The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[sequeena]

One reason why I stopped going to my PND group. Before my group they have a breastfeeding group and there's leaflets etc everywhere it made me feel so awful everytime I went.

 

[Maid Marian]

Just a few I found

https://i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj91/pmblinkies/bottle%20feedings/bottlefedhappy1.gif

https://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e143/BBAF/Family/Nursing/bba-bfoption.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/bottle-fed.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/ff2.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/bottlebaby.gif

https://i469.photobucket.com/albums/rr57/marriedsBlinkies/Breast%20and%20Bottle%20Feeding%20blinkies/thapaprikao090108-1.gif

 

[Snugggs]

I love your first one maid marian... I think it sums up perfectly without taking a dig at BFing or boobs being crap iykwim...... what does everyone else thing? xxx

 

[Fruitymeli]

Just a few I found

https://i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj91/pmblinkies/bottle%20feedings/bottlefedhappy1.gif

https://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e143/BBAF/Family/Nursing/bba-bfoption.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/bottle-fed.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/ff2.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/bottlebaby.gif

https://i469.photobucket.com/albums/rr57/marriedsBlinkies/Breast%20and%20Bottle%20Feeding%20blinkies/thapaprikao090108-1.gif

aww there great

 

[MrsPOP]

I can't decide which one I like best they're all pretty awesome, thankyou MM! X

 

[queenlavera]

Just a few I found

https://i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj91/pmblinkies/bottle%20feedings/bottlefedhappy1.gif

https://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e143/BBAF/Family/Nursing/bba-bfoption.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/bottle-fed.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/ff2.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/bottlebaby.gif

https://i469.photobucket.com/albums/rr57/marriedsBlinkies/Breast%20and%20Bottle%20Feeding%20blinkies/thapaprikao090108-1.gif

Love the last one!! Thanks!

 

[fides]

A very funny blog post about Dr. Sears, written tongue-in-cheek style.

https://www.mommywantsvodka.com/dr-sears-can-kiss-my-fluffy-white-butt

thanks - i did need to see that

This thread is worth 100's of dollars in therapy for me!

same here!

And they wouldn't let up. Eventually I told them that I was diagnosed with severe PNA and PND, was put on a sedative partially triggered by not being able to bf and couldn't feed anymore due to meds.

That was apparently a sufficient enough answer to shut them up. I wanted to cry. Thank God I didn't have to bring up PTSD from childhood abuse triggered by the birth.

YES IM FORMULA FEEDING
I understand that breast is best- if i had a fricking CHOICE i would be doing it
Yes I have tried the following : different holds, nipple sheilds, herbal suppliements, drugs and pumping to increase supply
At the moment my emotional state is fragile- so please don't make me justify why BF is not working for me and please please don't demean me with your pity.
Just because you managed to get through does not mean i didn't try as hard as you. I'm sure your cracked nipples and mastitis hurt- but don't assume because you managed to get over the hump that everyone can.
I do not need to know how bad formula is and in reverse you don't need to tell me endlessly the benefits of breastfeeding. Chances are I know it better than you because I have spent the last 4 weeks googleing trying to find the reason I cant breastfeed and it keeps on re-enforcing what the benefits are.
I have a GREAT bond with my child. She loves me for looking after ALL her needs not just one. Changing a poo-y nappy is just as important as the food going in- Im making sure she is well fed. the end. well done me.
Were you breast-fed as a child? chances are no- you seemed to do just fine... well maybe there is an issue with the drop in IQ because you clearly can't see how distressed im getting justifying to you why I can't breastfeed.

ok rant over lol

Edit: I mean no offence to the lovely BF ladies who are on this thread- I just wish there were more of you out there.

well said

And as for 'who are these lactivists (militants)'...

