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The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread
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prgirl_cesca
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summer rain
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Well ok I will post my stories. With my eldest; he was born at just over 37 weeks but may have been a bit earlier as they chopped and changed my due date so many times. He had problems breathing when he was born and with keeping warm so they kept having to suction him and rub him down on that warmer thingymajig for nearly two hours, they thought he would have to go to special care but in the end he didn't. I tried latching him on after the two hours but I couldn't get him to latch, he kept crying and crying with hunger but all the mws said he'd either get the hang of it or I'd have to go to formula, simple as. I asked to use the hospital breastpump, I was told that wasn't for those without premature or ill babies. I asked to see the BF counsellor before we were discharged and the MWs said she was busy; so I cornered her when she was doing her rounds just before we were discharged begging her for help and she was really rude to me.
When we got home I could only feed him with a combo of hand expressing right into his mouth and by bottles of EBM. A lovely midwife did help me to get him latched a few days later, although his latch still wasn't great and the damage had already been done. Really high levels of jaundice run in OHs and my family anyway; and with an early baby who has not been feeding well-it was catastrophic. One fairly elderly midwife who came on the Friday a week after he was born said I needed to get him into hospital right away as he was illuminous-I had expressed my concerns to all the rest of the visiting midwives and even staff in the hospital as he was pretty yellow while still in there and they were dismissive.
When we took him to A&E he'd lost over 14% of his birthweight and his blood was so thick and conjealed it was hard for them to take samples; he was also completely unresponsive when they took the blood. The SCBU staff took him away for 4 hours before they allowed us to see him, we honestly had no idea what was going on and they would not tell us. When they came in they told us he would be on a drip for 4 days and also had 4 lights on him, one under him, one on top of the incubator and one on each side. His level was over 550 and well above the needing a blood transfusion line but as it wasn't found to be ABO incompatibility jaundice; they didn't give him one. They said he hadn't been getting enough to eat (which I had been trying to say for so long!) and said I should just switch to formula; I did express some milk but they didn't encourage me to express any more and I felt so much like I failed him that I thought I may as well give up.
I was, miraculously, able to get him to latch when we got home and that midwife helped me get back to almost EBF (with formula here and there because I just wasn't confident a lot of the time that I could feed him myself), but BF him was very difficult as he always had a very shallow latch and even had problems feeding from bottles; he also had terrible reflux, dismissed at the time as colic. At 7 and a half months he just started refusing to BF at all and would never latch on again. I am so grateful I managed to BF him for as long as I did as most other babies with his problems (we now know he had severe tongue tie and lip tie) cannot directly BF at all but the whole experience of him being in hospital and them not listening to me on how ill he was and not feeding properly and everything else, I still get flashbacks to it now and I have had to have counselling and anti-depressants several times since directly linked to what happened.
With my second youngest, he BF really well from day one but at 8 weeks he developed mucusy, green bloody diarrhoea, sometimes with solid bits of poo in, which he had many times a day, a really red rash on his face making his eyelids look like they were bleeding and really bad foul smelling bottom wind, up until that point he had gained weight really well so I didn't bother getting him weighed again but at 15 weeks the diarrhoea still hadn't resolved and he started to look quite gaunt and just not well at all, previously the GP and HV were dismissive saying the green diarrhoea was probably 'just normal' but when weighed he had only put 8oz in that prior eight weeks and when I got him reweighed two days later-he had lost it all. His nappies started to be dry and he was really starting to look ill; he was getting a lot of milk in (I could hear it gurgling angrily in his stomach ) but it wasn't doing him any good and I felt awful. It was like my milk was sucking the life out of him. I did try cutting out dairy, eggs and wheat and it made no difference. Although I now think it is likely to have been