she has 2 kids I take their ages off and work out how old she was when she had them. I do it with everything and its so draining. Like you say, if she's older you can accept it more. I was on training yesterday and a lady next to me was talking about her two children, the whole 'I'm a mum and its the best job in the world' malarky She was asking if I have kids and when I said no she said 'never mind, you have time'

I'm like you Helen, feel terribly guilty as all this is 'my fault'. I said to DP at one stage I wished he had crap sperm as then I could blame him too. He looked hurt but its awful thinking if he wasn't with me he could and probably would have his family by now. It can be a lot to cope with. But I guess we never know what happens after transfer Maybe we are just not compatible that way

Lou, end of feb is a long way off, sorry it takes such a long time for the results to come through In a way at least if something shows up maybe you can understand why its not worked and maybe get some additional help I of course don't wish you bad luck but sometimes 'unexplained' is just frustrating and I find if I don't know I struggle to deal with it. I hope the business of christmas makes time a little quicker for you

Oh its just so hard sometimes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Also, I know this is predominantly a 'having a baby site', but all the images of smiling kiddies and nappy adverts popping up down the side of this section of the thread is starting to grate on me!!!!!

 

[Lou32]

Oops, I don't know why I put Feb. I meant to say 30 November. I think I need to go to sleep soon! So not long to go really. Feb would be a loooong wait!
And I agree about the ads!! I went onto one of the other threads earlier to post a bit of a rant, but another LTTC girl had posted on there how hurtful it was and had been shot down by women who had a string of toddler and baby scan photos along the bottom of their signatures. It just made me want to shut my computer down and not come back.
Sorry, feeling v sorry for myself at the moment!

 

[Wallie]

Heh Iwas on a game thread called Take it or Leave it and I put BFP and the next person said leave it! How rude!

 

[Helen76]

Ha ha, I thought it was totally just me that worked out how old someone was when they had their kids and if they are older than me then I'm okay with it! Do you reckon if that person had twins then it might have been through IVF, I generally find that more acceptable too!! We are all crazy or maybe we're normal and everyone else is crazy

I'm actually not sure how I'm going to cope with the fact that I now know I'll never get pregnant. I hope I don't end up old and bitter, well older and more bitter anyway!! Hardest thing for me is SIL is pregnant through her 4th ICSI and I'm still jealous, it's the first (and probably only)grandchild on DH's side. She's 20 weeks now and DH doesn't want to tell her our news until after Xmas because he wants her just to concentrate on her pregnancy. That's lovely of him but we're seeing them on Sunday and I'm not sure how I'll be with her at this stage.

Lou - I really feel for you with your friend. My ex best friend got in touch to tell me she was pregnant again, she suggested meeting up in the summer and I avoided it. I am a strong believer in self preservation (despite what I wrote above about my SIL) and I think if it's going to upset you then you shouldn't meet her, it's just not worth it. You might be okay in January though once you have your immune results through.

Lolly is back!! I think we've all been there when we get that sick feeling in our stomach when we expect the announcement and I'm avoiding FB at the moment because it's baby photo after baby photo on there and it's all a bit much. Off to respond to your other post now.

Hi to everyone else.

H xx

 

[Helen76]

Heh Iwas on a game thread called Take it or Leave it and I put BFP and the next person said leave it! How rude!

That is rude, can I take it please???

 

[dreamofabean]

Thanks girls I'm actually doing ok. They think it was the short protocol to blame as with long protocol we had 10 embies! We had appt with the clinic today and it was good for closure. Well try again but I want to wait a while.
Lolly as for the 6 month rule, I spoke to my authority about this at an open evening. They said from receiving our forms to a social worker meeting with us it'd be about 6 weeks so we could apply after 4 1/2 months. Worth keeping in mind. I found it very reassuring to know the facts and discuss it with the social worker. Were not ready to go down that avenue yet but it's good to know the facts x