they are the women in my baby massage class who ignored me because I bottle feed, they are the friends on my online diary who keep writing pointed posts about how wonderful their kid is because they are BF and how glad they are they didn't give up and give poison to their child. It's the health visitors who have that look on their face when you tell them you FF, it's the consultant who tells the woman (me) who has been through hell that I must carry on despite the fact I was ready to throw myself out of the window, it's the nurse who kept forcing my screaming non-latching baby onto my breast in a tiny airless A&E cubicle and taking her off me and saying to her 'now come on baby you must latch otherwise mummy will give up and that's not right', it's the douches that people like Vintage have come across saying 'good luck when your kid gets cancer' (!!!!), it's the lady on facebook who commented on a post that a BF friend of mine shared about BF guilt and letting go of it saying 'i hate sites like this, mums who fail BF should just shut up and get over it, they shouldn't discuss it in public because they are promoting FF', it's the people on here who told me I was oversensitive for daring to be upset that I failed to BF and that they were 'special mums' becaus they were extended BFers and it's the bloody idiots who ask 'but did you try nipple shields' when you've told them you've tried everything.

THEY are the bloody lactivists!!!!!

Hm, well. Moving on from the tension...

I'm giving relactating another go. My OH thinks I'm mental... but maybe it's 3rd time lucky.

how is it going?

 

[vintage67]

"Breast may be best but it's not always an option" would sum up my situation best, but I don't think I'm a "blinkie" kind of gal. I just warmed up to smileys! And I stillrefuse to use some of the abbreviations. I don't know why; just kind of old school I guess, in addition to being 105 years old!


Sequeena, I wish you every success and will cautiously root for you in your relactation efforts! But please know if it doesn't go well, I think we are all here for you!

 

[Kage76]

Just a few I found

https://i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj91/pmblinkies/bottle%20feedings/bottlefedhappy1.gif

https://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e143/BBAF/Family/Nursing/bba-bfoption.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/bottle-fed.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/ff2.gif

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v39/rwhite/Motherhood/Bottle%20Feeding/bottlebaby.gif

https://i469.photobucket.com/albums/rr57/marriedsBlinkies/Breast%20and%20Bottle%20Feeding%20blinkies/thapaprikao090108-1.gif

oh i do like the last one

 

[Kage76]

i wouldn't use it but it made me chuckle.

https://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii211/bianchiblinkies/Blinkies/canmilk.gif

 

[Snugggs]

I quite liked the my breast isn't best one, but like you, not sure I would use it x

 

[Snuffy]

i wouldn't use it but it made me chuckle.

https://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii211/bianchiblinkies/Blinkies/canmilk.gif

 

[darkangel1981]

I love the last one!!!

 

[buddyIV]

I think the last one is great: we can be supportive of both feeding methods!

I got a bit sad this morning thinking about my "failure" again...for no reason at all I just started thinking about my shitty delivery, and then the horror-show that was the next 4 months struggling with BF. All it takes is an advert for OBEM or that new one "Call the Midwife" and I start thinking about it all over again (I avoid watching anything to do with labour and delivery as I get too upset). It's been 16 months and I'm still not 100% over it. I find it so distressing that instead of enjoying those precious first weeks with my son I was wrapped up in this intense battle with my own body. Thank goodness I came out the other side of it with a beautiful bond and infinite love for my LO. But still, I mourn that time a little bit.

Bah! Pointless post really, but if I can't vent here, where can I go ladies???!

 

[wiiwidow]

I just wanted to post too and say thank you for a great thread (though I have to admit to not having the time to read it all!) and sympathies for you all. I could've written these feelings and emotions over the last 12 months over and over again, I have beaten myself up for hours about my inability to keep battling to bf my son. However I now realised there's no point to this self flagellation. You know what it's better that he's happy and healthy rather than miserable because mummy is in pain and/or depressed.

I was told by a HV (too late for the initial months of sadness and depression over it all) "Breast is best, unless it's not fun for Mum!" This has been my mantra since, and you know it's helped a lot.

So screw what other people think and have belief that you are doing the best that you can for your child because they are happy and healthy and loved.

I do believe though that I was prone to assuming that others were thinking badly of me for bottle feeding, because I felt badly of me for ff, does that make sense? I honestly think when I look back on it, in many situations people weren't actually looking down on me at all, I was looking down on me and projecting these feelings onto the others. So if there was a little glance in my direction, it was because I was bottle feeding, but actually it probably was just a little glance, or maybe she wanted to say hi and was scared, maybe she just heard a noise and looked in my direction!

