Trying to conceive #1 Buddies!

[Erin6714]

Morning Ladies. So, AF showed up after all in the wee hours of the morning. I was 2 days late and already starting to get excited (though I was trying not to) and now I'm sitting at work trying really hard not to cry. I know it's only month #2 but this sucks! And its so strange because the whole time I'm waiting to find out there's this huge part of me that is so terrified of actually getting a BFP despite how badly I want it, that I don't even realize how much I DO want it until that moment that I know without a doubt that that I'm not, and your heart just sinks to the floor.

And DH simply CAN NOT understand how that feels. He could tell something was wrong and I told him it was nothing, but he always drags it out of me. So I told him I started and that I had been 2 days late so it was a major bummer. And he says he's sorry, but really I can tell he's relieved. So, I told him as much and he insisted that he was still sorry for my sake. Which, really doesn't help because I want him to upset about it too! I mean, I know he wants it to happen for us someday, he just doesn't understand all the fears that start piling up the longer it takes whether he'd be okay with it happening later or not. Because what if when he is ready, it still wont happen?? He doesn't get to carry that thought around every day for the next month...I do.

 

[Earthylove]

Hi friends!!

I've been mia these days. My internship is trying to kill me, I think
But I'm 7dpo today, woohoo' I'm testing on Sunday or Monday, even though I know that's early..

Erin: Sorry to hear AF showed and DH isn't quite where you are. That's got to be hard I hate that feeling of realizing this whole time after all that hoping and excitement, it wasn't the cycle. It's really devistating, as I'm sure the other ladies will agree. Go ahead and give yourself the time you need to process and remember that with each new cycle there's a new chance!

 

[psychochick]

Erin, really sorry to hear

You know, it's usually the worst when you first start, especially when you really want it. It was worse for me the first two months, because I am a planner so when I started trying, I was 100% ready and pumped to have it right NOW. I know it could take a while but I've always gotten what I wanted as long as I worked for it so I thought for sure it'd happen as long as we timed things right and I was crushed when I got BFNs. For the first few cycles even when AF started, I would think oh maybe it's not actually AF, it's just late implantation.

But it gets better over time (which hopefully you won't even need because hopefully you'll get BFP soon.) I used to have the same fear as you: what if this just can't happen for us? But then I got on this forum and saw so many ladies trying for a while and finally getting it and realized it's not supposed to be that easy. Additionally, it's more important to wait for the right time for the best and strongest egg/sperm to have a healthy baby, than it is to get pregnant right away.

I know you feel like you can't share your worries with your DH but that's what we're here for I think you should just tell him your fears and have him see what this is doing to you. I know you don't want to put that extra pressure on him, but it's the healthier thing to do for you, your relationship, and probably better for TTC if you're not stressed out by yourself

 

[Erin6714]

Erin, really sorry to hear

I know you feel like you can't share your worries with your DH but that's what we're here for I think you should just tell him your fears and have him see what this is doing to you. I know you don't want to put that extra pressure on him, but it's the healthier thing to do for you, your relationship, and probably better for TTC if you're not stressed out by yourself

Thank you psychochick. Thank you to all the support really. DH and I have been texting throughout the day and he essentially told me the same thing lol. I told him I was afraid to show him how upset I really was because he doesn't want to hear it right now and he told me he doesn't care if its about baby stuff or not he wants me to talk to him when I'm this upset. He really is a great guy and a great listener, just like any guy though he sort of freezes up when this topic gets brought up, but he loves me more than he's scared of having a baby. I forget that sometimes. When you're still technically a newlywed, even though we know each other inside and out, theres still that fear of "what if this is just too big. what if we can't handle having a baby? what if this breaks us?" so you tread lightly and cautiously even though you KNOW you can talk to each other about ANYTHING.

My mood is still riding the struggle bus though and AF is beating me black and blue from the inside out which is not helping because I just feel like poop. The girls at work are trying hard to distract me, they're very sweet about it. I think once I get a chance to go home and sleep for a good 12 hours I'll feel better.

 

[MagicDance]

Hi friends!!

