The Bad Mothers (Guilt Free) Confessional Thread

[spacegirl]

This is going to sound awful and its probably my post natal depression that STILL hasn't left yet, but as cute and sweet and adorable as my DD is, i just cannot stand to be around her and i am having mini breakdowns, i cannot stop crying and just sit in my room shaking. I am seeing a psychiatrist but its still making me feel like rotten selfish mother who wants to sleep and do the things she did before getting pregnant.
YES I regret having my daughter right now, not HER but i regret not waiting a year or two. I hate what pregnancy has done to my body and i am physically ill now too with liver inflammation and my pelvis is out of alignment from post pregnancy stuff

so yes i blame my little girl AND regret it
sometimes I do not want her, and wish i could get away for a couple of weeks just for a break.

is this horrible?

Nope! I feel like this from time to time as well. My DS really pushes me to the limit sometimes (he's 2.5 yrs).

Do you have anyone that can come round and help? I don't have family nearby but make sure I have an outing or a visit with a friend planned almost everyday so I don't sit at home.

Having a baby is tough. You have the pregnancy and all the stress and worry about baby and birth. Then you have the birth and recovery and the massive strain the baby has had on you. The breastfeeding and lack of sleep, then tantrums etc with other children and then the massive impact the child has on relationships. It is a wonder we don't run away!!

I pine for my old life and feel a loss of identity but I love my 2 DS's so much and they make me laugh.

You're not alone in your feelings, you are not a bad mother either. The fact you are seeking help shows you care and also shows how courageous you are. I had PND with my first for 1 year and I didn't seek any help because i couldn't admit it to myself. Luckily I came out of it but I wish I sought help like you. Keep going, keep talking and if things ever get seriously bad call someone x

 

[rbourre]

My daughter has been walking for almost a month now. Tonight she was walking in front of me and slipped and hit her head on the table the fish tank is on. She screamed and screamed and I felt so bad.

 

[ForeverAutumn]

Oh i did a terrible thing the other day by accident- I was changing LO's nappy (he'd done a wee) and wiped round his winky and bum with a baby wipe. Anyway, I was chatting away merrily to him and sorting his next nappy- and didnt realise he'd grabbed the grubby wipe and flung it next to the packet of wipes.
I noticed he had crusty milk and snot round his face so I proceeded to grab a 'clean' wipe and wiped round his mouth and his face with it. When I went to put the dirty wipe with the other one I noticed it wasnt there and to my horror realised id wiped his face with the dirty one!

Mortified! Still havent told the hubby!!

 

[sillysapling]

After 5 hours of non-stop crying, doing everything we can to try to make things better, I just flipped off and stopped caring. If something else happened- he hurt himself or started choking or whatever- I would have rushed to do what needed to be done, but I just could not care about the crying anymore.

He has had really awful, multi-hour-long, crying jags again this week...

I think he's teething, he was like this when he cut his first two teeth, he calms down when I put the teething gel on, but it's not strong enough to last long... I really want him to cut another teeth just so that I know what the problem was and that there was a problem.

 

[AshLMT]

Hailey had her first cold a few weeks ago but before we even realized she was getting sick, one night she was an absolute nightmare to get to sleep. She kept waking up every couple of hours (which is out of the ordinary for her once she's down) and we finally got to the point where we let her CIO for like 30 mins. When I finally went in to pick her up, I realized she was burning up. Come to find out, when I took her temp, she had a fever of 101.4. Ugh! Talk about feeling like the worst mommy ever!

 

[Maxie]

DS is 6 days old, so think I'm in the hormonal stage. Cried in John Lewis and the drs today. Also keep feeling guilty - whilst in the ward after he was born, during the night I left him to go to the toilet. It was right next to my bed, baby was electronically tagged n fast asleep. Can't help feeling guilty tho like I should've wheeled him in with me. Arghhhhhh does this make me a bad mum at the very start?

 

[MrsVenn]

^^ goodness not!! Don't feel guilty, it's your hormones talking. It'd been no different if you'd fallen asleep next to him,you wouldn't be watching him would you? He was going to come to no harm.

My DD slept through the first night in the hospital and it wasn't next to me, she was being cuddled by a midwife for most of it! Do I regret it, nope, I'd been awake 24 hours and pushed a horse out of me (well that's what it felt like ), I needed a rest and am a human being.

If DS had been in SCBU, you wouldn't have been with him and been able to go to the loo etc without him. Enjoy it whilst you can put them down for 2 seconds, trust me, it's nice having a wee in peace and it doesn't last long. (Baths with them in the bouncer, having a shower with them in a bouncer, even going to the loo with them in a bouncer or even on one occassion on my lap!!)

