The Bad Mothers (Guilt Free) Confessional Thread

[Aberrance]

I have this constant fear of dropping her or whacking her head somehow, and of course, to my crazy brain, that means instant ******ation. (So not true, I know.)

Funny that they bleep out the R-word.. (What if I say flame ******ant?) But not when I refer to my LO as an asshole...

 

[HungryHippo]

Bad mom moment today: Keep thinking all I want is my pre-mom life back because LO won't nap which means I don't get any me time. Trying very hard to look at LO and like her - but am currently resenting her. Resenting a tiny little baby - feel like a horrible person.

You're not a horrible person, you're grieving for your old life, it's a huge shock and a big change. I didn't enjoy motherhood until very recently, as in the past month or 2! I found it so hard and still do, nothing like what I expected! Nobody tells you that some babies don't just eat, sleep, poo, play, eat sleep, poo, play and in fact they cry a lot of the time, fight sleep, don't let you put them down etc!

What have you tried for naps? Swaddling, a swing, white noise, dummy?? LO is only little and will probably only manage around an hour before needing a sleep or she'll get overtired and fight sleep.

It WILL get better xxx

She's not a consistent napper. Yesterday she went down for 3 hours in the morning. Today, nothing. And she does get overtired and fights sleep. And I HATE soothing her for 30 min only to have her nap for 30 min. We swaddle with white noise. She's currently not liking her swing or bouncer. I've come to HATE the baby monitor because I know eventually I'll hear her fuss on it. Basically, I hate today. Today sucks! Today I'd like to give her back to the hospital!

 

[whit.]

Bad mom moment today: Keep thinking all I want is my pre-mom life back because LO won't nap which means I don't get any me time. Trying very hard to look at LO and like her - but am currently resenting her. Resenting a tiny little baby - feel like a horrible person.

You're not a horrible person, you're grieving for your old life, it's a huge shock and a big change. I didn't enjoy motherhood until very recently, as in the past month or 2! I found it so hard and still do, nothing like what I expected! Nobody tells you that some babies don't just eat, sleep, poo, play, eat sleep, poo, play and in fact they cry a lot of the time, fight sleep, don't let you put them down etc!

What have you tried for naps? Swaddling, a swing, white noise, dummy?? LO is only little and will probably only manage around an hour before needing a sleep or she'll get overtired and fight sleep.

It WILL get better xxx

She's not a consistent napper. Yesterday she went down for 3 hours in the morning. Today, nothing. And she does get overtired and fights sleep. And I HATE soothing her for 30 min only to have her nap for 30 min. We swaddle with white noise. She's currently not liking her swing or bouncer. I've come to HATE the baby monitor because I know eventually I'll hear her fuss on it. Basically, I hate today. Today sucks! Today I'd like to give her back to the hospital!

If I were closer I'd come keep her for the afternoon for you. I know what it's like because I NEVER get a break from her. When I say those words outloud "Never get a break from her" I feel like a worthless piece of shit. I love her more than words will ever be able to explain but when I'm the only one that takes care of her all day long, OH comes home, he takes her long enough for me to cook dinner, I then take her back or try to get her to sit in her swing or bouncy so we can eat together, but at that time she's starting to get tired and wants to be held, so he eats his dinner, mine gets cold, He takes her long enough for me to eat, I then do her bedtime routine with her and then it starts all over the next day.

I knew it would be a life adjustment, I'm okay with it being a life adjustment, but that doesn't mean I don't miss going to the grocery store or taking a shower. Oh boy do I miss taking hot showers for more than 3 minutes.

 

[HungryHippo]

Bad mom moment today: Keep thinking all I want is my pre-mom life back because LO won't nap which means I don't get any me time. Trying very hard to look at LO and like her - but am currently resenting her. Resenting a tiny little baby - feel like a horrible person.

You're not a horrible person, you're grieving for your old life, it's a huge shock and a big change. I didn't enjoy motherhood until very recently, as in the past month or 2! I found it so hard and still do, nothing like what I expected! Nobody tells you that some babies don't just eat, sleep, poo, play, eat sleep, poo, play and in fact they cry a lot of the time, fight sleep, don't let you put them down etc!

What have you tried for naps? Swaddling, a swing, white noise, dummy?? LO is only little and will probably only manage around an hour before needing a sleep or she'll get overtired and fight sleep.