soya that was one of the culprits-I don't know for sure and it could have been multiple things. My second eldest had a similar problem with the weight due to allergies but his digestive system and bowel movements stayed completely normal. So both of their red books showed an identical pattern. The lady at our local clinic said she'd refer us to the resident paediatrician in the main clinic in town, but when we got there it was a young inexperienced HV we had been referred to who kept saying I probably had no milk and that was the problem, and I'd need to express every feed for a week to prove it wasn't-until I did that they couldn't help me. I showed the lady both red books and she just kept saying 'well you will have to express every feed'. I am no good at expressing at the best of times and I knew it was an allergy problem but it was falling on deaf ears. I also knew from experience with second eldest that if I went back to my GP she'd just try and prescribe me soya formula (only one tub mind-and expect me to buy it from then on!). So I tried him with comfort formula and the improvement was just shocking, he put on over 1lb in five days and was just a much happier baby, and I found I could still BF him for the night feeds without the symptoms cropping up again-but sadly one night at 5 and a half months he just didn't wake up for a feed that night and wouldn't latch on when I tried it during the day-so that was the end of that. He still has problems with soya and now with dairy products, although he can now finally tolerate small amounts; larger amounts cause him vomiting and diarrhoea, so now I feel guilty that perhaps the comfort formula wasn't the best option and ideally he should have had a prescribed formula but that just wasn't something that was available. Until recently I couldn't even look at his red book because it was just a reminder of things going wrong but when I did; I was so furious to read that HVs comments which I had never before dared read, the one who dismissed it as a supply problem, because she wrote 'suspected allergy absorption problem, if weight gain does not resolve by next visit, referral to dietician recommended', so she either believed me but let me believe otherwise; or wanted to be writing the 'done' thing in his red book. Either way it was no help to us Thanks for listening xx
When we got home I could only feed him with a combo of hand expressing right into his mouth and by bottles of EBM. A lovely midwife did help me to get him latched a few days later, although his latch still wasn't great and the damage had already been done. Really high levels of jaundice run in OHs and my family anyway; and with an early baby who has not been feeding well-it was catastrophic. One fairly elderly midwife who came on the Friday a week after he was born said I needed to get him into hospital right away as he was illuminous-I had expressed my concerns to all the rest of the visiting midwives and even staff in the hospital as he was pretty yellow while still in there and they were dismissive.
When we took him to A&E he'd lost over 14% of his birthweight and his blood was so thick and conjealed it was hard for them to take samples; he was also completely unresponsive when they took the blood. The SCBU staff took him away for 4 hours before they allowed us to see him, we honestly had no idea what was going on and they would not tell us. When they came in they told us he would be on a drip for 4 days and also had 4 lights on him, one under him, one on top of the incubator and one on each side. His level was over 550 and well above the needing a blood transfusion line but as it wasn't found to be ABO incompatibility jaundice; they didn't give him one. They said he hadn't been getting enough to eat (which I had been trying to say for so long!) and said I should just switch to formula; I did express some milk but they didn't encourage me to express any more and I felt so much like I failed him that I thought I may as well give up. I was, miraculously, able to get him to latch when we got home and that midwife helped me get back to almost EBF (with formula here and there because I just wasn't confident a lot of the time that I could feed him myself), but BF him was very difficult as he always had a very shallow latch and even had problems feeding from bottles; he also had terrible reflux, dismissed at the time as colic. At 7 and a half months he just started refusing to BF at all and would never latch on again. I am so grateful I managed to BF him for as long as I did as most other babies with his problems (we now know he had severe tongue tie and lip tie) cannot directly BF at all but the whole experience of him being in hospital and them not listening to me on how ill he was and not feeding properly and everything else, I still get flashbacks to it now and I have had to have counselling and anti-depressants several times since directly linked to what happened.
