The struggle with infertility & God

[cheerios]

Ladies!

I've been waiting to share my story here, preferring to share it when I've successfully entered 2nd Trimester. But now that I have, I thought I should share my story now as I think back of how LTTC has been for me.

Getting pregnant didn't come easy for us. What I thought would happen at the drop of a hat actually took us about 1.5 years! Ok, I know many ladies on LTTC have been trying for longer, but I'm not comparing here. It did feel very long for me / us.

And we're both young. I'm 28 and hubby's 34. Both relatively healthy. Never had any major health issues, nor anything to indicate that we might have issues conceiving.

The past 1 year + has been nothing but trying.

In every aspect. In my spiritual life. In my physical body. In my mental and emotional health.

It has also been a season when I struggled with the hard questions with God.

"God, why is it taking so long?"

"Why do some other people fall preggy so easily and we don't?"

Why? Why? and more Whys?

Relocation to Germany has messed up my cycles. I don't want to blame Germany for everything, but the truth is I had way more regular cycles in Singapore than I ever did in Germany.

So at the beginning, I thought, "Well I just have to sort out my cycles and everything will be fine".

But you're in Germany. Not some other country.

The doctors send you for ALL sorts of tests! In Singapore, I would have just gone to the Chinese doctor and my cycles would be sorted out the "Chinese" way. Chinese herbs, acupuncture etc.

But here, I was sent for endless blood tests and was monitored to find out the cause of my irregular cycles.

And it turned out that I had PCOS - some hormonal imbalance that basically causes irregular cycles.

This is quite common. Victoria Beckham has it and went on to have 3 healthy children and is preggy with her 4th one. So does Jamie Oliver's wife, who also has 4 children now.

So I wasn't too worried.

But I was prescribed Metformin for my PCOS that gave me migraines, vomitting and all sorts of unpleasant side effects. It took me months before my body could adjust to this medication, at the hope of regulating my cycles.

Atlast, my cycles were still NOT regulated after taking this medication.

So, I had to go on to the next step. We went to a Fertility specialist.

And finally both of us were checked.

Truth be told, I always thought the "problem" lied with me. But hubby had issues too! Low sperm count & bacterial infection.

So we had to sort out his issues! Which took another couple of months! But thank God that his issues could be sorted out!

All this time of waiting, the only thing that kept me sane really was babyandbump.com which I came across by accident when I was surfing the web.

I didn't know anybody in real life who struggled with the same issue. And somehow among Christians, infertility feels like a taboo topic that nobody talks about! Its like you're not supposed to have infertility if you believe in an Almighty God who's able to heal and bless.

We certainly believed in God. And we believed in His promises that He would bless us with biological children. We were in Bible school in 2006 where missionaries prophecized over us that we would have our own biological and spiritual children. That was 5 years ago when the idea of child-bearing was the last thing on our mind!

But yeah, it still took a while. So I knew that I had to garner support. Spiritual support and lots of prayers.

We confided in family and very close friends back in Singapore and I made many new friends on here who were really like sisters-in-war with me. I got to know other Christian friends (online) who were open to talk about this issue and was connected to other couples (from Singapore) who've "been there, done that".

THANK GOD truly for these gems. If not this journey would have been the lonelinest and toughest one, I would ever had to go through. As I said, I didn't know anybody in my own circle who struggled with issues like we did. And even if they did, nobody talked about it.

So why am I writing about this?

I want to shed light on this topic "infertility" that is so hardly spoken of. In public. Especially among Christians. I've had my fair share of sharing what's on my heart, only to get "rebutted" back and feeling that "I lacked faith" or was somehow lacking something that's why God wasn't blessing us yet. I'm sure most people meant it well, but there are some things you just don't say to people who are in the midst of the crap!

Or sometimes, I would share about my struggle with infertility with other couples who are also TTCing, but they would never share their story with me. So it felt like we were the only ones struggling with this issue.

So I kinna gave up talking about this issue with people I knew, but started talking about it with people I don't know! And I found so much more acceptance and love and encouragement in the meantime.

I'm so thankful that God has heard our prayers and opened my womb. And I would safely say that this baby was conceived out of lots of prayers by people who love us and saw our desire to have our own kids.

And yes, I'm willing to be here if anybody wants to talk about it. Infertility is not a sin. And there's nothing to be ashamed of. People talk about having a headache / fever / cold all the time. But somehow infertility is avoided like a pest, like a cancer.

