Support thread for ladies who have had 3+ failed IVF cycles

[africaqueen]

Nice to have you with us MrsE, although obviously i wish with all my heart that none of us were on this thread but we are, so we will get eachother through this nightmare.

I am feeling a little better today after a very down day yesterday. Feeling aggressive still but managing to put a lid on it. Got my slimming class later and hoping i get my 2 stone award. I am focusing on losing weight, getting fit and enjoying life as best i can and hoping that next year see's me pregnant somehow or another. Where there is life there is hope ladies. NEVER let us be defeated xxx

 

[bubumaci]

Hi MrsE

I find it so sad that there are so many different types of struggles ... no-one should have to go through this



Bugs - I am looking forward to my first appointment ... I will try anything to finally make this be a success!! (And I hate ... hate needles... total phobia of them!)

Glad that you are feeling a bit better today AQ! And that is important - to keep enjoying life! We only have one, so we should try to make the best of it!

 

[africaqueen]

Thanks Andrea. I meant to say to you also that i lost my mum in Aug 2011 just a mth before our 1st IVF cycle, then my best friend Jane in Nov 2012 and my oldest friend Kelly in Feb this year so i understand how terrible grief is alongside infertility. It really is soul destroying but like you say, we have just one life and we never know what is around the corner so i plan to live my life the best i can for myself and also in memory of my mum and my friends xxxx

 

[bubumaci]

I am so very sorry for your losses

 

[bugs]

Cvaeh would you really not consider going abroad, donor egg cycles in this country are silly prices and I wouldn't recommend egg sharing coz they don't use proven donors like they do in some clinics abroad and you just don't know what your gonna get. Some poor cow ended up with half of my shitty eggs. I should never have been accepted as a donor.

Well I've got to say I'm pretty upset about some things that have been said on this site tonight I wish people had a bit more compassion coz at the end of the day once their babies are born they'll forget all about us and the thread but we'll still be looking for advice, support and an escape but that's all I'm going to say on the matter xxxx

 

[africaqueen]

Andrea- I am very sorry for you losses too. We have plenty of guardian angels x

Heather- I agree with what you said about not point in FU etc as i felt that at our last one. Yep my eggs are pretty poor so how many different ways can it be said kwim? we will get there. Good luck with your DE plan. I am sure that will make the difference. I have been thinking of you lots x

Bugs- I don't know what has gone on tonight but i am sorry if someone has upset you and we will be here for eachother always like we have done for the past 4yrs so don't worry about that x

Got my 2 stone award at slimming world tonight! made up xxx

 

[bugs]

No not at all Cveah just another thread, water of a ducks back but just a bit inappropriate I thought, I've got enough on my plate without worrying about hurting someone's feelings xxx

 

[bubumaci]

Bugs, I am sorry that you got upset on another thread. I think it is very easy for people, once they are successful, to forget how it was before their wish was granted. And to forget how quickly hurtful things can be said.

Cvaeh - thank you for your welcome. I was just hunting on the internet to see about donor eggs in Hungary (I have family in Budapest and Hungary has excellent medical care) since it is illegal in Germany. I came across a clinic that seems to be very good, does offer all the normal IUI, IVF, ICSI etc. care as well as donor eggs and donor sperm. Being in Hungary, the prices are well below US, UK and Western European prices (we are already about 40 KEUR out of pocket here!!) ... perhaps you would consider taking a look?

Here is the link to the website :

https://ivfpregnancycenter.com/

 

[Unlucky41]

Hi All

So glad this thread has taken off!!
Just got my timetable for my last ivf using my eggs. We should be stim 24 Sept and ER is estimated to be 8th October. Really hope this is the one but I think I need to start my research in relation to donor eggs.

Ladies I need help to how to go about it? I have been googling donor eggs overseas and not getting very far. Any suggestions? Looking at the Asian countries due to price and I am Asian.

Thanks

 

[bubumaci]

Hi Unlucky!

Just thinking - can I call you something else to perhaps bring you a bit more luck? Would like to push positive karma towards you
Anyway, all fingers and toes crossed for your new cycle - that you won't have to move onto DE!

Yesterday I did a bit of googling (well, Hungary-specific) and I was thinking - depending on where you live - perhaps you wouldn't have to go as far as Asia? I am sure that when looking at donors, you can narrow in on what is ethnically closer to you (including blood groups etc.) and I am sure that there are Asian donors in countries outside of Asia? Or is Asia close to you (not sure whether you mean Asian living elsewhere or Asian living in Asia)? If Hungary were to be an option for you (I posted the link earlier to the clinic) perhaps you could enquire as to having an Asian donor? For example. The clinic seems to have a fantastic reputation in Europe...

 

[MrsE75]

AQ - huge congrats on the 2 stone badge keep going!!!

Bugs - sorry people have upset you stick with us ladies instead

Unlucky - good luck for you upcoming cycle.

Cveah - looks like we all may be considering DE!

Personally if I need DE I would probably look at Spain because I have olive/Mediterranean skin and most people think I'm Portuguese or Spanish so I would want to match my skin tone as much as possible. Also in UK the whole not guaranteed the quality of you donor would concern me.

