The Loss of Breastfeeding - Guilt, Grief & Support Thread

[Pielette]

Wow, this thread is wonderful.
I've got to a place where I'm happier with my decision, but it did take a while to get here. I too suffered with the low supply issues and battled with it for around two weeks. During those two weeks, Noah screamed. And screamed and screamed. He would latch, desperately try to get some out of me, come off and scream, then try again. It was a marathon of him crying, latching, almost pounding away at my breasts and then giving up exhausted. The whole cycle went on and on, he barely got any sleep because he had barely anything in him, but the poor little guy was shattered.
The first time I gave in and agreed to give him formula, he guzzled it down and fell asleep so soundly, I hadn't yet seen him like that.
I combi fed for another week, trying to express and it took forever to get anything out of me.
The stress of a horrid situation going on in my personal life is what I believe ruined any hope of successfully breastfeeding. I was emotional, stressed and I couldn't cope with the pressure of trying to get him to breastfeed when all it seemed to do was make him angry.
I cried over it then, but I don't anymore.
The reason I don't is because I look at him and he is happy and healthy, and thriving. And when he looks at me, the look is utter adoration. He will crane his neck to follow me walking around a room, and when I get him up in the morning he beams at me. The look in his eyes is different to the way he looks at anyone else, including his dad (not that I'd ever say that to my husband, but you know what I mean!). That's how I came to terms with it, because he feels my complete and utter devotion to him, and that has nothing to do with bottle vs breast. Yes, I wish it had worked out. But not because I feel we're losing anything in our bond. Our bond is rock solid - a mother is a mother because of the love she feels for her child, not because she breastfeeds, bottle feeds, pushes a pram, co-sleeps or any other of the million and one things we choose between as parents.
For most people formula feeding isn't a choice. It's because a) low milk supply, b) depression, c) refusal to latch, d) tongue-tie... my God I could write a ridiculously long list. I have been very lucky in that both my midwife and my health visitor fully supported the horrible decision I had to make, and my husband and family were so relieved when I stopped putting both myself and my son through the torment that breastfeeding was for us. The judgement from society is quite frankly disgusting. But I have to say I find that if we wanted to, we could find judgement from anyone on anything as parents. Just as there are those who say 'breast is best, how dare you', there are others who think you're barmy and should just give them a bottle. There are people who no doubt would think I'm awful for putting him in his own room (despite the fact that he sleeps much better), and those who think co-sleeping is hideous. I have learned that no-one knows my son like I do, NO-ONE, and therefore no-one knows what he needs more than I do.
It's a real shame that none of us managed to crack it in the long run. But our children are happy, healthy and growing, and they know without a doubt how much we love them.

 

[T8ty]

Wow its horrible to stick people get when they try to do the right thing for their baby!!

good on you for even trying to BF'd.. it is soo hard and well done you for just trying your hardest!!!!!

you sound like an amazing mummy!! I have just switched to formula after stick of me bfing my DD and now people are giving me stick for using formula..

What are we suppost to do we are only human!!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Great thread!! xxxx

 

[SillyMoo1983]

This is my first ever post on this forum so hello!

When I read this thread I had to share my story. It's actually nice to have someone to share it with who has been through the same thing.

I had a straightforward pregnancy, apart from having ulcerative colitis which caused me to be anaemic throughout. I had my heart set on a calm waterbirth. On 11th August I went into labour, was examined at hospital only to be told I was quite far along and baby was breech (which we didn't know) so they rushed me off for a c-section. I was a tad shell shocked to say the least. They had trouble finding her heartbeat just before they cut me open but she arrived safe and sound weighing a dinky 5lb 2oz. Every 3 hours she had heel prick tests, her temperature taken and then they'd try to latch her on. It resulted in her crying and getting frantic after being woken and prodded and poked. The crying would last for hours at night. I expressed colostrum into a cup, then she'd have a top up of formula. I was made to sign a form to give permission to feed my baby "artificial milk". I was anaemic after a lot of blood loss in surgery. After 5 days in hospital I was allowed home exclusively expressing as she still wouldn't latch. I thought it was the answer to my prayers. Until I actually got home.

