The Bad Mothers (Guilt Free) Confessional Thread

[kissesandhugs]

.

 

[cowboys angel]

Hmm?

 

[carlyjade86]

I've got a million bad mummy moments! On of my earliest offences was when Elliot was about 20mths and would only sleep when tickling his own nose with my hair!! One evening while watchin Supernanny while my baby had a fist full of my hair up his nostrils, I decided enough was enough and I was going to follow her 'keep puttin the child into his bed without speaking to him after the 3rd time" - so... I got to about the 20th go of returning Elliot to his bed and got well fed up, so I put him in for the final time, shut his door and put the Dyson Hoover under the door handle so he cudnt get out!! He screamed for about 20 long and horrific mins and then silence! He'd got into his own bed (Elliot never did the Cot thing incase u wonder y he was so young)! - the next night, hoover ready, he said 'night night mummy, shut the door' - being evil paid that night

Another 1 when he was 3, he was playin with his cars and they dropped off the coffee table when he said 'uckin ek' - "Elliot, naughty! U do not say that word!"
"Uckin ek"
"If u say that again I'll wash ur mouth out"
*up to my face with the Ricci Lake guest attitude* "uck-ing-ek"
So I put a bit of soap on my finger n rubbed it on his tongue. "Won't say that again will u!!!"
"I like soap. Uckin eck"
So I pinned him down n squirted the soap in his mouth. He was gaggin and bubbles come out of his nose... He was cryin n I felt AWFUL!! But, he's 7 and a half now and he's never sworn since... Lol.
Well I feel mightly ashamed now reliving all that... Haha x

 

[Natsku]

I forgot to clean up the toast Maria had for breakfast that fell on the floor and she was crawling around and I noticed she was eating something, quick panic and then realised it was her rejected toast! (prob covered in dust too as OH still hasn't vacummed like he promised to)

 

[qpaulina42]

My LO is just over two weeks old, and yesterday was my first bad mommy experience. I forgot that I hadn't buckled her into her carrier and her dad put her in the car. We drove for 20 minutes before dh looked back there and said Oh my god she's leaning all the way forward. I was in that backseat so fast. I don't know how since I'm still recovering from the c-section but I did it and made it a double whammy by holding her for the next five minutes til we arrived at our destination even though I should have buckled her in. I just held her and cried. She didn't even realize what happened but all I could think about was it would have only taken one good push on the breaks to catapult her into the seat.

I had something similar happen! It was my first time alone with her in the car. She was crying so much I pulled over, got in the back seat, took her out of the car seat, fed her till she was calm, and put her back in the seat but she was still fussy so I didn't buckle it yet just in case I had to take her out, but covered her with a blanket so she wasn't cold. When I drove off I completely forgot to buckle her in!!! Didn't realize it till I was at my destination. She slept the whole time, I felt like a really bad mom.

 

[qpaulina42]

The other day I took LO to the grocery store for the first time. Before going in I was breastfeeding her in the car but was distracted and when I looked down she had one finger in her eye, like into the corner of they eye, pushing the eyeball aside, or so it looked. It was horrid! And I hadn't trimmed the nails that day! I yanked it out of there, she was totally fine, eye looks normal. I was freaked though!

 

[Aberrance]

I'm pretty neurotic, and have some anxiety issues... So when my LO screams, I shut down completely. It's like ketamine to me-- I'm completely overstimulated and overwhelmed.
Same thing when she kicks. I just cant tolerate it. The pain, the pace, sometimes her feet are cold and she's digging them into warm places on me, such as my stomach.. It's as jarring as a cold can of soda on the back of your neck. And she kicks like this kid! Ugh!

I dont throw her across the room or anything, but it can bring me to tears.

 

[Mya209]

^^^ have you thought about getting help? It doesn't sound like you're coping well! Hugs x

 

[Aberrance]

^^^ have you thought about getting help? It doesn't sound like you're coping well! Hugs x

Yeah, I've been seen for it, and it turns out my anxiety can be linked to low estrogen... Apparently, you can even have psychotic thoughts with an estrogen imbalance!! Fortunately I'm not that bad!
And unfortunately, I can't be treated for my hormone imbalance until my LO is done breastfeeding, because the risk that she'd get the hormone is too high.
So, LO over my own wellbeing, for the next 8.5 months at least..


(Btw, had to mention, I love the name Elsie.. It was on my list!)

 

[Mya209]

Well take care and talk to someone if you're feeling overwhelmed!