God is God in the middle of everything. Everything. During this 1yr +, I read that so many women of the Bible, (especially the important women somehow) all struggled with infertility. Hannah. Sarah. Rebecca. And they poured their hearts out to God. And their stories are there for the entire world to read in the Bible.

So yeah, I'm a modern day Hannah. Or Sarah. Or Rebecca. A woman who's gone through the fiery flames of testing in the furnace of infertility and emerged victorious. And I pray that God will open doors for us to help our couples who have to undergo waiting for their little ones too.

For those of you who read until here, BLESS YOU! I've always read success stories when I was still TTCing to keep me going and kept telling myself that one day I WILL write my story here too. I believe with all my heart that you WILL too and in the meantime, May you continue to experience God's peace and love during this season of your life.

 

[bumski]

firstly massivee massive congratulations to you cheerios, im so glad you found friends to go through all the heartache with as i understand so much that people try and avoid the subject of children when they know you have been ttc for a long time and experiencing problems.
your story is very comforting and gives me hope in the future. thankyou for sharing your experiences with us, it does help to read how other people have been and felt the same as yourself and then finally get their dream come true.

xxx

 

[Aries28]

That was so beautiful Cheerios. Thanks for sharing!

 

[Tmwnvegas]

Cheerios...Thanks for sharing your story.... it's so uplifting. I have all the early signs of POF. My fertility specialist thinks it may be possible for us to concieve a child with the help of IUI or IVF, but if we wanted siblings, we would def. need to preserve some eggs because time is certaintly not on our time. We are discussing IUI right now because we don't have any coverage for IVF.

I know your struggles. I have good days and bad days. I have such a hard believing that this is actually happening and I too question why, all the time. I am trying so hard to put all of trust and faith in the lord. Regardless of how or when things turn out, I believe he plan for us. I've been praying for patience, comfort, and acceptance. I'm so tired of this depression that has plagued my life the past few months.

So, as much as I want to be hopeful about starting IUI, I have no expectations of it happening. I just hope I'm ready for this. I just know that if it fails, I'm going to be heartbroken all over again. I know it's def. too early to have this attitude and give up, but I'm just so fearful that it may never happen for us. I hope I can find some peace soon, cuz I'm really tired of being depressed. But I really I enjoyed your story, and I am soooo happy for you!

 

[cheerios]

firstly massivee massive congratulations to you cheerios, im so glad you found friends to go through all the heartache with as i understand so much that people try and avoid the subject of children when they know you have been ttc for a long time and experiencing problems.
your story is very comforting and gives me hope in the future. thankyou for sharing your experiences with us, it does help to read how other people have been and felt the same as yourself and then finally get their dream come true.

xxx

bumski!

Thanks a lot! Yeah, I find the friends on BnB sooo invaluable! Such lifelines! I'm glad to have given you hope! Don't give up! You never know when it will happen. I know when people used to say that to me, I would be like, "yeah, its easy for you to say cos you're preggy", but I'm glad that they still said it to me nevertheless!

Hoping for your Dream number 2 to come true too!

That was so beautiful Cheerios. Thanks for sharing!

Awww Aries, Thanks! That's soooo sweet! I hope my story encouraged you to continue in your walk with God too! He is always punctual and never too late!

Cheerios...Thanks for sharing your story.... it's so uplifting. I have all the early signs of POF. My fertility specialist thinks it may be possible for us to concieve a child with the help of IUI or IVF, but if we wanted siblings, we would def. need to preserve some eggs because time is certaintly not on our time. We are discussing IUI right now because we don't have any coverage for IVF.

I know your struggles. I have good days and bad days. I have such a hard believing that this is actually happening and I too question why, all the time. I am trying so hard to put all of trust and faith in the lord. Regardless of how or when things turn out, I believe he plan for us. I've been praying for patience, comfort, and acceptance. I'm so tired of this depression that has plagued my life the past few months.

So, as much as I want to be hopeful about starting IUI, I have no expectations of it happening. I just hope I'm ready for this. I just know that if it fails, I'm going to be heartbroken all over again. I know it's def. too early to have this attitude and give up, but I'm just so fearful that it may never happen for us. I hope I can find some peace soon, cuz I'm really tired of being depressed. But I really I enjoyed your story, and I am soooo happy for you!

