Support Group failed IVF/ICSI IUI or any failed assisted conceptions 2014

[Helen76]

to Silarose and Flower. I'm so so sorry for what you are both going through.

I can only speak from my own experience but time definitely does help. It may be worth speaking to a Counsellor too. I know I'm going to have to speak to a Counsellor if this cycle doesn't work. It's such a rollercoaster and its so frustrating that we might never get that happy ending.

I suppose all we can do is hope and take comfort for what we do have rather than what we don't.

Good news on the FET front Inky, got everything crossed for you.

H xx

 

[Inky2006]

Hi Sila, hi flower. Hi Helen

Sorry to hear about what you have been through.

Flower, its natural to feel like you do. But you will get over it. I felt the same as you. The fact that you have so many blasts is fantastic. I only managed to get grade 1's day three and not that many. I had 23 eggs extracted. 16 good and only 11 fertilised. I ended up with 6. One put back day three. I had a degree of OHSS. The FS said that sometimes when your estrogen is high (as in your case with OHSS) this can cause the environment not be conducive to egg transfer. The aches that you felt during two week wait were probably your ovaries. You are very lucky how ever that you will not have to go through a full cycle again. I know you might be tempted to rush into the next cycle but I think if you have had OHSS it might be better to have a break. Also your next period may be late. I was not aware of this. My next cycle was 43 days long.

So sorry silarose, its terrible that this happened to you, This is by no means of any help to you but looking at the positives of that cycle, it shows that IVF will work for you eventually.

Hi Helen - hope all is going well. When is EC?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi Everyone!

I was hoping i could join your thread as I'm feeling quite low at the moment and talking it through with people who really understand can only help.

A little about me.... I am 25 (26 in Feb) and have been TTC for 4 years. My gorgeous BF is 29 and has no known problems. I have PCOS as well as endo and have been through every treatment under the sun! My BF and me had our first IVF with ICSI in aug/sept this year. I stimulated well however only 7 eggs were retrieved. 5 Fertilized but sadly only 2 survived to day 3 (my hosp doesn't continue to blast stage). I had one 7 and one 6 cell embie transfered on day 3. Was excited after I started spotting on day 10 thinking it might be implantation. However it got heavier over the next 2 days until full AF arrived. Was devastated and convinced I would never be a mum.

Have taken some time (and a holiday!) to get over treatment with the view to try again in Jan. Was just starting to feel strong again when I got a call from the hospital today saying I will need Zolodex injections for a cyst before they can start treatment. I'm gutted as this will add a further 4 months onto my cycle. I feel back at rock bottom again. All the waiting kills me, especially as I work in a nursery and have to be with kiddies every day. I love my work but all I really want is a baby of my own.

I hope that by talking to others I will stop feeling so alone. I have looked at past posts and would like to send all my love to you all going through the same hurt as me.

Hoping this is a lucky forum and we can get through it together!

Lolly

 

[Helen76]

Hi Lolly,

I'm so sorry you have to wait another 4 months, it's the waiting that kills me because I feel like I'm wishing my life away all the time.

If I were you I'd plan to do stuff in that 4 months that you won't be able to do when you're pregnant/have a child and just try to enjoy it as best you can.

With one of my groups of friends we only get together about 3/4 times a year. They came round to mine last night and the last time I'd seen them was when I was in the early stages of IVF last time. One of them was also trying for a baby and had also been struggling to conceive. Not any more, she's 14 weeks pregnant and so would have been due around the time I would have been if I hadn't miscarried.

I have been feeling really positive the last couple of days but now feel down again. Since when should a friend getting fantastic news make another friend feel s**t. It's just not right.

I have EC for my second attempt this Thursday, I'm just hoping and praying as much as I can that it works this time. Not sure how much more of this c**p I can take.

Hope all you lovely ladies are doing as well as can be expected.

Thanks again for starting this thread Inky.