With my second youngest, he BF really well from day one but at 8 weeks he developed mucusy, green bloody diarrhoea, sometimes with solid bits of poo in, which he had many times a day, a really red rash on his face making his eyelids look like they were bleeding and really bad foul smelling bottom wind, up until that point he had gained weight really well so I didn't bother getting him weighed again but at 15 weeks the diarrhoea still hadn't resolved and he started to look quite gaunt and just not well at all, previously the GP and HV were dismissive saying the green diarrhoea was probably 'just normal' but when weighed he had only put 8oz in that prior eight weeks and when I got him reweighed two days later-he had lost it all. His nappies started to be dry and he was really starting to look ill; he was getting a lot of milk in (I could hear it gurgling angrily in his stomach
) but it wasn't doing him any good and I felt awful. It was like my milk was sucking the life out of him. I did try cutting out dairy, eggs and wheat and it made no difference. Although I now think it is likely to have been soya that was one of the culprits-I don't know for sure and it could have been multiple things. My second eldest had a similar problem with the weight due to allergies but his digestive system and bowel movements stayed completely normal. So both of their red books showed an identical pattern. The lady at our local clinic said she'd refer us to the resident paediatrician in the main clinic in town, but when we got there it was a young inexperienced HV we had been referred to who kept saying I probably had no milk and that was the problem, and I'd need to express every feed for a week to prove it wasn't-until I did that they couldn't help me. I showed the lady both red books and she just kept saying 'well you will have to express every feed'. I am no good at expressing at the best of times and I knew it was an allergy problem but it was falling on deaf ears. I also knew from experience with second eldest that if I went back to my GP she'd just try and prescribe me soya formula (only one tub mind-and expect me to buy it from then on!). So I tried him with comfort formula and the improvement was just shocking, he put on over 1lb in five days and was just a much happier baby, and I found I could still BF him for the night feeds without the symptoms cropping up again-but sadly one night at 5 and a half months he just didn't wake up for a feed that night and wouldn't latch on when I tried it during the day-so that was the end of that. He still has problems with soya and now with dairy products, although he can now finally tolerate small amounts; larger amounts cause him vomiting and diarrhoea, so now I feel guilty that perhaps the comfort formula wasn't the best option and ideally he should have had a prescribed formula but that just wasn't something that was available. Until recently I couldn't even look at his red book because it was just a reminder of things going wrong but when I did; I was so furious to read that HVs comments which I had never before dared read, the one who dismissed it as a supply problem, because she wrote 'suspected allergy absorption problem, if weight gain does not resolve by next visit, referral to dietician recommended', so she either believed me but let me believe otherwise; or wanted to be writing the 'done' thing in his red book. Either way it was no help to us Thanks for listening xx
Snuffy
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I do agree to an extent vintage67 - the internet can exacerbate things and I'm sure that a lot of those people wouldn't have the guts to say some of the things they do if they weren't hiding behind a computer screen. I've not encountered it on this site, but on another forum there was one person in particular who seemed determined to make me out to be some kind of liar over my BF (or lack of) story and would regularly post little digs that were clearly aimed at me in threads that I hadn't even posted on. And if I hit back or tried to defend myself I was the bad guy and declared "anti-BF", which I am not. If she'd tried in face to face she'd have got a punch in the chops.
Incidentally I don't remember being born or how I was fed, however I am aware that I was born by c section and formula fed, just like my two cherubs. I think I turned out okay
Incidentally I don't remember being born or how I was fed, however I am aware that I was born by c section and formula fed, just like my two cherubs. I think I turned out okay
vintage67
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Yes, with my first son, I made a great mistake by seeking help on one particular website.
The things said to me and the other ladies who were struggling was terrible.
I had no idea it was such a militant site. Some of them did nurse-ins in formula aisles to block them, boycotted Sesame Street, poured formula samples down their sinks proudly (instead of donating them to babies that needed them), boycotted and letter campaigned television shows that had formula commericals, and actually cheered formula recalls.
"Good luck when your kid gets cancer." was just one of their rosy comments.
But for someone like me, who doesn't really produce milk, it was the woman who produced a "study" that women who produce large amounts of the necessary hormone to make breastmilke were "better mothers" and that in the
animal kingdom, apparently a "female" like me, would just eat her babies.
That's when I grabbed the car keys and ended up by the river.
The things said to me and the other ladies who were struggling was terrible.
I had no idea it was such a militant site. Some of them did nurse-ins in formula aisles to block them, boycotted Sesame Street, poured formula samples down their sinks proudly (instead of donating them to babies that needed them), boycotted and letter campaigned television shows that had formula commericals, and actually cheered formula recalls.
"Good luck when your kid gets cancer." was just one of their rosy comments.
But for someone like me, who doesn't really produce milk, it was the woman who produced a "study" that women who produce large amounts of the necessary hormone to make breastmilke were "better mothers" and that in the
animal kingdom, apparently a "female" like me, would just eat her babies.