Hey hun

That's what my FS said to us at the beginning when DH had low sperm count...that we'd probably need IVF. But I'm currently reading this book "Supernatural childbirth" - take a look on Amazon. Its a thin book and writes about conception and believing in God in faith. I wish I read it before I started TTCing! Its pretty revolutionary and I'm sooo challenged by it!

So yeah, even if the doctors say one thing, they don't have the final authority. Only God has. And He says in His word that even the barren woman will have children. So don't give up hope!

I think the hardest part about TTCing is not knowing how long it will last. The wait. But the longer the wait, the more grace God will give us. We just have to keep asking for it and receiving it by faith.

You can also take a look at my LTTC journal if you want. I wrote quite a bit there. "The Joy of the Lord is your strength". Don't lose your joy and peace - I know its easier said than done. But I had to force myself to give thanks for the good things that were in my life in the midst of TTCing, so that I don't lose hope.

Let me know if u wanna talk more. You can PM me.

 

[yellowbell]

Dear Cheerios,

Thank you so very much for sharing your inspirational story.
I too, am a Christian (and living in Singapore too!), and reading your emotional, mental and spiritual struggles was like reading my own. I'm hoping that I'll also have a happy ending like yours.
I've been praying so hard everyday for God to bless us with our miracle. I do believe that it will be given to us at the right time.

God bless your pregnancy.

 

[FaithHoldsMe]

CONGRATS!!!!!!! I know God is GOOD and he's ABLE 2 do all things, that's why I'm still holding on and pressing my way......Thank you for your story and words of encouragement, it brought tears 2 my eyes and again Thank You and you and your Be Blessed.............

 

[cheerios]

Dear Cheerios,

Thank you so very much for sharing your inspirational story.
I too, am a Christian (and living in Singapore too!), and reading your emotional, mental and spiritual struggles was like reading my own. I'm hoping that I'll also have a happy ending like yours.
I've been praying so hard everyday for God to bless us with our miracle. I do believe that it will be given to us at the right time.

God bless your pregnancy.

Hey yellowbell!
Thanks! Oh wow, another Singaporean! Nice! You must be the first Singaporean I met on Bnb! Yeah, I know how you must be feeling now! Keep the faith! And keep relying on God for strength and joy while you're TTCing. Your time will come and by then, I look forward to reading your success story!

CONGRATS!!!!!!! I know God is GOOD and he's ABLE 2 do all things, that's why I'm still holding on and pressing my way......Thank you for your story and words of encouragement, it brought tears 2 my eyes and again Thank You and you and your Be Blessed.............

Hey FaithHoldsme!

Thanks! That's so good that you're proclaiming the goodness of God! That's sooo important! Ohhh, really glad that my story encouraged you. I know how long the wait feels and TBH I don't want to go back there again. But God sees your heart and He will not let you wait longer than you can bear. I told myself too that God has pre-ordained when my baby would be conceived, so I don't have to "force" it. It will happen when its God's timing.

 

[Amber3]

Thank you so much for sharing open heartedly about infertility and God.
We are Christian too and live in a very christian community. Here there are some people who talk very openly about infertility, those who experience it. Talking to others about it however, I myself hesitate. It is like I am a bit ashamed. I have been ttc for almost 4 years and have prayed and cried a lot. Almost a year ago my husband went to talk to a priest about some personal issues. He did not mention anything about our struggle with infertility. However, the priest said he had the feeling/inspiration to pray for us that we would have a child. I have met many christian friends who all tries to cheer me up and says they have a good feeling etc, but I have waited so long. The priest however, seemed more believable because he did not have any knowledge about our problem beforehand. I think that if the Holy Spirit inspired him to pray for us God must have good plans for us.... I hope.
I am currently in NaProTechnology and am more hopeful than I was for a long time.
Thanks again for sharing your story.
God bless you and your baby
Amber

 

[cheerios]

Thank you so much for sharing open heartedly about infertility and God.
We are Christian too and live in a very christian community. Here there are some people who talk very openly about infertility, those who experience it. Talking to others about it however, I myself hesitate. It is like I am a bit ashamed. I have been ttc for almost 4 years and have prayed and cried a lot. Almost a year ago my husband went to talk to a priest about some personal issues. He did not mention anything about our struggle with infertility. However, the priest said he had the feeling/inspiration to pray for us that we would have a child. I have met many christian friends who all tries to cheer me up and says they have a good feeling etc, but I have waited so long. The priest however, seemed more believable because he did not have any knowledge about our problem beforehand. I think that if the Holy Spirit inspired him to pray for us God must have good plans for us.... I hope.
I am currently in NaProTechnology and am more hopeful than I was for a long time.
Thanks again for sharing your story.
God bless you and your baby
Amber

dear Amber!