H xx

 

[Inky2006]

Hi everyone

Hi Lolly. I know how you feel. I am 10 years older than you, so time is not on my side. However I am still upbeat and positive. Its very difficult when you can't go straight into another cycle. After the cycle fails you just want to get started again. I failed my cycle on September 18th. I have had to wait for FET in Jan. I know this seems like a long time to me. I'm sorry about your delay. It will be your turn soon. You won't be an ancient mummy like me. I will be positively mumified by the time I get pregnant (LOL)

Hi helen. I think when you see your friend pregnant, it makes you think of the possibilities. It could have been me. I also have these thoughts to. Some people are on their second babies in the two years we have been trying. I feel mean because I also find it hard to see my niece. My parents in law constantly talk about her. She is lovely but when your feeling down is hard. I am naughty and do abit of avoidance. I know I can't do this forever. Anyway, just keep positive and remember its worked for you before and will do again. You are a step closer to having a baby. And who knows you might get twins this time. Just remember the drugs make you feel down too. So keep positivexxxxxxxxxxx

 

[silarose28]

Hi everyone

Thanks for your supportive messages I am feeling totally crap today. Just been on facebook and a friend is posting every other minute about her baby which is due in 4 weeks and it makes me cry uncontrollably. I am happy for her but it really hits home that all our dreams have been shattered. Just started bleeding today - really traumatic.

Inky -good luck with your FET. I'm finding it hard to be around any freinds/family with babies at the mo - try not to feel mean because you aren't mean at all - sometimes we just need to look after ourselves!

Lolly - I work with kids too - can be quite a challenge when going through IVF. Sorry you have to wait for so long. It really is awful waiting around. We have NHS funding but actually paid privately last cycle as would have had to wait 6 months for NHS. I couldn't manange that wait because I had just had a cancelled cycle due to poor response and needed to know if a different drug regime would work. We willl have to wait until Jan/Fen now which is not long really - but we just want to get going. Thankfully Christmas will probably distract us all a bit - I hope so anyway.

Helenttc - good luck for Thur. it will be your turn soon. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Lovely to hear from everyone and so pleased that you have welcomed me into your group!

Its so hard isn't it when you hear of friends or family getting pregnant. Don't feel guily though (easier said than done). I was going through those feelings also as my sister in law is trying and each month I dread she will tell me she is expoecting. I felt so so bad and went to see my hospitals councillor to see if that was normal. She assured me it is and as she went through IVF also she could empathise with how we are all feeling. She said its not that you don't want them to have a baby, its just the fact that it will highlight that you can't. Wise words. She said that we don't need to put ourselves in these situations and told me that it is within our right to tell people that we don't feel strong enough to talk about children right now. She told me that one year her sisters in law were both pregant and so she stayed home on Christmas day instead of seeing them all!

I am so sorry to hear your news Silarose. I know that horrible dread and sadness you must be going through. Life can be so cruel to give you the one thing you want most and then snatch it away. It makes me feel so mad!!! Sending you big hugs.

Good luck for Thursday helen, how well have you responded to the drugs? Hope you get lots of healthy eggs and lil embies!

Inky its really positive that you got so many frosties. I know its no consolation that the last attempt didn't work but its something to look forward to in the new year.

I have been speaking to my doctor at the hosp today. have to go in Monday for norethisterone to induce a bleed. Then in about a months time will be ready for the zolodex. Then a waiting game (and a ton of hot flushes) until can try round 2 of IVF probably around Easter time. Its crazy how many drugs we have to pump into our bodies and makes me wonder sometimes how they can handle it all. I just hope and pray this will be our time.

All my love to you all, Lolly!

Ps... Got a kitten today so at least I will always have my fur baby!

 

[Helen76]

Thanks for all the kind words ladies, and you are right about the drugs Inky. So far I'm responding well to the drugs so I don't envisage any major problems for EC. Last time they couldn't get to my left ovary but they said it looked more hopeful this time. I got 8 from my right side last time so as long as I get around that number I'll be pleased (especially pleased if they are all top quality!!)

Silarose - Facebook is a pain in the a*s* for things like that. I have to admit I've stopped going on there as much for that very reason. You can hide a person's posts which might be an option for you.

Hope the little kitten brings you lots of joy Lolly!

H xx

 

[Isi Buttercup]

Hi ladies. I hope I can join you.

I'm just fresh off my failed IVF cycle. My heart is still breaking. I transferred THREE embies (2 blasts and 1 morula) and really wasn't prepared for failure. I am totally crushed and have almost lost all confidence it will happen for us. I'm just so grateful for a wonderful DH!! It's our 2nd anniversary today, and he's made it so so special. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost my mind.

I'm so scared to hope again. We're not sure what we'll be doing next.....FET of our less than perfect embies (morulas) or a fresh cycle....possibly at a new hospital. DH wants us to try naturally for a month or 2....I'm not holding my breath about that one.

So grateful there's this support group. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Infertility stinks!

