The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[wiiwidow]

Snuggs and Mrs. Pop, I read that same thread! It was that kind of similar thing I got sucked into last week when I went looking for formula coupons online! Here I am looking for them and found a thread or two where BF women were getting them and ranting and raving about it! I've never gotten any in the mail.

It is very hard to not let the world's judgement get to you, regardless of what you know in your heart to be true. People are very harsh towards the overweight, (I am overweight). Having a husband and kids who love me is all well and good but it still hurts to be looked down upon so.

Spent another Sunday at my mother's yesterday and it was lovely watching her feed my son a bottle! Those are nice moments.

You know I love those moments too...watching Daddy feeding his son, was pretty precious to me! See there are silver linings if we look for them

 

[mushypea]

Can't remember which lovely lady on here put the comment about the fact that the way you feed your child is only one of the ways in which you care for your child. ie you change their nappy, dress them, wash them, cuddle them, kiss them, support them physically and emotionally. There are so many ways in which as a mother you 'mother' iykwim. Feeding is one tiny part of that for a fraction of your child's life.

The hardest thing I have found about being a mum is the judgemental side of things - you are 'judged' for how you feed / clothe/ pram you push / discipline etc etc and I must admit I have fallen out with other mums over such stuff...

 

[Kage76]

I was told by a HV (too late for the initial months of sadness and depression over it all) "Breast is best, unless it's not fun for Mum!" This has been my mantra since, and you know it's helped a lot.

Maybe thats a good idea for a blinky

 

[Elucida]

Gosh, I'm really so sorry for your situation and how tough it must have been. Don't feel bad for a second, you are a fantastic mama and tried so so hard which isn't all that common. Things like that touch every aspect of your parenting so your daughter is very lucky indeed.

I'm sorry for the ignorant things you've had to read. Some people, regardless of feeding method, don't know what they're talking about and make ignorant assumptions. You shouldn't feel anything less than proud of yourself and never let anyone make you feel otherwise x

 

[MrsPOP]

Elucida thankyou I do think more women try than you'd think though, the stories on this thread showed to me it was more common than I'd thought and also on blogs like fearless formula feeder too.

I don't think a blinkie with 'unless not fun for mum' is a good idea. It's true don't get me wrong but I think that concept would get jumped on quite quickly by those who think people like us are lazy-ass quitters and frankly I don't want to be dealing with that kind of level of douche-iness!!!!

 

[Elucida]

Oh absolutely, most people do start out nursing but I think very few are truly passionate about it and most are happy to go whichever way but would like for BF to work out. I don't see anything necessarily wrong with feeling relaxed in your approach but I think a lot of people are surprised that it's tough going for most people and without passion and a great support system and good advice it starts to fall apart quite quickly.

Sadly, passion alone is not enough as too many mums, like yourself, find out. I hope you are making peace with it, though, and appreciating that you are a great mum regardless. I've seen BF mums who I think aren't so great at all, just "checking boxes" for "good parenting" and aren't all that committed to actually being a good parent and my view on that is - what's the point in being super healthy if you're emotionally crippled all your life? Obviously that's not common and, ideally, people would be able to BF and also be great parents, but I think it's important to remember that just because you don't check the same boxes as somebody who does one great thing, it doesn't mean that, overall, you don't check more boxes for great parenting. It says nothing bad about you as a mum, simply that you didn't nurse for so long as some.

 

[kimini26]

I agree, "not fun for mom" encompasses so many possibilities. For me it would be "breast is best, unless its driving mom to suicide" or something very similar. But no one really wants to see that in a blinkie, lol.

 

[vintage67]

I agree, "not fun for mom" encompasses so many possibilities. For me it would be "breast is best, unless its driving mom to suicide" or something very similar. But no one really wants to see that in a blinkie, lol.

Might put that on my car!!!

 

[sequeena]

I have given up relactating right now given current circumstances. I don't need anymore guilt!!!

 

[fides]

I have given up relactating right now given current circumstances. I don't need anymore guilt!!!

 

[ChocolateKate]

Hey ladies, how are we doing today? Just wanted to share a refreshing read with you from a blog site about baby-led weaning:

https://www.babyledweaning.com/feat...rmula-feeding-and-breastfeeding-bear-with-me/

I've read a lot about how breastfed babies self-regulate and why BLW then suits but what about those of us who have had to bottle feed? I am still battling with my demons but I have to look forward and I have to be positive. So, I couldn't breast feed, I got an abscess, I'm still recovering mentally and physically but whether you choose to TW or BLW we can make sure our little ones have a healthy attitude towards food. I suppose the whole weaning thing has given me a new focus and I hope it does you too. X

EDIT: I am indeed referring to the actual blog as opposed to the comments. I haven't read them all after reading one particular idiotic quote, so warning to those of us in this thread who are rightly sensitive, don't scroll down. X

 

[sequeena]

We are BLW

 

[Snuffy]

We are hoping to BLW this time. We started TW early with Amy but at 6 months I read the Gill Rapley book after seeing how much a friend's daughter who was BLW enjoyed her food and we then skipped the mashed and lumpy food stages and followed a more BLW approach and god it was easier! I was fed up with slaving over purees that she would turn her nose up at lol.