I'M sooo happy to hear that you're in a close-knitted Christian community where there are couples who could support you in this journey.

Of course it also depends on whether you're comfortable enough to open up with them. And there's no right or wrong answer about this.

Oh hun, I can completely relate to the "prayed and cried a lot" part of LTTC. I see that you've been TTCing for 4 years and that's a pretty long time. I'm soo sorry. I already felt that my 1.5yrs felt like eternity! So yeah, what you're going through right now is no easy thing.

I'm very encouraged at how your priest prayed for you to have children even without you asking him to. Treasure it in your heart! And remind the Holy Spirit about this seed of expectation of hope that this prayer has given to you. Keep believing that it will come to pass.

I wrote some things that I wanted to happen in my life on a paper and attached it to my bible. The first one being, "I will conceive and have 3 healthy children".... and I will repeat it to myself and to God every time I remembered to.

What's NaProTechnology?

God's blessings!

 

[tp2tasha]

God indeed has truely blessed you and i feel blessed for being able to her your inpirational story. oh do i know the struggles of ttcing and infertility, Being a woman of God, and having so many questions of "why?", having PCOS, and so on. your story brought me to tears. May God continue blessing you!

 

[Amber3]

Thank you for your reply. I did mention it a lot to the Holy Spirit for a while... but as time passed it started feeling distant. So thank you, I will start reminding Him again of this "indirect promise" Oh and by the way I also ordered the book you recommended about supernatural childbirth. It sounds a bit wild but I am curious. I know all things are possible for God and have seen great things... but you know, sometimes in ones own cross it seems harder to believe that things can chance. Especially after 4 years.
NaProTechnology is a fertility treatment developed in the USA by Christian (Catholic) doctors over the last 30 years parallel to the development of IVF etc which is not in accordance with human dignity or the right to life for every child. Fortunately NaProTechnology has developed into a great alternative to IVF. I can't really praise it enough since it is cheaper, has higher succes rates than IVF and is focused on finding the underlying causes of the individual couple's infertility and treat it.
Thank you again,
Amber
www.fertilitycare.eu This link has a great little film you can click on if you are interested.

 

[Emmasophia]

Congrats first of all. After 7 years of TTC I sat in church many a time and asked why am I not pregnant???? I got Pregnant at 17. Unplanned teenage pregnancy. I kept the baby and I'm so glad I did but I kept asking God if it was so easy for you when I was 17 why not now? I will never know I guess. I'm now nearly 29 and 7 weeks pregnant. I want to thank God but I'm a little annoyed that I have had years of heartache trying.

 

[678star-bex]

Congratulations - I needed to hear an inspirational story. Coming up 2.5 yrs. Just praying that it will happen for us too. x

 

[cheerios]

God indeed has truely blessed you and i feel blessed for being able to her your inpirational story. oh do i know the struggles of ttcing and infertility, Being a woman of God, and having so many questions of "why?", having PCOS, and so on. your story brough me to tears. May God continue blessing you!

Thanks tp2tasha!

So nice of you to pop me a message! And glad to hear that my story encouraged you in your TTC journey. I know how tough it can be and God had to bring me to a place of surrender where I just knew that I had to let Him be God. Of course every BFN still stunk really painfully, but He did heal my heart and give me grace and strength for the next cycle again.

Keep hanging in there! His Grace is sufficient for you....keep hoping! Oh, I found Joel Osteen's sermons online SOOOO VERY encouraging and uplifting. Listened to him pretty often when I was TTCing! Even now actually.