 

[Inky2006]

Hi isi - so sad for you

When you fail a cycle its as if your insides have been crushed. All of that downregging/stimms with loads of painful injections for what? However, it will work for you. You had Blasts, that was great! You could try FET as sometimes people respond better to this as not having all those hormones pumped into you. Also, when they thaw embroyos, those that make the thaw are said to be strong embroyos and once put back in the chances are the same as fresh cycle. This is what I have been informed. We all feel like it won't happen for us. Yet everyday we hear success stories and if you search the forums most people get there eventually. Take care,am thinking of youxxxxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi Isi

Sorry to hear your news, know that you must be feeling cr*p. Its so hard and I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for failure. The long journey and hope, its so cruel when its taken away.

I can sympathise to how you are feeling. I had two embies transferred and everyone was so postivie telling me that I was young and with two it basically couldn't fail. So when it does you lose your hope for next time. But there is always hope. I keep telling myself that every day and now with the help of my councillor and trying to believe it!

This forum is great as everyone here knows how we feel. Its just not the same trying to explain to someone who hasn't been there. Trying naturally was something my paretner also suggested. He said that miracles happen and if not we could have fun trying!! Think he was trying to make me feel better! Thank goodness we have our men! Whatever you decide it will be the right decision for you.

Hi Inky and to everyone else, I hope you are keeping well, sending lots of positive vibes!

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Isi Buttercup]

Thanks Inky and Lolly! I'm supposed to have a review with my clinic, possibly tomorrow. I might also have a chat with another FS I had earlier considered......just to weigh all my options.

The pain is still very very raw, and I wish I could have some sort of counselling. In the meantime, I'll just keep waiting and praying I get my PMA back.

Good luck with your FET in January, Inky. How are you preparing for it?

What are your next steps, Lolly?

 

[Inky2006]

Hi Isi, I have experienced that pain also, its very hard, I experienced it back in September so have had a chance to get over it abit. However it does make me fear another cycle just incase it doesn't work. In terms of preparation I am not doing very much at the moment. I need to ring the clinic when i get my AF(This month and next month) and then the FS will decide whether I have a medicated or unmedicated FET. I want to go for the unmedicated FET personally, the less hormones the better. I am due for AF on friday and have seen some spotting. I can say that this is the first time for a long time that I am actually pleased to be getting my AF. Of course I am trying to stick to a diet (keep falling off the wagon) but staying the same weight. I am exercising but intermittent because my job is active and at the end of a shift I can't move sometimes LOL. Also I am trying to remain positive and upbeat. I think I may be more relaxed going into FET. Anyway, hope your follow up goes okay. This will help you move forward. Take care of yourself.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Helen76]

Thanks for all the kind words ladies, and you are right about the drugs Inky. So far I'm responding well to the drugs so I don't envisage any major problems for EC. Last time they couldn't get to my left ovary but they said it looked more hopeful this time. I got 8 from my right side last time so as long as I get around that number I'll be pleased (especially pleased if they are all top quality!!)

Silarose - Facebook is a pain in the a*s* for things like that. I have to admit I've stopped going on there as much for that very reason. You can hide a person's posts which might be an option for you.

Hope the little kitten brings you lots of joy Lolly!

H xx

I can't believe I said that I didn't envisage any major problems for EC. Just had my latest scan and they are worried on two counts. One is that the follicles on my right side are smaller than they should be and secondly it looks like there is a problem with my left tube which means that it will be unlikely they can access the left side (for the second time).

They have put me on an extra day of stimms and put EC back til Friday. It looks like its the Professor who will do my op on Friday but she has warned me there is a chance my cycle will be cancelled on Friday

If it is cancelled I'll probably end up with my left tube being removed so that will delay things even further.

The only hope I can take is that my follicles looked small on my right side the last time and they still managed to get 8 eggs. Please wish me luck ladies, I can't bear the thought of getting this far and then failing.

H xx

 

[Inky2006]

Hi helen, the only thing I can really say is that the medical professional always give you the worst case scenario to prepare you for the eventuality. Hopefully the smaller follicles will catch up with the extra days of stimming, and by the time you do your trigger shot you'll get enough ripe ones (so to speak) I wish you luck. I'm sorry that you have had to go through this.

 

[MissMonty]

Hi ladies I'm sorry to see there are some new ladies posting in here - I really know how you are all feeling, it's just the most horrible pain ever, my DH's Dad passed away many years ago now and he told me the emotional pain and grief he has been experiencing since our last failed attempt has been worst then when his Dad passed away, he feels that his Dad had a good life and he feels he is griefing more now as we might never get to experience something that a lot of people take for granted

Isi - I remember you from the Oct tread - I'm sorry things did not work out for you

We've been offered some more indepth immune blood tests at the fertility clinic gonna cost us £1000!! eek!! As we have produced good embroys they think there might be an issue that is preventing implantation and these blood tests can check for problems. Having the test the end of next week and will have to wait upto 6 weeks to get the results so next cycle is on hold for the moment.

