Support Group failed IVF/ICSI IUI or any failed assisted conceptions 2014

[angiemon]

Sorry azreal I didn't mean tO miss you out. It must be unbelievably hard to have gone through ivf so much. I wish you sO much good luck in jan and I suggest a meet up in s. Australia for all of us x

No problem at all Angiemon! So sorry to hear of the chemical. Such a seesaw of emotions! Thank you for the good luck wishes and YES if anyone ever visits Australia be sure to visit us here in good old South Australia - there's always a spare bed

Thanks Azreal, I love Australia, travelled around there for a bit in my 20's and my OH's best mate lives in Sydney!
xx

 

[angiemon]

Sorry azreal I didn't mean tO miss you out. It must be unbelievably hard to have gone through ivf so much. I wish you sO much good luck in jan and I suggest a meet up in s. Australia for all of us x

No problem at all Angiemon! So sorry to hear of the chemical. Such a seesaw of emotions! Thank you for the good luck wishes and YES if anyone ever visits Australia be sure to visit us here in good old South Australia - there's always a spare bed

angiemon - I'm so sorry, I had a chemical with IVF2 and it really really hurt to see those 2 lines and be so close yet still so far ((hugs))

lou - good luck for today, I hope it's all good news.

Thanks Nell, Im sorry that you had a chemical to, how many IVF's have you had? Haven't you got a lot of snowbabies now?

xxx

 

[angiemon]

Hi Lou,

I hope today has gone well xxx

 

[_Nell]

Angiemom - I've had 3 fresh cycles and got frosties on our 3rd, just not too sure of the quality yet (follow up appt. this week). My problem, or one of, seems to be my thin lining.

Take good care of yourself, like you I try to take comfort in the fact that I was 'close' and my Dr thought it was a good indicator that 'we'll get there'.

 

[Lolly1985]

Hello everyone

Angie sweetie, I am so so sorry Like Wallie said, that must be the hardest, having hope and then it is cruelly taken away Life is just not fair Bad things happen to good people I hope that you find comfort in loved ones at this time and know we are here, although sometimes BandB is the last thing you want. Thinking of you

Lou, what a pain! How long do you think that'll be. Its mean building up to something and then being told to wait all over again Hope its not too long and it is positive news for you and DH So hard to think all sorts but you can't plan until you know what you are dealing with. Stay strong

Helen, nice to hear from you. I hope you are ok lovely, I think of you often. Lovely stroy about your friend. I hope that can be us soon. Nope, rephrase, it WILL be us And then life will be perfect

Azreal, have you decided to wait until Jan then? Aus sounds like a great plan, when we going then ladies

Hi Wallie, how are you doing? Hope you are feeling ok about going again, we are all right behind you

Nell, sorry you have also had sad news Fingers crossed for some good frosties How are you holding up lovely?

Well I am an idiot Read a story in a school newletter (was where I used to work) about their two teddies that got married. Anyway there were two children at the school in foster care and they got adopted and moved away. So the school took on the story, to explain to the children, that the bears were going to adopt. They actually had a social worker come and assess the school and talk to the children. then they waited 2 weeks and sent an approval letter, then another two weeks and a little bear came. It said that her daddy went away and her mummy couldn't look after her so she came to her new family. I was blubbing like a trooper!!! If only it was so quick huh!

Also got a letter chasing me up for payment of meds for last cycle. I haven't paid as I am still very mad it didn't work and this is my small stupid way of punishing them But then getting the letter reminds me all over again so I guess I will get DP to sort it. Can't face speaking to anyone even if it is only their finance dept.

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Wallie]

Lolly, I can imagine how you were upset about the Bear adoption story, it's just awful, anything can set you off really.

It's really nice you remember everyone, I certainly can't!

As for me I'm okay just now although worry and upset is starting to creep back in quietly. I'm just scared of what will happen or rather what will not happen. I just want this to work so much since it will probably be my last go. I worry too that I'm quite happy in my own little world just now and I know it's all going to be shaken up again and I don't really want that.

This weekend I'm getting a new car! I'm so excited as it's been over 6 years since I had one. OH has decided WTF lets live life and stop putting things like this on hold. We have to just get on with things and that's what our therapist said too. So I'm pleased but I got a three door car in the hope that I'll need to change it in about a years time!

Anyway, hope all are doing okay? Remember and keep us all updated on how you're all doing, it's nice to hear from you all.