That's when I grabbed the car keys and ended up by the river.
J
JackiePed
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This is a good reason why I don't have a detailed signature. I would rather not risk offending people simply by showing up in a thread, and would prefer not to be seen as an intruder in a thread if I don't meet certain requirements.
For example, though I am currently breastfeeding my son, my daughter just wouldn't for some reason. I spent much time in tears. My first son refused suddenly after a few months-- I suspect as a result of a surgery I had. So I realize this one could stop at any time, too, and so I am grateful for the time that I have with this one.
But since I am currently breastfeeding this baby, I wonder if any advice or comfort I wanted to offer would be seen as insensitive if it were to somehow be posted on my signature than I am breastfeeding-- at the moment.
I experienced multiple m/cs before having Thor.... but let me tell you (and many of you know), the first is just as painful as the third or fourth, though they cut in different places of your heart for different reasons. So on my first m/c, would I have not been qualified to post in a thread regarding more than one m/c?
My heart breaks as I read this thread, because as I posted in earlier pages, no mother should have to experience such grief over how she feeds her baby. I am so glad to read that this thread is helping women overcome these dark feelings, or to see their experiences in a more positive light. I have been so devastated for women on this thread knowing that they have experienced such grief and feelings of 'failure'. No mommy who tries her hardest should ever have to feel as though she 'failed'.
But most people are coming from a good place, and to find people offensive simply for their signature or for their lack of struggles is a bit unfair. For what they say, sure. I get the upset over the comment about the breastfeeding bond-- though I can tell the poster meant only good, I can see how it doesn't belong in a thread like this.
I also get the suggestion to turn off signatures in threads that discuss sensitive topics... but some women won't know or realize to do that. We can't hold that against them. C-sectioners who have something that posts their c-section in a positive light... why would you deny them that? Do we WANT women to view their c-section as a tragedy, simply because some women are upset by their own c-section? If a woman who had to have a c-section found a way to spin it positively, then they shouldn't be told that it is inappropriate-- are they supposed to hide in shame? It's like when a chemotherapy patient says they are 'bald and proud'. They wouldn't have CHOSEN to experience chemo and lose all their hair, but since they had to... they are going to spin it positively and display their baldness as a symbol of their battle with cancer. Many women who had a c-section DID undergo it out of love... they were advised that it was best for their baby, so they allowed their bodies to be cut up and restitched our of love for that little baby. So it's a symbol to them.
Breastfeeders who post about their 'superpower' aren't gloating that they were 'one of the successful ones', I don't think (goodness I hope not)... I think it's an innocent display of pride, from people who likely don't even consider the fact that some mommies can't... they aren't rude for that.
So often on here we find ourselves inadvertently offending someone, or being offended by someone, when 99% of the time everyone meant well. We can't control how our factors stack up against one another's -- but sometimes it's so complicated that it ends up impossible to post for fear of offending someone... and most women on here just want to help. In some way or another.
For example, though I am currently breastfeeding my son, my daughter just wouldn't for some reason. I spent much time in tears. My first son refused suddenly after a few months-- I suspect as a result of a surgery I had. So I realize this one could stop at any time, too, and so I am grateful for the time that I have with this one.
But since I am currently breastfeeding this baby, I wonder if any advice or comfort I wanted to offer would be seen as insensitive if it were to somehow be posted on my signature than I am breastfeeding-- at the moment.
I experienced multiple m/cs before having Thor.... but let me tell you (and many of you know), the first is just as painful as the third or fourth, though they cut in different places of your heart for different reasons. So on my first m/c, would I have not been qualified to post in a thread regarding more than one m/c?
My heart breaks as I read this thread, because as I posted in earlier pages, no mother should have to experience such grief over how she feeds her baby. I am so glad to read that this thread is helping women overcome these dark feelings, or to see their experiences in a more positive light. I have been so devastated for women on this thread knowing that they have experienced such grief and feelings of 'failure'. No mommy who tries her hardest should ever have to feel as though she 'failed'.
