The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[jojo2012]

I'm a CMT2 trainee. Hoping to do palliative care or care of the elderly eventually but will have another year left. I agree its difficult being a doctor on here!

Its really nice to speak to another doctor whose had issues! Most of my doctor friends who have babies have sailed through pregnancy and BF which just makes me feel worse!

xxoo

 

[buddyIV]

jojo2012: Welcome and I don't know if you've read any of my "tale of woe", but I felt much the same about things as the way you expressed things in the second paragraph. This thread is so full of empathy and understanding; I hope you find it as supporting as I have.

Equally, I love how you've articulated that there is so much more to being a good Mother than how they get their milk. This is a hard thing to remember when the guilt of not BF is hitting you, but it's so important that you do remember it.

 

[jojo2012]

I'm trying not to feel guilty anymore. When she came home from hospital I had guilt for so many different reasons: I had made her unwell before she was born because of my gestational diabetes, my antibodies after she was born caused her blood cells to burst and made her really jaundiced and I couldn't feed her properly. Now I'm trying to accept none of this was my fault.

Now I try to look at the positives. My Gran had two still born children because antenatal care didn't exist. One of my aunts lost her son to respiratory distress because they couldn't treat it at that point. If my little girl had been born 50 years ago she would have died or been profoundly brain damaged. Instead- because of the wonders of UV light, supplemental formula and IV fluids- I have a healthy alert girl who gets her extra calories from formula and her immune protection from mum.

We're lucky to live in an age and society where such things exist. Many people even now have lost children because if the lack of supplemental food and simple medical care.

There but for the grace of God and all that...

 

[MrsPOP]

You'd be surprised to know (considering Im in GP) out of my Doctor friends Im only the second to have a baby but my best friend also had pretty much the exact same issues as I did with regards to having an EMCS and the BF crap.

On my good days, Im very thankful that we ended up having such difficulties with BF. Without being readmitted we wouldnt have found out my LO had her heart defect (she's got a 2-3mm VSD) until weeks later. Ok, its very small and doesnt need anything doing so far but God Forbid she had a massive VSD or something and it wasnt picked up.

 

[Leopard]

Lesson learnt; avoid baby club

 

[jojo2012]

Only a few of my medical friends have kids- I did medicine as a second degree so I tend to be a good 4 years older than all my work peers. A good few of my school friends have kids from home but a lot of them didn't even consider breast feeding so chatting to them about what's happened is difficult.

We also moved to the north east of England last year for work from Glasgow so I don't have a huge support network. Don't get me wrong- I have some amazing friends through work here, but none of them have kids so its difficult to talk with them about how I'm feeling.

xxoo

 

[MrsPOP]

I imagine it can be quite difficult in medicine, its one of the things that put me off it because its not the most family friendly of jobs (I was all for not having kids for years, I'd got a CMT offer and was funnily enough planning a career in palliative medicine but then my mum got cancer and...well...things changed) so people mighnt understand what you've been through. Are you back at work?

 

[jojo2012]

I'm going back part time in April then full time from August. I'm really lucky as my husband is an e-science officer working in the mental health trust so he's going to go part time from August and will work from home one day a week so she'll only need to be in nursery for 2 days. He's only on a temporary contract until March so it makes no sense for me to go part time- if his contract doesn't get renewed then at least I'm still earning a good wage!

Its going to be hard but I'll be making sure that every spare minute I have will be spent with Emily. I applied for GP too and took ages to make my mind up- I did GP at the end of F2 after choosing CMT and loved it. I still have a very open mind though- if medicine isn't workable round Em then I'll apply for GP rather than reg posts.

xxoo

 

[MrsPOP]

Hey we're going back at the exact same time! Im going part time April-July to finish off my ST2 year (I have 10 weeks to make up but passed my ARCP etc so its just a formality so I count myself as an ST3) and then stepping up to ST3 full time from August coz I just want to get it out of the way, although its going to be a nightmare childcare wise but thats a whooooole other thread and involves a mahoosive rant about my horrible MIL (and doesnt everyone love a good MIL rant? ). I know so many people who have changed from CMT to GP coz of the family lifestyle but saying that ST1-2 is just the same as being a medical SHO with all the on calls etc so... I did A&E at the end of F2 and bloody loved it and regretted not going for that. So Ive got 2 choices once I finish GP training - get a job and then TTC for no2 OR reapply for ACCS and only have one child.

Anyway...soooo off topic sorry ladies!

My right breast STILL leaks when Alice cries. She's 7 months old this week, what's up with THAT?