 

[Lou32]

Hi everyone,
I'm so sorry to hear your news Angie. When I read the line that you'd got a BFP I was so happy for you, and I can't believe it was so cruel to end. It's just not fair. I can't put it any plainer than that.
As for me - our results were not good. My worst fear was realised, as the sperm DNA fragmentation came back at 70%. According to the masses of information online, anything above 30% is seriously bad. The doctor said OH could either go on a high antioxidant regime and retest before our next go, they could try surgically removing the sperm (as there's some research to suggest it might improve things) or we could use donor sperm. OH is understandably not keen on option 2 or 3. He said one other possibility would be trying an experiment where he ejaculates 7 days in a row then leaves it two days (rest!) before giving the ICSI sample. This may reduce the dna damage. I'm seriously doubting this would be enough.
Neither of us want to use donor sperm yet, so OH is settled on the 7-day thing. Surgical sperm retrieval is £1,500!!! I'd rather go for this, but we're already completely wiped out financially. It's an awful awful thing to decide.
On top of this, they found problems with the immune tests. I have some raised natural killer cells and I don't have something which protects my embryo from the NK cells (can't remember what he called it). There was something else which I can't quite remember, but they say I need intralipids (this is the bloody drip which costs £400 a go), steroids, clexane and estrogen.
This on top of the fact that I've already asked for the progesterone bum injections this time as I don't think cyclogest works for me.
I honestly can't think straight. I could go through all this immune treatment and it still fail because the sperm is so badly damaged.
OH is at work at the moment (I took the day off. No way I could face work today) and I think we're going to have to discuss it more.
I can't believe it's come to this. It was bad enough having to do IVF, but it feels like the situation is getting worse as times goes on. I feel numb.
I suppose this is what you get for doing more tests and asking the question. Sometimes you get the answer you don't want

 

[_Nell]

Lou ((hugs))

We did the ejaculate every day thing for IVF 2 (not had the dna test done but we had shocking fertilization that indicated a sperm problem and had read that as suggested treatment). Out of interest what was your DH's morphology? (Mine was 4% which was the minimum for normal) For IVF 3 we lessened it to every other day. DH also took a high dose vitamin c and e - could your DH do that alongside the extra 'emptying'?
Our Dr says she'll give us a full list of stuff he needs to take if we are to do another fresh cycle.

Re the extras for you - snap! I haven't had the full array of tests but as per yesterdays consult i'll be having steroids, clexane, intralipids and progesterone shots for my FET. At first I was releaved we were trying the big guns, then i got home and thought 'why me, as if this ivf sh*t isn't enough I have to have even more meds and expense'. I'm nervous of these meds but OTOH I do keep seeing people get pg with these add ons on their first or 2nd round with them.

 

[Lou32]

Hi Nell, this really is shit isn't it?! Did you have an improvement with the daily or every other day technique? He's already on every antioxidant in existance, incl high C and E. His morphology is around 3 or 4%.Motility awful.Best result we had was 3% fast and 7% slow prog. To make matters worse, my IC has got really bad and I've no idea why! It's been getting gradually worse for about a month and the past week bam! Fully blown again. All i can think is maybe it's the metformin. I'm going to go to the docs tomorrow to check I don't have an infection. Dreading what work will say if I have to call in sick again.

 

[Lou32]

Can I just say that I dreaded becoming one of those women with a signature a mile long with problems! I'm now officially one of those women who people will think, why doesn't she just give up!

 

[_Nell]

Oh bless you, I keep meaning to put my signature on here - I bet people think 'who is she, has she even had ivf' when i post.

I think back in the beginning I would have looked at people like us and maybe thought ' eek it's not working for them why do they keep doing it again and again' we even said initially 3 rounds and we're done. But it's not like that is it, you learn more as you go, there are more things to try and frankly i'm increasingly realising people do get lucky on there 4th,5th,6th etc tries...... It'll be finance or emotions that drive me to stop tbh. No one will be thinking you should give up Lou - not after 2 rounds, now you have some more diagnosis they can treat - it's like a fresh new start in a way.

Re improvements, in truth I don't know! We do icsi now and i've never really paid attention to the SA they do on EC day. I don't really understand the whole sperm DNA thing in truth, does it mean the embryos we have might have been graded 'ok' but could still actually be no good? Or if they make it to blast is that an indicator that sperm was ok?.....I sort of wish we'd done PGD on them now, to just know if it's the embryos or me for sure.

Re the IC - I was going to say the metformin as soon as I read your post. It just seems logical that it might wreak havoc a little. I've decided to relax a little more and allowed myself a glass of wine the other week, just one, nothing wild. Boy did I suffer, I think I might have made my bladder more sensitive by abstaining from alcohol. I used to suffer after a whole evening out, not just one drink!

I hope these extra meds are the magic fix for both of us, I really do

 

[Lou32]

Thanks Nell. It helps so much to talk to someone in a similar position, although I wish so much we were in a similar position on the pregnant forums. I think sperm dna damage can manifest itself in different ways depending on which part of the dna is broken. One website likened it to missing pages from a book. If the pages are missing at the beginning there will be poor fertilisation, if theyre missing further along the embryo will stop growing and fail to implant and if even further along the embryo will grow until it gets to that missing page and it will end in miscarriage. We haven't even got to implantation yet. Crazy thing is that our embryos look great up to day 3, which is when the sperm dna kicks in Can't stop crying tonight. AF has shown up really early and MIL is really upsetting me. She's never supported us doing IVF and OH just told her the results and she's totally against us carrying on. She could even help if she wanted but she doesn't want to. I feel so hurt I'm finding it hard not to just say, well, something really bad and I know it would put OH in an impossible situation. I have an awful feeling my mum might say it for me as she's so upset by it all too. Anyway, maybe I should leave this out of the public forum but I suppose I just wanted to offload. Take care everyone. Xxx

 

[Wallie]

I'm so sorry Lou, anyone in your position would be upset and MIL won't help that's for sure. I always find people are not very sympathetic, so I've stopped confiding in folk just for that reason.