But most people are coming from a good place, and to find people offensive simply for their signature or for their lack of struggles is a bit unfair. For what they say, sure. I get the upset over the comment about the breastfeeding bond-- though I can tell the poster meant only good, I can see how it doesn't belong in a thread like this.
I also get the suggestion to turn off signatures in threads that discuss sensitive topics... but some women won't know or realize to do that. We can't hold that against them. C-sectioners who have something that posts their c-section in a positive light... why would you deny them that? Do we WANT women to view their c-section as a tragedy, simply because some women are upset by their own c-section? If a woman who had to have a c-section found a way to spin it positively, then they shouldn't be told that it is inappropriate-- are they supposed to hide in shame? It's like when a chemotherapy patient says they are 'bald and proud'. They wouldn't have CHOSEN to experience chemo and lose all their hair, but since they had to... they are going to spin it positively and display their baldness as a symbol of their battle with cancer. Many women who had a c-section DID undergo it out of love... they were advised that it was best for their baby, so they allowed their bodies to be cut up and restitched our of love for that little baby. So it's a symbol to them.
Breastfeeders who post about their 'superpower' aren't gloating that they were 'one of the successful ones', I don't think (goodness I hope not)... I think it's an innocent display of pride, from people who likely don't even consider the fact that some mommies can't... they aren't rude for that.
So often on here we find ourselves inadvertently offending someone, or being offended by someone, when 99% of the time everyone meant well. We can't control how our factors stack up against one another's -- but sometimes it's so complicated that it ends up impossible to post for fear of offending someone... and most women on here just want to help. In some way or another.
MrsPOP
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@Summer Rain: ...there are no words, what a completely horrifying experience you and your 2 LOs had. Im so so sorry 
Thankyou for sharing with us, that must have been difficult to write down and share xxxx
@Vintage:...pardon my language but f*cking hell!!!! 'good luck when your kid gets cancer'????? And these are supposed to be the awesome 'better' mothers?
And nurse-ins blocking the formula aisle? WTF? When are these idiots going to realise they are wasting their time? Formula will never EVER go away so why dont they get off their sanctamonious little perches and do something useful like help those who struggle due to lack of support?
I was formula fed. My mum didnt even bother trying. I dont give a stuff, to me the sun shines out of her every pore and I love her so so so much. She is my 3rd soulmate along with my DH and my daughter. Nothing to do with how she fed me, purely because she has been the most fantastic mother a daughter could ever ask for and now she's dying of cancer (she was BF btw so bang goes the formula causes cancer thing) so comments like the cancer thing really fucking piss me off
Thankyou for sharing with us, that must have been difficult to write down and share xxxx@Vintage:...pardon my language but f*cking hell!!!! 'good luck when your kid gets cancer'????? And these are supposed to be the awesome 'better' mothers?
And nurse-ins blocking the formula aisle? WTF? When are these idiots going to realise they are wasting their time? Formula will never EVER go away so why dont they get off their sanctamonious little perches and do something useful like help those who struggle due to lack of support?
I was formula fed. My mum didnt even bother trying. I dont give a stuff, to me the sun shines out of her every pore and I love her so so so much. She is my 3rd soulmate along with my DH and my daughter. Nothing to do with how she fed me, purely because she has been the most fantastic mother a daughter could ever ask for and now she's dying of cancer (she was BF btw so bang goes the formula causes cancer thing) so comments like the cancer thing really fucking piss me off
vintage67
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I didn't like how it kept callling it a choice, and gave a very brief lip service to the fact that it wasn't always a choice. Even some of the reader comments mentioned this.
MrsPOP
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Jackieped you are totally right, thankyou so much.
I admitted from the off my upset with the blinkies was purely out of jealousy, I wanted one too! Sad? Pathetic? Maybe, but its how I felt at the time. I now no longe care.
I will never like the 'I make milk, what's YOUR superpower' blinkie because I dont think thats an innocent celebration, I find the 'YOUR' intimidating and aggressive but Im mature enough to realise that most people who have that in their sig arent trying to be mean
I did see a BF ticker t'other day that had on the top 'So Glad I Never Gave Up' and I did have a momentary feeling of 'not another smug one' but then I shook myself off and ignored it. It probably wasnt meant nastily and if it was, why should I care what someone thinks if they are being petty enough to be nasty on the friggin' internet. Life is too frigging short.
