Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[innerlaner]

AF came 5 days early!! I have standard 28 day cycles to begin with, so cutting out a whole week pretty much guarantees I won't be pregnant that cycle. OMFG, it's so annoying.

That truly sucks. Sorry.

 

[horseypants]

my cycle is making no sense and everyone else is having their babies now - right before what was supposed to be my due date if i had not had a miscarriage. at work, some lady who hates me had to bring it up at a meeting. yay, we're all so happy for them. biotch.

 

[horseypants]

my cycle is making no sense and everyone else is having their babies now - right before what was supposed to be my due date. at work, some lady who hates me had to bring it up at a meeting. yay, we're all so happy for them. biotch.

 

[AlyCon]

Although i would (obviously) prefer NOT to be asked if im pregnant on a regular basis, i do understand that people WILL ask because they dont understand that for some people, even young newlyweds, infertility IS a problem and a very touchy subject! However, if these people are going to inquire about such a thing what they DO need to understand that there is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between asking

"Are you pregnant?"

and

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

The first is a simple question, cut and dry. Like i said i would prefer not to be asked at all but if you're going to ask, just keep it simple and ask! Now the second one, i have a MAJOR problem with!! The second type of question usually comes from people who are not only ignorant and rude, but the people who ask this way are also the judgmental, disapproving, "you're too young," "live your life first" (whatever the hell that means) people! Unfortunately both of our mothers are in this category!

First of all, its no one else's business anyway! but there's something about that second question that pisses me off to a whole new level! It just seems so negative, like they're hoping i say no! and i just don't like the tone of voice they use either. like the way they say is like if i was pregnant the world would stop spinning and everyone would die! you know they say it like they're asking "You're not a serial killer, are you?" do you see what i mean now?

and it hurts so much because every time i say "no i'm not pregnant" i already feel defeated. but to have to say no to the judgmental people it makes me feel even worse like they're winning and i'm losing! i wish people could realize that words can and do hurt!

anyone else ever been asked that question like that?

 

[stillwishingx]

I love this thread. I really do, i never thought i'd find people who feel the same way i do...

I'm getting married in three months, and these questions of 'will you try right off?' or the simple everyone thinks i'm already pregnant because we're getting married so young! just please shut up!! I can't even get a simple hair cut without hearing these questions..
I guess it all has just cut a little deeper this week seeing as af showed up five days early! nothing is working, and i just feel like giving up..

thank you for letting me vent! this just isn't a topic to share with friends..

 

[MackMomma8]

I love this thread. I really do, i never thought i'd find people who feel the same way i do...

I'm getting married in three months, and these questions of 'will you try right off?' or the simple everyone thinks i'm already pregnant because we're getting married so young! just please shut up!! I can't even get a simple hair cut without hearing these questions..
I guess it all has just cut a little deeper this week seeing as af showed up five days early! nothing is working, and i just feel like giving up..

thank you for letting me vent! this just isn't a topic to share with friends..

Between that and Thanksgiving, this week could disappear and I wouldn't be sad AT ALL. The holiday season sucks if you're childless. I was having a convo with my bestie the other day, and I'll admit I was being a Scrooge about the holiday season (which I've never really liked) and she said "Well, it's all about the kids! So don't get so wrapped up in yourself about it." Um.... What?

 

[babymabey]

All I want to do is scream and cry and lay in bed. 2 weeks ago I had my second miscarriage in 4 months and all I see ANYWHERE are commercials for pregnancy tests and OPK's, baby clothes, diapers, a news story about a photographer in my area who will document your whole pregnancy and the first two years of your babies life. All I want to do is get my mind off of all these problems yet the universe is shoving it in my face. I log onto Facebook and see baby announcements, pics of newborns, pics of growing bellies.

I am a stay at home wife so I have nothing but time to obsess over why my body hates me, and why it has not only taken over a year TTC, but both times I was able to conceive they ended in a miscarriage. I think about things I may have done wrong, things I should have done differently and things I would have changed. I only have you ladies to talk too because we don't want anyone in the family to know that we are trying (We get enough personal probing questions as it is. I mean I am 26 and my mom keeps telling me I am an F*ing moron and getting to old, if I don't have kids soon I will lose my chance) and I don't want to burden my DH or my doctor with this growing depression.