I was spending all my time hooked up to the pump while someone else fed my baby. I wanted to be the one to feed her. I managed one day of breastfeeding a week after we came out of hospital. By the evening I was sobbing in agony with my nips so we went back to the bottle. Of course, once my helpers (hubby and mum!) left I found it impossible to express and care for Lucy at the same time. I cried every day for the first month. I decided that Lucy was more important than my guilt so I decreased my expressing and increased her formula. She's a lovely happy 5 month old now.

When I looked back at my hospital book it made me realise how much we struggled. It said "baby looks yellow", "baby not interested in breast", "baby has temp of 35.9", "mum exhausted", "baby inconsolable, suspected dislocated hip?". Next time, if I have a diddy baby who can't breastfeed I'm going to formula feed rather than express for ages. It's better than letting her get distressed. She wouldn't have thrived if it wasn't for bottles.

I get upset thinking of how much I missed out on while I was expressing. I make the most of every second with my lovely daughter and she means everything to me. We have a lovely bond so it's a load of rubbish when people say you can't have a good bond if you bottle feed. They have just the same amount of cuddles

 

[lau86]

I find it so sad reading all about how guilty everyone who couldnt bf feels. From the point of view of a bfer I was hell bent on bfing. But my lo ha tongue tie and it was excruciating. I cried every time lo needed a feed and couldn't bear to look at him. Sometimes I even shouted at him cos he wouldn't latch on. Our relationship was awful, we both cried and I dreaded the feeds. Luckily he got it snipped and I was able to carry on but it was pure luck as only one person notice the tongue tie. Looking back I think it was very selfish of me to carry on bfing when it caused so much heartbreak, at those times I was definately doing it for my own conscience, not because of lo. Id sit and wonder why I just couldn't quit. It lasted ten weeks. I'm only saying this because I think being a good mum is not about
Bfing or ffing, it's about taking what your given and saying ok my baby is not happy with this I need to change it and by ffing you guys have put your lo first, something I'm ashamed to say I didn't always do by carrying on bfing.

 

[Snugggs]

I'm so glad I've saw this post... I too am feeling the guilt and fear I can no longer bf

My 1st child was a 10 week too early preemie and due to being separated for the first week, my milk supply was pretty much non existent. despite being stuck to a pump non stop, by the end of the second week my supply had dried And my dreams of being a bf mom were shattered.
So when preg no 2 came a long I was addiment on bf..... But it's not going to plan

Max was delivered at 35+6 weighing 4lb6oz and is now 2 weeks old. He was so tired on the breast so we were advised to give him formula top ups. Because of this I have struggled with my milk supply again. He will latch for 30 mins, but still needs a 1oz top up to give him that full feeling he's always experienced. Since coming out of hospital, I had picked up a virus so was put on anti biotics. This has now given him oral thrush, and he's passed it straight back to my nipples! They are so sore and painful, and what with my crap supply anyways, I don't see how I can feed him for much longer

I've tried expressing, and even holding the baby, the stimulation just isn't there. I've also tried breast shields which was a great relief for the first few feeds, but now they feel just as sore.

I hope all you ladies manage to find peace soon, hopefully I can too

Xxx

 

[Emzywemzy]

So Ive been hanging out on the BF forums tonight after the stuff in the news today about BF babies being less happy and all that tosh and came across a thread where they were talking about when our babies are older what our attitudes will be about our DDs BFing and I ended up speaking out quite openly about how I feel over the fact I failed at BF.

I believe the ladies like me who wanted to BF so badly but ended up having to FF for whatever reason are in a funny limbo on BnB. There is a forum for BFers and a forum for FFers but there is little support for those who cannot get over the emotional torture that is failing at BF.