Thank you for your reply. I did mention it a lot to the Holy Spirit for a while... but as time passed it started feeling distant. So thank you, I will start reminding Him again of this "indirect promise" Oh and by the way I also ordered the book you recommended about supernatural childbirth. It sounds a bit wild but I am curious. I know all things are possible for God and have seen great things... but you know, sometimes in ones own cross it seems harder to believe that things can chance. Especially after 4 years.
NaProTechnology is a fertility treatment developed in the USA by Christian (Catholic) doctors over the last 30 years parallel to the development of IVF etc which is not in accordance with human dignity or the right to life for every child. Fortunately NaProTechnology has developed into a great alternative to IVF. I can't really praise it enough since it is cheaper, has higher succes rates than IVF and is focused on finding the underlying causes of the individual couple's infertility and treat it.
Thank you again,
Amber
www.fertilitycare.eu This link has a great little film you can click on if you are interested.

Hey Amber!

Nice to hear that you ordered the Supernatural childbirth! It is more about having a painless childbirth, but the principles can be applied for TTCing too. And it really helps when the author herself was told by the docs that she wouldn't be able to get preggy, but she went on to have 4 kids!!!! Just by proclaiming the word of God over her life. Let me know what you think about it!

And the author did say something about God not taking sides and not favouring one person over the other..."God is not a respecter of man"....or smth like that. Read it and you'll know what I'm talking about.

And yeah, I totally understand what you mean about the words in blue. Your own cross always feels harder to bear than others. But my DH always remind me not to be envious of other people because we never know what their own crosses are!

All the best with your TTC journey! Keep putting one foot after the other!

Congrats first of all. After 7 years of TTC I sat in church many a time and asked why am I not pregnant???? I got Pregnant at 17. Unplanned teenage pregnancy. I kept the baby and I'm so glad I did but I kept asking God if it was so easy for you when I was 17 why not now? I will never know I guess. I'm now nearly 29 and 7 weeks pregnant. I want to thank God but I'm a little annoyed that I have had years of heartache trying.

Hi Emmasophia!

What an interesting name!

What a real blessing to have child and know that you can get preggy and bring the pregnancy to full term!

And congrats on your new pregnancy! 7 years is a pretty long time, but thanks to you starting early, 29 is a very common age for many women to have their first baby! I'm 28 and preggy with my first one. Are you going to start a PG journal?

Congratulations - I needed to hear an inspirational story. Coming up 2.5 yrs. Just praying that it will happen for us too. x

Hey 678star-bex!

Thanks! I'm glad to give you that bit of hope that one needs when one is LTTCing! Keep the faith, hang in there! Keep believing that it will happen! I'm reminded that the currency of heaven is faith. So yeah, with faith you can move mountains & have your little one!

 

[Amandajvv]

Congratulations Cheerios! Thank you for opening up such a discussion.. for everyone else it is lovely to read about your experiences and see your faith still strong.

I too am Christian and always have had a belief that there is a plan for me, that God is with me. Faith has always been more about the feeling of God in my life than anything else.

Nothing however tests your faith more than when your baby dies and you have to give birth to a stillborn daughter and then go on to have secondary infertility faced with learning to live with such a huge grief and the possibility of no more children. Everyone says 'oh you had one you'll have another one' but they forget that I had one I didn't get to keep. Where is it right? It's hard to believe God would bless us with a miracle baby and then take her away so quickly. It's hard to watch every single person you know go on to have 1st, 2nd, 3rd babies with ease and you didn't even get to keep your one. Its a never ending battle but I do know that God has a plan for us and I feel that there will be more children, whatever His reasons, our daughter was chosen and she lived for her purpose in her short time. I remember I am blessed with a wonderful husband and family and that I do have wonderful good things in my life. It doesn't always feel fair and I will probably always wonder 'why me'. We all do have our crosses to bare like someone said and even I feel luckier than some despite everything. I got to hold my baby, I got to feel her love - even if it was for too short a time.

Going through the infertility now has been difficult on top so it is lovely to come across a post full of positivity and faith and it's just a reminder that His plan is not set by our time but in His time. I know good things wait for me and I know one day I will be reunited with Bethany - there will be no more separation from loved ones - in the mean time I know that God carries me through this grief because despite it all I am still here, I am still living and hoping and praying.

Cheerios thank you for an inspiring post xx

 

[tp2tasha]

God indeed has truely blessed you and i feel blessed for being able to her your inpirational story. oh do i know the struggles of ttcing and infertility, Being a woman of God, and having so many questions of "why?", having PCOS, and so on. your story brough me to tears. May God continue blessing you!

