Traumatic births

[samsugar7]

Simple answer YES!!!!!!

You hear stories about nice wards and a few hours later people are back home with their bundle of joy.

44 hours i was in labour, started about 5pm on sat. Our local ward was packed so i hung on till 9am sunday to go in and get checked out. Contractions coming every 3min and lasting over 60 seconds. I was in and back out 2cm dilated within 30 mins. Was told to go back when they were 90 seconds apart. I hung on till 5pm but i was in agony tried everything in the book but no relief.

Checked out and i was 5cm so they let me stay in. I was planning gas and air possibly the water bath if it was available. Moved out of waiting area and into birthing suite at 7 pm and given gas and air. Managed to get into the pool at 10pm but it just didnt work for me.

Checked out at 1am and the baby's heart rate had dropped but i was 9cm so had a sweep to make 10cm, encouraged to push but no doing i used every ounce of my energy pushing for 90mins and he just kept on going back up the birth canal. So the MW told me that i obviously wasnt doing it right and she would come back in an hour to try again.

She returned at 3.30am and tried again, during the time she was gone the heart rate dropped several times but no one seemed very worried. By this time i was exhausted and in so much pain due to previous back condition so gave in and asked for an epidural. Had the epidural at 5am and slept till 8am, when the next MW came on shift. Encouraged again to push and heart rate dropped again several times, as its supposed to the epidural left me with no feeling so i had no clue if i was pushing right or not at all, very strange experience.

She went on her break at 9am and returned with a trainee at 10.30am tried pushing again and heart rate dropped, suddenly the MW and trainee left the room not a word just up and left within 2 mins the room was full of people and equipment my epidural was turned down so suddenly i felt everything and this 6ft something huge black doctor was putting my legs in stirrups holding a knife. My OH had to ask 10 times what was going on before we got an answer, i was utterly terrified and clueless.

It turns out that the cord was wrapped twice round his neck which is why his heart rate dropped everytime i pushed - i was strangling him. It was the trainee that put the two together. Lo was born at 12.37pm with the help of Doctor and MW both with a set of forceps and scalpel. At 1.37pm after 28 stitches and a lot of blood clean up i finally had my first hold. In all the time in hospital not once was OH offered a drink and there was only a small stool in my room i think the treatment of OH's in this hospital was discusting, they had to leave the LWard and walk 5 mins to the A&E to buy a drink and then had to ring to get back onto the Lward which was busy so often took 10 - 15 mins.

I cant belive that my labour could have been hours shorter if someone had realised thats why his heart rate was dropping and he was being pulled back into the birth canal. I am so lucky that he survived and horrified by how badly the nurses and MW acted. I know how busy they are and tired but this should have been detected early on and delt with accordingly.

If my scar heals enough for me to be able to have another Vaginal birth (doc says that at the moment even 8 months on it could tare badly and cause deadly bleeding) I dont know where or exactly how i would choose to give birth as a result of this. I dont know if anyone else would consider this really traumatic but it was so scary not knowing that for me and OH it sure was and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.

Im not sure it gets easier but your memory of what happend slowly fades, take it one step at a time and dont be afraid of asking for help it doesnt make you a failure xxx

 

[purpledahlia]

hun if it was traumatic for you and your OH then its classed as a traumatic birth. Theres no guidelines but its left you upset about the way it happened, hope you have a good birth next time x

 

[samsugar7]

hun if it was traumatic for you and your OH then its classed as a traumatic birth. Theres no guidelines but its left you upset about the way it happened, hope you have a good birth next time x

thank you, and there may or may not be a next time. I still get flashbacks so it will be a good few years i think before i would consider it. Sorry you had a traumatic birth its so horrible when you expect at least something like you have read about and it goes horribly wrong.

xx

 

[angelstardust]

Wellington, your DH (or OH) may well have found it as hard as you. My DH was pretty shook up by it. He couldn't enjoy the pregnancy with Amber because he was the one who saw what happened with DS2. In many ways I had it easy, I have no recollection of what happened bar some images when I woke up at points, but he saw it all. He was told to be ready for me to die that I probably wouldn't make it.

The men folk are forgotten about and of course they are men so expected to deal with it.

Take him along to see the GP, encourage him to go on his own. My DH had a long chat with my consultant without me being there, that helped him a lot.

 

[Wellington]

Thanks angelstardust.

I'm pretty aware of how unaware I was of what was going on - if you see what I mean... and hubby is a typical man, who won't go to the doctors even if his arm was hanging off by a thread (he only wound up in A&E becuase he was unconcious and was unable to refuse the ambulance - aparentley - I was unaware of this cause I was so out of it and still in HDU)

I think If I get him to come with me, to support me (rather than for himself - big brave man, that he is) , he might speak out for once about what he saw and his worries...

The only thing he has said to me was that he thought we were going to die and that at any minute he thought he was going to be asked which one of us he wanted to be saved... to choose as it were. Makes me well up just thinking about putting him through that....

