Telling people before 3 months?

[Nimyra]

I also used to be in the "if I had a loss I'd want the support, so go ahead and tell" camp, but now having had a loss, I know it was so much harder going to school (where people knew I was pregnant and I had to face the looks of sympathy/pity) than going to work (where no one knew). Not that I didn't need support, but really the best support most of the time was distraction... and people letting me feel normal from time to time.

This time around... I've told a few people (need to know) and soon I'll need to tell more at work due to scheduling issues when the baby comes... but I really wish I could keep it a secret until the baby comes. I just never want to have to tell people "oh, actually, no baby" again. And also, its hard for me to be really excited, and people want you to be REALLY EXCITED, but in my mind, I still could lose this baby. I hope I don't, but I don't think I'll truly trust it until after the baby is here.

So, yeah, keeping the discussion about baby things to a minimum. Need to know for the whole pregnancy.

Feel like such a downer. I envy others their innocence.

 

[CastawayBride]

I also used to be in the "if I had a loss I'd want the support, so go ahead and tell" camp, but now having had a loss, I know it was so much harder going to school (where people knew I was pregnant and I had to face the looks of sympathy/pity) than going to work (where no one knew). Not that I didn't need support, but really the best support most of the time was distraction... and people letting me feel normal from time to time.

This time around... I've told a few people (need to know) and soon I'll need to tell more at work due to scheduling issues when the baby comes... but I really wish I could keep it a secret until the baby comes. I just never want to have to tell people "oh, actually, no baby" again. And also, its hard for me to be really excited, and people want you to be REALLY EXCITED, but in my mind, I still could lose this baby. I hope I don't, but I don't think I'll truly trust it until after the baby is here.

So, yeah, keeping the discussion about baby things to a minimum. Need to know for the whole pregnancy.

Feel like such a downer. I envy others their innocence.

Amen on envying others for there innocence. I have friends that are pregnant and they are like a hot dog don't hurt, oh you can eat deli meat. Sigh. I am like please, please be careful I don't want you to go through what we did. Our son did not pass from anything we ate but the loss of a child hurts more than anything I could ever imagine.

 

[Phantom]

I didn't tell anyone until 20 weeks with my first but this time I think I'm going to tell people early. Thanksgiving is coming up next month and my in laws will be questioning why I'm not drinking wine.

 

[Nimyra]

Castaway... I have a close friend in town who got pregnant more or less the same week as me. same due dates.

Her husband (bless him) started immediately running around telling EVERYONE, "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY" Note, this is like the day of the positive preg. test... no viability scan or anything yet.

And me and my husband are like (to ourselves), "okay, Nim is pregnant, we MIGHT have a baby" Or we might not. Time will tell.

 

[Medea1978]

My oh told everyone in the world last time... Ended up being a blighted ovum... Then you'd think he'd tell everyone it didn't work out but he functions. We were at a party weeks later and I was getting the hairy eyeball mg or drinking because everyone though I was still preggo.. Talk about an awkward announcement and party downer.. This time we've been picking and choosing who we tell

 

[Starry Night]

We're telling everyone right away. I don't really want to, but because of my history I am putting myself on preemptive bed rest. I get blood clots/SCH's with all of my pregnancies and the bleeding is scary. Every time I go into public I panic. And I can't disappear from the face of the planet without telling people. Because of all my losses, I would love to at least wait until a viability scan to suddenly whip and shout, "look! it's a baby and it's HEALTHY!!!" I also feel like I get people excited only to let them down later.

I get very, VERY depressed after a loss so in away it is good that everyone knows about my losses so they don't think I'm shunning them or hate them or whatever. Dealing with that drama would be worse than the odd pitying look.

My biggest fear is getting pessimistic remarks about how I'll probably lose it. Got at least one of those last time.

 

[MrsGax]

I told my BFF but we will not be telling anyone. Not even family. We have had 2 losses and we just want to make sure that there is a baby that is measuring on time around 12 weeks or so in there before we spill the beans. I hate having people tell me how sorry they are and how it "just was not meant to be" or "God has different plans". TRUST ME, I know that... But it is only okay when I say that... or someone else that has actually been through this. So no, we will not tell anyone until we cannot hide it anymore. The ONLY exception I make is that I am in nursing school and I always let my instructors know so that they can "protect" me from patients with diseases such as CMV, varicella, rubella, etc. And so they know why I am sitting down several times per 12 hour shifts.

 

[MissRhead]

I've told my close friends and family, I'm just letting other people figure it out themselves lol

 

[EarthMama]

I told my BFF but we will not be telling anyone. Not even family. We have had 2 losses and we just want to make sure that there is a baby that is measuring on time around 12 weeks or so in there before we spill the beans. I hate having people tell me how sorry they are and how it "just was not meant to be" or "God has different plans". TRUST ME, I know that... But it is only okay when I say that... or someone else that has actually been through this. So no, we will not tell anyone until we cannot hide it anymore.

Exactly, the worst thing for me was hearing everyone's theories on why it happened in addition to all the empty platitudes. Don't want to deal with that again so we are way more cautious in telling people.