Thanks, we love it, it's an old lady name (all the old ladies who look into her pram say they had an auntie Elsie) it's cute though

 

[carlyjade86]

[QUOTE\]Thanks, we love it, it's an old lady name (all the old ladies who look into her pram say they had an auntie Elsie) it's cute though[/QUOTE]

I LOVE the name Elsie! Elliot, my DS, was going to the Elsie if he was a she... I need a she called Elsie now... But so far, no joy

 

[blondebabe]

^^^ have you thought about getting help? It doesn't sound like you're coping well! Hugs x

Yeah, I've been seen for it, and it turns out my anxiety can be linked to low estrogen... Apparently, you can even have psychotic thoughts with an estrogen imbalance!! Fortunately I'm not that bad!
And unfortunately, I can't be treated for my hormone imbalance until my LO is done breastfeeding, because the risk that she'd get the hormone is too high.
So, LO over my own wellbeing, for the next 8.5 months at least..


(Btw, had to mention, I love the name Elsie.. It was on my list!)

I have horrible thoughts...espeically when LO was really tiny for example when i was bathing him i would be thinking about all the things i read of people drowning their babies...its a horrible thort i know but i was thinking how awful it wud be if i jus held him under the water that wud be it ! i know i know wtf am i thinking!!!!!! i wud never do it obviusly and i hate myself for thinking horrible thoughts...i think ive watched too much tv and read too many horror stories about people doing such f***ing horrible horrible stuff to babies...why is it i thought of these things?? i am so ashamed to say i feel like the worst mum in the world and i feel like i am the only one that thinks these things!! i love my baby more than anything in the whole world!!! wtf is wrong with me xxxx

 

[wishiwas]

^^^ have you thought about getting help? It doesn't sound like you're coping well! Hugs x

Yeah, I've been seen for it, and it turns out my anxiety can be linked to low estrogen... Apparently, you can even have psychotic thoughts with an estrogen imbalance!! Fortunately I'm not that bad!
And unfortunately, I can't be treated for my hormone imbalance until my LO is done breastfeeding, because the risk that she'd get the hormone is too high.
So, LO over my own wellbeing, for the next 8.5 months at least..


(Btw, had to mention, I love the name Elsie.. It was on my list!)

I have horrible thoughts...espeically when LO was really tiny for example when i was bathing him i would be thinking about all the things i read of people drowning their babies...its a horrible thort i know but i was thinking how awful it wud be if i jus held him under the water that wud be it ! i know i know wtf am i thinking!!!!!! i wud never do it obviusly and i hate myself for thinking horrible thoughts...i think ive watched too much tv and read too many horror stories about people doing such f***ing horrible horrible stuff to babies...why is it i thought of these things?? i am so ashamed to say i feel like the worst mum in the world and i feel like i am the only one that thinks these things!! i love my baby more than anything in the whole world!!! wtf is wrong with me xxxx

I've done this too! It has to be from all the crap we hear about. Never in a million years would I actually do any of these things, and I don't fantasize about it either, this crap just pops up in my head in situations where I need to be careful. Like the bathtub like you mentioned, but also when we are playing. If I am just bouncing her to get her to settle down for instance, all those horror stories of shaken baby syndrome replay in my head. I guess I try to put myself in the parents shoes and play out the scenario and I always end up feeling terrible because all I can think is "wtf were they thinking?!" and then "why am I even thinking about it?!"
I actually get really sick to my stomach :/ But like I said, never in a million years. I tear up when she gets a scratch or her heel pricked, I couldn't stand the thought of anything more serious, especially by my own doing.

 

[Mya209]

That's just coz you're worried!

 

[blondebabe]

^^^ have you thought about getting help? It doesn't sound like you're coping well! Hugs x

Yeah, I've been seen for it, and it turns out my anxiety can be linked to low estrogen... Apparently, you can even have psychotic thoughts with an estrogen imbalance!! Fortunately I'm not that bad!
And unfortunately, I can't be treated for my hormone imbalance until my LO is done breastfeeding, because the risk that she'd get the hormone is too high.
So, LO over my own wellbeing, for the next 8.5 months at least..


(Btw, had to mention, I love the name Elsie.. It was on my list!)

I have horrible thoughts...espeically when LO was really tiny for example when i was bathing him i would be thinking about all the things i read of people drowning their babies...its a horrible thort i know but i was thinking how awful it wud be if i jus held him under the water that wud be it ! i know i know wtf am i thinking!!!!!! i wud never do it obviusly and i hate myself for thinking horrible thoughts...i think ive watched too much tv and read too many horror stories about people doing such f***ing horrible horrible stuff to babies...why is it i thought of these things?? i am so ashamed to say i feel like the worst mum in the world and i feel like i am the only one that thinks these things!! i love my baby more than anything in the whole world!!! wtf is wrong with me xxxx

I've done this too! It has to be from all the crap we hear about. Never in a million years would I actually do any of these things, and I don't fantasize about it either, this crap just pops up in my head in situations where I need to be careful. Like the bathtub like you mentioned, but also when we are playing. If I am just bouncing her to get her to settle down for instance, all those horror stories of shaken baby syndrome replay in my head. I guess I try to put myself in the parents shoes and play out the scenario and I always end up feeling terrible because all I can think is "wtf were they thinking?!" and then "why am I even thinking about it?!"
I actually get really sick to my stomach :/ But like I said, never in a million years. I tear up when she gets a scratch or her heel pricked, I couldn't stand the thought of anything more serious, especially by my own doing.

