Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[Pink Petals]

My vent is people asking me when I am going to be pregnant. If only they knew that we have been trying so hard and that I am struggling TTC...

And some tool at work keeps putting baby stuff in my mailbox. Every time I find something, it breaks my heart. I know that whoever does it has good intentions, but it kills me every time. Wish I could find out who it is, but I don't want to tell people at work that I am TTC...

 

[BrollyDolly]

Even the BBC weather lady is pregnant! I can't escape pregnant people!!

 

[Pink Petals]

Some people say "well you can always just adopt." And this bothers me greatly. First of all "just" and "adopt" should never be in the same sentence. These are human beings we are talking about. And adoption is a much more difficult process than some people think. Secondly, just because a person struggles with fertility, doesn't mean that adoption is right for them. It may be or it may not be. And if their hearts are not fully open to the idea of raising someone else's child, then it would be unfair to the child to proceed. And it angers me that some people find it selfish when infertile couples turn to expensive procedures rather than adopting. Infertile people want their own babies for the same reasons that fertile people do and are are no more selfish than them for pursuing that path!

Yet another example of something someone says to someone who is TTC, without realizing how insensitive it is (and actually they probably think it is helpful)... But I wish I could say "IF I decide that adoption is right for us, I will let you know, but until then, please do not bring it up, because that is a decision that nobody should take lightly."

 

[Ayjay]

I am soooooo upset today. My best friend has just discovered her 15 year old daughter, yes, 15 year old daughter, is pregnant. Its not fair!

 

[Sbmack]

Perhaps this is insensitive of me to say, but I am freaking tired of women TTC #2 or #3 complaining about not being able to "complete their family." I understand that TTC can be a trying journey for anyone, whether they have no children, just one, or freaking 4 but it irks me, just a little! I want to shout "Well at least you have one (or more)" but I know that is rude. Still.....

I try to step outside of myself and realize that women who have been trying for years would look at me and think "You miscarried but at least you got pregnant and have a chance to be pregnant." I can't imagine how hard it is for them, considering I don't have any fertility issues at the moment or that I am aware of.

My other pet peeve today are all these women asking if they are pregnant because their periods are late but they haven't tested. Really????

I totally agree with everything you've said! I haven't miscarried, but I will admit to having those 'at least you know you can get pregnant' thoughts. I feel awful as soon as I have them and don't wish that on anyone or myself, but I just want to know that I can actually concieve. I've 'only' been trying for 9 months so my dr. won't run any tests.

 

[Lorikori]

I swear if another person ask if I'm pregnant I will scream in their face.

I feel better now. Thanks for the thread.

 

[AlyCon]

to my mother:

STOP! STOP! STOP telling me that i dont need a baby right now! STOP telling me to wait to have kids! STOP acting like having a baby is the worst most tragic life ruining thing that could ever happen to me. I am happily married, and financially stable and i dont ask you for a damn thing, so please tell me how you've come to the conclusion that you even have a say in this matter? and for the love of GOD, when people ask ME about MY plans to have kids STOP butting in and cutting me off saying "Shes waiting at least five years for that," because i dont know where the hell you heard that insane idea, and then you have the nerve to add insult to injury by turning to me and saying "Right?" in that annoying uppity fake voice you put on whenever we're around people you feel the need to impress. Because while i might mumble around and change the subject or give some half ass beauty pageant answer at the moment, what i really want to say is "NO! NOT RIGHT! and since everybody feels the need to put my reproductive system in spotlight how about this- i have PCOS and might not be able to have these 'children' of which you speak. so as a matter of fact I AM trying to get pregnant right now, to no avail by the way. and it kills me everyday that my body cant perform the one task it was actually made to do! and ignorant buttholes like you dont make it any easier with your rude questions and assumptions!!"

Very late reply (new to the board and just scrolling through), but oh my god, I know how you feel! I'm so scared to tell my grandma who I am very close to, because I KNOW she would tell me it's a good thing and that I don't need kids, as if that IN ANY WAY would make it better. She acts like having babies is the worst thing in the world.

If i were you i wouldn't tell her or any family like parents or siblings because they will feel like they can say certain things to you and ask inappropriate questions! I know you said you were new but there's plenty of ladies here who told family members (usually its mom or sister) about TTC and have said many times that they regret doing it! I have told a few friends the general "we might be trying soon, we'll see.." type of thing. But only two know the whole story about whats really going on. And they never ask about it, they only talk about it if i bring it up first Which is why i love them!