I just don't know what to do anymore. It is to the point where most of the time when I am home alone I just want to sit on the couch and cry. I pretend to be happy when we are around family, or even if it is just me and my husband because I don't want him to know how unhappy I am because it's not him making me unhappy, it is me and my growing hatred for my broken body. I eat healthy, I take my prenatals,thyroid meds, B6 vitamins, baby aspirin, and Metformin religiously. I don't smoke, I don't drink I just don't understand what is going on with my body.

 

[MackMomma8]

I mean I am 26 and my mom keeps telling me I am an F*ing moron and getting to old, if I don't have kids soon I will lose my chance) and I don't want to burden my DH or my doctor with this growing depression.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Your doctor should be the first one you tell about your depression. You should never, ever feel like your doctor is judging you. If you do, then it's time to find a new doctor, ASAP.

I'm sorry about your losses. TTC after a loss takes on a whole new meaning, and comes with a whole different range of emotions, especially when you're TTC#1. It's okay to be sad and angry and all that - but it's also important to remember that the right people can help you both physically and mentally.

 

[ChartsNHearts]

Your doctor should be the first one you tell about your depression. You should never, ever feel like your doctor is judging you. If you do, then it's time to find a new doctor, ASAP

I agree with this. Please look after yourself

 

[ReynoldsV]

Oh goodness! I am so overjoyed to find this thread. I probably should have looked harder, considering it was at the top of the thread I am in almost 90% of the time. Silly me! anyway, here goes my rant.

These are the things I have heard from tons of people in the last 7 and a half months;

"Why aren't you pregnant yet?"
"When is the baby coming?"
"When will you grace us with the presence of a baby?"
"Why is it taking you so long?"

As if I could actually answer all of those. My family just assumed me and my DH were TTC so they didn't even think to ask if we actually were. They just all assumed that since we got married, we would start trying right away.

We did start trying, but we kept it silent. Then the questions started pouring out. ANNOYING. It hurts, especially because everyone in my family seems to have 100 eggs in line waiting to catch the first sperm that swims up. Seriously. Someone is always pregnant around me. It drives me crazy. I am so happy for them, but at the same time, SO jealous.

The worst part is that after we started accepting the fact that we were in fact TTC, people started this beautiful set of comments:

"Stop stressing or it wont happen."
"It will happen when you least expect it."
"Maybe God doesn't think you are ready."
"Do _____ and do _____, it will help." (most of the time coming from people who have never been pregnant )
"Well maybe if you stop thinking about it, something will happen."
"You are too young, don't ruin your life so early."

The last one makes me FURIOUS! They talk about children like they are some sort of curse and life ruiners. Children are difficult, but that's part of the journey. I seriously hate when people act like having a child makes your life doomed. Yes, it changes your life, but it means that you are no longer in charge of just one person. You are in charge of another one. Someone to raise to be better than the person you were, someone to bring you smiles, someone to learn some valuable life lessons with, but most importantly, someone who will show you the meaning of unconditional love.

I wish all people saw children the way I do, and most (if not all) the ladies on this forum. Maybe the world would be a better place.

There is my rant for the day. It feels good.

 

[babybemine]

Sucks that everyone can be soooo insensitive.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

I'm so sick of all the bullshit in my life.

I hate that I've been trying for almost a year without any sign of a BFP.

I hate that I've been bleeding since September.

I hate that I am so insanely jealous of all the other pregnant women and women with babies.

I hate that I don't have friends who understand how I'm feeling.

I try to keep the faith that it will happen one day, but why do all these bad things happen when I try so hard to be a good person?

I'm so sick of feeling like this that I just want to scream.

 

[innerlaner]

I'm so sick of all the bullshit in my life.

I hate that I've been trying for almost a year without any sign of a BFP.

I hate that I've been bleeding since September.

I hate that I am so insanely jealous of all the other pregnant women and women with babies.

I hate that I don't have friends who understand how I'm feeling.

I try to keep the faith that it will happen one day, but why do all these bad things happen when I try so hard to be a good person?

