The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[Leopard]

We just stick to Karicare, I know it's no where near bm but I like the brand and it agrees with LO We also heard all the garbage about tommy tippee bottles, but we use avent lol.

 

[buddyIV]

Urgh, its mad, I think I've made significant improvement and then I read someone's siggy on here and I just want to cry

Basically it was a long-winded story of how she overcome her BF 'troubles' and ended up with the oh-so-helpful platitude of 'dont give up, it can be done!'

Big MrsPOP. It's a sucker-punch isn't it?! And the worst part is you never know when it's going to hit you, so you're totally unprepared.

I hope getting the emotion out helps you to process it... and you know we're all here for you too xxx

 

[pinksapphire]

Thank you for this thread. I struggled to BF my oldest daughter following a huge weight loss, wouldn't latch, nipple shields and expressing we changed to formula when she was 2 weeks old. this happened after a particularly bad evening when she hadn't latched for hours and I was sat in tears trying to express for her. My pro breast feeding DH had the pump thrown at his head when he refused to go and get formula as 'I should keep trying' He soon put his shoes on and drove to the shop (and became more supportive)lol! When she drank the first bottle she was so content and happy but my feelings of guilt set in and were still here 2 and a half years later. My feelings were not helped by a close friend having a baby 18 months later saying 'i don't understand how you bonded with your baby when you didn't breastfeed' when pregnant with DD2 my pregnancy was dominated by whether I would be able to breast feed her and whether I would be able to deal with the guilt if I couldn't do it. After a very quick(38 minute)easy birth (complete opposite to my 3 day induction with DD1) she latched and had been able to feed. I have realised that I love and bonded with both of my daughters EXACTLY the same. Formula feeding was the right thing to do with DD1 and I wish I could get the past two years back and not feel the guilt that I experienced, now knowing that breastfeeding wouldn't have changed my bonding experience with her at all. If I have to give up breast feeding this time for any reason I will not feel or let anybody make me feel guilty.

 

[MrsPOP]

Thank you for this thread. I struggled to BF my oldest daughter following a huge weight loss, wouldn't latch, nipple shields and expressing we changed to formula when she was 2 weeks old. this happened after a particularly bad evening when she hadn't latched for hours and I was sat in tears trying to express for her. My pro breast feeding DH had the pump thrown at his head when he refused to go and get formula as 'I should keep trying' He soon put his shoes on and drove to the shop (and became more supportive)lol! When she drank the first bottle she was so content and happy but my feelings of guilt set in and were still here 2 and a half years later. My feelings were not helped by a close friend having a baby 18 months later saying 'i don't understand how you bonded with your baby when you didn't breastfeed' when pregnant with DD2 my pregnancy was dominated by whether I would be able to breast feed her and whether I would be able to deal with the guilt if I couldn't do it. After a very quick(38 minute)easy birth (complete opposite to my 3 day induction with DD1) she latched and had been able to feed. I have realised that I love and bonded with both of my daughters EXACTLY the same. Formula feeding was the right thing to do with DD1 and I wish I could get the past two years back and not feel the guilt that I experienced, now knowing that breastfeeding wouldn't have changed my bonding experience with her at all. If I have to give up breast feeding this time for any reason I will not feel or let anybody make me feel guilty.

bib #1: omg what did you say to your friend? What an insensitive thing to say!

bib #2: Thankyou so much for saying that

 

[MrsPOP]

Oooh and ladies, did you notice? This thread is a sticky!!!!! Ive tweaked the title a bit to make it more official sounding

 

[Kage76]

Oooh and ladies, did you notice? This thread is a sticky!!!!!

woot woot!

 

[Snugggs]

Woo hoo wtg mrspop.

Hope all you ladies are well and welcome to the new ladies

I've finally packed away my breast pump and plan on giving it to my friend who is pregnant. Just packing the thing away has made me feel some what better.... For now!

I know I don't post very often, but I'm always lurking. I'm subscribed and read every thread as it comes through... But I want to say how proud I feel to be part of such a wonderful and important thread. You ladies are lovely and so welcoming and supportive..... And we WILL get through this!

xxx

 

[Kage76]

i had a little break through today- i was feeding sophie and she was looking into my eyes and i thought- you know what - nothing could make this any better. So what if the method is different- the love is still the same.

 

[BabyBoo36]

Yey! We are sticky!!

O/T but how do I get a blinky up? I love Snuggs "guilt free formula feeding" one, but can't get it up on my siggy? x

 

[MrsPOP]

Ive no idea babyboo, if she's posted a link you copy and paste that then go to User CP and edit signature?

 

[MrsPOP]

You know what helps me? My LO is doing so well. I have a private blog and one of my friends is an extended BFer and I really love her, but she keeps making digs about how her LO is so advanced because she was BF and it really gets on my nerves because she knows how what Ive been through. It used to make me worry that Alice was going to be at a disadvantage because I FF. But my Alice is doing so well, hitting all her milestones early and is coming along wonderfully. God forbid I sound like a smum (smug mum) but my LO is great and its not because she is FF and had 1 week of BF but because she is AMAZING as all babies are. I wish people wouldnt try to force the point of the massive differences between BF and FF because it takes a whole lot more than feeding to develop your baby.

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Errr mrspop? What's wrong with being a smug mum? Our kids are awesome!! Hehe

 

[MrsPOP]

LOL....well nothing wrong with being a SMUM as long as you dont make other mums feels like crap I guess!

