The Choice to Formula Feed

[socitycourty]

It really does appear to be true that mom's health matters little and that BF is the only thing that matters. Some people don't even advocate quitting BF to help with severe PPD....claim that it will make it worse or that it's "selfish". I don't agree with that and I don't agree with mom's forgoing medication or procedures that they NEED just to keep BF.

I feel like feeding pressures and pressures to birth in certain ways and etc. are anti feminist. It's just not right.

 

[overcomer79]

I had ppd pretty bad with my daughter. I felt like a prisoner. I also had to go back to work at 6 weeks. I don't feel the need to justify because she is happy and healthy. I went to the park with a bf'ing mom and she asked me if I minded if she fed her son. I was shocked but I guess I understand where it came from. I told her I didn't mind at all.

 

[Noelle610]

It really does appear to be true that mom's health matters little and that BF is the only thing that matters. Some people don't even advocate quitting BF to help with severe PPD....claim that it will make it worse or that it's "selfish". I don't agree with that and I don't agree with mom's forgoing medication or procedures that they NEED just to keep BF.

I feel like feeding pressures and pressures to birth in certain ways and etc. are anti feminist. It's just not right.

Yes, this. I was so frustrated with breastfeeding and exclusively pumping at one point. A good friend of mine was giving me a ride home and she said, "You're a person too. Your health matters". It's almost as if you forget this when you have a child, at least for a moment.

And yes, I absolutely consider myself a feminist (I know people are so scared of that word, but I'm not!) and support a women's right to choose how she feeds her baby.

 

[socitycourty]

I have PPD but it didn't really come on until she was 3-4 months by which time we were done BF anyway....but carrying around 2 tons of guilt certainly didn't help. And I'm not the only one because when I talked to the psychiatrist about it he said he's heard this before and that especially because of where we live lots of women have these feelings, it's a very crunchy area here. So even though there's no need to feel guilty apparently lots of women do

 

[easyrhumba]

I breast fed and pumped exclusivley for the first 4 months. When I decided to formula feed I didnt think that I had to hide it ... that is until I was at a baby shower and I found myself trying to hide when I was making his bottle. I couldnt believe how bad I felt!!

Now I think... whatever! Mind your own business! Why do you get on me about working too while your at it! LOL I love my little guy to pieces and what I feed him doesnt change that.

 

[pompeyvix]

I had plans to bf Anabella from before I was even pregnant. I announced to everyone who asked that was what I was going to do, I was 100% sure.

However, nothing could have prepared me for the intense pain breastfeeding was. OMG! It would take up to 30 minutes to get her latch and then the searing, stabbing pain with each and every suck made me not want her to wake up from sleeping. We saw a lactation consultant, 2 midwives and a hv and they all tried to help to no avail. It doesn't help I have inverted nipples so had to use this sucker device to extract them before getting LO to latch and that in itself was so painful. I just could not bear it any longer and I started pumping. Exclusively for 3 months, combi for 3 months and now she is 100% formula fed.

I remember feeling like a failure, being unable to feed my own Daughter. I felt inadequate and I thought something was wrong with me.

However, no one judged me. The only person that did was myself. Yet I still felt like I had an indescribable urge to tell anyone that would listen about my issues as I feared I would get judged. I realise now that was silly, but at the time it wasn't.

I plan on breastfeeding number 2 when the time comes. But if I am in as much pain next time as I was this, I won't feel anywhere near as guilty as making the decision to ff.

 

[MindUtopia]

I do feel like I need to justify it to a certain extent, but I think I do it more for myself than anything. I really want to BF and I think it's way better than formula (both breastmilk itself and the experience of breastfeeding). But the reality is that as much as I wanted to have that experience and that different sort of bond (and it is a different sort of bond because I experienced it when I was BF), we were just having too many problems that it became more detrimental to keep trying than not. We always had latch problems (my daughter didn't latch until day 6 pp) and had to use a nipple shield, then I had recurring mastitis every time I tried to wean off the shield, then after 8 weeks the shield itself gave me dermatitis and literally all the skin on my nipple and areolas peeled off and it became (and still is) too painful and sensitive to even think about latching her. After 8 weeks of BF, I started to exclusively pump when I got my most recent bout of mastitis and now at 10 weeks, we are completely formula feeding. It sucks to a degree and it's not what I wanted, but we are both so much more content and less stressed out with her using a bottle. I tried to express, but even with pumping every 2-4 hours everyday, all I would get was 100 ml at most in 24 hours, which eventually dwindled to 30 ml per day no matter how much I pumped. Sometimes I'd pump for 20 minutes and nothing would come out. It was heartbreaking and exhausting, but that's life, sometimes you don't get things the way you hoped they would be. I never thought I'd formula feed, but after everything we went through, I'm glad the option is available to us. It's really helped us build up the trust again between us because my daughter knows I can always feed her when she needs it and I know that feeding times won't be excruciatingly painful. Our house is just more happy and chill now. I still mourn that loss and I do find myself justifying that choice (like I just did!), but it's also made me a lot more humble. I used to think I would never, ever feed her formula, but life isn't perfect and sometimes you have to be flexible and adjust your expectations in order to be the best parent you can be. I'm proud that we've done the best we can with this, just like I'm proud of lots of other parenting choices my husband and I have made and will make (birthing her at home, co-sleeping, babywearing, introducing her to fresh, healthy foods when she's ready, making sure she travels and experiences the world with us, etc.). I used to majorly judge women who chose to formula feed, but now I realise that it's hard to judge someone when you don't understand what they may have been through and why they may have made that choice.

