Things I cannot say out loud....

[Ozzieshunni]

What I wish I could email to EX:

You insignificant PRICK! YOU LIAR THIEF HORRIBLE MAN! I hope you get beat to a pulp and all sorts of horrible things happen to you. You should never have the right to procreate again. NEVER!

 

[Fergie]

OH thank you for the sketchers you bought me. My feet are comfy for the first time in months . However ...

OH. Thanks for going to bed half an hour ago while i was in the bath. Thanks for leaving me with a pile of dishes to do, the washing to hang up, Boo's bottle to be done, clean up the mess you've left in the living room and leaving me to make your pieces for work tomorrow ... you're so thoughtful, always putting mine & our daughters needs first .

So tomorrow you're going to work with a slab of cheese between a couple of doorstoppers, a bag of mashed up crisps (courtesy of our daughter who had lots of fun throwing the bag about today), a rather manky looking banana and the last of the raspberry yoghurts you hate. I hope you especially enjoy the melted choccy biscuits at the bottom of the box .

So what if you start work at 6am, Boo is up at 6:30am and you're lucky if i'm in my bed at night an hour after you go.

I AM NOT YOUR SKIVVY (i'm your daughters )

Baahhhhh i'm so tired and dead grumpy tonight. I'm on an irn bru diet and have a stinking headache cause i've had none today. I'll just have to make do with a cup of tea instead

 

[Ozzieshunni]

revenge through mashed lunch. Brill.

 

[Fergie]

He'll be lucky to make it to tomorrow if he doesn't stop snoring ...

 

[tanya]

Dh- you have a really important job interview in the morning, you have to give a presentation, come to bed! I know you've not slept in bed for months but I really think after a good night sleep you will function much better tomorrow also I've had a shitty few days with Flynns sleep and today was one of those days where everything goes wrong. Sil offered to have Flynn for a couple of hours so I could get stuff done and shower etc but then didn't come home till you were due home anyway do didn't have him, I still haven't showered that hair dye has been sat on the shelf for three months waiting for me to have enough time to do it.
I'm getting to that dark point that comes round every once in a while that makes you think everything you do is wrong and everyone would probably be better off if I just walked away.

Your answer when I say I need help "you wanted a baby, you knew it wouldn't be easy"
Yeah I know I wanted him (who wouldn't, he's awesome) but I didn't know I'd basically be doing it alone and I didn't know that some days I wouldn't be able to cope at all, I also didn't know we would be living with your sister which adds just that little touch of pressure ad stress to everything. When there's so many of us living in a house you can't really relax properly or think "oh I'll leave the kitchen and do it tomorrow" coz you have to leave it for others to use, I can't mOve stuff like the kitchen drawers round without calling a house meeting I discuss it. I can't even buy different washing up liquid ir loo roll without a discussion about wether everyone agrees on it!
Whoever insists on putting the spoons in the drawer the wrong way, I will find you and kill you! How hard is it to have all the handles facing one way? At least I'm not stressing about the forks with the tines sticking up when they should be the other way up
Living together in such close quarters is really stressful and little things that would just make you shrug usually get blown up in your head till they are massive problems, for instance I've taught John over the years which way round te loo roll hangs an where the empty roll goes (for the record it hangs with the loose end away from the wall so you don't hae to touch the wall when getting paper and te rolls go in the bin) someone insists on putting it on backwards and leaving the empties on the side of the sink? Why? The bin is under the sink? It's actually less effort to bin it than leave it on the side!!

 

[rainbowbaby2]

OH- heaven forbid your sick son should keep you awake you useless sack of sh** !! you know Im not feeling great as it is yet you still expect me to be the only one to get up and clean up puke while trying to calm an upset toddler who now thinks its wrong to puke coz daddy was making a HUGE deal about it! you better get your act together before.this baby comes along as I am NOT doing it on my own again while you sit on your arse!!! and if you think im the one whose going to stay up all night you can think again jerkwad!

 

[BabyBoo36]

Pud - do you have really short arms or do ASDA make clothes for gorillas? Also please stop picking up pieces of fluff from the carpet and eating them - you will get a fur-ball, child.

SIL - cgdkluogvxdazdflilm,ml;opikp'vlcvjd - bhghy;vdxacvnkji'pi""%5567i. That is precisely how much sense you make.

Work - please be transported to a universe far, far away so I don't have to go there in 10 days.........

 

[Lettuce]

babyboo, I'm there in 5 days, god, it hurts to think about it! cmon lotto! I have 2 chances to win... I'll pay off your mortgage if I win babyboo, then you can stay off!

To me: you are actually disgusting. I don't know why you're insisting on wearing a swimming costume, you'll empty te pool. How can you weigh more now than you did when pregnant?! gross.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Babyboo and Lettuce.