Hang in there, the first 6 weeks are the bumpiest and the tears flow for at least half of that.

Always try and think things through practically and objectively and don't let guilt eat you otherwise you'll turn yourself loopy. x

 

[Maxie]

^^ goodness not!! Don't feel guilty, it's your hormones talking. It'd been no different if you'd fallen asleep next to him,you wouldn't be watching him would you? He was going to come to no harm.

My DD slept through the first night in the hospital and it wasn't next to me, she was being cuddled by a midwife for most of it! Do I regret it, nope, I'd been awake 24 hours and pushed a horse out of me (well that's what it felt like ), I needed a rest and am a human being.

If DS had been in SCBU, you wouldn't have been with him and been able to go to the loo etc without him. Enjoy it whilst you can put them down for 2 seconds, trust me, it's nice having a wee in peace and it doesn't last long. (Baths with them in the bouncer, having a shower with them in a bouncer, even going to the loo with them in a bouncer or even on one occassion on my lap!!)

Hang in there, the first 6 weeks are the bumpiest and the tears flow for at least half of that.

Always try and think things through practically and objectively and don't let guilt eat you otherwise you'll turn yourself loopy. x

Thank you!! Just what I needed! Plus a few hours sleep!!

 

[xprincessx]

Lol i never even thought of taking my LO in the toilet with me! I even left him by my bed when I went for a shower (i was gone about 5 minutes)...nobody took their babies into the toilet during my hospital stay and i was in for 5 days so of course you're not a bad mother! x

 

[MrsVenn]

Thinking back, I don't think I took DD either, the bathrooms were disgusting and I had a lucky one that slept, I had no intention on waking her by any movement! Lol! But thinking back, I think I left her too.

 

[AngelofTroy]

I left Micah when I went to the loo. In fact we were told we had to leave them in a room across from the admit desk while we ate our meals! I didn't even question it at the time but looking back it seems crazy! There were about 10 babies left in this room with one ward assistant,and when I got back nobody was in there with them, just one assistant across from the door chatting by the desk :-\

 

[crossedfinger]

I feel guilty about hating to breastfeed. It seems that everyone else just LOVES to do it, it's so natural, so easy, doesn't hurt, blah blah blah. Am still doing it, am at eight weeks so far, but don't feel any magical connection with LO when doing it.
I also feel guilty about being jealous of DH when he gets to go to work and use his brain. Meanwhile, I'm using my two master's degrees to change diapers. Feel guilty that I'm thinking of getting a part time job for my.sanity.

 

[Ps712]

I can't wait to go back to work

 

[Balloo]

Every single mum I've spoken to who has gone back to work enjoys it; it's a big big secret that no one tells you. I enjoy being at work, yes I do a menial job and I don't really contribute that much financially but dear god it keeps me sane-10ish hours a week keeps me vaguely same and I love it! Obviously I love my LO and being in a position to be able to stay at home with her but really adult conversation is lovely!

 

[NotNic]

I love being at work too. I do 3 days and it is a juggling act but worth it. I actually felt guilty that I liked being back, and that I thought DS was coming on so much because of nursery.

Also pp I really didnt enjoy bfing. At around 6-7 weeks my nipples had healed enough that I felt okay about bfing in public and after that it became easier. That said I still didnt love it and so i combi fed until I stopped bfing at 20 weeks. I always said I would try to get to 6 wks and stop, so ended up doing it longer than I wanted to. Next time I'm not sure that I will bf.

 

[Jary]

I hated BFing at first too. I felt no 'connection' like other people went on about. I got through it and its so easy now but I can't ever say I've loved doing it.

Still, I'm proud of doing it for 6.5 months and have just started introducing formula. I want my boobs back and to not worry if I've had a drink. Lol.

 

[Groovychick]

I've never really enjoyed BF either. I feel guilty for not enjoying it more.

I also miss working. I love my two children dearly but doing the same thing day in, day out is monotonous. I need a challenge!

 

[minties]

I never enjoyed breastfeeding Sophie. I did with Thomas, got to 17.5 months with him. She self weaned at 11 months and it was a weight off my shoulders.

 

[lotuspetals]

I washed my newborn's face yesterday with the same washcloth I use to dry his bum when I change his diaper. Didn't realize til after I was done...and I did a very thorough job.

 

[mercedybear]

during a middle of the night change I accidentally let go of LO's top half while carrying her to open her door and she pushed back and banged her poor lil head on the doorway! I felt terrible as she screamed