TIE WELCOME JACK, HENRY, DEVON, ROXAS, PENELOPE, MATILDA, THEO and Charlotte!!

[MrsStutler]

Harri glad you're feeling better! Can't wait for the scan!

Another BFN this morning but I'm still keeping optimistic. My temp had kind of a little spike so I'm curious to see if it stays up there. Hopeing it's a good sign.

 

[harri]

Your chart looks fantastic Kayla! Xx

 

[MrsStutler]

It's over. Started bleeding tonight. I can't take this anymore. I've been off of medication I desperately need and I think I'm going to go back on it and we will not be trying anymore. I don't understand how anybody can do this for years. I really can't imagine this heartache magnified that much.

 

[waiting2c]

I'm so sorry Kayla - is it full flow? Your chart just doesn't indicate af being due to show.

 

[MrsStutler]

It's just spotting right now but this is just how my body does it. Starts with spotting, I get my hopes up it's not AF, then it turns into full flow. I don't know why but it takes a couple days for my temps to drop. It dipped this morning so I know it's coming.

DH and I had a huge fight about this whole thing last night. Essentially he thinks I'm insane, my charts are a bunch of inexact baloney, and there is nothing wrong besides my bad case of the crazies. He doesn't understand why I was so upset. According to him it's "nothing to cry over" because I was a little weepy with disappointment. I just wanted to punch him. Of course I feel like a total jackass being so upset when I know how long and hard a lot of my friends have fought real infertility problems. I think I just need to walk away from it.

 

[MrsStutler]

Well it stopped this morning. It was just some gobs of brownish red CM and blood. I'm having lots of cramps still so I'm refusing to be optimistic about the whole thing. Taking a step back for a good long while will hopefully do me some good.

 

[mammag]

I'm sorry Kayla ttc is a terrible, awful roller coaster.

 

[MrsStutler]

Well, I got a relatively ok positive on a wondfo this AM but it was either chemical, early mc or an evap since AF has arrived this afternoon in full force. I'm actually following up with my doc today (fab timing I guess) so I'm going to try and talk with her about something else we can do. This is our 7th month TTC now. I'm sick of these stupid long cycles and freaky short LP. I'm so frustrated. I just want to work with a functioning system here, is that so much to ask for? Sigh.

 

[MrsStutler]

Doc was of no help. I just saw the nurse practitioner and she said all fertility stuff has to go to the OBGYN. She doesn't have an opening for 2 months. Hopefully by then it will be a drastically different appointment.

 

[waiting2c]

Oh that sucks Kayla hate how slowly stuff happens in medical system sometimes!

 

[MrsStutler]

Yeah, there is another OBGYN in town but I can't stand him. He threw stuff at his nurse while I was at clinical one day. Any doc who is mean to his nurse is immediately on my do not like list lol. I'm trying hard not to get very wrapped up in the stresses of TTC. I'm still temping though so I can have something to bring the doc to show a good picture of what's going on.

 

[MrsStutler]

How is everybody!?

I have been having a really rough time with this school. Working on top of school is just killing me. There is one perk though. My clinical instructor is a nurse practitioner who works in an OBGYN office. Seriously. I have my own little personal (kind of) doctor at my disposal! How awesome is that? I got the opportunity to talk with her a little bit today since it was kind of a slow clinical day. I talked to her a little bit about the LP problems I have had and showed her my charts on FF. We talked for awhile, and granted she can't treat me like a patient and she doesn't have anything like lab work to look at but she gave me some ideas of what to ask for with my own doc and a little bit more insight.

After I explained my wonky cycles and she saw the charting she said it definitely looks as if I do have a leuteal phase defect. She thinks my PCOS might be partially to blame there but it's hard to say without any testing. It's just kind of a typical association and since I do have that history it's not completely out of the question. She said I might have a little bit of low estrogen too, which will make everything else in the cycle kind of weak. Weaker ovulation, and weaker corpus lutetium and of course shorter LP. I have just enough to keep the cycle going but not enough to make it efficient. Of course that's her theory and would require testing to confirm but I have some direction at least. She asked me if the doctor had ever discussed secondary infertility with me and that totally threw me for a loop. Even though it's been less than a year she said something is definitely going on that isn't quite where it should be and I really need to follow up with my doc even if she doesn't want to see me until a year, I should be a little more insistent to get looked at.

So needless to say it's been quite a day with lots of emotion and I'm exhausted. I haven't thought too much about TTC so I guess that's a good thing. I'm hoping O day is going to be here in the next week or so. Fingers crossed.

 

[waiting2c]

Hey Kayla that's great that you were able to talk with her and get some insights into what to push your doc for!! When are you seeing yours next?

 

[MrsStutler]

I go back to see her on October 30th unless she can get me in on a cancellation sooner. Today was a really emotional day for some reason. Still no sign of ovulation coming my way. I think this cycle will be kind of worthless, I'm just not feeling it.

 

[MrsStutler]

I think this cycle is going to end up anovulatory. My chart looks like my body tried but failed. Plus poor hubby is burned out on sex. He's so over it. I can't wait until we see the doc. I'm hoping she will do some hormone testing for me and we can figure out where I'm going sideways in these cycles.

 

[Jess19]

hi everyone
Sorry Ive been absent from bnb lately, things are crazy around here only about a month to go now!!

Kayla I hope things straighten out for you soon the uncertain roller coaster ride is no fun

 

[waiting2c]

Wow Jess that isn't long at all!!!

Kayla - sorry that things are not going too well cycle wise, I really hope you can get some answers soon!!

 

[mammag]

Hi all! K I hope you get your cycles figured out. Jess!!! I can't wait til d day!

Afm, I have discovered the wonderful world of spd. The pain is excruciating at times. I just pray I'm lucky enough that it goes away after the baby comes. I have another ultrasound Monday to check on my previa, so fingers crossed it's moved up.

 

[Jess19]

Grace refresh my memory, what is spd?

 

[Jess19]

Wohoo you got your cross hairs Kayla!!!