But yes, our kids are the best

 

[Kage76]

You know what helps me? My LO is doing so well. I have a private blog and one of my friends is an extended BFer and I really love her, but she keeps making digs about how her LO is so advanced because she was BF and it really gets on my nerves because she knows how what Ive been through. It used to make me worry that Alice was going to be at a disadvantage because I FF. But my Alice is doing so well, hitting all her milestones early and is coming along wonderfully. God forbid I sound like a smum (smug mum) but my LO is great and its not because she is FF and had 1 week of BF but because she is AMAZING as all babies are. I wish people wouldnt try to force the point of the massive differences between BF and FF because it takes a whole lot more than feeding to develop your baby.

I really do think that its a personality type- there are heaps and heaps of BF'ers who don't feel the need to shout from the hills how advanced their kids are or how much better their kids are because they had "the ideal start to life" . I suspect that these are the same mums you meet in your mothers group who go- "oh.... she's still not (insert milestone here) My little kimmy did that 6 weeks ago" or the ones that start on the baby reading program or intensive learning at a super young age. For gods sake Sophie was born a month prem, is formula fed and was meeting her 8 month old milestones at 7 months. I don't put it down to FF and give myself a pat on the back for being such a top mum, the only time i have ever mentioned it is to my immediate family and just now. My child's achievements are to be celebrated but they are certainly not mine to hijack.

 

[Maid Marian]

Oooh and ladies, did you notice? This thread is a sticky!!!!! Ive tweaked the title a bit to make it more official sounding

 

[ChocolateKate]

Amazing that this is now a sticky. Hats off and a HUGE thank you to MRs Pop!

Snugggs - I packed all my pump bits and pots away a long time ago but just the thought of putting it on eBay is making me feel like I'm making the next step so I'm planning on going for it. I now just have to get it all out of the house.

It's funny but I only tend to get upset reading online comments (and by my own husband but that's a long story about his pressure to keep me breast feeding). Out of ten of us, I am the only woman from my antenatal group formula feeding by week 4. Most knocked it on the head between weeks 12-20 but they have been SO sensitive and I realise how very lucky I am. My best friend had a daughter three weeks after me who is BF and she is also great even if I am still rather envious! Still, I have to think 'every cloud' as her little one won't take a bottle which means she can never be ten minutes from home on an evening. X

 

[queenlavera]

It is great this is a sticky! Thanks MrsPop!

 

[jojo2012]

I read some of this thread and felt I wanted to contribute!

I first registered here about a month and a half ago after having problems trying to exclusively breast feed my daughter. I'm a doctor who pictured having an uncomplicated pregnancy with a natural delivery and exclusively breast feeding after. Unfortunately you don't always get what you wanted. I developed gestational diabetes (I'm not overweight and I eat well- I just have a very strong family history of type II diabetes) and ended up on metformin and suffered from repeated urine and kidney infections. I ended up being induced at 38 weeks. Post delivery my little girl developed low blood sugars and had to be syringe fed for the first two days. Unfortunately after this she developed severe jaundice due to ABO incompatibility and ended up in neonates under triple phototherapy for 9 days. Due to her high bilirubin levels she was sleepy and had attachment issues. Her attachment has improved and she does feed now but its variable and often depends on her mood. We were only discharged because I agreed to combi-feed her. I've continued to do this since discharge. I've "nursed in" for a week- a week in which she fed continuously and screamed if I left her even to go to the bathroom and where her wet and dirty nappies plummeted in number. I pump 6-8 times every day. Ive taken all of the herbal supplements such as fenugreek but my supply has never fully met her demand.

To start off with I felt incredibly guilty. My mood has been in my boots. I've had awful thoughts about my failure to look after her. I've cried and refused to leave the house so I can nurse. I've spent years advising people in my various jobs that breast is best and I've failed to practice what I preach. I have felt and still feel too embarrassed to tell my health visitor that I haven't been fine and that I think I've had mild to moderate PND because of it. Reading this website has been interesting. Some people have been genuinely lovely and supportive. At other points I've felt very intimidated by some of the posts in the breast feeding side and frankly- at points- a bit shocked and worried at some of the advice given particularly with regards to weight gain or formula top ups when babies are sick in neonates. I agree that not every medical professional is perfect but in most cases if your neonatal consultant/ nurse/ GP or health visitor are concerned then there's a reason to take note. You have every right as a mum to discuss your views with your medical team- I always encourage patients to have input in the decisions regarding their care and ensure they understand everything that's going on. But you need to also respect that these checks to ensure babies are thriving are the reason we don't have the high rate of child deaths that used to occur and these people have your babies best interest in mind and they genuinely have a wealth of experience.

I think the point I want to make is that I'm gradually coming round to the idea that I'm not a bad mum. When my daughter asks in years to come how mum fed her I can hold my head up and say it took some effort and she wasn't exclusively breast fed but I didn't give up and I did my best- that's all any mum can ask of themselves. Better a formula fed baby whose mum isn't depressed and can enjoy their child and offer them the emotional support they need. Or a combi-fed/ formula fed baby who is well. My daughter will be taught about a healthy diet and exercise- which will help reduce her risk of obesity and type II diabetes more than breast feeding. She'll be active- we already take her walking and when the weather improves a visit to the swimming baths is the next activity on our list. She'll eat well because we eat well. She'll be less likely to be depressed or have mental health difficulties because I spend my time with her talking to her, reading to her and singing to her. Breast is best, but if you can't do it or choose not to for whatever reason its really not the end of the world. And there are plenty of ways to make sure your child is healthy and happy in the future.

 

[MrsPOP]

Hi jojo2012, welcome to the thread!

Im a Doctor too! What kind of Doctor are you? Im a GP ST3 (or will be when I eventually go back). Word of warning, BnB is a wonderful place but can be difficult on here as a medical professional.

 

[MrsPOP]

ChocolateKate, Im sorry to hear your husband has been putting pressure on you. Have you managed to sort that out?

You know I have no clue where my damn pump is, I never want to see that bloody thing again but s'pose I will come no2...if we ever have one of course!