 

[Leopard]

Relctation MrsPOP, pretty normal, and it actually takes a full 12 months for your body to lose all it's milk production

 

[queenlavera]

Gosh I can't stand the bf section, I don't even know why I looked in there today. The women seem so condescending it is ridiculous, the posters that answer ff questions here though they are sooo anti-formula just kills me.

 

[summer rain]

I just wanted to defend the ladies in BF section regarding advice about supplemental formula in SCBU etc, often mums are receiving contradictory advice from different medical professionals and it's very confusing. In many cases mums have been advised by more senior health professionals that top ups are not needed but lesser qualified nurses and hvs are telling them differently. Often what mums are told contradicts hospital policy as well (if applicable). So what the ladies in BF section advise is to get another opinion, look at their options and get their baby checked for underlying problems and if the NHS cannot help them in that regard then pay to see a lactation consultant most of whom will advise formula immediately if needed. It is unfortunately true that some health professionals do not have any breast feeding training, and it is also unfortunately true that some parents are being told to give top ups for spurious reasons-I was told to with my youngest by one young doctor but a senior registrar told me that top ups would not have any benefit in his case, he was jaundiced but alert and gaining 12oz a week, and may be counterproductive xx

 

[summer rain]

Gosh I can't stand the bf section, I don't even know why I looked in there today. The women seem so condescending it is ridiculous, the posters that answer ff questions here though they are sooo anti-formula just kills me.

I don't think this is helpful and mrs pop didn't intend this to be a BF vs FF thread. There are some ladies who post on this section who are currently BF but in most cases they were FF in the past or are combi feeding currently. Myself included. Havent seen any of them being anti-formula either xx

 

[Leopard]

Gosh I can't stand the bf section, I don't even know why I looked in there today. The women seem so condescending it is ridiculous, the posters that answer ff questions here though they are sooo anti-formula just kills me.

I don't think this is helpful and mrs pop didn't intend this to be a BF vs FF thread. There are some ladies who post on this section who are currently BF but in most cases they were FF in the past or are combi feeding currently. Xx

:wave: like me

 

[tickledpink3]

I'm a breast feeding mommy and just came in to show some support. I'm not all into that bf vs ff. I just want to show some support. I don't like the thread title simply because it states "failure". You're only a failure if you fail to feed your child at all. Hugs to all you mommies who make sure your little ones are loved and fed. : hugs:

 

[queenlavera]

Gosh I can't stand the bf section, I don't even know why I looked in there today. The women seem so condescending it is ridiculous, the posters that answer ff questions here though they are sooo anti-formula just kills me.

I don't think this is helpful and mrs pop didn't intend this to be a BF vs FF thread. There are some ladies who post on this section who are currently BF but in most cases they were FF in the past or are combi feeding currently. Myself included. Havent seen any of them being anti-formula either xx

Of course you would respond because your one of the main ones I am talking about.

 

[queenlavera]

I'm a breast feeding mommy and just came in to show some support. I'm not all into that bf vs ff. I just want to show some support. I don't like the thread title simply because it states "failure". You're only a failure if you fail to feed your child at all. Hugs to all you mommies who make sure your little ones are loved and fed. : hugs:

Support is always welcomed, and I am not about bf vs ff as well, since I combi feed myself. But I am able to see when people are on a high horse and frankly it is annoying, why post in a thread that you have disdain for.

 

[queenlavera]

But I am not letting this thread be hijacked, it was a vent and not in the right place. So please disregard!

 

[summer rain]

If you go back a few pages then you'll see I have my own situation, two in fact of having to switch to formula. I am not anti formula either, supporting the rights of BF mums and being concerned about irresponsible marketing is NOT being anti formula. I am anti a lot of the marketing of some baby foods too, doesn't mean I hate or am anti baby food. Same when it comes to info on safe preparation of feeda etc. Have edited this post as I don't want to hijack either. if you have a problem with me, take it to PM, I am all ears because I am not the mean ogre you seem to think I am. Mrs Pop did not design this thread for bad mouthing individuals or the BF section on the whole but as support to mums, and it has been enormously helpful to me xx

 

[queenlavera]

It has also been very helpful to me since I have been reading since day one and posted myself on day 2 of its creation, but I am still tired of seeing comments not only in this thread but ff forums about how we have not tried hard enough, didn't get correct info, formula is so far from bm. Enough this is for supporting moms who have decided to go the ff route for WHATEVER reason they decided bf isn't working for them. Again I have no personal issue with you, just with anyone who posts about how bad ff is and such then come here and post. But this is my last post on the subject because if the OP is ok with that type of talk here then that's it.