I often think about telling my mom "I don't care what you think, i'm a married adult and i will have a baby if i want to!" but i wont do it because theres nothing she can do about it anyways so why start all that drama for no reason. She wont know anything until i actually get pregnant (hopefully soon) and its better that way!

Stay strong and dont let the negativity get to you!

 

[m4e]

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bitter toward people who areTTC and have miscarried. I know it's terrible. Maybe I'm an awful person, and I know that that WAS extremely painful for them, and I really feel bad for them, honestly, but at the same time, I can't help thinking, "At least you've BEEN pregnant. At least you know that it's possible." If I finally got pregnant and miscarried, I would be SO heartbroken, but at the same time I would be excited to know that it can actually happen.

 

[MamaTex]

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bitter toward people who areTTC and have miscarried. I know it's terrible. Maybe I'm an awful person, and I know that that WAS extremely painful for them, and I really feel bad for them, honestly, but at the same time, I can't help thinking, "At least you've BEEN pregnant. At least you know that it's possible." If I finally got pregnant and miscarried, I would be SO heartbroken, but at the same time I would be excited to know that it can actually happen.

Funny you say that. I don't take offense to your comment or Sbmack's because it is easy to take being able to get pregnant for granted. You are not a bad person for your thoughts. We all want the same thing!! I read of so many women going through these fertility treatments and going to hell and back to get to the point of conception. It makes my heart break.

I will say that knowing that I can get pregnant was no consolation whatsoever when I miscarried. It sucked ass and if I could change any one thing about what happened it would be to have never gotten pregnant in the first place. I would be frustrated, but at least I wouldn't have had to experience what I experienced. You don't want to know you can get pregnant that way. I wouldn't wish that kind of discovery on anyone.

I am so paranoid about having conception issues now that starting tomorrow I will be ringing my OB to start asking for tests. If he doesn't want to do any, I am going to move on to the next OB. If nothing ends up being wrong, great!! I at least made the attempt to know.

Pet peeve for the day: Trying to talk to my husband about TTC only to have his mind wander. I know TTC talk is boring for you honey, but if you want a baby, you need to pay attention lol

 

[Nazz4]

Do people know you are TTC? OH and I started actively ttc to this month and we have not told anyone bc we are young, we are not married yet (but we are planning to be soon), basically it is kind of a "bad idea" to have kids right now. His parents apparently want us to start having kids. On my side of the family it is pretty much taboo to have kids. My siblings are older than me and pretty much refuse to have kids because they think they ruin your life and you won't have any money. My parents want my siblings to have kids, but they have not said anything to me yet about kids because they probably think I am too young and not married etc etc. I know that it is probably too soon for us to have kids, but I think it is the best thing for us right now and we both really want to. Maybe our biological clocks or whatever are going off idk. I also had 2 MC's which were "surprises" and after losing them I think OH and I just want to make up for that loss. Also OH has testicular fibrosis, which will make his fertility worse and worse with age so we're kind of like "better now than never". On top of that I know my parents are on their way to becoming angels and they don't have any grandchildren, I would really like to give them that, and maybe even that joy would help them live longer. I wish our family could know what we're up to, but I guess they will just have to wait for the BFP. Anyone else in similar boat?

 

[babymabey]

to my mother:

STOP! STOP! STOP telling me that i dont need a baby right now! STOP telling me to wait to have kids! STOP acting like having a baby is the worst most tragic life ruining thing that could ever happen to me. I am happily married, and financially stable and i dont ask you for a damn thing, so please tell me how you've come to the conclusion that you even have a say in this matter? and for the love of GOD, when people ask ME about MY plans to have kids STOP butting in and cutting me off saying "Shes waiting at least five years for that," because i dont know where the hell you heard that insane idea, and then you have the nerve to add insult to injury by turning to me and saying "Right?" in that annoying uppity fake voice you put on whenever we're around people you feel the need to impress. Because while i might mumble around and change the subject or give some half ass beauty pageant answer at the moment, what i really want to say is "NO! NOT RIGHT! and since everybody feels the need to put my reproductive system in spotlight how about this- i have PCOS and might not be able to have these 'children' of which you speak. so as a matter of fact I AM trying to get pregnant right now, to no avail by the way. and it kills me everyday that my body cant perform the one task it was actually made to do! and ignorant buttholes like you dont make it any easier with your rude questions and assumptions!!"

