The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[vintage67]

I would direct to you a thread and post from today, but honestly, signing off to do housework and again, I do not want to see a thread closed that is an emotional godsend for some of us.

 

[sequeena]

Hm, well. Moving on from the tension...

I'm giving relactating another go. My OH thinks I'm mental... but maybe it's 3rd time lucky.

 

[salb10]

My poor sister exclusively BF both her girls, now 7 and 9yrs and they both had colic, both had eczema, one had chicken pox at 3 months, they both have all the colds and coughs under the sun and they both are total nightmares when it comes to eating now!!! so all those apparent benefits are not showing themselves to her! and she spent the first few months absolutely shattered, feeding every 2hrs, and losing so much weight she was a gaunt shadow of her former self! It was 3 months before she went to sleep before midnight!!
A current friend is exclusively BF and her LO has been in hospital with bronchiolitis, yet another ailment that is supposed to be less likely in BF babies!!
Touch wood, my combination fed baby hasn't had any colds or coughs, even though i have been ill myself since he was born, he is bang on the 50th percentile, he sleeps like a dream and has done since about 3 weeks, and he is a lovely happy smiley baby!!

Whilst i think being able to grow a baby on BM alone is fantastic, and i have a lot of respect for those who do, it is not the be all and end all!! Me and both my sisters are all FF babies who have turned into healthy strong adults! MY DH was given carnation milk when he was a baby and he has much better immunity than even i do!!!

Mrs POP - it was this post that got my back up. I just don't like the implications that are being made about the sister being 'poor' because of having breastfed, and her children being subjected to these horrible illnesses, which BFing failed to protect them from.

It's nothing to do with FF vs BF, it's just being sensible. You can be happy with FFing without having to be so derogatory towards those who breastfeed and the act of breastfeeding.

And I know this is a 'BF 'failure' support' thread, but most of the stories on here are very similar to my experience, and it just keeps me humble, I suppose, to remember that the reasons I managed to get BFing established were more luck than anything else. We had good support, which isn't always available where and when it's needed.

I apologise if my opinions that i have formed, based upon some real life situations that i have observed with my own eyes are not to your liking. I have said twice now that i combi feed, and i wouldn't bother doing that if i thought breast feeding was a load of rubbish with no benefits at all. What i am saying, and as mrsPOP are re-iterated, is that there are BF babies out there that do not seem to have reaped the rewards, and this is why i will not be made to feel guilty for FF by anyone.

 

[patch2006uk]

My poor sister exclusively BF both her girls, now 7 and 9yrs and they both had colic, both had eczema, one had chicken pox at 3 months, they both have all the colds and coughs under the sun and they both are total nightmares when it comes to eating now!!! so all those apparent benefits are not showing themselves to her! and she spent the first few months absolutely shattered, feeding every 2hrs, and losing so much weight she was a gaunt shadow of her former self! It was 3 months before she went to sleep before midnight!!
A current friend is exclusively BF and her LO has been in hospital with bronchiolitis, yet another ailment that is supposed to be less likely in BF babies!!
Touch wood, my combination fed baby hasn't had any colds or coughs, even though i have been ill myself since he was born, he is bang on the 50th percentile, he sleeps like a dream and has done since about 3 weeks, and he is a lovely happy smiley baby!!

Whilst i think being able to grow a baby on BM alone is fantastic, and i have a lot of respect for those who do, it is not the be all and end all!! Me and both my sisters are all FF babies who have turned into healthy strong adults! MY DH was given carnation milk when he was a baby and he has much better immunity than even i do!!!

Mrs POP - it was this post that got my back up. I just don't like the implications that are being made about the sister being 'poor' because of having breastfed, and her children being subjected to these horrible illnesses, which BFing failed to protect them from.

It's nothing to do with FF vs BF, it's just being sensible. You can be happy with FFing without having to be so derogatory towards those who breastfeed and the act of breastfeeding.

And I know this is a 'BF 'failure' support' thread, but most of the stories on here are very similar to my experience, and it just keeps me humble, I suppose, to remember that the reasons I managed to get BFing established were more luck than anything else. We had good support, which isn't always available where and when it's needed.

I apologise if my opinions that i have formed, based upon some real life situations that i have observed with my own eyes are not to your liking. I have said twice now that i combi feed, and i wouldn't bother doing that if i thought breast feeding was a load of rubbish with no benefits at all. What i am saying, and as mrsPOP are re-iterated, is that there are BF babies out there that do not seem to have reaped the rewards, and this is why i will not be made to feel guilty for FF by anyone.

And there's no problem with that. However, there is a myth that BF babies are somehow protected by magical breastmilk protection, which is clearly rubbish (however much aptamil want to tell us otherwise!) And perpetuating myths, about anything, isn't helpful to anyone.

Sorry for singling out your post. I just kept being told that no-one had posted anything, and I knew I hadn't imagined it, so I went back and found yours to highlight my point. Nothing personal against you

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I don't think salb10s post was wrong at all.

If my sisters kids had that many problems I'd call her 'poor' too! Whether you like it or not it is shoved down people throats that bfing prevents all those things and that absolutely adds to ladies guilt when it doesn't work out. That post makes the point that bf or ff if a baby is gonna have issues it's gonna have issues.

I don't think there's anything wrong with reading this thread as a bfer (I am one lol) but if your going to take issue with the things they're saying maybe itd be best to leave it be? If the ladies who're posting are having a bad time and need to rant - that's exactly why there here xx

 

[patch2006uk]

I don't think salb10s post was wrong at all.

If my sisters kids had that many problems I'd call her 'poor' too! Whether you like it or not it is shoved down people throats that bfing prevents all those things and that absolutely adds to ladies guilt when it doesn't work out. That post makes the point that bf or ff if a baby is gonna have issues it's gonna have issues.