 

[melfy77]

Where I'm from, everyone BF! And if you don't, people judge you and make you feel like you're a total failure and a terrible mother At the hospital, they don't explain you a thing about formula. I was still able to BF for a couple of weeks, and now, even if she's mostly formula fed (she gets frozen BM sometimes), everyone thinks she's breastfed because she's just so cute, so long (her dad is a giant and I'm a dwarf), so peaceful, so easy and so alert. But nope, she's formula fed and is THRIVING!! A friend of mine who gave birth 3 weeks after me is breastfeeding and told me she thinks BF'ing is a bit over-glorified. As far as antibodies go, the colostrum is the most important, and that's only for the 1st week. An the bonding part...well I think I'm, bonding much better by bottle feeding her, because I'm not crying from pain and exhaustion the whole time!

 

[Bonnie11]

Ladies I am so interested to read this thread! I had an operation about 10/12 years ago on my chest, and when I woke up the surgeon told me that he had had to cut through some of the ducts that would supply my milk and it there was a significant chance I wouldn't be able to BF. At the time I was young so it didn't bother me as I was nowhere near having children, but now I am pg it really makes me panic!!
I'm scared about what other people will say to me when they see me bottle feeding a newborn, especially as we live in a pro-BF area. My friends as family know the situation but I am more concerned about the public. I know it's nobody's business but I don't want to feel too intimidated to feed in public! I would never judge someone for breast feeding, I don't see why it's acceptable to judge anyone on their choices. It's not like I am deliberately going to try and harm my baby! I can't believe some of the mw stories I have read on this thread! Surely they must realise that making a new mum feel guilty over her choice is going to just make her feel even more alone? I would say trying and trying to feed your baby when it's just not happening would make the mum and the baby more upset?
I am going to try in the beginning and see but I'm not going to beat myself up about it if I can't, at least I know there's a good chance I won't be able to so I can prepare.
Thanks ladies, it's good to know what to expect!

 

[Noelle610]

I will never forget going out to lunch when DD was two weeks old. We were supplementing at that time due to massive weight loss (I think it was 20%). I pulled out a small Similac bottle to give her when she woke up from her carseat nap and my husband was like, "put that away!". He was so horrified that we would be judged.

 

[socitycourty]

I used to blush beet red when I had to do bottles in public.....but when I was nursing in public I wans't worried. LOL

 

[Rickles]

Hi ladies

Hope you don't mind me poking in here - just wanted to say I wish I had bottlefed!! Not to disrespect any mother who wanted to BF and couldn't but Maddie is CMPI and had oral thrush for the first 4 months... It was so painful I cried as I fed her, but because she reacted horrifically to formula (until we worked out why) I felt trapped into carrying on.

Now at gone 8 months I haven't been able to leave her for more than 3 hours, and when I do it's so stressful I can't relax... My OH and I have had one night out together alone since she was born (last Friday) and he's got off so lightly because I have been the one to get up all night every night with no break - it's really taken me to the limits. He wants us to start trying for number 2 and I have told him if we're lucky enough to conceive, NO WAY am I being trapped like this again.... with a toddler in tow too...

He understands thankfully... but having got my BF stripes so to speak, I will ram it up any MW/HV arse if they try and propaganda me into doing it again...

It's what's best for your family - not their BF statistics.

Rant over!! xx

 

[Gamina]

I felt very guilty and still do on and off with my feeding decisions.

Henry was jaundiced badly within three days of birth. Now the doctors have no idea whether he was jaundice and this stopped his BF or if there was an issue with BF which made the jaundice worse but it was a cycle that was dropping his weight. He lost 15% of his birth weight within three days. We spent a day in hospital where a paed put him straight onto formula and a feeding plan as his weight and blood sugar were so low. She sent us home but that night we were rushed back in in an ambulance when baby went floppy, lethargic and would not feed again.