Very late reply (new to the board and just scrolling through), but oh my god, I know how you feel! I'm so scared to tell my grandma who I am very close to, because I KNOW she would tell me it's a good thing and that I don't need kids, as if that IN ANY WAY would make it better. She acts like having babies is the worst thing in the world.

If i were you i wouldn't tell her or any family like parents or siblings because they will feel like they can say certain things to you and ask inappropriate questions! I know you said you were new but there's plenty of ladies here who told family members (usually its mom or sister) about TTC and have said many times that they regret doing it! I have told a few friends the general "we might be trying soon, we'll see.." type of thing. But only two know the whole story about whats really going on. And they never ask about it, they only talk about it if i bring it up first Which is why i love them!

I often think about telling my mom "I don't care what you think, i'm a married adult and i will have a baby if i want to!" but i wont do it because theres nothing she can do about it anyways so why start all that drama for no reason. She wont know anything until i actually get pregnant (hopefully soon) and its better that way!

Stay strong and dont let the negativity get to you!

I am one of those people. I told my mother that we were TTC and I completely regret it, to the point that I lied and told her we decided to put it off so she would leave me alone about it. Every time I talked to her she would ask if I had started my period, or if I had ovulated, basically she was just getting WAY to personal with me about it. Then when I told her we decided to wait, she told me I was old (I am 26) and f*ing stupid, I need to get pregnant as soon as possible or my ovaries will be too old to produce eggs. It has been about 4 months and she just barely let up about it because I went off on her. She told me "I don't understand, why don't you just talk to me", I replied with "I do talk to you, you just don't know how to listen". Telling her we were TTC ruined my relationship with her because of the pure hostility she showed to me during that time. I used to talk to her everyday, now I avoid her for as long as possible because I am terrified that she will bring it up. What she doesn't know is that I have had 2 miscarriages since August, and even if she did know, she would find a way to make it about her like she did with one I had over a year ago. I asked her not to tell anyone and she blabbed about it to everyone in my home town.

To make a long story a little longer. Take your time when it comes to telling people you are TTC, because not everyone will be happy about it, and the negativity is not good for women when they are TTC because it can mess with cycles and ovulation.

 

[Nazz4]

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bitter toward people who areTTC and have miscarried. I know it's terrible. Maybe I'm an awful person, and I know that that WAS extremely painful for them, and I really feel bad for them, honestly, but at the same time, I can't help thinking, "At least you've BEEN pregnant. At least you know that it's possible." If I finally got pregnant and miscarried, I would be SO heartbroken, but at the same time I would be excited to know that it can actually happen.

I know what you mean, and for good reason. You have to think though that people who MC over and over end up having to get a surrogate mother to carry their baby for them because they can't. How would you feel if in order to have a baby you had to have somebody else carry it and you could not experience pregnancy yourself... and having to explain that to your kid/s in the future... Personally I would rather be infertile and have to do IUI/IVF or drugs. Just sayin'!

 

[m4e]

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bitter toward people who areTTC and have miscarried. I know it's terrible. Maybe I'm an awful person, and I know that that WAS extremely painful for them, and I really feel bad for them, honestly, but at the same time, I can't help thinking, "At least you've BEEN pregnant. At least you know that it's possible." If I finally got pregnant and miscarried, I would be SO heartbroken, but at the same time I would be excited to know that it can actually happen.

I know what you mean, and for good reason. You have to think though that people who MC over and over end up having to get a surrogate mother to carry their baby for them because they can't. How would you feel if in order to have a baby you had to have somebody else carry it and you could not experience pregnancy yourself... and having to explain that to your kid/s in the future... Personally I would rather be infertile and have to do IUI/IVF or drugs. Just sayin'!

I know you're absolutely right. I know that those women's pain is just as awful as mine. But the grass is always greener....

 

[babymabey]

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bitter toward people who areTTC and have miscarried. I know it's terrible. Maybe I'm an awful person, and I know that that WAS extremely painful for them, and I really feel bad for them, honestly, but at the same time, I can't help thinking, "At least you've BEEN pregnant. At least you know that it's possible." If I finally got pregnant and miscarried, I would be SO heartbroken, but at the same time I would be excited to know that it can actually happen.

I know what you mean, and for good reason. You have to think though that people who MC over and over end up having to get a surrogate mother to carry their baby for them because they can't. How would you feel if in order to have a baby you had to have somebody else carry it and you could not experience pregnancy yourself... and having to explain that to your kid/s in the future... Personally I would rather be infertile and have to do IUI/IVF or drugs. Just sayin'!