Yes yes!!! thanku i am not alone!! i felt so awful even writing about it!!
I think its because we watch too much tv and read too many horrible stories about child abuse its horrible!!! i wish u could pick and choose what u hear also wen i have LO on my knee i cant stop thinking about "what if" what if he falls and cracks his head open on the hard wooden floor or rolls off the bed and face plants the carpet and breaks his nose! eeek stop thinking these things!!! i cant help myself xx

 

[qpaulina42]

^^^ have you thought about getting help? It doesn't sound like you're coping well! Hugs x

Yeah, I've been seen for it, and it turns out my anxiety can be linked to low estrogen... Apparently, you can even have psychotic thoughts with an estrogen imbalance!! Fortunately I'm not that bad!
And unfortunately, I can't be treated for my hormone imbalance until my LO is done breastfeeding, because the risk that she'd get the hormone is too high.
So, LO over my own wellbeing, for the next 8.5 months at least..


(Btw, had to mention, I love the name Elsie.. It was on my list!)

I have horrible thoughts...espeically when LO was really tiny for example when i was bathing him i would be thinking about all the things i read of people drowning their babies...its a horrible thort i know but i was thinking how awful it wud be if i jus held him under the water that wud be it ! i know i know wtf am i thinking!!!!!! i wud never do it obviusly and i hate myself for thinking horrible thoughts...i think ive watched too much tv and read too many horror stories about people doing such f***ing horrible horrible stuff to babies...why is it i thought of these things?? i am so ashamed to say i feel like the worst mum in the world and i feel like i am the only one that thinks these things!! i love my baby more than anything in the whole world!!! wtf is wrong with me xxxx

I just wanted to tell you there is something called pure O OCD, which is just obsessive thoughts. A very common one is the thought of harming ones child, but it's more like a fear of the thought of harming ones child. It works like this - you are bathing your baby and you think, what if I drown my baby? This is normal as thoughts come and go in our brain, for example, as you mention, due to tv shows etc. A healthy brain then thinks - what a horrible idiotic thought, I'd never do that! and changes subjects. An OCD brain thinks - omg, why did I just think that? does that mean I want to harm my baby? and a vicious cycle of thoughts, guilt, fear and obsessive thinking begins. People with this OCD would never actually commit the act they are obsessing over, it doesn't mean they want to do it, it's like a brain hiccup. Another common one is the thought of running someone over while driving or steering into oncoming traffic, jumping off a bridge or tall place, etc.

Anyway, I bring this up because I had pure O ocd issues a few years ago and it took me a while to find out what it was since I didn't have any compulsions and I thought that I was just a horrible person. I'm not saying you have this, I just thought I'd write this down in case someone might find it helpful.

 

[Natsku]

^^^ have you thought about getting help? It doesn't sound like you're coping well! Hugs x

Yeah, I've been seen for it, and it turns out my anxiety can be linked to low estrogen... Apparently, you can even have psychotic thoughts with an estrogen imbalance!! Fortunately I'm not that bad!
And unfortunately, I can't be treated for my hormone imbalance until my LO is done breastfeeding, because the risk that she'd get the hormone is too high.
So, LO over my own wellbeing, for the next 8.5 months at least..


(Btw, had to mention, I love the name Elsie.. It was on my list!)

I have horrible thoughts...espeically when LO was really tiny for example when i was bathing him i would be thinking about all the things i read of people drowning their babies...its a horrible thort i know but i was thinking how awful it wud be if i jus held him under the water that wud be it ! i know i know wtf am i thinking!!!!!! i wud never do it obviusly and i hate myself for thinking horrible thoughts...i think ive watched too much tv and read too many horror stories about people doing such f***ing horrible horrible stuff to babies...why is it i thought of these things?? i am so ashamed to say i feel like the worst mum in the world and i feel like i am the only one that thinks these things!! i love my baby more than anything in the whole world!!! wtf is wrong with me xxxx

I just wanted to tell you there is something called pure O OCD, which is just obsessive thoughts. A very common one is the thought of harming ones child, but it's more like a fear of the thought of harming ones child. It works like this - you are bathing your baby and you think, what if I drown my baby? This is normal as thoughts come and go in our brain, for example, as you mention, due to tv shows etc. A healthy brain then thinks - what a horrible idiotic thought, I'd never do that! and changes subjects. An OCD brain thinks - omg, why did I just think that? does that mean I want to harm my baby? and a vicious cycle of thoughts, guilt, fear and obsessive thinking begins. People with this OCD would never actually commit the act they are obsessing over, it doesn't mean they want to do it, it's like a brain hiccup. Another common one is the thought of running someone over while driving or steering into oncoming traffic, jumping off a bridge or tall place, etc.