I hope you give it another go though if you can go through it emotionally and financially as otherwise what was the point of the tests. I just hope you get your baby and everyone else on this thread

 

[Lou32]

Thanks Wallie. OH has even now said he'd go straight to surgical sperm retrieval if it gives us a better chance. Only thing standing in our way is the money, as this and the intralipids could potentially add £3K onto this cycle. We will have to see how much we can fit on a 0% credit card.

 

[Wallie]

Seems awful that you have to get yourself into debt to try and have family. It's something that grates on my nerves. We're not skint, or wasn't, we had savings and were in a great position to have a family. Now all our savings have been spent on IVF and after this try we've really got nothing else left. We can obviously save again but that takes time and time isn't something we have as a couple. Plus I just want this to work NOW, I can't wait any longer.

I hope you manage it, even just so that you know that you tried everything you could with the information you had.

I feel for you

 

[_Nell]

eek at an extra £3k, that's tough. I'm really sorry you're having to put up with your MIL's unwelcome views, you don't need that anytime but especially not right now - it's more important that you and DH are on the same team and it sounds like your DH is really supportive. Sod your MIL, i'm sure she'll eat her words when you are pg with her grandchild.

 

[Lou32]

Well this is the problem - we could save first but I don't think we have the time to wait. If we have damaged sperm to overcome my eggs have to be good so me getting older won't help. If we get a 0% card at least there's no interest. Nell - do you know why ladies have to have steroids AND intralipids? I asked the doc if I could have just the steroids but he said I should have both.....Yes sod the MIL indeed. I won't forget all this in a hurry.

 

[_Nell]

Wallie - That's about where we are too, we had savings and were in a good position to start a family.....then IVF and tests sucked a huge chunk of money up. I often wonder how it would have gone if it had been a friend instead of me, our friends seem to be spenders and we're savers. It seems our rainy day came as a monsoon.

Lou - I don't know why both together tbh. I know I had steroids alone last round though and with a grade AA blast I got diddly squat! I think i'll be only having 1 lot of intralipids pre transfer and then more only if a BFP.....as I haven't got that far before i figure i may not really care about costs then and will just have to fathom it then.

 

[pk2of8]

I so freaking hate when you have a post all ready and typed up and something happens and then the whole thing just disappears. It's enough to put me into hysterics at times anyways..............

I know I haven't posted in here in a while but I've been following along. I just haven't had much to say b/c we're still just "waiting" for our next cycle, which is supposed to be in Jan but my nurse is being completely lax and hasn't sent me my new schedule. She was supposed to send it over 2 weeks ago and I've already emailed once to remind her. So frustrating. I'm afraid it's going to turn our Jan cycle into a Feb cycle b/c of her delay. My only consolation is that it might give us just a tiny bit more time to save just a little more even though I don't know how much that will be possible during the holidays.

In any case, I just wanted to say, wallie and Nell, how much I resonate with what you're saying about cost and savings. We HAD savings too. Almost comp,etely gone now and with this next cycle, we'll have to go into debt some too. It just doesn't seem fair.

Life has been so crazy and stressful too...my dh's only sibling, his brother, passed away unexpectedly this past Sunday. He was only 44 and had a massive heart attack. No children of his own, so now dh is the only one to carry on the family name and we have all this infertility to deal with.

And I feel like you girls too...we just don't have TIME to save and save to keep doing this. Dh has testicular failure and won't have sperm at all much longer. And for me, despite my "normal" hormone levels, I have poor response to stims and low number of eggs. It's just all so overwhelming.

I also wanted to throw out there that I think the intralipids are necessary ton reduce the response of the NK cells and other such immune stuff. That just the steroids isn't enough when you have those specific factors. I suspect I have something going n with that too, but i haven't seen my bloodwork yet and I don't even know what exactly they tested for. anyway, check out this link, that explains a lot of it. https://www.ivfauthority.com/search/label/intralipid.

That is to dr. Sher's blog, and he seems to be the general authority on this here in the US. Plus if you scroll down to his list of other topics, there's a wealth of info about immunity issues and so forth. I hope this helps girls and I just wanted ton say that I empathize with where you're at with all this.

 

[Helen76]

Lou,

Have just caught up with your news, I am so so sorry love I just can't get my head around why things have to be so difficult.

A guy at work has just walked out on his kids again over the tiniest argument and I think WTF?? How do these people get to have families and we can't!!

I'm sorrythat I can't advise on the details of your situation. I'm still debating whether to have the immunology tests. If we decide to cycle again we will do but just not sure at the moment, have my head in the sand thinking it might still happen naturally for us - idiot!!!!

Anyway in terms of number of tries, they reckon it takes 'normal' couples up to a year to conceive - that's 12/13 monthly cycles. That's what makes me think that we should cycle again and that 4 fails doesn't mean it will never work.

I am thinking of you lots and if I had the money it would be coming your way.

Sending you big hugs

H xx