The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[BabyBoo36]

Ladies! I THink i've found a blinkie

https://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b231/intricatenightmare/blinkies/baby/Tae.gif

what do you think? xxx

Love it! x

 

[Snugggs]

This is the link for the blinkie if anyone would like it xx

https://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b231/intricatenightmare/blinkies/baby/Tae.gif

https://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b231/intricatenightmare/blinkies/baby/Tae.gif

 

[Snugggs]

i've put a link to this thread on my siggy.... people need to know about this support xx

 

[princess2406]

How happy am I to have just noticed this thread!

I feel much happier now about my decision to stop breastfeeding, however yesterday was an awful emotional day for me

Basically after giving birth just 11 days ago I ended up having 3 blood transfusions due to loosing 3pints of blood after a 3rd degree tear and internal bleeding. I had always been set on bf right from becoming pregnant, and even after such a traumatic after birth experience I still felt very strongly about it and started bf as soon as I returned from theatre. I recieved lots of support whilst in hospital for the 2 days after giving birth and the midwives and breastfeeding support worker, inc me were all really happy with latch etc and my milk came in on day 3. The morning after we were discharged the communtiy mw came to visit us only to be re-admitted to hospital because not only was Oakley jaundice but had lost 13% of his birth wieght and they only allow for 10% in the first 3 days. So on returning to hospital and spending another night which only added pressure to bf we were told that because I had lost so much blood and my iron levels were so low this would effect lo weight because he wasnt getting anything from me as he should have done in the beginning.

Me and oh were furious that nobody had told us this earlier, I'm not saying I would have changed my mind completely but at least knowing this I would have given him formula as a top up.

Anyway after being discharged again and I carried on with the bf as my milk was in full supply Oakley was re-weighed twice since we have been back home and now weighs 8lb 8oz, this was Thursday and his birth wieght was 8lb 12oz

But since then I have found bf to be really painful, again no problems re latch I think it's just my nipps need to harden, but I couldnt take another night of crying through feeds, so have made the hard decision to stop breastfeeding. I have started expressing every other feed and will gradullay express less and less for my milk to dry up.

I felt so guilty yesterday and worried that lo will notice a difference and it will effect the amazing bond between us. I was also really worried about mastitis and blockages so started a thread on the breastfeeding section just asking for advice re stopping breastfeeding.

Dont get me wrong the last few posts were ladies were very supportive and understanding and actually answered my question, but the first few after reading I just felt worse, reading that the pain is probably due to a problem re latch or something.

Anyway sorry for the massive post just needed to get it off my chest. Like I say I'm feeling much happier now and glad with my decision

 

[MrsPOP]

Welcome to the thread princess...boy you've been through the mill your poor thing. We've had similar experiences and I remember all too well the pain of making that decision. Working through the emotional aspect of that decision early on will save you a a lot of heartache and pain later on so please use and abuse this thread for whatever support you need!

Oh and congrats on your DS! Oakely is such a cute name!

 

[princess2406]

Welcome to the thread princess...boy you've been through the mill your poor thing. We've had similar experiences and I remember all too well the pain of making that decision. Working through the emotional aspect of that decision early on will save you a a lot of heartache and pain later on so please use and abuse this thread for whatever support you need!

Oh and congrats on your DS! Oakely is such a cute name!

Thankyou Mrs Pop and I definatley will

 

[queenlavera]

Hugs Princess, you have to make the right decision for YOUR situation. Some of the ladies mean well but they just give what worked for them and it is not always the solution for everyone.

I am done with expressing, I have been seeing it go down and down and now it isn't even 1/2 ounce total. I realize that I truly have little supply and pumping like mad, fenugreek, more water, nursing etc.. isn't changing a thing. I have diabetes, PCOS, used fertility treatments (which just found out is there is a link between low supply and this due to lower prolactin levels in women who used fertility treatments) I now realize I have actual issues and the standard solutions are not working, plus my doc office are not giving me a prescription for domperidone. So after a final set of tears I am done.

 

[mumanddad]

Im so glad i found this thread i really wanted to bf my son but after preclamsia and stress which ended up in an emergancy c. section

well i have managed 2 weekz but my milk is conpletely slowed and corbyn refuses to bf now i am assuming because its to much like hard work. I am still trying to express and im getting enough for one feed where as i was getting eniugh for 5 feeds.