 

[ChocolateKate]

That's really good to know thank you. Really don't want to get this thread off track, but wanted to share. X

 

[MrsPOP]

We had to start TW at 4.5 months as Alice's reflux was so bad the Consultant gastro advised us to. However from 5.5 months we skipped the slow process of purees-mashes-tiny-lumps-finger foods at 9 months to straight finger foods and therefore I say I am BLW although Ive been shouted at on here for daring to say I BLW because a puree passed my daughter's lips. However we very rarely feed her, she feeds herself off a pre-loaded spoon which is a BLW philosophy.

For example, Alice today had breadsticks, cheese and grapes and scoffed the lot. Shes doing so well with weaning. She had pasta last night and I used purees to make the sauce, a handy way of using them up

 

[Snuffy]

Lol I've been told off too. I figure why should it upset anyone else what I called it? Even the bloody book says it's possible to switch from TW to BLW so why people of a forum should take umbrage I have no idea

 

[Eala]

Lol I've been told off too. I figure why should it upset anyone else what I called it? Even the bloody book says it's possible to switch from TW to BLW so why people of a forum should take umbrage I have no idea

Some people just have too much time on their hands

I don't get the obsession with labels either, I don't feel that they are anything other than divisive at the end of the day! Sometimes feels like it's high school all over again

 

[patch2006uk]

Hey ladies, how are we doing today? Just wanted to share a refreshing read with you from a blog site about baby-led weaning:

https://www.babyledweaning.com/feat...rmula-feeding-and-breastfeeding-bear-with-me/

I've read a lot about how breastfed babies self-regulate and why BLW then suits but what about those of us who have had to bottle feed? I am still battling with my demons but I have to look forward and I have to be positive. So, I couldn't breast feed, I got an abscess, I'm still recovering mentally and physically but whether you choose to TW or BLW we can make sure our little ones have a healthy attitude towards food. I suppose the whole weaning thing has given me a new focus and I hope it does you too. X

EDIT: I am indeed referring to the actual blog as opposed to the comments. I haven't read them all after reading one particular idiotic quote, so warning to those of us in this thread who are rightly sensitive, don't scroll down. X

I read an interview with Gill Rapley about this, and she said that the only reason the study originally only included BF babies was because she wanted to control the study so it couldn't be rejected out of hand by the industry, and formula and BF babies mixed would have muddied the waters, as it were. She said she basically sees no reason why FF babies can't BLW, as long as the caregiver follows their cues.

I'll see if I can find the quote, but it was basically a big thumbs up from her for BLWing a FF baby, and it's her theory, so...

ETA - Ah, here it is (actually on the link that was posted above, on second look )

"Hi to everyone! Amazingly I have only just learned about this blog – I think it’s great! I’m looking forward to reading everything! For now, I just want to comment on the rant about formula feeding:

I’m delighted you’ve raised this. Personally, I have little doubt that babies who have been formula-fed are just as capable of self-weaning as those who have been breastfed. My hesitation in saying so in public stems from the fact that I am working in the world of academics and health professionals. In that world, any new drug, procedure or idea has to have a research evidence base to substantiate it before it is accepted – common sense is not enough. This is a safety feature – just in case there could be a hidden danger. If I step outside that I will not be taken seriously by people who, if they are convinced, have the potential to share the BLW message with lots of parents. So, since my own small piece of research was done using breastfed babies, I am not able to make assertions that are more general. You, as mothers, are perfectly free to state what makes logical sense – and I thank you for doing so!

One final small note: I hoped to publish my research in 2003 (as mentioned on your home page) but in fact have still not done so! (I am about to re-submit it to a journal after making amendments to the write-up.) I have, however, had a chapter published in an erudite book and am in the process of making a video about BLW. Watch this space!
Best regards to all of you, Gill Rapley"

 

[ChocolateKate]

Hey Patch, Gill comments at the end of the blog about this, so her experience for the study is in the article

What I particularly like about the blog is one of the sentences about her little one already being able to control their intake whilst FF too. I also can't force my beautiful but extremely stubborn daughter to take even a ml more when she's had enough! X

 

[BabyBoo36]

I'm FF and BLW. It's perfectly possible to do both. Freya isn't a bottomless pit just because she's FF - she takes her bottle out herself when she's had enough and picks up what food she wants from her tray, no differently to a BF baby x