I don't think there's anything wrong with reading this thread as a bfer (I am one lol) but if your going to take issue with the things they're saying maybe itd be best to leave it be? If the ladies who're posting are having a bad time and need to rant - that's exactly why there here xx

I think what jarred was that this has been a really friendly and supportive thread for the most part, and then suddenly there were a few posts which were just perpetuating the same, tired old myths about BFed babies being hungry, sickly and miserable.

As for the benefits being shoved down people's throats-that's another issue. A healthcare system that chirrups 'breast is best', but has woefully inadequately trained HVs and GPs and inadequate support, pushing women to FF when they could BF with the right support, is going to cause more problems than it solves.

There's no point getting angry at BFing moms and breastfeeding itself. Get angry at the system that expects women to formula feed and be perfectly happy with it, without considering that maybe the woman wanted and hoped to breastfeed (which is what this thread was originally about!) Get angry at the HVs who tell women lies and encourage top-ups when none are required. Get angry about women being told they only need to feed every 3/4 hours, leading to a low supply and premature cessation of breastfeeding. If you want change, fight for it. Nothing will change unless those who have been let down and ignored start to speak up and demand to be heard.

Don't feel guilty about formula feeding. Get angry and use that anger to change things, especially if you wanted to breastfeed and were let down.

*gets off soapbox*

 

[MrsPOP]

 

[patch2006uk]

?

 

[sequeena]

Hm, well. Moving on from the tension...

I'm giving relactating another go. My OH thinks I'm mental... but maybe it's 3rd time lucky.

It seemed to have gotten lost.

 

[salb10]

And there's no problem with that. However, there is a myth that BF babies are somehow protected by magical breastmilk protection, which is clearly rubbish (however much aptamil want to tell us otherwise!) And perpetuating myths, about anything, isn't helpful to anyone.

Sorry for singling out your post. I just kept being told that no-one had posted anything, and I knew I hadn't imagined it, so I went back and found yours to highlight my point. Nothing personal against you

I know those myths because they're what made me so determined to BF and so guilty when i couldn't do it fully. Its just from what i have seen in my own life and the people i am very close to, they are very much just myths.

Thanks lil_pixie I did feel very sorry for my sister because i saw how hard those first few months were for her and we recently read back through her diaries that she kept for the first year for both the girls. As if BFing wasn't hard enough, she had to deal with all sorts of things that she thought her BFing efforts were going to prevent. Just as you said, it does seem that some babies just have a predisposition to certain conditions regardless of what they are fed.


Right, thats the end of anything i have to say, agree to disagree and all that. Sorry if anything i have said has caused any offence to anyone or been taken the wrong way. They were just my observations - things i have seen with my own eyes so therefore not lies and not wrong. Just observations, and some opinions i have concluded because of them. Really not worth stressing over because i'm just one person at the end of the day.
Sorry again!!!

 

[summer rain]

patch, surely you realize that the BF forum is full of horribly deroggative things said about formua.

Could not your same logic be applied there?

It really isn't. There aren't many mums who have never given any formula at all. There are mums who resent being told to give, often unnecessary, formula top-ups for spurious reasons, and ones who are trying to express because they don't want to give formula because they want to exclusively breastfeed, but there are precious few in the 'formula is poison' camp.

And any posts that do claim 'I wouldn't give my child any of that poison' or the like are often jumped on and corrected by BFers and FFers alike.

I agree 100% with this, look at BF forum and there are very few derogatory things said about formula-and when they are it tends to be ladies who don't normally post in BF forum. Someone wanting to EBF their baby as much as possible or who doesn't want to give formula top ups because there really is no medical reason for them to do so, is not being 'anti-formula'. xx

 

[Fruitymeli]

we should think of an idea for blinkie Ladies ? make us feal better

 

[OmarsMum]

Summer rain & patch, I moved this thread to the FF section & I requested you to step back & leave this thread alone. Yet you are going on & on, & you chose to ignore my earlier post. I'm not closing this thread as it's helping FFing mums who couldn't BF. can you please move on & leave this thread?

 

[sequeena]

we should think of an idea for blinkie Ladies ? make us feal better

I think there are some blinkies about, but they seem to come off defensive about being FF iykwim

 

[Snugggs]

crikey i've missed loads on this thread ..... i wanted to thank the ladies that sent me hugs after my last post (which was many pages ago lol)


I'd love a blinkie too

I've been trying to think of the words to put through a "make your own blinkie button" thing.

You ladies got any ideas? I think you can usually fit on 4 to 5 words on them without them being unreadably small!

xxx

 

[Maid Marian]

Re the blinkies, I'll have a wee look on the links I've saved, but you ladies could decide what you wanted blinkie-wise and there are lots of lovely ladies who make blinkies/signatures here
Forum - https://www.babyandbump.com/blinkies-banners-graphics/

 

[MrsPOP]

Thankyou Omars Mum, thankyou so much. This thread is too important to so many ladies

 

[MrsPOP]

we should think of an idea for blinkie Ladies ? make us feal better

I think there are some blinkies about, but they seem to come off defensive about being FF iykwim

I dunno, one saying "yes I did try a bloody nipple shield" might work....



Just joking of course

 

[OmarsMum]

No digs with the blinkie ladies keep it simple, I have FFing blinkie & I'm proud of it although we don't use formula anymore. Post the blinkies you choose here & let me take a look at them before adding them to your siggies.

 

[Maid Marian]

There are some here (https://www.bianchiblinkies.com/BabyFeeding.html), I like this one especially, but the others seem nice too.

https://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii211/bianchiblinkies/Blinkies/healthyonformula.gif