It WILL get better xxx

She's not a consistent napper. Yesterday she went down for 3 hours in the morning. Today, nothing. And she does get overtired and fights sleep. And I HATE soothing her for 30 min only to have her nap for 30 min. We swaddle with white noise. She's currently not liking her swing or bouncer. I've come to HATE the baby monitor because I know eventually I'll hear her fuss on it. Basically, I hate today. Today sucks! Today I'd like to give her back to the hospital!

If I were closer I'd come keep her for the afternoon for you. I know what it's like because I NEVER get a break from her. When I say those words outloud "Never get a break from her" I feel like a worthless piece of shit. I love her more than words will ever be able to explain but when I'm the only one that takes care of her all day long, OH comes home, he takes her long enough for me to cook dinner, I then take her back or try to get her to sit in her swing or bouncy so we can eat together, but at that time she's starting to get tired and wants to be held, so he eats his dinner, mine gets cold, He takes her long enough for me to eat, I then do her bedtime routine with her and then it starts all over the next day.

I knew it would be a life adjustment, I'm okay with it being a life adjustment, but that doesn't mean I don't miss going to the grocery store or taking a shower. Oh boy do I miss taking hot showers for more than 3 minutes.

I'd let you take her. Of course, then I'd worry about her the entire time I was gone. On the days she doesn't nap - I can't stand life. I feel like a selfish brat. I guess I just wish she'd be a tad more predictable. The only thing that's predictable now is that when she doesn't nap she is extremely fussy. I wish I was a better mom. I thought I was going to be or I wouldn't have had her, you know?

 

[wishiwas]

Just wanted to say that I appreciate you all bringing these feeling and insecurities to light. I really needed someone else to say they feel the same as I do at times. It can be so hard when lo is fighting sleep or wanting to eat constantly, when all you want are a few minutes to yourself to regroup.

 

[whit.]

I'd let you take her. Of course, then I'd worry about her the entire time I was gone. On the days she doesn't nap - I can't stand life. I feel like a selfish brat. I guess I just wish she'd be a tad more predictable. The only thing that's predictable now is that when she doesn't nap she is extremely fussy. I wish I was a better mom. I thought I was going to be or I wouldn't have had her, you know?

I'm sure you're a fine mom. Motherhood is like a smack in the face, you think you're prepared for it and then it blindsides you.

PS, My LO is only a day older than yours.

 

[HungryHippo]

I'd let you take her. Of course, then I'd worry about her the entire time I was gone. On the days she doesn't nap - I can't stand life. I feel like a selfish brat. I guess I just wish she'd be a tad more predictable. The only thing that's predictable now is that when she doesn't nap she is extremely fussy. I wish I was a better mom. I thought I was going to be or I wouldn't have had her, you know?

I'm sure you're a fine mom. Motherhood is like a smack in the face, you think you're prepared for it and then it blindsides you.

PS, My LO is only a day older than yours.

As of this morning, LO and I are back on good terms. Thanks for your support yesterday!

 

[whit.]

I'd let you take her. Of course, then I'd worry about her the entire time I was gone. On the days she doesn't nap - I can't stand life. I feel like a selfish brat. I guess I just wish she'd be a tad more predictable. The only thing that's predictable now is that when she doesn't nap she is extremely fussy. I wish I was a better mom. I thought I was going to be or I wouldn't have had her, you know?

I'm sure you're a fine mom. Motherhood is like a smack in the face, you think you're prepared for it and then it blindsides you.

PS, My LO is only a day older than yours.

As of this morning, LO and I are back on good terms. Thanks for your support yesterday!

I figured. & No problem -I get frustrated with Sophia then she does something to makes me feel like a total asshole for being frustrated. I think they do it on purpose.