(I have though on here and on fb had many of the it's poison comments, hence my blinkie might be considered a little confrontational by some! Maybe now I've got over it, it's time to remove it, if I can remember how?)

 

[MrsPOP]

Hmmm I made the stupid mistake of searching for ff blinkies last night, just to see what was out there and came across another forum with a thread full of people saying 'why on earth would anyone want a FF blinkie? Why would anyone be proud of that? I think its because they are ashamed of themselves'...my initial reaction was but luckily Ive come a long way and laughed it off.

Because as Ive said previously, no-one is perfect and the crunchiest mother may one day come across a soggy moment...and need to make a choice they originally said they 'would never ever do'.

After all, we are parents for a long time. And its a long time to go without making a mistake or choosing something unexpected and previously against your principles.

 

[buddyIV]

I just wanted to post too and say thank you for a great thread (though I have to admit to not having the time to read it all!) and sympathies for you all. I could've written these feelings and emotions over the last 12 months over and over again, I have beaten myself up for hours about my inability to keep battling to bf my son. However I now realised there's no point to this self flagellation. You know what it's better that he's happy and healthy rather than miserable because mummy is in pain and/or depressed.

I was told by a HV (too late for the initial months of sadness and depression over it all) "Breast is best, unless it's not fun for Mum!" This has been my mantra since, and you know it's helped a lot.

So screw what other people think and have belief that you are doing the best that you can for your child because they are happy and healthy and loved.

I do believe though that I was prone to assuming that others were thinking badly of me for bottle feeding, because I felt badly of me for ff, does that make sense? I honestly think when I look back on it, in many situations people weren't actually looking down on me at all, I was looking down on me and projecting these feelings onto the others. So if there was a little glance in my direction, it was because I was bottle feeding, but actually it probably was just a little glance, or maybe she wanted to say hi and was scared, maybe she just heard a noise and looked in my direction!

(I have though on here and on fb had many of the it's poison comments, hence my blinkie might be considered a little confrontational by some! Maybe now I've got over it, it's time to remove it, if I can remember how?)

I completely understand what you mean...and I was incredibly good at projecting/transferring all my self-judgement on to other people. I have to say though, that this has improved for me too: I can rationalise my emotional states far better now than a year ago.

Maaaan, there's probably some thread that a BnB'er started about getting a dirty look and ignored by some lady when all she wanted to do was ask where she got her LO's cool jacket from... That mean lady was me!!!

 

[Snuffy]

MrsPOP, I did the same thing and found the same thread! What a bunch of up their own arse women were on there, I'm glad their mod bollocked them in the end.

I do agree with the perception that you're being looked down on for ff rather than it actually being the case. I have never felt that way, probably because I generally swan around in my own bubble and never really pay attention to strangers around me, but yesterday we were in Burger King and a lady at the next table was giving her baby a bottle. I was looking over for a few seconds and thinking aw cute, then she looked up and I immediately had an internal panic and looked away in case she thought I was judging. Whereas in fact not half an hour before I had been giving Ollie his own bottle in the soft play centre down the road and not giving a crap who saw.

 

[MrsPOP]

Thank goodness for that sensible mod eh Snuffy?

I must admit, I know Im not quite *there* about getting over it because Im glad now that Alice is only on 3 bottles a day so I dont often need to feed her when Im out so people cant judge me for FF

Ive always been a stupid cow who cares what other people think. I get upset when I see people in their smart spage-age prams/buggies and they give me and my retina-frying pink cheapie buggy a dirty look My mum bought me it so Im using it, although I am going to get a petite star zia which isnt as chavvy and getting rid of my horrible silver cross travel system.

 

[vintage67]

Snuggs and Mrs. Pop, I read that same thread! It was that kind of similar thing I got sucked into last week when I went looking for formula coupons online! Here I am looking for them and found a thread or two where BF women were getting them and ranting and raving about it! I've never gotten any in the mail.

It is very hard to not let the world's judgement get to you, regardless of what you know in your heart to be true. People are very harsh towards the overweight, (I am overweight). Having a husband and kids who love me is all well and good but it still hurts to be looked down upon so.

Spent another Sunday at my mother's yesterday and it was lovely watching her feed my son a bottle! Those are nice moments.