So we have had to start ff which i hate he is so tiny and its giving him horrible wind and making him very wingy and sicky

i put this all down to the c section and not letting my body do it naturally i feel such a failure

 

[MrsPOP]

Aw mumanddad you too sound like you've been through the mill. Massive to you xxx

Speaking as a mum who has pre-eclampsia and an EMCS let me tell you that you are NOT a failure! Trust me on this. I felt for a long time after Alice was born that I was less of a woman for having a section and then the BF crap and its only by letting all my feelings out on here that I know now that I am not a failure. It sounds like you have C Section grief too and add in BF grief and you have a tough journey ahead but one you will get through and come out of the other side and you will find yourself one day saying 'I am an AWESOME mum.

What formula are you using? It might be an idea to change formulas if its making Corbyn (another fab name!) sicky. For example we initially used Aptamil which made Alice very ill but switched to SMA and she's got on great with it.

 

[mumanddad]

Thank you hun i defo am suffering after tge c section i didnt want one at all costs but corbyn would of died if i hadnt and dudnt want to go through another loss..

Also struggling because my angel logan and rainbow corbyn share the same birthday which is hard.

We are using sma because its proven to be the next best thing to bm. X

 

[vintage67]

Hugs Princess, you have to make the right decision for YOUR situation. Some of the ladies mean well but they just give what worked for them and it is not always the solution for everyone.

I am done with expressing, I have been seeing it go down and down and now it isn't even 1/2 ounce total. I realize that I truly have little supply and pumping like mad, fenugreek, more water, nursing etc.. isn't changing a thing. I have diabetes, PCOS, used fertility treatments (which just found out is there is a link between low supply and this due to lower prolactin levels in women who used fertility treatments) I now realize I have actual issues and the standard solutions are not working, plus my doc office are not giving me a prescription for domperidone. So after a final set of tears I am done.

Absolutely PCOS and diabetes affect supply as do thyroid issues. Now of course, there will be women with PCOS, diabetes and thyroid issues that do not have supply problems, but it is common with those conditions. Like you, I did the pumping, the fenugreek, blessed thistle, oatmeal, etc. For whatever reason, a certain percentage of women cannot under any circumstance accept that a woman has legitimate supply issues. The one percent statistic that is currently trotted out is the problem. (used to be 5, then 2, now they say 1).


This is actually a slight mangling of what the statistic actually means. It means that a total lack of lactation is extremely rare, as in not even a drop. It does not mean that 99% of women will produce an adequate and abundant supply. I am so happy that I met a lactation consultant that explained this and that the 99% figure is used to "cheerlead" so women don't get discouraged. This lactation consultant grew up on a farm and was saying how lactation doesn't work "perfectly" in the animal kingdom either, another little fairy tale that goes around. She saw her own father struggle with calves that wouldn't latch, calves that didn't thrive because the mother cows supply was low, and animals get mastitis too.

It's okay to talk about breastfeeding problems. They do exist and they can't all be solved. By all means try everything so you don't have any regrets, but when it's not going to work out, it's not going to work out.

Someone will always say they managed to breastfeed with one breast in a leaky rowboat in a hurricane with mastitis and blocked ducts. Just smile and congratulate them. I call these "one legged mountain climber stories." And while I don't dispute these things, inspirational stories can sometimes make us feel like bigger "failures."

and welcome.

 

[kimini26]

Someone will always say they managed to breastfeed with one breast in a leaky rowboat in a hurricane with mastitis and blocked ducts. Just smile and congratulate them. I call these "one legged mountain climber stories.

 

[buddyIV]

I just wanted to lend my support to the new ladies on this thread, and send them

Princess: I can relate to the traumatic birthing story, and to how difficult it is to keep going when your LO loses so much birth weight. I ended up with a 4th degree tear, my LO was really jaundiced and lost a lot of weight (and he was a teeny-tiny prem to begin with!). It's so hard to make the decision to switch to formula, but I promise that as you watch your LO grow, thrive and smile, you'll take heart and feel even more certain that you made the right decision for your new little family.

mumanddad: Please don't feel like a failure! None of us are failures; we've all tried our best in the circumstances we found ourselves in (most of which was totally outwith our control!). There are so, so many ways that you can be a wonderful Mummy! You'll find your own parenting path, and with every step you take you'll find more and more things that you're brilliant at... there's more to being a good Mummy than how they get their milk!

I'm a philosophy PhD, and so have a typically logical mind. This is one way of thinking about it:

If I meet my babies needs, then I am being a good Mother
I am meeting my babies needs
Therefore
I am being a good Mother!

Now, you can't argue with that logic!! A babies needs are to be given love, attention, warmth, comfort, and milk (BF and/or FF), if you're doing those things then you most certainly are NOT a failure

 

[Snugggs]

for the new ladies... You're certainly in the right place coming here.