Ive spent so long being miserable about it. Ive felt like a sham mother. I used to avoid BnB in the early days because I felt worthless for not being able to BF and whenever I did come on I would cry at all the BF vs FF threads with thoughtless comments about how people believed that those of us who said they couldnt do it were using it as an excuse or that latch issues were a myth. I would then get jealous as hell and still do when I see all the BF blinkies. In 'real life' I have no local groups I can go to because they are either for younger mums or for BF mums and I am neither, so Im isolated. I went to baby massage and got sneered at because I fed my daughter from a bottle...when I would have given anything to be BFing alongside those ladies.

So Ive decided from tonight to be as open about it as I can. I know Im not the only one who hurts still over it and I know how hard it is to try and get over it. Heck, I have PND because I cannot live with the guilt.

But I want to get over it and this thread is for those ladies out there to post their stories and realise they are not alone. Of course noone may reply and fair enough. But this is part of my personal therapy to try and get over it.

My Brief Story:

I developed pre-eclampsia and was induced. 36 hrs later I went to EMCS. Postnatal Care in my hospital was shit and the MWs didnt have a clue. All they did was show me poor latching techniques and rushed off to feed the FF babies so their mothers could get some sleep. We struggled and struggled to latch. I got more and more stressed the drowsier Alice got, the more jaundiced she got and the more the bitchy mums in my room tutted everytime she cried for a feed.

The day we got home she refused to feed for 10 hours. I was frantic. Honestly felt like I was having a breakdown with the worry. Called BF helpline twice, did everything Kellymom suggested and nothing. DH and mum suggested giving a small amount of formula which she guzzled down immediately. I felt like shit but relieved that at least she got something in her. I stayed up that night trying to get her to latch and hand expressing 7mls of colostrum which she took from a bottle.

The day after, she still refused to latch. MW came out and weighed her. She'd lost 11% of her body weight, was still passing meconium and was really jaundiced. She'd gone from 8lbs14oz to 7lbs 13oz!

So we were readmitted to the childrens hospital. The SHO saw her and said she didnt need treatment for the jaundice, she was just under the treatment line. She was abit dehydrated but he thought if Alice managed a good feed off me in A&E the Registrar would be happy to send me home.

So a nurse came in to try and help me. It was the worst hour of my life. Alice was so distressed everytime we tried to latch her. She screamed the entire A&E down and we could hear other parents asking staff what the hell was going on in our cubicle. She would frantically thrash about and shake her head, I was crying, my boobs were on fire and the nurse kept trying and trying to faceplant her on my boob. DH said it was worse than anything he saw in labour.

So we were admitted for 'BF support' and she was topped up whilst I was stuck on a pump. Noone tried to help me with her latch, noone even looked at her mouth and I think she has a lip tie. We were sent home after 2 days and I carried on expressing and trying to latch. We were sent home at the weekend so no BF drop in clinics available (nearest one was 12 miles away and I couldnt have driven there anyway because of the section and Im the only driver in the house), no BF peer supporter visits.

I kept on pumping, my supply was pretty minimal because I was so tired and stressed out and eventually Alice refused my EBM. I 'gave up' then, because I think I would have ended up throwing myself out of the window.

I continued trying to get her to latch until she was about 14 weeks old, or maybe more I forget. But to this day she has never latched on my breast.

I do feel a bit better now about it. Formula was a Godsend for me. But there are times, when she cries for a feed and my right breast leaks still and I feel like utter shit because my body wants to feed her, but she didnt/couldnt feed from me.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

I could have written this post myself. Right down to the drowsiness, jaundice, 11% body weight drop, re admission to hospital, pumping a non existent milk supply and unhelpful midwives shoving baby to breast whilst they cry. It was awful and I spent a long time feeling like an inadequette mother as I ended up switching to FF when Holly was 14 days old. It took me until fairly recently to 'forgive' myself for it and it's only now that I can see clearly that I did everything I possibly could to try and establish BF with Holly but at the end of the day the priority had to be for her to get better, which she just wasn't doing whilst getting minimal breast milk from me. As it was, breast WAS NOT best for us and I really think that the whole Breast is Best thing isn't always right. It is an individual thing between baby and mother and sometimes it is not best. So forgive yourself hun, you did your very best to BF your baby but it was not best for you and your baby. Please don't beat yourself up about it any more as you are a fantastic mother