I'm so sick of feeling like this that I just want to scream.

You've been bleeding since September? Nonstop? That's a concern!!!
Most of the ladies on this page knows exactly how you're feeling. I came on here to vent about my stupid body. I got excited because I made it to 15 DPO but the pregnancy test shows a big clear NEGATIVE -- not even a faint positive. This is my 52nd cycle -- over 4 years -- and I've NEVER seen a faint positive. My husband and I introduced two friends, who dated, got married and their 1st child is now 18 months -- all the while we're still working on our first. I hate my body.

 

[Livya]

Hiya, great to get a chance to vent. So sorry to see so many of you/ us in the same or similar situation.
Have been TTC for over a year now, and although "everything" should be ok (well, I was told so, but could one ever be sure??) - fact is, it's just not happening. Getting really worried and stressed about it now. The worst bit is, everyone keeps telling me I should relax and not think about and then it surely will happen. BUT how is this going to work when you are surrounded by pregnant women at work - all day long having to listen to pregnancy and baby talk - I just can't escape it. It's absolutely horrible. I want to clear my mind, I want to relax, I want to stop thinking about it, but it's just everywhere around me. It's going to take months until the last one of my colleagues is going off on maternity leave (I'm sure someone else will get pregnant by then and it's going to take even longer!!) - by that point the first one will be back and the talk about babies is just not going to stop. I even started looking for a new job, just to escape this environment. And then there are the long walks to and from work, with so much time to think... It's driving me crazy. I've started going to the gym, and feel that it's killing some of the pressure and stress, but only temporarily. A few months ago there were a few of us talking about TTC - some had been trying for a really long time (3-4 years). Now they are ALL pregnant, apart from me... I feel I can't even talk about it anymore. It's really suffocating me. Just want to cry or scream.

 

[flagirlie7]

I agree I hate my body! I can't escape the thoughts no matter how hard I try - going to the beach this weekend, you see all the families and I can't stop thinking how easy it was probably for them... People telling me to relax need to relax themselves, I did that for the whole first year and nothing! It's time to be proactive now. Done with sitting on my butt!! I don't understand how I can be doing everything right yet nothing happens.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

You've been bleeding since September? Nonstop? That's a concern!!!
Most of the ladies on this page knows exactly how you're feeling. I came on here to vent about my stupid body. I got excited because I made it to 15 DPO but the pregnancy test shows a big clear NEGATIVE -- not even a faint positive. This is my 52nd cycle -- over 4 years -- and I've NEVER seen a faint positive. My husband and I introduced two friends, who dated, got married and their 1st child is now 18 months -- all the while we're still working on our first. I hate my body.

Yes, and I have surgery scheduled for December 4. I have lost so much blood and am so fatigued that I feel practically hysterical.

I'm really sorry that you got a BFN and that you've never had a BFP in four years. Have you been to a doctor?

 

[IzzyNC]

I am too surrounded by baby talk non stop at work...not only do I work with babies, but I work with 100 other women - there are constantly groups of pregnant girls, girls out on maternity leave, and girls just getting back from maternity leave. There were a couple long term TTC'ers that I would talk to a bunch, but they are now pregnant, one with twins. I'm so sick of this consuming my thoughts and there are days where I just want to give up! One of my college girlfriends who used to swear off marriage and babies is now 20 weeks pregnant - how is that fair?? UGH!!!

 

[innerlaner]

IzzyNC - I wish I can give you a hug. I made it to 15 DPO but AF arrived on day 16. Just got off the phone with my new doctor to start my 4th IVF cycle (3 failed with previous). I haven't had a faint positive and I would gladly take a miscarriage over negatives! How desperate is that? We bought a home in a great school district and so far, we've only been contributing to the education of the children in the township through high taxes .. but get no help from them for IVF treatments. I told my husband that if I don't get a baby by age 40, I'm selling and getting a cheap apartment.

 

[innerlaner]

Fizzyfefe - I hope your doctor appointment go well. Nearly 3 months of bleeding is terrible.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

Fizzyfefe - I hope your doctor appointment go well. Nearly 3 months of bleeding is terrible.

Thank you. I have everything crossed that your IVF cycle works this time.