Just had a lovely end to a lon journey for one of my friends. She had tried for 7yrs, 5 ivf cycles and 3 m/c so had a tough time. Anyway her eggs were crap and she has immune issues and they are not very advanced where she is so she did surrogacy overseas and she just flew out to meet her twin girls last Friday how lovely. I'm absolutely made up for her. Hope that cheers you all up xx

 

[africaqueen]

Bubumaci- If we have to move onto DE i shall check out that clinic as Hungary is not too far from the UK and looks beautiful too x

MrsE- I have same complexion as you and ppl assume i am spanish when i am in spain and if dh was white we would defo seek DE in Spain for that reason but as dh is black, our baby will favour him anyway so won't matter so much x

Bugs- I realise what you mean now... i think its disgusting that you were named in the thread and that these women we have supported have turned to be downright selfish and thoughless after going through IVF themselves! it seems a case of 'im alright jack' with some of them. No names mentioned. I won't sink to that level. Some of the preg ladies are lovely. Some need a reality check and also how would they like it if they had multiple fails and still were not pregnant and there was a thread all about pregnancy on a ASSISTED conception board?! talk about insensitive when there are TONS of pregnancy threads on PREGNANCY forums! xxx

 

[bugs]

Hi everyone, sorry about my rant it just really hit a nerve. AQ on some forums that thread would have been moved as it can be upsetting but the thing is I was not saying if your pregnant you're not allowed to post it's the pregnancy talk by all means update and I don't even mind the thread as it means I can pop in there and see how there doing when I choose too. It pushed me over the edge when my miscarriage was referred to as my troubles but any ways all is said and done now and I think I'll just stay here now xxxx

Anyone looking for donor eggs try the fertility friends site it is region specific so you can see other people's reviews on clinics. I think all of us are having a last attempt with OE so it will be nice to do it together xxxx

 

[africaqueen]

Bugs- I totally agree. Of course its nice to hear success stories, but there is a big difference between announcing your pregnancy and sharing tips and advice on IVF, compared to posting about pregnancy in detail, right down to what clothes etc you are going to buy... that is just cruel to do on a assisted conception forum when baby and bump has a huge pregnancy section for threads like this and no matter how you get pregnant, be it IVF or natural, pregnancy is pregnancy and such matters should only be discussed in detail on pregnancy forums. Anyway my rant is over now too. Onwards and upwards for us ladies in here it will soon be us pregnant and setting up a thread over on the pregnancy forums cos i dont know about you ladies, but as much as these threads have been my lifeline, i am more than ready to move onto pregnancy boards! lol. I would always pop back here to help others through this nightmare though xxx

 

[cvaeh]

Totally agree Africa.
I can't wait to move over to the pregnancy forum. I thought i would be well over there by now when i first posted.

I have had a lovely day with dh today. We went to bygone times and then had our lunch out. I went for a run for the first time in ages when i got back and is it wrong to say i really enjoyed it!!! I have been tying to work out why my egg quality is so bad. None of my family have ever had problems and i have always been fit and healthy, although went through puberty late as i was tiny so wondered if that could have caused it???

Oh well, i can't change it. I will love my baby whatever x x x x x

 

[cvaeh]

Mrse - wonderful news about your friend. X x

 

[africaqueen]

MrsE- Yes sorry meant to say what a lovely story about your friend x

Cvaeh- I don't think going through puberty late made a difference as i was only 12 when i did and look at me... just nature going wrong and sadly it had to happen to us we will get there, even if its not the way we thought x

 

[MrsE75]

Cveah - I agree with AQ I think it's just bad luck. I initially thought it was cos of my thyroid which I got at early age of 18yrs old but then there are others in same or worse boat than me that don't have that issue. It's just something we will never know I guess. But I I have a gentoo daughter I will be telling her to freeze her eggs at an early age just incase it's genetic! My mum took 3 yrs to get pregnant naturally aged 28 cos ivf didn't exist then so who knows my mum could have had the same problem.

Feeling knackered expecting the witch sun/Mon which is never good! Stupid I know but I always think even for just a second perhaps this'd nth it may work - how insane am I!?! Ha, ha xx

 

[cvaeh]

Mrse- not insane at all. Every month i think maybe i will be that person telling their story about their miracle baby conceived naturally after so much intervention and my eggs won't even fertilize with icsi! I am still waiting for my period to come after my period bfn. I was on 100mg of gestone daily and it did the trick of keeping period away which nothing else did. At least i have learned something from this cycle. I think it will take a while for my hormones to settle though.

did you say your friend did her surrocacy in Cyprus? X x x x

 

[bubumaci]

Yay for a suggoracy success That is so exciting that she is getting to meet her twins!

Interestingly, I am also on another thread (that I joined in Spring of last year) - where a few who have been on as long as me are now pregnany and most have already had their babies. There was a lot of talk of symptoms and etc. during pregnancy - now its baby talk. I remember one poster getting really upset and leaving the thread, because she felt that now that people were pregnant, no one was answering her AC questions. I am in split minds about it - we have been quite a close-knit group of friends on there (as well as being friends on facebook and I created a group there just for us). Because of all the support and caring, we have, as I say, become quite close - on the other hand, it really is painful to keep failing and seeing some succeed first go / quite soon. But I there are others (three of us are "Azoo" girls on there) who have suffered some failures and who are now pregnant and of course I am over the moon for us. The thread has turned into a "supporting each and every one of us until and beyond BFP".

But I guess that is also the reason, since it has been the thread I've been most active on, why I looked for somewhere else. I mean, they say they all understand the pain and frustration and that it is OK to rant and rave ... But somehow, even though having to go through the treatment in itself is painful and awful to know you can't have children without the intervention, I don't think the ladies who had success first or second time around (and most did manage to get pregnant first time round) really get what it feels like to keep failing / to lose the baby and keep failing. There are others there of course who are more or less in the same boat as me (or worse, have had several miscarriages) who are now pregnant and I am sure they really do get it!

*ramble* sorry!

CVAEH - lol - I have that hope (deep down, even though I say I don't believe in it, because hey - without swimmers / ones that aren't able to swim, it just won't happen) too