Afm, I will be trying to BF with baby number 2 who is due in May and I am going to give it a bloody good go. But you know what? If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, I am NOT going to beat myself up like I did last time. Babies need a happy, confident Mummy and I wasted too much time crying over BF blinkies and Breast V Bottle threads when right under my nose my baby was blossoming and growing into a happy, healthy little girl

 

[MrsPOP]

Emzy, you're right. I need to focus on the fact I have a beautiful little girl who is thriving and is just so wonderful instead of the fact her meals have come from a bottle rather than my boob!

I hope all the ladies who have shared their stories feel better for getting it out and hope it inspires anyone who hasnt had the courage to speak about their feelings to do so, I honestly have felt so much better for sharing my story and also seeing Im not alone.

 

[tina3747]

Wow, this thread is wonderful.
I've got to a place where I'm happier with my decision, but it did take a while to get here. I too suffered with the low supply issues and battled with it for around two weeks. During those two weeks, Noah screamed. And screamed and screamed. He would latch, desperately try to get some out of me, come off and scream, then try again. It was a marathon of him crying, latching, almost pounding away at my breasts and then giving up exhausted. The whole cycle went on and on, he barely got any sleep because he had barely anything in him, but the poor little guy was shattered.
The first time I gave in and agreed to give him formula, he guzzled it down and fell asleep so soundly, I hadn't yet seen him like that.
I combi fed for another week, trying to express and it took forever to get anything out of me.
The stress of a horrid situation going on in my personal life is what I believe ruined any hope of successfully breastfeeding. I was emotional, stressed and I couldn't cope with the pressure of trying to get him to breastfeed when all it seemed to do was make him angry.
I cried over it then, but I don't anymore.
The reason I don't is because I look at him and he is happy and healthy, and thriving. And when he looks at me, the look is utter adoration. He will crane his neck to follow me walking around a room, and when I get him up in the morning he beams at me. The look in his eyes is different to the way he looks at anyone else, including his dad (not that I'd ever say that to my husband, but you know what I mean!). That's how I came to terms with it, because he feels my complete and utter devotion to him, and that has nothing to do with bottle vs breast. Yes, I wish it had worked out. But not because I feel we're losing anything in our bond. Our bond is rock solid - a mother is a mother because of the love she feels for her child, not because she breastfeeds, bottle feeds, pushes a pram, co-sleeps or any other of the million and one things we choose between as parents.
For most people formula feeding isn't a choice. It's because a) low milk supply, b) depression, c) refusal to latch, d) tongue-tie... my God I could write a ridiculously long list. I have been very lucky in that both my midwife and my health visitor fully supported the horrible decision I had to make, and my husband and family were so relieved when I stopped putting both myself and my son through the torment that breastfeeding was for us. The judgement from society is quite frankly disgusting. But I have to say I find that if we wanted to, we could find judgement from anyone on anything as parents. Just as there are those who say 'breast is best, how dare you', there are others who think you're barmy and should just give them a bottle. There are people who no doubt would think I'm awful for putting him in his own room (despite the fact that he sleeps much better), and those who think co-sleeping is hideous. I have learned that no-one knows my son like I do, NO-ONE, and therefore no-one knows what he needs more than I do.
It's a real shame that none of us managed to crack it in the long run. But our children are happy, healthy and growing, and they know without a doubt how much we love them.

Wowzers!!! I really could have written this!