I've been mia these days. My internship is trying to kill me, I think
But I'm 7dpo today, woohoo' I'm testing on Sunday or Monday, even though I know that's early..

Erin: Sorry to hear AF showed and DH isn't quite where you are. That's got to be hard I hate that feeling of realizing this whole time after all that hoping and excitement, it wasn't the cycle. It's really devistating, as I'm sure the other ladies will agree. Go ahead and give yourself the time you need to process and remember that with each new cycle there's a new chance!

There is no such thing as early Okaaay there is! But still..
Fingers crossed.

 

[MagicDance]

Morning Ladies. So, AF showed up after all in the wee hours of the morning. I was 2 days late and already starting to get excited (though I was trying not to) and now I'm sitting at work trying really hard not to cry. I know it's only month #2 but this sucks! And its so strange because the whole time I'm waiting to find out there's this huge part of me that is so terrified of actually getting a BFP despite how badly I want it, that I don't even realize how much I DO want it until that moment that I know without a doubt that that I'm not, and your heart just sinks to the floor.

And DH simply CAN NOT understand how that feels. He could tell something was wrong and I told him it was nothing, but he always drags it out of me. So I told him I started and that I had been 2 days late so it was a major bummer. And he says he's sorry, but really I can tell he's relieved. So, I told him as much and he insisted that he was still sorry for my sake. Which, really doesn't help because I want him to upset about it too! I mean, I know he wants it to happen for us someday, he just doesn't understand all the fears that start piling up the longer it takes whether he'd be okay with it happening later or not. Because what if when he is ready, it still wont happen?? He doesn't get to carry that thought around every day for the next month...I do.

I think every lady ttc can relate to this very easily. It does suck but like all the other girls said We have one anothers backs and we pick each other up when we are having low days / cycles and believe us when we say sadly we all do too often. How youre feeling is completely normal.
I go through the same with my Hubby sometimes and its usually down to him just not thinking straight or sensitively enough about the situation. (He bought me my lady things once thinking he was being helpful. I was due on but had not come on yet..I saw red and we ended up arguing but afterwards I was completely honest and told him everything about how I was feeling. Sometimes you do just have to explain and get things off your chest. Of course they dont know exactly what its like its not their body that blatantly indicates you failed that cycle. Im on cycle 10 and it does get easier you will be pleased to know )

Its really difficult but staying positive and using this place for friendship and support will help keep you sane, All the best on your journey

 

[MKaykes]

Sorry Erin! As the other ladies said, we can all relate! I would agree with Psychochick about it getting better with time too. Our first 3 months of BCPs I wasn't really trying so I didn't think I would care, but even then I got very upset. After a few months it gets easier, but still a disappointment, and hopefully for your sake you don't have to wait a few months for a BFP!

AFM I'm still waiting to confirm O...I had a clearly pos OPK 2 days ago, then a negative, and then back to a equaly/pos OPK and still no temp rise...hoping tomorrow temp goes up! I guess we'll just keep BD'ing until it does, hopefully we don't get too tired, good thing the weekend is here

Hope everyone has great, relaxing days planned over the weekend to relieve the stress of life and TTC!

 

[Trr]

This thread has gone a little quiet so I'm starting it back up again.

I want updates people!

I'm 4dpo. Temp still high. This being my 4th cycle I feel like my crazies have calmed down a little bit. Previously I had convinced myself and my body that I was pregnant so every single symptom I had was a pregnancy symptom.

Hoping that I'm a little more logical this time around.

 

[lvksa]

Just finished all the final exams for this term at the uni. The girls get a little break for a week and a half, but us teachers have to be in the office. It is good to get out of the house though.

I'm feeling a bit down. BD'd 5 days in a row last week hoping to catch O. DH was feeling ill on Sat so nothing happened. Had EWCM that night (although temp was up that morning). Next morning it dropped. DH still wasn't feeling well, so lost another day. Temp did go back up a little bit this morning, but so far no real signs of O or confirmation rather.