I know you're absolutely right. I know that those women's pain is just as awful as mine. But the grass is always greener....

I am sorry, I understand that this is a place to vent, but what you are saying is not right. This is coming from a person who has been through 2 miscarriages. That is a pain I would not wish on anyone. I would rather struggle for years then to have to deal with the devastation of another miscarriage. Please, please do not wish that pain on yourself. I was TTC for 8 months before I got my BFP, and for that 8 months I was freaking out that something was wrong. What I would have given to go back to those 8 months back and be happy and not stress and feel like something was wrong with me, had I known what the pain (not just physical, but emotional) was going to feel like, I would have cherished that infertile time.

I understand that this is a forum where we come to talk and not judge, and honestly I am not judging you. I just want to give you my perspective before you go wishing for something that there is no way you want. I am sorry, this will get a little in detail: When I started cramping and then when I peed and there was so much blood on the toilet paper, I stopped breathing, I started shaking and I started bawling. All I could do for 2 days was lay on the couch and cry. Infertility is hard, but again, please don't wish for yourself to go through that pain, because trust me, you never want to go through it.

 

[Nazz4]

I have also had 2 MC's, that is why I said what I did. I think both infertility and MC's are very bad things that nobody should go through. That's really all I can say.

 

[cntrygrl]

My parents know we are TTC and I'm pretty sure his parents know. My mum is absolutely no help what so ever since she never had any fertility issues. No one in my family has. Her advice is "May DH isn't getting off hard enough".... Really mum? I would like to have someone that I could talk to outside of BnB. So you ladies are my support group.

 

[MamaTex]

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bitter toward people who areTTC and have miscarried. I know it's terrible. Maybe I'm an awful person, and I know that that WAS extremely painful for them, and I really feel bad for them, honestly, but at the same time, I can't help thinking, "At least you've BEEN pregnant. At least you know that it's possible." If I finally got pregnant and miscarried, I would be SO heartbroken, but at the same time I would be excited to know that it can actually happen.

I know what you mean, and for good reason. You have to think though that people who MC over and over end up having to get a surrogate mother to carry their baby for them because they can't. How would you feel if in order to have a baby you had to have somebody else carry it and you could not experience pregnancy yourself... and having to explain that to your kid/s in the future... Personally I would rather be infertile and have to do IUI/IVF or drugs. Just sayin'!

I know you're absolutely right. I know that those women's pain is just as awful as mine. But the grass is always greener....

Speaking from experience, the grass is dead and brown!! You do NOT want to find out what I mean by that. You really really really don't.

As far as telling people I am TTC, I am an open person with friends about it but I have not filled my mother in on what I am doing to TTC because:

1) I have never been able to talk about sex or other intimate things with my mother

2) I don't feel like I should share intimate details with my mother

3) She would want me to pray about it, something I don't do

My mother in law is nice and means well, but I have not really talked to her about our TTC journey either. I would rather not have either one of them needle me with questions.

 

[cntrygrl]

My vent for today is that people need to watch how they type. Emotions, facial expressions, and tones are not available through type. So when we do type things can get misconstrued and come off as rude and inconsiderate. For instance mamatexas I wasn't saying you had to share details with your mother. A question was asked if any of us ladies had shared with family or friends if we were TTC. I answered about myself there was no need to go into depth of your reasoning why you didn't share with your mother. I took it as you being snotty towards me because I had.

 

[MamaTex]

My vent for today is that people need to watch how they type. Emotions, facial expressions, and tones are not available through type. So when we do type things can get misconstrued and come off as rude and inconsiderate. For instance mamatexas I wasn't saying you had to share details with your mother. A question was asked if any of us ladies had shared with family or friends if we were TTC. I answered about myself there was no need to go into depth of your reasoning why you didn't share with your mother. I took it as you being snotty towards me because I had.

I wasn't even replying to you or referencing you in my comment. If I was doing either, I would quote you directly or mention you by name. I will go into as much detail as I like. No one except for the moderators will tell me what I should and should not do. You are assuming things that are not true. Sorry if you got the impression I was being snotty towards you but I was not. I was just commenting on the subject of telling others you are TTC. Good God.

 

[BrollyDolly]

That's it then, Wills and Kate are expecting and it's all we're gonna hear for the next 6 months. Is there no escape!!!!