I spent 3 days of hell on the post natal ward in the deepest depression while feeling completely and utterly bullied by MW and BF consultants.

Me and my OH got on with the formula feeding in hospital after the scare and loved it as OH felt he could bond with baby and loved feeding him and I blamed my breast milk on making him ill and so bottle feeding made me feel more confident and I liked being able to see exactly what Henry was taking. We both decided with the help of my mum (who BF us) and my MiL (who FF) that whatever made all three of us happy was for the best.

I had had no sleep in about 5 days with the birth, jaundice, hospital etc and the first hour I managed to get my head down when my OH had gone home to get some things I was shaken awake by a breast feeding consultant who told me I had to start pumping or my supply would stop immediately... She wheeled in a pump and hooked me up to it and I managed 30 ml.. she said it was still colostrum and my milk hadn't come in which was probably the reason Henry had been so sick... as if I wasn't feeling bad enough already.

So Henry is on a feeding plan where I have to be up every 2 hours to feed him. Inbetween I am supposed to be sleeping for an hour. Overnight I was woken by the BF lady no less than 4 times and being told to pump. With the stress of my baby feeling ill, sleep deprivation and feeling like I had made him ill and put us both in hospital I fell into depression big time.

In the morning a different MW and BF consultant came in and told me his blood sugar was up I should start BF him again... I explained I didn't want to before the literally brought the baby over and laid him in my arms ready to feed. "Just let me look at your latch that can't hurt"... I sat there BF my little boy was told our position was great as I literally sobbed and sobbed "If you get so upset no milk will come" I was in tears and end up having to yell that I didn't want to do this... Everytime a MW came in they would ask if I had BF him yet and if not why not as I sat in a daze just crying... i couldn't stop.... for people that preach about it so much you think they would be able to spot signs of depression

Henry got better his jaundice was treated and his weight increased and they were willing to let me go home. I was on the verge of a breakdown and the took my blood pressure which was so high they said I couldn't leave. After three different assualts from MW and doctors convincing me to stay I self discharged. Needless to say by the time my MW came to see me at home two days later my blood pressure was normal.


Henry is now a month old and I am happy to say we went back to some breast feeding and now I know he is full, happy and gaining weight I am happy but because it was MY CHOICE!! I pump twice a day but he also gets formula. I am not sure if I have built up the best supply but we are happy (apart from some thrush annoyance cause by antibiotics I was given in hospital.....) He is a beautiful, alert, thriving little man

I cannot believe how they made me feel in hospital and like I was failing my baby and being told to FF but getting no info at all on how to do it... after a pretty perfect birth experiance they have made me hate that hospital and all the pressures they put on women with both BF and FF

 

[belle254]

When I was pregnant with Evie I was more scared about breast feeding, especially in public, than anything else, and when she was born she did have trouble latching. However, I am well aware that most of the problem was mine. I was uncomfortable with it, and hated the pain and struggling. I pumped for 6/7 weeks before swapping slowly to formula.
I admit as a younger mum (and I look it!) I did feel like I was stereotyping myself bringing out a bottle to feed LO, even when it had breast milk in it. I still feel that way now slightly.
I know we shouldn't but I think mums are going to feel guilt about lots of things in their parenting journeys. Which is why I'm able to live with it xx

 

[Ktothema]

Gamina - your story nearly made me cry. I'm really glad it worked out for you and Henry in the end.

 

[lozzy21]

I did not choose to FF, it was that or have Niamh starve. My hand was forced so to me thats not a choice.

FF in my town in normal, every one does it. So much so that if i see a mum BF i want to go give her a high five.

 

[Noelle610]

I felt very guilty and still do on and off with my feeding decisions.

Henry was jaundiced badly within three days of birth. Now the doctors have no idea whether he was jaundice and this stopped his BF or if there was an issue with BF which made the jaundice worse but it was a cycle that was dropping his weight. He lost 15% of his birth weight within three days. We spent a day in hospital where a paed put him straight onto formula and a feeding plan as his weight and blood sugar were so low. She sent us home but that night we were rushed back in in an ambulance when baby went floppy, lethargic and would not feed again.

I spent 3 days of hell on the post natal ward in the deepest depression while feeling completely and utterly bullied by MW and BF consultants.

Me and my OH got on with the formula feeding in hospital after the scare and loved it as OH felt he could bond with baby and loved feeding him and I blamed my breast milk on making him ill and so bottle feeding made me feel more confident and I liked being able to see exactly what Henry was taking. We both decided with the help of my mum (who BF us) and my MiL (who FF) that whatever made all three of us happy was for the best.