I know its way to early to count myself out, but I think it feels like that was a lot of work last week and perhaps a lost cause after skipping two days that seem to be important. Also feeling sensitive as DH will be traveling next month so no real chances then.

Anyways, sorry for such a down post. This is probably why I haven't checked in lately.

 

[lesondemavie]

Hi Erin,

I'm new here, but I can definitely relate. My DH just wants to know yes or no each month and then acts totally disinterested the rest of the time. I think it's his way of managing his expectations. What a luxury right?!?! I think it's different for us simply because our bodies go through so many changes each month (esp since before I was on bcp and didn't have to deal with any of this) - not to mention pregnancy being a huge unknown change that we're anticipating. For him, nothing is really different until I'm pregnant. I get it...but it is a bit lonely. Hopefully the support here will help . I just had what might have been IB last night at 8 dpo...AF due Wednesday (my luteal phase is on the short end)...fingers crossed.

 

[beemeck]

hi girls!

I've missed you all - I've actually been wiped out sick for the past few days. Bad cold - sore throat, sinuses and even a fever, ugh! Everyone is saying it's a good sign that my immune system is down but I think it's just too early. I am still very hopeful though even though I tried to tell myself I wouldn't be. I hate the heartbreak every month.

SO and I talked about it the other night. He keeps saying I'm pregnant (like he does every TWW) and rubbing/talking to my stomach. I told him that this makes it harder for me when AF shows up because since he acts so convinced, I feel like I have to tell him that we lost the imaginary baby. I told him how I've felt like I'm letting him down month after month, since it's my body that AF greets, it's always me having to tell him bad news. He got it after awhile and has not talked about anything baby related since. It's actually been such a relief. The TWW is easier for me without all of his pressure and expectations. I'm sorry that now he has no one to talk to about it (like I have BNB) but it's really taken a lot of stress off of me with him not breathing down my neck. I know I should appreciate his role in all of this, it's just been too much. And I'm fragile about the situation after what happened with my last pregnancy.

psychochick - what's going on girl?! testing???

who else is in the TWW? last month we were all synced up - earthy? super? where are you girls??

 

[psychochick]

Hi everyone :wave:

ivksa: I know it is frustrating trying to catch that O. Mine was late by one day this cycle and I was already stressed out when I didn't see the +opk as usual on CD12. And then when I got the +opk, DH was tired from all the BD and I got annoyed :X Not his fault at all but it's just frustrating that it all comes down to those couple of days and one thing or another still ends up popping up.

beemeck: sorry about the sickness. It could be a good sign but I'm with you on the not reading too much into it. If it's a good sign you'll know soon enough anyways Hope you feel better though. And it's great that you've talked to your DH and I totally get you. My DH doesn't talk about babies but sometimes my parents would mention pregnancy related topics. I know they're trying to be helpful but it just reminds me again to think about it.

Yeap tested 10DPO BFN. On 12DPO now but temp not looking wonderful. AF isn't starting yet but starting to feel it creeping up But I'm hoping that if she does show, to show on wednesday and not earlier. I used to have 27 day cycles for years and years and ever since starting TTC it's been 24-26 days and I'm hoping it means something was a little out of wack before and it's finally coming back to "normal" again.

Good luck on the other ladies in TWW

 

[beemeck]

aw man - when is one of us going to get our break? sheesh. When I start feeling like AF is imminent, I want the witch to show up asap so I can get a new cycle started, but logically you are right. Would be great for a longer luteal phase in general and for your cycles to be normalizing. I almost always have a 14 day LP so I know I wouldn't really want to mess with that since that could mean bigger problems. since my cervical ectopic, my cramping has been starting at 9-10DPO (even though LP stays 14 days) so I guess I'll know even before I start testing. Of course if I have the cramps I'll test anyway I guess the silver lining for you PC is that you have shorter cycles aka faster O times! I always try to find some good each month

 

[Trr]

That is the one benefit. I have 26 day cycles and I o usually day 13 so if I don't get a positive on 12 dpo with a frer then I usually wait it out for Af.