I'm a philosophy PhD, and so have a typically logical mind. This is one way of thinking about it:

If I meet my babies needs, then I am being a good Mother
I am meeting my babies needs
Therefore
I am being a good Mother!

I love your way of thinking Buddy, thank you for this x

 

[Snugggs]

Someone will always say they managed to breastfeed with one breast in a leaky rowboat in a hurricane with mastitis and blocked ducts. Just smile and congratulate them. I call these "one legged mountain climber stories.

that's one of the funniest things ive ever read

 

[Snuffy]

mumanddad, where have you heard that SMA is closest to breast milk (genuine question!)?

They all try to claim this - just like all the bottle manufacturers claim that their teats are closest to mimicking the breast - but at the end of the day different formulas suit different babies better so if your LO's wind is really bad then it might be worth trying a different brand. Like MrsPOP, Amy got awful wind with Aptamil (which I bought after hearing about their claim that it was closest to BM, hadn't heard they had been bollocked for it at that time). We switched to C&G and ultimately SMA and neither of them affected her like Aptamil did. We started Ollie on C&G as it's the cheapest and luckily he's been doing fine on it from the start.

 

[mumanddad]

mumanddad, where have you heard that SMA is closest to breast milk (genuine question!)?

They all try to claim this - just like all the bottle manufacturers claim that their teats are closest to mimicking the breast - but at the end of the day different formulas suit different babies better so if your LO's wind is really bad then it might be worth trying a different brand. Like MrsPOP, Amy got awful wind with Aptamil (which I bought after hearing about their claim that it was closest to BM, hadn't heard they had been bollocked for it at that time). We switched to C&G and ultimately SMA and neither of them affected her like Aptamil did. We started Ollie on C&G as it's the cheapest and luckily he's been doing fine on it from the start.

The hv told me that they have takrn out a % of protein and added some sort of other protein which is what we produce in our bm and they are aiming to take out 100% protein and adding all this special protein that ladies produce in bm x

 

[MrsPOP]

Urgh, its mad, I think I've made significant improvement and then I read someone's siggy on here and I just want to cry

Basically it was a long-winded story of how she overcome her BF 'troubles' and ended up with the oh-so-helpful platitude of 'dont give up, it can be done!'

 

[Snugggs]

Urgh, its mad, I think I've made significant improvement and then I read someone's siggy on here and I just want to cry

Basically it was a long-winded story of how she overcome her BF 'troubles' and ended up with the oh-so-helpful platitude of 'dont give up, it can be done!'

It's suprising how the regression can bite you n the butt... i see the helpful people of the world are shining again! I was given that line and it's painful and drives the grief deeper!

for her too x

 

[summer rain]

mumanddad, where have you heard that SMA is closest to breast milk (genuine question!)?

They all try to claim this - just like all the bottle manufacturers claim that their teats are closest to mimicking the breast - but at the end of the day different formulas suit different babies better so if your LO's wind is really bad then it might be worth trying a different brand. Like MrsPOP, Amy got awful wind with Aptamil (which I bought after hearing about their claim that it was closest to BM, hadn't heard they had been bollocked for it at that time). We switched to C&G and ultimately SMA and neither of them affected her like Aptamil did. We started Ollie on C&G as it's the cheapest and luckily he's been doing fine on it from the start.

The hv told me that they have takrn out a % of protein and added some sort of other protein which is what we produce in our bm and they are aiming to take out 100% protein and adding all this special protein that ladies produce in bm x

I don't mean any offence but no formula is closer to breastmilk than any other; SMA do claim to have taken out some of the beta protein which is a cows milk protein not found in breastmilk but the alpha protein it contains isn't found in breastmilk either because its a completely different type of protein between cows milk and breastmilk. Same as goats and cows milk; some of the proteins may have the same names but under the microscope they are quite different. The protein is an adequate substitute and is designed to be as suitable for babies as possible. Unfortunately SMA and the other companies do host seminars where they make these claims to health professionals; knowing full well the info that their brand is superior will be passed onto mums, and it isn't helpful to mums who want to make an informed decision on which brand to use as they are all saying their brand is better and thus implying other brands are somehow nutritionally inadequate-they are not. All brands must meet certain nutritional requirements and have a considerably modified protein profile and a low sodium level so that it is easier to digest for babies than old style unmodified formulas and kind to their kidneys.I have several friends who feel their babies were not getting adequate nourishment because a certain brand did not agree with their baby and they had to switch, and that is just really sad they were made to feel that way for the sake of marketing xx