The dad

[nikky0907]

Ok,so I'm in a situation where I got pregnant by a guy he was not a one night stand but more of a fling.
But I chose to tell him because he is a decent guy and is going to be a good dad.We are now on good terms...

Your baby's dad is a DRUG addict.Cocain is not an easy drug.He is obviously violent and he is NOT soemone who can have a positive influence on a baby.

He is not mature or responsible.You are.
You made this decision and you are going to be a good mother.

The father has the right to know but maybe it's better even for him that he doesn't.And it's better for the baby and easier for you.Do you think that if he knew he would harras the two of you or stressed you in any way?

Like Toria said,when you become a mother and you are forced to grow up,things change.But the father has to be said how he has to act.

Toria is doing good by telling her bf that he can't be around the baby with drugs.You shouldn't either...

p.s. your baby is the only person that has the right to know his father,it is nobody else's buisness....

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

Yeah thats why i haven't used his name even once in front of anyone not even my own mum. If he doesn't know then no-one else will. The baby will know if he or she does ask.
The girl who said about her friend thats helped alot at least i'm not the only one in that position !
If my child grows up to think i was wrong then that's their choice but i'm only doing what i think is right by my baby
He is the kind of guy who would have this n that person down at my door causin hassle and because ive left it so long i think he might think i was lying. Ive already chosen to do this myself from day one so i am prepared for it.

x

 

[nikky0907]

I think that for him to come at your door,asking proof if he's the father,harrasing you,it can only cause stress for you...

And I think that you are handling this very mature and responisble...

 

[vickilouise]

kayles,
a few years ago a freind of mine had a fling with a loonatic... not even joking he was constantly off his cake coke, weed, ale tablets.not saying we was all angels but nobody went to the extremes he did. anyway she got pregnant to him and told him he was the dad etc and has nothing but shit off him, one min hes wanting to be there for her and the baby not as a couple but as a dad, the next he wanted fuck all to do with her or her daughter saying shes not his then he wants a relationship .nowdays says she wishes she'd never told him, he's still the same 4years on she cant have a boyfriend cos the minute he finds out he arrives at her mums and hurls abuse at her mum about her from the middle of the street. shes moved twice now as he turns up at wherever she lives and causes murder.
my only advice to you is if you dont think he'll be stable/mature enough to cope with the idea of being a dad dont tell him. ignore people that say you're selfish as you'll be putting your child first... and thats all any of us can do as mothers to be.
before my friends situation id of been all for telling the father but after seeing the shit my friend went through im against it specially when drugs are involved, itd be a different story if you was to say that he was just quiet and you didnt want him to know. i honestly see where your coming from by not telling him.
hope your ok xx

 

[ella170]

i wudnt tell him until ive had the baby because if he reacts badly, u dont need all the stress and harrassment to deal with while ur pregnant- could be bad for u and the baby. i think he definetly has the right to know, but as long as he knows he has a kid, its really up to u whether u want him to be involved or not (thats if he himself wants anything to do with it)

 

[nikky0907]

vickielouise-oh my goodness!Poor girl...

Ella has a point,if you decide that you still want to tell him do it after the baby is born....

 

[vickilouise]

vickielouise-oh my goodness!Poor girl...

Ella has a point,if you decide that you still want to tell him do it after the baby is born....

ooooooh its not me its my friend.
shes had a shit time of it, hes one absolute twat!!!!

 

[jenny873]

i think ur baby deserves to know who its father is and deserves a father in her life, i had this problem when me and my OH split over him taking drugs i wanted to push him out the babies life but who i am to make a decision like that, for all u know it could totally change him and turn him into a better person thats what it did to my OH he has changed so much for the better.
its upto u but u baby could end up hating you for pushing him out x

 

[jenny873]

if u decide to tell him wait until after the birth but straight after so he doesnt miss anything if he does want to be part of its life, by the time your child is asking about her dad it could be too late. lifes too short and the way i seen it is i didnt want my baby being coming home from school one day and asking why her life was so different from other kids and thinking it was normal and blaming myself x

 

[dreamcatcher]

being a man i would want to know if i was a daddy then again i aint a drugged up wanker....think you might get less stress from him if you tell him rather than him hearing on a grape vine...as someone else said he prob wont want anything to do with baby anyway ultimately it is your choice these are only our opinions. a note to toriaaaaTRASH there is a little law about dads and parental rights you can no longer stop the father of the baby seeing his child unless you go to court and the courts no longer side automatically with the mum like they used to..that might be a point to think about aswell kayles weather you want it or not he will have rights over the baby.

 

[nikky0907]

Vickielouise,I didn't think it was you,I was just reffering to your post.Your poor friend.

Dreamcatcher,you should read vickielouise's post.

And,court always sides with the mother,unless the mother is crazy,which in this case isn't.If there is evidence that the father is an adict,violent,the court will not terminate his parental rights but they also won't extend his visitation rights...

 

[dreamcatcher]

nikky courts these days don't automatically side with the mum they used to but since unmarried couples have equal parental rights now (its the law) all aspects of both parents situation's are taken into account, finally the law has realized that a baby needs a mum and a dad if the dad wants to be there that is and they dont stop dads visiting rights they can put orders on like must be supervised visiting but unlikely to stop dad seeing baby

 

[Serene123]

Umm, unmarried couples only have equal rights if she puts him on the birth certificate. If he wants visitation she can get him drugs tested too.

 

[lfc_sarah]

Although its a bad situation hun, whatever hes into... i think he deserves to know if hes going to have a child...

Also the child deserves to know who the father is...

Maybe he will change...
If not you have a right to keep the baby away from him!!

 

[nikky0907]

Yes,idealy,baby should have a mom and a dad but in a case like this,where the dad is an idiot who can't even take care of himself,the baby is better just with a mom.It's better to have one parent who is responsible than two of which one is an adict and is going to keep on disturbing the other parent.

And if the parents aren't married,the court will provide the father visitation rights,but not in the case of a troubled father.

If he has ever been arrested(which he may have been considering his eratic behaviour) the court will either suspend his visitation rights or give him a court ordered monitor for when he has the baby or it will give the mother the right to monitor visits.
I don't know where you are from but i'm in us and over here much attention is paid to the fact that the parent musn't use any foreign substances.Especially if the parents are not married and the father has no previous connection with the child.

And,he is only the father if she lets him sign the birth certificate,like Toria said.If she doesn't he will have to go to court and i dount that he will go to such extend...

 

[Serene123]

I still don't think she should tell him. It's her decision and she clearly doesn't want to.

Sorry to talk about you like you're not here!

 

[lfc_sarah]

I still don't think she should tell him. It's her decision and she clearly doesn't want to.

Sorry to talk about you like you're not here!

yeah its her decision..

But whats best for the child...
The child at the least deserves to know who its father is even if he is a waster

 

[Serene123]

Well, my dad is a complete waste of space. He knows I exist he just didn't bother with me. That hurts more. I've seen him 4 times. He just bothers when he wants to because he's an alcoholic now. That's not good for a kid.

 

[nikky0907]

Yeah,we're having this discussion about your situation like t's ours...

Anyway,I think you already made your decision.
I'm sorry but we are just trying to show you all the pluses and minuses of this...

 

[nikky0907]

My parents know that I exist,they are married and everything and they still don't bother with me or my sister.I haven't heard from them in over a month.And I've seen them 3 times since summer...