Like today, I was resitting a very important exam that I took in October. I took it in October in a fit of PND madness. I had a 3 month old refluxy baby who on the night before the exam decided it was time to enter a sleep regression. I'd barely had time to revise, I was a wreck. I should never had done the exam then. But I only failed by 1.5%
So Ive been panicking, having meltdowns because Im terrified to do it again in case I failed again (sound familiar? wonder if I will feel that way with BFing no2) ...
And then I thought:
"you know my mum gets up every day and faces every day head on. She has a massive tumour in her abdomen, pressing on her bowel. She's getting weaker, she's in pain, she's losing her hair and has a widespread blistering and painful rash from the experimental drugs she's been taking which thankfully have kept her with us for far longer than we'd ever hoped. So she has to get up knowing that she is dying. But she doesnt wallow, she keeps trying. She fixes what little hair she has left, she puts make up on over her rash, she gets dressed, manages to go out and about most days, sees her family and worships her granddaughters. She can do that even though she knows her days are numbered. So I can get up and do this *******ing exam and stop being a bloody scaredy cat!!!!!!'.
That was a major epiphany for me today. And next week Im going to ask my GP for counselling, not just to get over the CSec and BF hoo-haa but to help me deal with the future. Talking about BFing and csecs and everything has helped me so damn much and Ive been afraid to go to my GP incase I was seen as 'weak' or just being a drama queen. But no more. I've been wasting my precious maternity leave being miserable and thats it, no more!
I admitted from the off my upset with the blinkies was purely out of jealousy, I wanted one too! Sad? Pathetic? Maybe, but its how I felt at the time. I now no longe care.
I will never like the 'I make milk, what's YOUR superpower' blinkie because I dont think thats an innocent celebration, I find the 'YOUR' intimidating and aggressive but Im mature enough to realise that most people who have that in their sig arent trying to be mean
I did see a BF ticker t'other day that had on the top 'So Glad I Never Gave Up' and I did have a momentary feeling of 'not another smug one' but then I shook myself off and ignored it. It probably wasnt meant nastily and if it was, why should I care what someone thinks if they are being petty enough to be nasty on the friggin' internet. Life is too frigging short.
Like today, I was resitting a very important exam that I took in October. I took it in October in a fit of PND madness. I had a 3 month old refluxy baby who on the night before the exam decided it was time to enter a sleep regression. I'd barely had time to revise, I was a wreck. I should never had done the exam then. But I only failed by 1.5%
So Ive been panicking, having meltdowns because Im terrified to do it again in case I failed again (sound familiar? wonder if I will feel that way with BFing no2) ...
And then I thought:
"you know my mum gets up every day and faces every day head on. She has a massive tumour in her abdomen, pressing on her bowel. She's getting weaker, she's in pain, she's losing her hair and has a widespread blistering and painful rash from the experimental drugs she's been taking which thankfully have kept her with us for far longer than we'd ever hoped. So she has to get up knowing that she is dying. But she doesnt wallow, she keeps trying. She fixes what little hair she has left, she puts make up on over her rash, she gets dressed, manages to go out and about most days, sees her family and worships her granddaughters. She can do that even though she knows her days are numbered. So I can get up and do this *******ing exam and stop being a bloody scaredy cat!!!!!!'.
That was a major epiphany for me today. And next week Im going to ask my GP for counselling, not just to get over the CSec and BF hoo-haa but to help me deal with the future. Talking about BFing and csecs and everything has helped me so damn much and Ive been afraid to go to my GP incase I was seen as 'weak' or just being a drama queen. But no more. I've been wasting my precious maternity leave being miserable and thats it, no more!
kimini26
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I noticed that too. There is another thread about what are your reasons for formula feeding that someone in third tri started to help her decide which way to go and it seems that the majority of women don't choose to formula feed but are driven to it for various reasons. I think that if you were to ask random childless people on the street which one more mothers start with they would probably say formula. Seems like a lot more women than we are lead to believe are really struggling with breastfeeding.
vintage67
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Good for you Mrs. Pop!
