My whole pregnancy was traumatic and not at all what I'd hoped for. After three losses I'd looked forward to enjoying my pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet my little one.
I'd been alking a lot to build up stamina, my epilepsy was under reasonable control, and we planned a home water-hypno birth.
4 months in I had dsp, seizures had gone astronomically bad, and I was told I had pre-eclampsia. By the end of my 5th month I was in a wheelchair, had developed gestational diabetes, and oedema so bad I couldn't even bend my knees.
7 and a half months I developed swelling and major pain in genital area and was told it was a bartholins abscess.
8 months I was in hospital in severe agony, I couldn't move an inch without screaming.
It turned out that the swelling (which by now was 3 swellings, each the size of a tennis ball) was actually pooled blood due to constriction of abdominal veins preventing blood flow up to my heart.
A few days later I had a complete placental abruption and an emergency c-section with an epidural that although helped tremendously, in no way took away all the pain.
I then found out if they'd left the c-section till the next day as they'd planned to, we wouldn't have survived the night as I had tremendous internal bleeding due to the abruption and next to no blood getting up to my heart.
After the birth I was left in pain frequently by night staff who refused to help me when needed or to administer pain relief when it was due. At one point I was left for 3 and a half hours in agony despite the fact I was meant to have morphine topped up every 4 hours due to all the pain I was in with everything that had happened.
I got no support for breast feeding or expressing and have ended up formula feeding as a result which I really didn't want to do - not that there's anything wrong with it, just that after everything I thought it would be essential to build up that bond between us. Luckily we are still bomding very well
I was reccommended to stay in hospital over christmas and preferably new year, but was so unhappy with the care I was recieving I insisted on going home on Christmas eve so I could at least be at home with my partner where I knew I would at least be taken care of.
With everything that has happened I have been completely put off of having any more children, yet I am so thankful I have my gorgeous little Ruby. She was worth every moment of pain I had and still have.
I hated the whole experience, but I love being a mummy, and I feel lucky that we both survived.
Ruby is and always will be my miracle baby xxx