Me: Stop stressing. Ex cannot hurt you anymore. He's a waste of space. Stop being scared he's going to contact you because of your involvement in this!

 

[Bartness]

Please oh please bless me with a one of my 60 lotto numbers being the winner. Sure I'd have to share the 540 MILLION with 11 others (work pool) but I think I could survive perfectly fine off 50 MIl before taxes for the rest of my life. If I dont win, please have my OH or my daddy win....I dont want to work anymore...and would really like a bigger house and a nicer car, and lake front property and a vacation to Hawaii, and some money to invest..also to mention start a trust for Jaxon.

 

[Natsku]

Hope you win!

To me: please please please find a house soon, you can't stay here much longer

 

[Emmy1987]

Nats I hope you find somewhere very soon

My car - I hate you! Will you go crash yourself so I can claim on my GAP insurance, pay you off and get a cheaper car????

Me - you dozy twat! You've gone and bought something for tea (sainsburys basics tomato soup, we're officially poor) and it's take out night! And OH can pay! Could have saved myself the 24p!

Work, it's such a farce that I have do put in all the effort for everything, what does my manager even DO?????! But my manager did send me an email with some of my best pictures to tell me how fab they are and how impressed she is

Me - do I rebrand my photography business and start again?? I've no customer base here so I'm not losing out........

Car... did I mention I hate you...?

 

[Natsku]

fingers crossed someone crashes into your car (while no one is in it) tonight!

I may have a place to live! There is somewhere available, going to see it monday.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

fingers crossed someone crashes into your car (while no one is in it) tonight!

I may have a place to live! There is somewhere available, going to see it monday.

 

[Natsku]

It has a sauna wooooo!

 

[Fergie]

Ooohh a sauna .

I hope you get it Nats

@Emmy ... Rebrand and start again, life's too short not to try it

 

[divadexie]

Me and OH had a MASSIVE blow out the other night, over everything that has been building up. It was the biggest argument we ever had.

And THEN- he and .......

And THEN!! last night, for the first time in aaaaaageeessssssss..... we

He has started giving me a kiss before he leaves for work again too.

 

[BabyBoo36]

babyboo, I'm there in 5 days, god, it hurts to think about it! cmon lotto! I have 2 chances to win... I'll pay off your mortgage if I win babyboo, then you can stay off!

Oooooh, you've written that down! Legally binding written contract I say!! I'll hold you to that if you win!

Pud - for the last freaking time - stop eating the bits off the floor! You've been fed! Stop picking up tiny things and putting them in your mouth!

Monsoon - what the frig is with your sizes???? Pus is 9 months and her christening dress from you is 3-6 months?? She's not THAT small!

DH - thank you for the chocolate. Do not expect me you save you any!

Lettuce - you are not disgusting, so there.

Nats - hope the place works out!

 

[tanya]

Dh- subtle, very subtle. Casually looking at my arse then saying "I thought you were going back on your diet?" fuck you! You aren't exactly skinny yourself!

Mil- how dare you comment to dh about my parenting? I'm glad he backed me up and told you to piss off, if I'd've been there I'd have lamped you one! I'm aware that when he's having a bottle is a good time to bond, but judging me because I let Flynn feed himself his bottle is stupid, he prefers to feed himself, I know you think I should spend every waking moment gazing at him but that's just not practical, I'm sure when you had babies you didn't spend 24/7 gazing at them adoringly! He's growing up, he wants to be independent and I'm not gonna hold him back or I'll end up with a son like yours. (his mum washed his hair for him till he was 25 and I put my foot down!)

I'm sick of people thinking they know better than I do how to raise MY OWN SON!! Even if I do some things wrong that's my business and I'm learning as I go, I have a healthy happy baby I can't be doing that badly.

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Dh- subtle, very subtle. Casually looking at my arse then saying "I thought you were going back on your diet?" fuck you! You aren't exactly skinny yourself!

Mil- how dare you comment to dh about my parenting? I'm glad he backed me up and told you to piss off, if I'd've been there I'd have lamped you one! I'm aware that when he's having a bottle is a good time to bond, but judging me because I let Flynn feed himself his bottle is stupid, he prefers to feed himself, I know you think I should spend every waking moment gazing at him but that's just not practical, I'm sure when you had babies you didn't spend 24/7 gazing at them adoringly! He's growing up, he wants to be independent and I'm not gonna hold him back or I'll end up with a son like yours. (his mum washed his hair for him till he was 25 and I put my foot down!)

I'm sick of people thinking they know better than I do how to raise MY OWN SON!! Even if I do some things wrong that's my business and I'm learning as I go, I have a healthy happy baby I can't be doing that badly.

What the actual fuck!?