 

[heyyady]

I've lurked this thread a couple times for a chuckle- I have 2 older kids and know how it goes
This twin thing is new to me though and kicking my butt in the sleep department, and I had to finally share here
I haven;t had a deceint nights sleep in weeks- I'm lucky if I get 5-6 hours and it;s NEVER all at once, or even a block longer than 2 hours at a clip, and it's finally sending my around the tip! I hope you get a smile off all this
JUST TODAY:
I've washed the same load of laundry three times because I can't remember if I put the soap in.
I poured my breakfast cereal in a skillet.
I tried to BF the same baby twice AFTER giving her a bottle
I turned off the light switch in the bathroom instead of flushing the toilet and then couldn't figure out why I was standing in the dark.
I went out to grab coffee in one shoe and one slipper.
The cat started yowling to go out, so I opened the door and LET HIM (He's an indoor baby, and immediately came yowling to get back in! )
AND THE TOPPER
at 4am, the 6th time I had been up, I reached into the dark crib and picked up the crying baby who immediately stopped crying- it wasn't until she squawked a second later that I figured out I was holding her upside down!

 

[wishiwas]

Oh, that's funny!

 

[tanya]

About the obsessive thought thing, I thought it was just me being mental! I've always had these thoughts, what if I drove into a wall? what if I kicked the person in the queue in front of me? what if I threw the baby down the stairs? What if i pit him in the drier? What if I forgot to feed him for the whole day (as if he wouldn't tell me about it lol)
I really just thought I was mad, I fret over tiny things like if I think his nappy is wet or dirty I can't leave it, the whole time until I can change him I'm imagining it burning him.
I have been so ashamed about it and tried to push it away especially as I inventing dh what I was thinking and he actually did tell me I was mental and refused to let me touch tools for a long time... We were borrowing a hammer from his dad (before I got pregnant) I was standing in the kitchen at mils house chatting holding this hammer and just thought "what if I hit her in the head with this and kept hitting?"
I love my mil to bits and wouldn't hurt her ever she's been like a mum to me but it was so strong a thought it scared me and I made an excuse and went to find dh gave him the hammer and asked him to hold it as I wanted to hit his mum with it, I think he was freaked out by it and thought we were arguing or something, we weren't we were discussing a recipe or something like that.
I'm most ashamed of the sexual thoughts and I would never ever do anything like it but I have thought "what if I touched them" about people I shouldn't.
I think the most horrible things too (probably because of my past and the training I've done about abuse for my old job in care) if I see a dad or an older brother playing with a little girl or even sometimes if I just see little girls especially dark haired ones I think someones abusing her, someones touching her. Im constantly on guard that I'll see someone who has been abused and won't recognise the signs and then itd be my fault that it was happening.
Yep, definitely mad...

My bad mummy moment? I always said I'd never give Flynn a dummy but now he has one occasionally so I can get some peace, yesterday he sucked it so hard it left a red ring round his mouth and I had to put him in his swing and face it away from me till it had gone as I thought he looked like a clown (I have a clown phobia) poor baby didn't know wha was wrong and just sat there quietly for 10 min eating his hand.

 

[blondebabe]

I was standing in the kitchen at mils house chatting holding this hammer and just thought "what if I hit her in the head with this and kept hitting?"

HAHA this is so funny i have this!!! like...i have a VERY sharp knife in my hand whilst cooking in the kitchen and what if i stab my OH and then because i am thinking these things they go threw my mind when i'm rinsing my hair under the water in the bath i imagin that OH would be standing over me waiting to stab me back lol
i think ive been watching far too many horror movies lol i just imagin not being with my LO and it scares me!!

 

[Mya209]

Sounds like quite a lot of OCD mommas here, haha!
I get those random thoughts of throwing LO across the room like a rag doll, but it usually just makes me giggle. I know I'd never do such a thing, and I'm SO neurotic. I have this constant fear of dropping her or whacking her head somehow, and of course, to my crazy brain, that means instant ******ation. (So not true, I know.)
Then my DH puts her on his shoulders for a piggy-back ride as we walk across pavement, to a store or something.. Omg, I could shriek. Odessa is SO little.. And at just 4 months, she's still a bit wobbly.. I swear, DH just does it to stress me out. Sort of like a "neener neener, you've got nothing to worry about, you psycho." Ugh.

I have the throwing thing too!