I should find some counseling as well. But on a funny note, I have this picture of baring my soul as I've done on here to a therapist, who then looks over her glasses and says, "But did you try nipple shields?"
I should find some counseling as well. But on a funny note, I have this picture of baring my soul as I've done on here to a therapist, who then looks over her glasses and says, "But did you try nipple shields?"
patch2006uk
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Vintage-the 'better mothers' thing is hormonal again. Theoretically, if you have higher levels of-I think-prolactin, you supposedly are more nurturing by nature. You would also probably have a more robust milk supply, as that is the milk production hormone.
It's a massive deduction to make from a simple hormonal level, however, that a mother would actually be more or less 'motherly'.
Alot of the 'bond' stuff and 'nurturing' stuff is all theory based on hormone levels in rats. I wouldn't put too much stock in it all really.
It's a massive deduction to make from a simple hormonal level, however, that a mother would actually be more or less 'motherly'.
Alot of the 'bond' stuff and 'nurturing' stuff is all theory based on hormone levels in rats. I wouldn't put too much stock in it all really.
patch2006uk
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Your duck blinkie is very cute Patch
Thank you kindly
I was looking for a baby signing one really, but that one seemed appropriate as my LO's first sign was 'duck'
I should find some counseling as well. But on a funny note, I have this picture of baring my soul as I've done on here to a therapist, who then looks over her glasses and says, "But did you try nipple shields?"
LMAO!
I can totally picture that!The last few days I have this thought in my head. If we have a baby but for whatever reason stopped bf'ing, does our body think we lost the baby (not just the milk stopping and hormones but say brain chemicals etc.) which causes us other problems like increased chance of PND?
Lawhra
NowProudMumOfTwo!!
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When I wrote my post it was intended as being helpful not upsetting. It is a shame all focus was put on the fact I said the bond was different. Different, not better. I clearly stated I had and still have and a very strong bond with my first son. I do not love any child any differently nor do I feel more bonded to one than the other. The fact remains if you formula feed your baby or bottle feed expressed breast milk then technically anyone can feed them and you are therefore not 'tied' to them. If you give a dummy for comfort (not the irreplaceable mummy cuddles etc) then it can be given by someone else. If however you solely feed by breast and you are baby's dummy (comfort) then you are 'tied' (word used loosely as it is not meant in a negative way) to the baby more so. That is what I meant. I can't leave LO for long as he refuses bottles/sippy cups/dummies and so I have always been his food source and comfort (in lieu of dummy, that sort of comfort. Of course any baby can be comforted by their mummy with cuddles etc).
I also told my own story of guilt and upset so surely it must be evident I wouldn't say anything to make anyone feel bad on purpose.
I won't be coming in this thread again so if anyone feels upset by me please PM me as I won't see it in here to offer an apology if necessary.
I also told my own story of guilt and upset so surely it must be evident I wouldn't say anything to make anyone feel bad on purpose.
I won't be coming in this thread again so if anyone feels upset by me please PM me as I won't see it in here to offer an apology if necessary.
buddyIV
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Thanks for coming back and responding. I know you may not read this, but just in case....
If you read my post, related to your's, you'll know that I did note that you said "different" not better. I was trying my best to be empathetic and charitable
I think we all understand the technicalities of the "tying" nature of BF, given the fact that we've clearly all tried (and tried, and tried). However, though what you say is indeed technically true, other people can feed LO when you bottle feed, this is often not the case. As a women who BF for 3+months I wasn't ready to start handing him to anyone else, and I continued to feed him myself. I didn't leave his side, nor did I reduce the amount of cuddles I gave him. We would do skin to skin, baby-wear, co-sleep and all the rest to make sure he still felt as secure as he always had. I was still 100% tied, bound and attached to my baby. There is an automatic assumption that a Mother's behaviour will change according to her method of feeding her LO, but this is absolutely not always the case. I acted the same regardless of how my son was being fed, because my instincts were exactly the same. The technicalities don't always come into it.
I appreciate that you shared your experience here; I could tell you were coming from a good place. I didn't feel upset or offended.