 

[MKaykes]

Hi Ladies - I think I've finally reached the TWW, a bit later than usual. CD22, and I think I finally O'd on CD20 even though I had a pos OPK CD 17, but again on CD 19 too. Was hoping to test or get AF out of the way this cycle by Nov 4, but looks like I'll be waiting another few days, so time to wait.

beemeck: good choice to talk it out with SO on how you are feeling. It seems so easy for them on the other side. DH asks like every day after we DTD, are you pregnant, and of course I get all technical and start explaining how it doesn't just happen right away. He hates my negativity about it, every month I pretty much tell him I'm probably not. I keep my expectations low. I'm sure he is disappointed with AF arrives but nothing like we get. We get so in tune to our bodies, I think we spend that whole 2 weeks analyzing everything that is happening!

psychochick - good luck! I wouldn't say your temps are looking bad, a couple degrees could easily be external factors, but, if you are like me - it is easier to set yourself up for a BFN at this point and be shocked with a BFP rather than the other way around!

 

[beemeck]

yay for the TWW - Even though it's such a gut wrenching time, it's wait we are waiting for all month long anyway

sounds like you def can relate with me! and your DH sounds a lot like mine. every little thing I do in the TWW gets an eyebrow raise from him. like oh - that burp - must be the baby...

I try my hardest every month to convince myself that I'm NOT pregnant. just because there is no harm with that - if I get a pleasant surprise that would just be wonderful. but alas, I can never succeed. Timing is always perfect, LP is always long, I'm always secretly, deep down convinced that I'm pregnant. sigh. halfway through the TWW here....

 

[supergongjoo]

@beemeck i am also officially in the tww! Ive been out though I suddenly broke out in a rash all over my body.( not really itchy just small raised bumps) It happened 1dpo and its made me really out of it. Heading to the doc's this week to see what caused it.

I try to convince myself im not preggo every month too. every pinch every pain i get a spark of hope that i try my hardest to crush and ignore. it makes it a lot easier for when AF arrives.

 

[MagicDance]

Trr - Sorry I have been catching up on sleep But im ready to rock Im ovulating woop woops.

Mkaykes - Welcome to the wait again. (Im cd19) I think we were similar last time. Good Luck this cycle.

Beemeck - I hope you feel better lovely Our times will come soon enough, your partner sounds a lot like mine too. (I feel so mean because he can do no right sometimes hes either far too eager or too relaxed and I try and stress there is a happy medium )

Super- That is so odd! Hope your appointment goes well and you get to find out what thats all about Keep us posted.

Psycho- Crossing my fingers the witch stays away we dont want annnny this Halloween do we girls!

lvksa - Hang in there! Wowza you should be feeling mega happy with Bding down 5 days That is no way a lost cause and you still have a chance.
I know its frustrating when youre actually Ovulating (I myself like to go atleast 2-3 more days) but im sure there is plenty potential swimmers on the journey so just keep your fingers crossed. Every cycle cant be perfect so dont be hard on yourself.

 

[lesondemavie]

Sadly it wasn't IB. Looks like AF just arrived 3 days early this cycle, but without all the cramping. That means that my luteal phase was only 7 days! 3 months in and this is the first time I'm in tears. I'm so worried that my luteal phase just isn't long enough (reason unknown). We'll see if it lengthens back up next cycle, but I can't say that I'm hopeful. Wish I could just go in to see if I need help now...but we have at least three more months of trying. Hopefully it's not three more months of disappointment. How do you deal with this month after month?

 

[Trr]

Sadly it wasn't IB. Looks like AF just arrived 3 days early this cycle, but without all the cramping. That means that my luteal phase was only 7 days! 3 months in and this is the first time I'm in tears. I'm so worried that my luteal phase just isn't long enough (reason unknown). We'll see if it lengthens back up next cycle, but I can't say that I'm hopeful. Wish I could just go in to see if I need help now...but we have at least three more months of trying. Hopefully it's not three more months of disappointment. How do you deal with this month after month?

I personally don't get my hopes up. 4th cycle for me.
i feel your pain. I have a normal cycle, a normal luteal phase, bd at all the right times and still nothing. Always waiting.