 

[stardust599]

About the obsessive thought thing, I thought it was just me being mental! I've always had these thoughts, what if I drove into a wall? what if I kicked the person in the queue in front of me? what if I threw the baby down the stairs? What if i pit him in the drier? What if I forgot to feed him for the whole day (as if he wouldn't tell me about it lol)
I really just thought I was mad, I fret over tiny things like if I think his nappy is wet or dirty I can't leave it, the whole time until I can change him I'm imagining it burning him.
I have been so ashamed about it and tried to push it away especially as I inventing dh what I was thinking and he actually did tell me I was mental and refused to let me touch tools for a long time... We were borrowing a hammer from his dad (before I got pregnant) I was standing in the kitchen at mils house chatting holding this hammer and just thought "what if I hit her in the head with this and kept hitting?"
I love my mil to bits and wouldn't hurt her ever she's been like a mum to me but it was so strong a thought it scared me and I made an excuse and went to find dh gave him the hammer and asked him to hold it as I wanted to hit his mum with it, I think he was freaked out by it and thought we were arguing or something, we weren't we were discussing a recipe or something like that.
I'm most ashamed of the sexual thoughts and I would never ever do anything like it but I have thought "what if I touched them" about people I shouldn't.
I think the most horrible things too (probably because of my past and the training I've done about abuse for my old job in care) if I see a dad or an older brother playing with a little girl or even sometimes if I just see little girls especially dark haired ones I think someones abusing her, someones touching her. Im constantly on guard that I'll see someone who has been abused and won't recognise the signs and then itd be my fault that it was happening.
Yep, definitely mad...

My bad mummy moment? I always said I'd never give Flynn a dummy but now he has one occasionally so I can get some peace, yesterday he sucked it so hard it left a red ring round his mouth and I had to put him in his swing and face it away from me till it had gone as I thought he looked like a clown (I have a clown phobia) poor baby didn't know wha was wrong and just sat there quietly for 10 min eating his hand.

Have you ever talked to a DR about it? They won't think your insane hun. An SSRI (anti-depressant) like Citalopram or Sertraline can almost completely eliminate these thoughts at the right dose. I feel like a different person since starting. Hope you feel better soon, I know how horrible it is xx

 

[tanya]

Have you ever talked to a DR about it? They won't think your insane hun. An SSRI (anti-depressant) like Citalopram or Sertraline can almost completely eliminate these thoughts at the right dose. I feel like a different person since starting. Hope you feel better soon, I know how horrible it is xx

tbh, I just get on with it, I've had anti-ds in the past for depression and they just made me feel numb, or really really excitable, I had two moods either I was a zombie or I was sat in the pantry giggling at the Hoover! it doesn't happen all the time and the thing with little girls I do think it's paranoid but I think someone has to look out for them.

 

[Wriggley]

bad mummy moment from me

Me and LO were driving back from dropping my OH off at uni. He rides in an ERF seat so i cant actually see him that well.

Anyways we were going along one of those busy roads where you have to pull over every so often to let cars past as not enough room for both ways to go at once with the parked cars.

So i think im letting this car go but it dont move so i assume its giving way to me so as i get nearer i thank it (baring in mind theres alot of padestrians around) wernt until i was actually going past it i realised it was a parked car with no one in it

So whole way home im giggling to myself about it. I pull up outside my house still giggling about it. and i just get out the car and lock it.

Its not until im walking past the back window and i spot LO in his seat just staring at me id almost forgot about him!!!

 

[Natsku]

When I first met OH I had recurring thoughts that he was going to kill me. I was so sure of it whenever we went somewhere quiet, like a walk in the woods, I thought 'thats it, now he'll kill me and no one will see'
No idea why I kept going out with him

 

[blondebabe]

When I first met OH I had recurring thoughts that he was going to kill me. I was so sure of it whenever we went somewhere quiet, like a walk in the woods, I thought 'thats it, now he'll kill me and no one will see'
No idea why I kept going out with him

HAHA yes i have this too lol god knows why i think these things he is a lovely guy! i often ask him "are u ever going to kill me one day when i'm not aware? like maybe in my sleep?" lol he just says "no darling, but if i was going to do it i would make it look like u had 'accidently' tripped or something"

ok... lol xx

 

[stardust599]

Bad Mummy moment today...

LO is mega grumpy, she has a cold or something. I really need 5 mins to do my hair and make-up before we go out so I have given her a nutella sandwich AND put her in front of the TV. Oh dear!!

xx

 

[mummymunch]

Bad Mummy moment today...

LO is mega grumpy, she has a cold or something. I really need 5 mins to do my hair and make-up before we go out so I have given her a nutella sandwich AND put her in front of the TV. Oh dear!!

xx

I gave my LO an ice pop earlier just so i could eat my lunch in peace!