I had had no sleep in about 5 days with the birth, jaundice, hospital etc and the first hour I managed to get my head down when my OH had gone home to get some things I was shaken awake by a breast feeding consultant who told me I had to start pumping or my supply would stop immediately... She wheeled in a pump and hooked me up to it and I managed 30 ml.. she said it was still colostrum and my milk hadn't come in which was probably the reason Henry had been so sick... as if I wasn't feeling bad enough already.

So Henry is on a feeding plan where I have to be up every 2 hours to feed him. Inbetween I am supposed to be sleeping for an hour. Overnight I was woken by the BF lady no less than 4 times and being told to pump. With the stress of my baby feeling ill, sleep deprivation and feeling like I had made him ill and put us both in hospital I fell into depression big time.

In the morning a different MW and BF consultant came in and told me his blood sugar was up I should start BF him again... I explained I didn't want to before the literally brought the baby over and laid him in my arms ready to feed. "Just let me look at your latch that can't hurt"... I sat there BF my little boy was told our position was great as I literally sobbed and sobbed "If you get so upset no milk will come" I was in tears and end up having to yell that I didn't want to do this... Everytime a MW came in they would ask if I had BF him yet and if not why not as I sat in a daze just crying... i couldn't stop.... for people that preach about it so much you think they would be able to spot signs of depression

Henry got better his jaundice was treated and his weight increased and they were willing to let me go home. I was on the verge of a breakdown and the took my blood pressure which was so high they said I couldn't leave. After three different assualts from MW and doctors convincing me to stay I self discharged. Needless to say by the time my MW came to see me at home two days later my blood pressure was normal.


Henry is now a month old and I am happy to say we went back to some breast feeding and now I know he is full, happy and gaining weight I am happy but because it was MY CHOICE!! I pump twice a day but he also gets formula. I am not sure if I have built up the best supply but we are happy (apart from some thrush annoyance cause by antibiotics I was given in hospital.....) He is a beautiful, alert, thriving little man

I cannot believe how they made me feel in hospital and like I was failing my baby and being told to FF but getting no info at all on how to do it... after a pretty perfect birth experiance they have made me hate that hospital and all the pressures they put on women with both BF and FF

My story is very similar to yours.

 

[Noelle610]

I did not choose to FF, it was that or have Niamh starve. My hand was forced so to me thats not a choice.

FF in my town in normal, every one does it. So much so that if i see a mum BF i want to go give her a high five.

It's interesting, I think most formula feeding moms feel they need to say they had no choice even if they did. Most wouldn't judge if you just couldn't breastfeed, which does happen as it did in your case. But there's a lot of judgement if a mom admits to being tired, not enjoying breastfeeding or simply not wanting to do it for personal reasons.

I think my perspective is largely regional however, since breastfeeding is so common. I don't know anyone who used formula from birth. Not one person.

 

[Bonnie11]

Gamina, your story made me so sad! Glad you are doing better now.
I agree with you Noelle, mums definately seem to feel the need to justify their choice not to breastfeed, even if it is no choice of their own. I can't believe some of the stories on here, some midwives just seem plain horrible! I can't believe that they would be so horrible to women when they are at their most vulnerable. I don't think anyone should be made to feel guilty for not breastfeed, whether they choose it or not. When I saw my mw at booking in I explained that I most likely Wouldn't be breast feeding, I could tell she judged me before I had even had the chance to explain, felt like telling her I just didn't want to just to see her face! I think in this day and age the medical profession need to realise that piling the pressure on when it is not possible/suitable/wanted to breastfeed is not going to help anyone. A family member told me that I won't be able to bond with the baby, I refuse to believe that I won't be able to bond with my baby if I don't breastfeed. An unhealthy and unhappy mum that is struggling to feed, exhausted, run down an depressed because they feel they have failed is definately is worse for the baby than formula!

 

[beautifulpack]

Its the norm to FF in my area too...I never knew this topic was so hot until I came on BnB, specifically the Breastfeeding forum to be honest....my decision to breastfeed was mainly the financial aspect as opposed to the health benefits...I ff'd DD1 13 years ago and she always thrived, so I was never put off by FF...additionally, I didn't receive any pressure from the hospital, friends, family to FF or breastfeed..I guess I was lucky in that regard..people just accepted what I decided to do.

With DD2, I physically breastfed for 4 months, then begin to exclusively pump when I came back to work...now I just pump..I never offered the breast again because I didnt want to cause nipple confusion....also, bottle feeding is just more convenient for me....I have more freedom to do whatever I want....however, anyone who pumps knows its extremely time consuming!!! I also have given LO a bottle of formula every now and then to supplement my milk or for times that I didnt feel like heating up a bottle of breastmilk...as long as baby is fed and healthy is all that matters. My LO is almost 7 months...I do plan on continuing to pump, but I will lessen it over time (I'm afraid of the engorgement to come when I completely stop!)