Finn fed beautifully for a week then went downhill from there. I was so gutted as I struggled feeding my first son and gave in fairly quickly about 3 weeks out of convenience really. I was in hospital for 8 days with eclampsia, intensive care at one point, 2 drips in both hands , catheters, hb monitor and bp taken every 5 mins. My midwives were fab, so supportive. I had MV coming in to see me amazed I was still bf as it was unbelievably difficult cluster feeding a baby I could barely hold with so many things attached to me! I was quite proud of myself because of all these MV coming in to see me!!
My problems started when he'd cry every now and then when latching. Within a week that turned into screaming at every feed, hitting me and arching his back, I tried everything to get him to feed surprising myself at how patient I was. By 5 weeks I got to the point where I couldn't bare to look at him. The thought of him waking and needing a feed ( which wasn't often as he always seemed to be awake and feeding/ screaming ) just filled me with dread. I remember just looking at him screaming in my arms whilst I was sat on the bed thinking I'm not normal to think I dislike my baby. Yet another screaming fit where a 5 minute feed would take 20 minutes to latch after calming him down and starting again.
His formula went down a treat, he just laid really still a drank it. It felt so calm and peaceful. I've read on here from pro bf's that babies can't possibly prefer bottles or formula to breast but if you saw my lo you'd knw what I was talking about. I honestly could have thought my baby had been swapped!

I don't feel any guilt whatsoever as I feel I did my very best, last month I had a wobble when my son had been poorly for 2 months with coughs and colds and in the middle of a very fretful night id convinced myself if I'd carried on bf he'd not be so ill all the time. A thread came the following day with bf mums with babies with the same ailments as mine so felt better!!!

I had no pain in bf whatsoever, no sore nips or mastitis or engorgement, just emotional issues really. It's not a nice feeling to look at your baby with such negative feelings, fortunately formula sorted all that out!


I wonder if so many people would feel as much guilt if they'd not been B&B members? Listening to peoples stories nd thier need to explain and justify why they gave up makes me sad. I think being on this site has swayed so many decisions for me, made me feel stronger about things in certain subjects and ompletly changed my mind on others.

 

[jenny82]

I may as well type this now because my LO is 9 weeks old and I still haven't gotten over the fact that I FF.

I tried BF-ing, then combi, then FF only now. I just couldn't produce enough milk and then the community MW made me feel like a shit when they weighed her and she wouldn't gain weight. I freaked out, I was falling to bits and now I FF.

Annnnway the older ladies at toddler group (grannies) asked me if I was 'feeding LO myself' - I hate the way they say that instead of breastfeeding but anyway.... I felt so guilty that I just said yes and said no more. Now if LO's feeding occurs during toddler group time, I just don't go because i feel so guilty and shameful (?!!!!) of myself.

Isn't that fucking nuts? Excuse my language. I haven't even told OH this and tbh have blanked it out in my mind completely as I feel such guilt. I need to really cut myself some slack.

Phew. I feel a bit of a load off after typing that...

 

[Blah11]

I hate that saying too Jenny and I am a breastfeeder. Its really rude and no ones business anyway! Kind of like asking if you had a natural birth or not.. what does it matter?

 

[jenny82]

I hate that saying too Jenny and I am a breastfeeder. Its really rude and no ones business anyway! Kind of like asking if you had a natural birth or not.. what does it matter?

Tbh I think they're just making conversation and think that we would like to talk about it. But I really really don't! I think they also don't like using the word 'breast'.

BREAST!

 

[MrsPOP]

Hi Jenny, I remember you from the Trimester boards.

I understand what you mean. I didnt go back to baby massage as I was the only FF in the group and felt like shit because they were all sitting there feeding their LOs and I had to get a bottle out.

I think it is so wonderful there are BF groups out there as all these stories show how little support mums who try to BF get in the early stages. However, its a shame that ladies like us dont feel we can attend the generic groups though for fear of judgement. I know I probably am not getting judged (though one lady honestly and Im not exaggerating here looked at me like I'd dropped my pants and took a poo in front of her because I had smiled at her and asked her what her LO's name was, that was the type of mum I was dealing with ) and its my feelings of guilt being projected onto those mums because I wish with all my might I was one of them! Silly I know, but its how I feel.

 

[Kage76]

I wonder if so many people would feel as much guilt if they'd not been B&B members? Listening to peoples stories nd thier need to explain and justify why they gave up makes me sad. I think being on this site has swayed so many decisions for me, made me feel stronger about things in certain subjects and ompletly changed my mind on others.

