The dad

[Emmea12uk]

It is a very difficult situation to be in - but every father has a right to know about his baby - but I don't think I would be particularly bothered about his rights either. If you do tell him, or he later finds out - there is a lot you can do to protect yourself and your baby if he is taking drugs or will be a risk to you both.

It may be worth you popping in to see your local family solicitor one day if it bothers you and tell them about the situation. I used to work in a law firm which dealt with this kind of thing every day on public funding for low income families. If you have evidence of his drug taking and bad behaviour then you will be provided all the protection you need - such as an injunction etc. And on the plus side, you will be able to get child maintanance... You'd be very suprised how helpful and supportive a family solicitor will be.

This is assuming you are in the UK - because I didn't check before I hit reply!

 

[vickilouise]

everyone who says give him a chance he may change he has rights etc, has fair points but drawing on my friends experience where drugs are involved i wouldnt take any chances. your basically inviting shit to your doorstep.
another point you'd take no chances over a cot,pram,sterilizer being tempremental so why encourage her to do it with the baby's father. she's the mother at the end of the day and shes trying to keep her child out of harms way.
not everyones situation is the same and in other instances id say tell him bla bla bla but where theres drugs wouldnt take the chance

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

Think ive came to the conclusion to keep things the way they are.
And Emma the last thing im interested in is getting money off him..more concerned about my baby and my safety than money...end of the day its just paper isnt it :^) xxx

 

[Serene123]

Sounds like you have your head screwed on.

 

[Emmea12uk]

I didn't mean to sound like that - just some people need all the financial help they can get - not that he sounds like he would be much help anyway.

I think you have made the right decision

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

noo i didn't mean that to sound bitchy lol sorry!

didn't mean it like that atall!
xx

 

[michelle_1983]

Im 18 and fell pregnant after a really drunken night to a guy who was not my boyfriend or anything was just a silly one night stand. I later found out i was pregnant with his baby. 22 weeks on and he still doesnt know...
My reason for this is because he is very much into drugs..cocaine..extacy etc - drinks alot - and 9/10 times is fighting. He is only 19 and i feel hes not the really who i want around my baby as its not a good example. Some people have said i should tell him but i feel like its going open one big hell hole and make mines and my babys life a misery. I don't want anything from him and happy to do it myself. Do you think I'm being selfish or do you think im doing whats best by my baby??
I dont ever see this guy all i know is his name and where hes from and it is very unlikely i'll bang into him.
what do you think?
x

Im due soon for my first child and I have gone through hell myself! This was unexpected pregnacy for me and I found out at the time I was 3 months and ever since then the baby's father doesn't want the baby and has put me under so much stress that my boyfriend who is not the father has stepped in and has helped me out so much! The baby's father has ripped my heart out and I have not been on my medication for over a year.

I have Bipolar disorder and where he is staying is in a 2 bedroom trailor with 4 other people in it and so far there has been nothing but fights where the cops were involved, drinking, and a former tentant that was staying there has a fromer DUI is fresh out of jail and is violent.

You know what I am doing the baby is going under my last name and having the state step in so I can get child support if not he goes to jail!

My advice to you is tell him if he doesn't want his child and take responsiblity then take legal action and what you need right now is support not stress if you need a friend or somebody to talk to give me a holla! Take Care!

 

[Wobbles]

Hi there

Just have to ask - is this not you on another site? ....

"Cry"
Posted by kayles17 March at 23:21

all i have been doing this evening is crying so i thought id come on here to vent a little. i was diagnosed with pcos at 17 im nearly 19 now and i have been married over a year and we havent used contraception once. its so hard when all you can think about is having children, i know im still very young but if you knew my life you would know ive lived enough to fill a 40 yr old life time. so having children now seems like the right time were both ready.... i soooo understand how everyone who has this stupid problem feels. its almost debilitating. knowing that there is a woman down the road who is about to have a baby kills enough without knowing that shes not going to give it the love and suppport that it deserves.​

does anyone understand. tell me im not alone..... does it seem fair to you?​

I am just asking btw - noone jump on this please x

 

[tinkerbelll]

its totally up to you and you have to do whats right for you, however i think he should know. imagine how we women would feel if it was the other way round and some man was carrying our child and we didnt know

 

[Ann-Marie]

.

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

nope wobbles thats not me lol!!

 

[Wobbles]

Okie cokie

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

hey guyyyys back to this again!

I told him tonight..

and all he had to say was..am in the middle a watchin football speak to u later..
whiiich is bullshit cos he was hiself..and the football hadn't started yet..
ah well either way..he takes responsibility ort not..he at least has aknolodgement (however u spell it) he has a child x

 

[nikky0907]

Nice reaction...
Did you tell him over the phone or in person?
What an idiot...well atleast your conscience is clear...
Good work!

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

well he phoned..and was like ehh who is this? embaressing lol
jus sed i need to talk to u n he jus went..up the duff aye? yep 6 months..*silence* am watchin the football speak to u later

oh well at least he didn't shout lolol
x

 

[nikky0907]

Thats funny...My baby's dad had a similar reaction.He were having a soda and I told him,he went : *silence* Cool. *silence,takes a sip* This place is great*silence* they have a great club soda *silence* so,you have Davies for history this semester?' I was just thinking 'is this a healthy reaction or not?'
Anyway he called the next day when he got himself together...maybe yours will too.When his 'football game' is over!

 

[Emmea12uk]

When i found out, i rewound the dvd i was watching to the place it was before i got up to take the test. It wasnt for a good 20 mins that it sunk in and i was like "OMG!!!" and did anything about it!

It might take a while for it to sink in. You did the right thing tho

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

Well...i got a text about 10.30 last night saying u want to talk u can phone me..nice lol..
He was angry i hadn't mentioned until now..but knew already i was pregnant since about a month ago..(he never got in touch why)?
Kept going on about how he has just settled down with a girl he really likes..and hes being a dad to her baby n now av hit him with this..well sorry if this sounds harsh but her baby means nothing to what his own will be..
anyways he wants the whole DNA stuff down which im happy to do but he can pay for it himself cos im not skinning my back pocket for something i dont need proof on..He knows but its his because i said ah well don't believe me then don't bother telling ur family then n he kept goin nah i will i will tell them..then i said right kool well i'll speak to u in 3 months when babies here n u can get ur dna test..no no i want to be there n make sure ur gettin on awrite..lol..clearly in denial..he knows just as much as i do thats his baby!
Made it clear i do not want money off him i dont need anything off him i wasnt phoning for that...and exaplained why would i lie and say it was urs if i wasnt wanting anything out of it? if i phoned up saying its urs and uve to pay then yeah i'd understand his point..he knows just as much as i do this babies his.
Ah well we will just need to wait and see what happens...clearly has own wee happy family on the go now..
And if this whole..shes gna be step mum shit comes up..it's not on! x

 

[Ria_Rose]

Well, well done for telling him even if it wasn't the reaction you wanted - although could have been worse.

Maybe spending time with this step baby will make him come to terms with the actually of creating a life of his own with you and he'll be a little more supportive... but at least he knows now.

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

well spoke to him yesterday after he had his mates on the phone to my mates at 9am yesterday morning - he said he would phone me after work and wanted to meet me..never bothered his arse..text him saying..

Sorry for landing this on u so late on im out of order and ur obviously happy with the way things were going before hand so i dont want to mess up things for u. im happy to do this on my own and i wont say a bad word against u. Jus thought u had the right to know wasnt wanting anything of u. sorry.

still no reply so hes obviously not bothered if he didn't put up much of a fight ah well rather b on my own x