I guess our only blessing is we have managed to save a lot of money over the years - I don't know how I would cope if I coundn't afford to do more tests and more cycles - although I would give all our savings away tomorrow if it meant I could have a child without all this heart ache.

Sorry for the long post - I don't post very often and when I do I seem to go OTT.

Sending all you strong amazing women lots of hugs

 

[silarose28]

Thanks for all the kind words ladies, and you are right about the drugs Inky. So far I'm responding well to the drugs so I don't envisage any major problems for EC. Last time they couldn't get to my left ovary but they said it looked more hopeful this time. I got 8 from my right side last time so as long as I get around that number I'll be pleased (especially pleased if they are all top quality!!)

Silarose - Facebook is a pain in the a*s* for things like that. I have to admit I've stopped going on there as much for that very reason. You can hide a person's posts which might be an option for you.

Hope the little kitten brings you lots of joy Lolly!

H xx

I can't believe I said that I didn't envisage any major problems for EC. Just had my latest scan and they are worried on two counts. One is that the follicles on my right side are smaller than they should be and secondly it looks like there is a problem with my left tube which means that it will be unlikely they can access the left side (for the second time).

They have put me on an extra day of stimms and put EC back til Friday. It looks like its the Professor who will do my op on Friday but she has warned me there is a chance my cycle will be cancelled on Friday

If it is cancelled I'll probably end up with my left tube being removed so that will delay things even further.

The only hope I can take is that my follicles looked small on my right side the last time and they still managed to get 8 eggs. Please wish me luck ladies, I can't bear the thought of getting this far and then failing.

H xx

Hi Helen

Just to let you know that I needed exra days of stimming and it really helped - my follicles did mature. If you manage to get 8 eggs you still have a really good chance - many people have less than that and are successful. Good luck with everything and let us know ho you get on. I've got my fx'd for you xxxx

 

[MissMonty]

Helen - I really hope things have improved and you can continue your cycle, I agree with Inky - they always give the worse case scenerio I had extra stims on my first cycle as follies were not very big and ended up with 3 eggs, second fresh cycle they increased my stimms and I produced 18 eggs! Next time they told me they will alter the stims dose again

Silarose - I deactivated my facebook after my last failed cycle, got all upset as logged on and another person had annouced they are preggers and another complaining about being preggers, it was really getting me down. For my own sanity I just got rid and to be honest I haven't missed it at all

 

[silarose28]

Hi everyone

I'm starting to feel a bit better - though still have my moments of absolute depression. I keep thinking that I only got 6 eggs so the chances of it working were so low anyway. What if that was my last chance?! I can't believe I was pregnant for such a short time. i keep thinking - last time I was here i was pregnant etc. It's horrid!

Isi - I agree about facebook. I have hidden posts from pregnant people. Am so sick of 1 friend moaning bout being fat and preggars - I would give anything to be in her shoes!!!! Sorry you have to wait wound for your test results. The waiting around is a killer isn't it? I'm 37 and feel like screaming I HAVENT GOT TIME TO BLOODY WELL WAIT ARGH!!!! I hope the investigations help you to get your bfp xxxxxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi ladies!

Helen i'm really sorry things aren't going well for you at the moment. But at the same time if you experienced something similar last cycle and got 8 eggs then try to stay positive (I know easier said than done), as my consultant always says you only need one! (Usually wanted to kick her when she said it but it is true!!) I will be thinking of you.

Isi your hospital should be able to offer you councelling. They told me that IVF is one of the only treatments that they have onsite councillors for. You should look into it. Ultimately i know it won't change anything but it does help to talk to a neutral party. As for next steps i'm back to the hospital saturday for my prescriptions. Gotta take norethisterone to induce a bleed (I don't have regular AF), then after 2 weeks they give me a shot of zolodex. I don't know if you are familiar? Its like a temp. menopause and shuts all your hormones down and is to help shrik a cyst I have on my right ovary. have had it twice before and gives me terrible hot flushes!! Then after that wears of after 3 months another 2 weeks on norethisterone, then AF, then IVF. Bloody hell, feel like a junkie with all the drugs involved. Be worth it 1000000000000 times over though if it works!!

Stay strong everyone, Lolly xxxxxxxx