I can honestly say all my guilt came from the expectations i had put on myself. No one on here and in real life has made me feel guilty- on here i get more angry at some BF'ers who trot out the "I did it- the other mums who didn't manage to do it aren't trying hard enough" (and to be honest I have only ever seen that once on here) and in real life pretty much everyone who I spoke to or told my story too has been very understanding. I was shocked to find in my mothers group that most of them FF and had stuck it out far less than I had. The loudest voice was and will always be me. Still is to be honest i see posters promoting it and i still want to be one of those women.

 

[Kage76]

On a side note isn't it funny how both sides feel shame about how they are feeding their babies? If you are a BF people look at you like you are a hussy and doing something shameful and if you are FF you are feeding your babies the devil's drink. Maybe we project what we are feeling on to others and every sidewards glance is interpreted as a judgement of what we are doing?

Dont know but on a complete random search to find a beautiful picture of breastfeeding to back up my last post i found this.

Spoiler

https://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkx5l9Dqu91qexodno1_500.jpg

I don't know weather to be jealous freaked out or impressed.

 

[jenny82]

Hi Jenny, I remember you from the Trimester boards.

I understand what you mean. I didnt go back to baby massage as I was the only FF in the group and felt like shit because they were all sitting there feeding their LOs and I had to get a bottle out.

I think it is so wonderful there are BF groups out there as all these stories show how little support mums who try to BF get in the early stages. However, its a shame that ladies like us dont feel we can attend the generic groups though for fear of judgement. I know I probably am not getting judged (though one lady honestly and Im not exaggerating here looked at me like I'd dropped my pants and took a poo in front of her because I had smiled at her and asked her what her LO's name was, that was the type of mum I was dealing with ) and its my feelings of guilt being projected onto those mums because I wish with all my might I was one of them! Silly I know, but its how I feel.

Hi!

Oh I know its all me and all my guilt and shame that I put on me. I bet none of these ladies care really, they are only making conversation yet I build up such big things in my head! Funny thing is, in a year I won't care. I also had guilt with my first LO but you know what - now it doesn't make one iota of difference. He is a happy, healthy little boy and we are joined at the hip

ETA: Haha I love your signature btw. It made me laugh

 

[MrsPOP]

That picture is insane! Not the BF obv but hanging upside down like that!

I know I would still have felt the same guilt if I wasnt a BnB member but I probably wouldnt have been so jealous and upset. Ive come across a few more of those comments and very recently too, "there is no 'I couldnt do it' in my book" that kind of thing. Ive also been told off on here for being 'oversensitive' about being upset over not being able to BF. It was the 'there is no I cant do it' comment that inspired me to post this thread. I posted my story in response to that comment and the lady did not reply and it made me think that perhaps there are others out there like me and the wider community needs to know that...and perhaps it might show other ladies that there is a massive emotional issue with *some* FFers because we have to deal with BF Grief and it might help to calm down the ridiculous BF vs FF threads. I honestly think thats why sometimes it can get so heated, because unless you have been through BF failure, you cannot understand why a poster might get so angry and upset to a comment that wouldnt normally upset anyone.

I think with regards to BF vs FF, if we could all step away from the heated debates and unite because if this thread has proven anything is that support to new mums who want to BF is piss-poor. When I get upset about it to my DH he always says 'its ok for the Government and the NHS to say they promote BFing but all they do is put posters up on the wall instead of training MWs. If they put the funding for the posters into providing decent postnatal care across the country there wouldnt be such low BF rates'. And he is right. I mean, the majority of these stories have MWs showing incorrect latches, or forcing nipples into babies' mouths or topping up ill babies without bothering to work through latch issues, or recognising tongue/lip ties. If there were better support I firmly believe I would be a BFer.