[Thanks tp2tasha!

So nice of you to pop me a message! And glad to hear that my story encouraged you in your TTC journey. I know how tough it can be and God had to bring me to a place of surrender where I just knew that I had to let Him be God. Of course every BFN still stunk really painfully, but He did heal my heart and give me grace and strength for the next cycle again.

Keep hanging in there! His Grace is sufficient for you....keep hoping! Oh, I found Joel Osteen's sermons online SOOOO VERY encouraging and uplifting. Listened to him pretty often when I was TTCing! Even now actually.

My faith build so much from hearing stories like yours. I am so BLESSED and happy to announce that i got a BFP yesterday at 14 dpo! Praise the Lord. Words can not express how happy and blessed i am feeling! Thank you for your encouragement once again!

 

[cheerios]

My faith build so much fromhearing stories like yours. I am so BLESSED and happy to announce that i got a BFP yesterday at 14 dpo! Praise the Lord. Words can not express how happy and blessed i am feeling! Thank you for your encouragement once again!

Hey!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

What awesome news!!!! Praise God!!!! This is amazing!!!! Are you going to start a PG journal then????

 

[cheerios]

Congratulations Cheerios! Thank you for opening up such a discussion.. for everyone else it is lovely to read about your experiences and see your faith still strong.

I too am Christian and always have had a belief that there is a plan for me, that God is with me. Faith has always been more about the feeling of God in my life than anything else.

Nothing however tests your faith more than when your baby dies and you have to give birth to a stillborn daughter and then go on to have secondary infertility faced with learning to live with such a huge grief and the possibility of no more children. Everyone says 'oh you had one you'll have another one' but they forget that I had one I didn't get to keep. Where is it right? It's hard to believe God would bless us with a miracle baby and then take her away so quickly. It's hard to watch every single person you know go on to have 1st, 2nd, 3rd babies with ease and you didn't even get to keep your one. Its a never ending battle but I do know that God has a plan for us and I feel that there will be more children, whatever His reasons, our daughter was chosen and she lived for her purpose in her short time. I remember I am blessed with a wonderful husband and family and that I do have wonderful good things in my life. It doesn't always feel fair and I will probably always wonder 'why me'. We all do have our crosses to bare like someone said and even I feel luckier than some despite everything. I got to hold my baby, I got to feel her love - even if it was for too short a time.

Going through the infertility now has been difficult on top so it is lovely to come across a post full of positivity and faith and it's just a reminder that His plan is not set by our time but in His time. I know good things wait for me and I know one day I will be reunited with Bethany - there will be no more separation from loved ones - in the mean time I know that God carries me through this grief because despite it all I am still here, I am still living and hoping and praying.

Cheerios thank you for an inspiring post xx

Hey Amanda

Thanks for your honesty in sharing your story.

I'm soooo sorry that you experienced loss at such a late stage of your pregnancy. I'm just shocked. And I'm in no position to be able to offer comfort on this issue. Have you tried some threads on BnB about dealing with losses?

There's simply no answers. Really. When my mom died of cancer at 47, I asked God a million times too, "Why?". (I know its not the same, but I'm just sharing a similar incident).

And a counsellor told me that my Mom belongs to God first before she belongs to me or to anybody else. God loves His children more than any of us could love another human being. So if God chooses to take a person back home, He has every right to do so and is answerable to nobody. -- Tough words, but so true.

I'm very encouraged by your optimism and continued faith in God. Just to encourage you. Faith is more than a feeling. Faith is the FULL CONFIDENCE that your God is ABLE and WILLING to bless you. He hears your prayers and He loves you beyond measure. Faith in an everlasting God who gave His only son so that we can come into a relationship with Him.

Keep your hope and trust in Him. That's the best thing you can do for yourself and your future children!

Blessings
Pris

 

[tp2tasha]

My faith build so much fromhearing stories like yours. I am so BLESSED and happy to announce that i got a BFP yesterday at 14 dpo! Praise the Lord. Words can not express how happy and blessed i am feeling! Thank you for your encouragement once again!

Hey!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

What awesome news!!!! Praise God!!!! This is amazing!!!! Are you going to start a PG journal then????

Thank you so much! Words can not express how i m feeling!

I hate to sound a little on the slow side lol but is there a pregnancy journal on BAB or are you talking about a personal PG journal? lol!