Ah well. Onwards and upwards.
I'll keep you posted. Don't actually have a date for the doctors , have to see the midwife first. I can't believe I actually had to ask if a doctors antenatel appointment would be needed - I would have hoped it would be the norm.

 

[angelstardust]

Wellington, you just push for what you need. Ask to speak to your consultant, tell them that you are worried and if your consultant is unhelpful, ask for a new one.

About him having to choose, that doesn't happen. They prioritise the mothers life. We were told that with Amber, if something did happen again, the mother is the patient and the mothers life is more important. Course, as a pregnant woman I was not happy hearing that. As a rational minded individual, I think of my older children and agree. Stuff that goes through your mind eh?

But look at you, viable! Did you do a wee dance?

 

[Wellington]

He hee, yes, a little dance - just to myself!
Viable eh? Makes it feel sooner (obviously becuase it is sooner - doh!)

I think I knew that about any 'choice' but he didn't bless him. Thankfully that crazy ethical dilemma isn't posed to people. Double trauma!

 

[purpledahlia]

aw poor him thinking he would have to choose. that would be quite traumatic for him to think about that *possibly* ever being asked to him.. hope he manages to speak out when he goes with you to the doctor.

I have my 6 week check 2m and im gonna ask her how i go about seeing and getting my notes, then possibly speaking to someone about it all. she mentioned i could speak to a mw who was there.. but im not sure..

 

[cupcake]

I didnt have anything specific in mind for my birth but I feel that the one it was most traumatic on was my baby. I think he was deeply affected by it and needed to be held and close contact all the time for months. Some ppl may think I am crazy thinking this but I dont.
I was induced at 40+3 due to regular procedure where I live for someone with GD, so obviously my body was not ready yet to give birth. I was given petocin which was hell for 7 hours and I only progressed to like 2 cms. I had to be strapped to the bed the whole time cos of the petocin. The epidural was bliss though and I was in labour for a total of 24 hours, I could never have done it without the epidural the petocin was just so strong.
I had to have an assisted delivery wiht vacuum which left sores on my baby's head. I pushed for about 2 hours to get him out and they almost took me for a c section. His heart rate kept dropping if I pushed on one side so I could only be in one position pushing and my epidural had worn off in 1 leg.
My DH was deeply affected by all this, he is still afraid of how it will go this time and so am I. I was resentful for a long time about being induced but at the end of the day I had a baby safely. I went to a good hospital who tried to help me avoid the c section but were only giving me one more push before they would take me, so luckily i got him out on that push.
I know that it could have been more traumatic G-D forbid and to be thankful for what I have.

 

[angelstardust]

It was Granny Weatherwax in Carpe Jugulum (Terry Pratchett) who said to Mrs.Patternoster after attending a birth that went bad, 'You don't like him? You think he's a bad man?' 'Then what's he ever done to me, that I should hurt him so?' after suggested that Granny should ask the husband to choose which to save, mother or child.

It's always stuck out in my mind. It would never be fair to ask a man to make that choice and I'm so glad they don't.

*ramblings from me*

Cupcake, do you have GD this time again?

 

[babynewbie]

Mine was really horrible. I was in labour 17 hours, i got to 10cm was told to push but i nothing was happening, baby was back to back and stuck under my pubic bone. after 4 hours of pushing he hadnt moved and was starting to distress. then my midwife and the head midwife decided to have a row over whether to go for a csection, but head won and she used forceps. however when she did the episotomy she cut me too much but i wasnt aware of this until a long time after. when she was pulling him with the forceps she was pulling so hard she had her foot on the end of my bed and i was sliding down it - my mum and oh had to hold me up. THE worst, most painful feeling in my entire life and i will never ever get that out of my head. i generally thought that me and him were going to die - the force she had to use i couldnt see how his head could take it, i was hysterical and screaming so much my mum (who was a nurse and can stand any amount of gore/trauma) had to go out of the room for 5 minutes coz she couldnt stand it. but thank god he was fine apart from a very bruised head and a small cut.

because of the cut i bled massively, at one point i was laying down and my oh said he could see blood pouring through the bed and rushed to get the midwifes. iwas in and out of conciousness, so much so i only really remember him being put on my chest then thats it until about 4/5 hours later. they were so concerned about me they didnt even check or weigh archie til 3 hours after!!

i ended up staying in hospital for 2 weeks and had 4 blood transfusions as my blood count had halved, and then i got an infection in my stitches. then to top it off when i went for my 6 week check, the doc told me she had stitched one wrong my skin had healed over it but reacted badly to it and its got to be re-cut and re-stitched!!!

when i think about the whole thing it makes me so upset. the day my son was born and i dont even want to remember it but ive been told that if i have another baby (and thats a big IF) then i would definitely be allowed a c-section. but to be honest as much as i love archie and he is the single best thing in my world, its really quite traumatised me that i dont think i want anymore!