 

[EarthMama]

I've told my close friends and family, I'm just letting other people figure it out themselves lol

I like that idea too. Eventually people in my community might notice a big bump...I might say something then...or just blame It on eating too much, haha.

 

[Hay1988]

Last time we told everyone straight away and i ended up having a mmc at 8weeks. I couldnt stand everyone feeling sorry for me and everyone saying things like it wasnt meant to be and you'll have one when the time is right. Half of those people hadnt even experienced a miscarriage! This time i am keeping it to myself as long as possible. My company needs to know by the latest 15 weeks so i will be telling them then x

 

[Clairikins]

My dh got drunk and happy and told his mum on Friday, so we told my parents to even it up. I've also told my best friend/cousin who is also pregnant. I can see me telling a lot more! Ah well, I am useless at keeping secrets.

 

[jenny82]

This time, I told family quite early, but only because we were moving across the country and I didn't want to do it by phone. Also, I couldn't face my mother's reaction (never a good one, weirdly) so I told her in a room full of close relatives so she had to 'fake' it. She is happy now though

Everyone else can wait. Bit worried about telling one close friend as I'll have had 3 children in the space she is still waiting to have one and she will put on a happy face but it will kill her

 

[bamm]

I'd tell! We told with DD at about 5 weeks, we told with this one, yesterday, just shy of 9 weeks

 

[BSelck24]

I've told co-workers as to why I can't lift boxes or why I'm not feeling so great. We've also told close family and friends as soon as we found out but only the ones who will truly be thinking positive thoughts towards this baby. One of my best girlfriends is such a pessimist and is so skeptical and I refuse to have any negative thoughts around this baby after my mmc last year!

 

[Sachis2112]

We've told family, close friends and some of my coworkers. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops as well. I'm 37 and this is my first. There's a whole lot of "It's about friggin time!" in me and I want everyone to know. But we had a scare a week ago where I bled heavily and we thought for sure I'd miscarried or had a chemical. Based on that, I've told only the people I feel like would be good support if something bad happens. Also, enough people to make this easy to manage if we get some hard news. It's very difficult to keep it quiet.

My mom is freaking out and keeps asking for permission to give the news I just reminder her that she can tell whomever she wants but to remember that I'm older and things can go really wrong. Still. It's killing me.

 

[MrsGax]

I told my BFF but we will not be telling anyone. Not even family. We have had 2 losses and we just want to make sure that there is a baby that is measuring on time around 12 weeks or so in there before we spill the beans. I hate having people tell me how sorry they are and how it "just was not meant to be" or "God has different plans". TRUST ME, I know that... But it is only okay when I say that... or someone else that has actually been through this. So no, we will not tell anyone until we cannot hide it anymore.

Exactly, the worst thing for me was hearing everyone's theories on why it happened in addition to all the empty platitudes. Don't want to deal with that again so we are way more cautious in telling people.

Omg I know! everyone saying "oh, well the body takes care of it when there is something not right." or "It just wasn't meant to be." That is annoying and it is just not nice to say. I would NEVER say that to a woman that had a MC. We are very cautious as well but I cannot wait to make a big announcement once I know the sex of the baby.

 

[CastawayBride]

I told my BFF but we will not be telling anyone. Not even family. We have had 2 losses and we just want to make sure that there is a baby that is measuring on time around 12 weeks or so in there before we spill the beans. I hate having people tell me how sorry they are and how it "just was not meant to be" or "God has different plans". TRUST ME, I know that... But it is only okay when I say that... or someone else that has actually been through this. So no, we will not tell anyone until we cannot hide it anymore.

Exactly, the worst thing for me was hearing everyone's theories on why it happened in addition to all the empty platitudes. Don't want to deal with that again so we are way more cautious in telling people.

Omg I know! everyone saying "oh, well the body takes care of it when there is something not right." or "It just wasn't meant to be." That is annoying and it is just not nice to say. I would NEVER say that to a woman that had a MC. We are very cautious as well but I cannot wait to make a big announcement once I know the sex of the baby.

Imagine being told that after the loss of your son at 31weeks--->even from one of the doctors. Sad, right? The things that people say are often so inappropriate I would smile as to not cause them discomfort while thinking, "If only I could tell them how I really feel!"

 

[mh_ccl]

My family live about 5,000 miles from me, but we will be visiting them at the end of October, when I will be around 12 weeks. My sister and BIL already know, and I will tell my parents then. We've told a few friends, and I told my supervisor at work so she can prepare herself for my absence.

However, I do have the urge to tell people. I placate it by telling strangers I will never see again, like a real estate agent we met on a house tour.

 

[Disneybaby26]

My family live about 5,000 miles from me, but we will be visiting them at the end of October, when I will be around 12 weeks. My sister and BIL already know, and I will tell my parents then. We've told a few friends, and I told my supervisor at work so she can prepare herself for my absence.

However, I do have the urge to tell people. I placate it by telling strangers I will never see again, like a real estate agent we met on a house tour.

Lol! I do this too! Like the Chinese food guys or the girl at the checkout stand in the grocery store! It works to take care of the urge!