Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[Cestamy83]

That's it then, Wills and Kate are expecting and it's all we're gonna hear for the next 6 months. Is there no escape!!!!

LOL

Oh god. Don't worry, we're up next! I'm nearly 30 too... Hang in there sister, it'll happen!!!

 

[MamaTex]

That's it then, Wills and Kate are expecting and it's all we're gonna hear for the next 6 months. Is there no escape!!!!

Doesn't seem like it



I hopped on Facebook and saw the news about them expecting. It makes me want to cry. I was having such a good morning and then BAM!! Another pregnancy announcement to make me feel like a failure.

 

[BrollyDolly]

That's it then, Wills and Kate are expecting and it's all we're gonna hear for the next 6 months. Is there no escape!!!!

LOL

Oh god. Don't worry, we're up next! I'm nearly 30 too... Hang in there sister, it'll happen!!!

Fingers crossed!!!!! Xxx

 

[BrollyDolly]

That's it then, Wills and Kate are expecting and it's all we're gonna hear for the next 6 months. Is there no escape!!!!

Doesn't seem like it



I hopped on Facebook and saw the news about them expecting. It makes me want to cry. I was having such a good morning and then BAM!! Another pregnancy announcement to make me feel like a failure.

Oh hun don't feel like that! At least you have everyone here to keep you positive in thought Xx

 

[m4e]

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bitter toward people who areTTC and have miscarried. I know it's terrible. Maybe I'm an awful person, and I know that that WAS extremely painful for them, and I really feel bad for them, honestly, but at the same time, I can't help thinking, "At least you've BEEN pregnant. At least you know that it's possible." If I finally got pregnant and miscarried, I would be SO heartbroken, but at the same time I would be excited to know that it can actually happen.

I know what you mean, and for good reason. You have to think though that people who MC over and over end up having to get a surrogate mother to carry their baby for them because they can't. How would you feel if in order to have a baby you had to have somebody else carry it and you could not experience pregnancy yourself... and having to explain that to your kid/s in the future... Personally I would rather be infertile and have to do IUI/IVF or drugs. Just sayin'!

I know you're absolutely right. I know that those women's pain is just as awful as mine. But the grass is always greener....

I am sorry, I understand that this is a place to vent, but what you are saying is not right. This is coming from a person who has been through 2 miscarriages. That is a pain I would not wish on anyone. I would rather struggle for years then to have to deal with the devastation of another miscarriage. Please, please do not wish that pain on yourself. I was TTC for 8 months before I got my BFP, and for that 8 months I was freaking out that something was wrong. What I would have given to go back to those 8 months back and be happy and not stress and feel like something was wrong with me, had I known what the pain (not just physical, but emotional) was going to feel like, I would have cherished that infertile time.

I understand that this is a forum where we come to talk and not judge, and honestly I am not judging you. I just want to give you my perspective before you go wishing for something that there is no way you want. I am sorry, this will get a little in detail: When I started cramping and then when I peed and there was so much blood on the toilet paper, I stopped breathing, I started shaking and I started bawling. All I could do for 2 days was lay on the couch and cry. Infertility is hard, but again, please don't wish for yourself to go through that pain, because trust me, you never want to go through it.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to argue, and while I would never wish that on someone else, or even myself, I can say that I would rather conceive and miscarry if that was the beginning of a new leaf for me. We've been TTC for THREE YEARS. It's a lot different once you've waited THAT long. Most people will never ever understand how that feels. I don't WANT to miscarry, but IF I did, it would give me hope. My husband has ZERO sperm. There is no end in sight for us like there is for most people. So for me a pregnancy, even IF it ended in miscarriage, would mean a new leaf for us.

 

[m4e]

Also just want to say that my period is due tomorrow. So I am more sensitive than usual. I don't mean to undermine anyone else's experience. I just know that mine is the most painful experience of my life. I don't test anymore. Because I know I'm not pregnant. I don't look for symptoms. Because I know I won't have any. While I will never stop "trying" this is a place for me to express my loss. My loss isn't a miscarriage. My loss is that I will most likely never conceive at all. And for me personally THAT is more painful than losing a baby. That is ONLY a personal statement. I am not AT ALL saying that in general losing a baby is less painful, but for ME it is. I will even say that if I ever did lose a baby, I might very well change my mind. But for now, where I am at is the most painful thing I can imagine. Before we found out for sure that my husband had no sperm I did think that I maybe miscarried once (which now I know I didn't) and I can say that even when I thought that was a possibility it gave me hope that maybe I was crazy in thinking that there was something wrong. I am so sorry for all the women who have lost and all the women who struggle with infertility. I guess I can revise my statement by saying that those who HAVE conceived and miscarried will never understand the pain of getting pregnant being impossible and those who cannot conceive will never understand the pain of miscarriage.

 

[Nazz4]

My vent for today is that people need to watch how they type. Emotions, facial expressions, and tones are not available through type. So when we do type things can get misconstrued and come off as rude and inconsiderate. For instance mamatexas I wasn't saying you had to share details with your mother. A question was asked if any of us ladies had shared with family or friends if we were TTC. I answered about myself there was no need to go into depth of your reasoning why you didn't share with your mother. I took it as you being snotty towards me because I had.