Anyway, I bring this up because I had pure O ocd issues a few years ago and it took me a while to find out what it was since I didn't have any compulsions and I thought that I was just a horrible person. I'm not saying you have this, I just thought I'd write this down in case someone might find it helpful.

Thats interesting, I wonder if I have this. When I'm in the car I have frequent thoughts that I would open the door and fall out on the motorway (when I was little I had to lock the car door because the thoughts were so strong I really thought I might do it) and if I'm in high places like my balcony I have thoughts that I would throw myself off, even though I wouldn't do that. Its very annoying and makes me a bit scared

 

[stardust599]

^^^ have you thought about getting help? It doesn't sound like you're coping well! Hugs x

Yeah, I've been seen for it, and it turns out my anxiety can be linked to low estrogen... Apparently, you can even have psychotic thoughts with an estrogen imbalance!! Fortunately I'm not that bad!
And unfortunately, I can't be treated for my hormone imbalance until my LO is done breastfeeding, because the risk that she'd get the hormone is too high.
So, LO over my own wellbeing, for the next 8.5 months at least..


(Btw, had to mention, I love the name Elsie.. It was on my list!)

I have horrible thoughts...espeically when LO was really tiny for example when i was bathing him i would be thinking about all the things i read of people drowning their babies...its a horrible thort i know but i was thinking how awful it wud be if i jus held him under the water that wud be it ! i know i know wtf am i thinking!!!!!! i wud never do it obviusly and i hate myself for thinking horrible thoughts...i think ive watched too much tv and read too many horror stories about people doing such f***ing horrible horrible stuff to babies...why is it i thought of these things?? i am so ashamed to say i feel like the worst mum in the world and i feel like i am the only one that thinks these things!! i love my baby more than anything in the whole world!!! wtf is wrong with me xxxx

I just wanted to tell you there is something called pure O OCD, which is just obsessive thoughts. A very common one is the thought of harming ones child, but it's more like a fear of the thought of harming ones child. It works like this - you are bathing your baby and you think, what if I drown my baby? This is normal as thoughts come and go in our brain, for example, as you mention, due to tv shows etc. A healthy brain then thinks - what a horrible idiotic thought, I'd never do that! and changes subjects. An OCD brain thinks - omg, why did I just think that? does that mean I want to harm my baby? and a vicious cycle of thoughts, guilt, fear and obsessive thinking begins. People with this OCD would never actually commit the act they are obsessing over, it doesn't mean they want to do it, it's like a brain hiccup. Another common one is the thought of running someone over while driving or steering into oncoming traffic, jumping off a bridge or tall place, etc.

Anyway, I bring this up because I had pure O ocd issues a few years ago and it took me a while to find out what it was since I didn't have any compulsions and I thought that I was just a horrible person. I'm not saying you have this, I just thought I'd write this down in case someone might find it helpful.

I was going to say the same thing before your reply. Also known as obsessive thoughts or intrusive thoughts. It can also include unwanted sexual thoughts (including things that you find revolting) just incase anybody has these too and was too ashamed to say. It's not your fault, you're not a horrible person and it's simply a chemical inbalance in the brain - a medical illness.

I first remember O thoughts when I was about 17 and my nephew was born, I was always obsessed with cot death and used to think that if I talked about it or researched I would make it happen. It was horrendous and I used to sob myself to sleep everynight thinking he was going to die but too afraid to say anything incase I made it happen.

I get the oncoming traffic thing too. It's not an urge but more like a sudden "What would happen if I just swerved out in front of those cars?" it repeats over and over in my head, I can barely think about anything else until my hearts pounding and I can barely breathe! Also things like crossing the road with LO I grip the pushchair really tightly incase I let go or push the pram onto the road.

Anyway, when I was on Citalopram most of the thoughts went away (or maybe they were still there but just not as noticeable for me). xx

 

[whit.]

Holy shit I have that. Not that I would ever do it but I think about what if it would happen I didn't know it was an actual thing that other people do, too.

I have the BIGGEST FEAR that something is going to happen to her like when I pick her up or when I put her arms into her car seat that her arm is going to pop out of place or something, and I'm going to take her to the doctor for it and they are going to think I did it on purpose.

I also don't like talking about things because I think I'm going to make it happen. When I was pregnant with Sophia I would feel so guilty looking up things about autism, down syndrome, ect because I thought I would make her have it. I felt nuts and still do.

 

[cowboys angel]

Pulling my LO out of her highchair this morning, she lifted her legs up right at the wrong moment and started bawling.

Granted she was tired and over reacted anyway, but she had a nasty red scrape on her leg.