 

[MrsPOP]

ETA: Haha I love your signature btw. It made me laugh

LOL, thats a whole new thread! Im not the biggest fan of labelling what I do as a parent. I love my daughter, I dont need to define how I 'parent' her to others, what we do works well for us (although if people are curious, I was induced, had an epidural, had an EMCS, Im a partial bed-sharer/co-sleeper, use disposable nappies because cloth baffles me when Ive looked into it, partial babywearer, FFer, Traditional Weaner but with a BLW slant to it, I answer every cry from LO and I dont CIO but dont have an issue with it. )Oh and I am a working mum, or at least I will be when go back in April)

 

[vintage67]

There is a problem with the old "lack of support" routine.
There truly are supply problems that all the king's fenugreek and all the king's pumping won't fix.
There truly are medical conditions such as PCOS, diabetes and thyroid issues that can impede breastfeeding, and there truly are medications that are necessary but ill advised to take and pass along to an infant.

And the mother holding a bottle and being scorned cannot wear a poster saying all of that and more.

I'm afraid this thread, which comforted me a great deal at first, has ended up further upsetting me in the long run. I woke my husband up in the middle of the night asking him where my breast pump was a couple nights ago. (he had hidden it because I was so upset.) I worked myself up into quite a frenzy and still aren't over it.

"They" still don't get it and never will unless it happens to them.

I also saw some horrible things online on other websites. A BF'er said that she could "smell" a formula fed baby from several feet away because they stink.

I would really like to be able to go online and interact with other mothers without seeing all of this, and I realize it is impossible.

 

[MrsPOP]

There is a problem with the old "lack of support" routine.
There truly are supply problems that all the king's fenugreek and all the king's pumping won't fix.
There truly are medical conditions such as PCOS, diabetes and thyroid issues that can impede breastfeeding, and there truly are medications that are necessary but ill advised to take and pass along to an infant.

And the mother holding a bottle and being scorned cannot wear a poster saying all of that and more.

I'm afraid this thread, which comforted me a great deal at first, has ended up further upsetting me in the long run. I woke my husband up in the middle of the night asking him where my breast pump was a couple nights ago. (he had hidden it because I was so upset.) I worked myself up into quite a frenzy and still aren't over it.

"They" still don't get it and never will unless it happens to them.

I also saw some horrible things online on other websites. A BF'er said that she could "smell" a formula fed baby from several feet away because they stink.

I would really like to be able to go online and interact with other mothers without seeing all of this, and I realize it is impossible.

Im so sorry this thread has upset you hon, because I know you've really been through hell. Please though, dont bottle up those feelings. Let them out. I bottled it all up for so long and it only did me harm. If you want to PM me please do.

 

[tina3747]

There is a problem with the old "lack of support" routine.
There truly are supply problems that all the king's fenugreek and all the king's pumping won't fix.
There truly are medical conditions such as PCOS, diabetes and thyroid issues that can impede breastfeeding, and there truly are medications that are necessary but ill advised to take and pass along to an infant.

And the mother holding a bottle and being scorned cannot wear a poster saying all of that and more.

I'm afraid this thread, which comforted me a great deal at first, has ended up further upsetting me in the long run. I woke my husband up in the middle of the night asking him where my breast pump was a couple nights ago. (he had hidden it because I was so upset.) I worked myself up into quite a frenzy and still aren't over it.

"They" still don't get it and never will unless it happens to them.

I also saw some horrible things online on other websites. A BF'er said that she could "smell" a formula fed baby from several feet away because they stink.

I would really like to be able to go online and interact with other mothers without seeing all of this, and I realize it is impossible.

There's been a few comments from certain posters that have really irritated me, two from one person in a week if I recall.

One that sticks out in my mind from ages ago who I can't remember who posted it saying She can tell the difference between a ff baby and a bf baby because all ff babies are fat!!
Now I can understand slot of ladies in here, no names mentioned (!) that are very passionate about bf, who say they would never give thier baby formula and would go to the ends of the earth to never give it them ect. Comments like that piss me off cos it kind of feels like your giving your baby cocaine sometimes! But I'm pretty sure if you put a 100 babies in a room you'd not be able to pick out th breast fed ones. A picture of my first son with his friend 4 weeks younger who was bf... He was a right porker!