I think she was responding to me and the other chick... I was just simply saying that I would rather have to get pregnant with help and have a healthy pregnancy than keep MCing and have to get a surrogate. I just want that experience of being pregnant and giving birth to a healthy baby. Just personal opinion. I did not want to hurt anyones feelings or stir up emotions... We have MC'd twice (my mother MC'd quite a few times as well so maybe genetic) and we think OH has testicular fibrosis (runs in his family) so we potentially have both the MC problem and the fertility problem. We have not gone to a doctor because we have not been ttc for a year yet, but trust me I worry about both problems every day. And so does he. I think many women on this site are having trouble conceiving one way or the other... I was just saying if I had to pick my poison, but it looks like I may have gotten both poisons anyway. I love all of you! No feelings hurt or catty snaps please!

 

[m4e]

Sorry one more thing. If IUI or IVF were even possible for us, I would have a different point of view. But THOSE aren't even an option for us. The only way we will conceive (unless we see a real life miracle) is through a sperm donor and I want my husband's baby, not a random guy's baby. And even if I was ok with a sperm donor, I could never do that to my husband.

 

[Nazz4]

Sorry one more thing. If IUI or IVF were even possible for us, I would have a different point of view. But THOSE aren't even an option for us. The only way we will conceive (unless we see a real life miracle) is through a sperm donor and I want my husband's baby, not a random guy's baby. And even if I was ok with a sperm donor, I could never do that to my husband.

I'm sorry, I would be heart borken... They can't even give him drugs to help him produce sperm?

 

[m4e]

Sorry one more thing. If IUI or IVF were even possible for us, I would have a different point of view. But THOSE aren't even an option for us. The only way we will conceive (unless we see a real life miracle) is through a sperm donor and I want my husband's baby, not a random guy's baby. And even if I was ok with a sperm donor, I could never do that to my husband.

I'm sorry, I would be heart borken... They can't even give him drugs to help him produce sperm?

No. There really is pretty much nothing they can do. His testosterone is extremely low, even lower than it would be if he were in his 60s. If he were producing more T he probably would make sperm, but almost all drugs to help with that are hormone replacement so while they would probably make him feel better, it would not help with the actual problem, since steriods make fertility worse. It doesn't help that the Dr we saw was an ass, but from what I understand a nice Dr would have told us the same thing, just more gently.

 

[Nazz4]

Sorry one more thing. If IUI or IVF were even possible for us, I would have a different point of view. But THOSE aren't even an option for us. The only way we will conceive (unless we see a real life miracle) is through a sperm donor and I want my husband's baby, not a random guy's baby. And even if I was ok with a sperm donor, I could never do that to my husband.

I'm sorry, I would be heart borken... They can't even give him drugs to help him produce sperm?

No. There really is pretty much nothing they can do. His testosterone is extremely low, even lower than it would be if he were in his 60s. If he were producing more T he probably would make sperm, but almost all drugs to help with that are hormone replacement so while they would probably make him feel better, it would not help with the actual problem, since steriods make fertility worse. It doesn't help that the Dr we saw was an ass, but from what I understand a nice Dr would have told us the same thing, just more gently.

Here's another thread I found https://forums.fertilitycommunity.com/male-infertility/2020175854-no-sperm-count.html
Idk if it will help... if I were you I would try to find a doc that would try to find a sperm or 2 in his balls and do IVF. Don't give up!!!

 

[m4e]

Thanks, Nazz4. I'll look into it. It's so hard for me not to feel alone even someplace like here, because we've been trying a lot longer than most AND male factor infertility seems less common AND my husband's specific problem is so rare. I try not to feel sorry for myself and tell myself that I'm so much worse off than everyone else. haha. But sometimes it really feels that way. In the past I've had people who have been a little nasty because on the TTC topic what I say is usually depressing (in the rest of my life I'm a cheerful optimistic person 99% of the time). I know I need to try to stay positive, but it just makes me mad because those people have no clue what it's like.

 

[Nazz4]

I know what you mean because I feel like nobody on here knows what testicular fibrosis is, or has experienced it... I don't fully understand it myself even... But at least with that we could probably try to do IVF if needed. The the problem after that would be if I could sustain the pregnancy or not. The reason we are ttc so young is so we can try to avoid that whole problem all together, as it get's worse with age. We'll see... But I wish you good luck.

 

[babymabey]

Also just want to say that my period is due tomorrow. So I am more sensitive than usual. I don't mean to undermine anyone else's experience. I just know that mine is the most painful experience of my life. I don't test anymore. Because I know I'm not pregnant. I don't look for symptoms. Because I know I won't have any. While I will never stop "trying" this is a place for me to express my loss. My loss isn't a miscarriage. My loss is that I will most likely never conceive at all. And for me personally THAT is more painful than losing a baby. That is ONLY a personal statement. I am not AT ALL saying that in general losing a baby is less painful, but for ME it is. I will even say that if I ever did lose a baby, I might very well change my mind. But for now, where I am at is the most painful thing I can imagine. Before we found out for sure that my husband had no sperm I did think that I maybe miscarried once (which now I know I didn't) and I can say that even when I thought that was a possibility it gave me hope that maybe I was crazy in thinking that there was something wrong. I am so sorry for all the women who have lost and all the women who struggle with infertility. I guess I can revise my statement by saying that those who HAVE conceived and miscarried will never understand the pain of getting pregnant being impossible and those who cannot conceive will never understand the pain of miscarriage.

Now that I understand your situation better I can definitely understand where you are coming from and your frustrations. I didn't know your story when I commented, and I just wanted to make sure that you realize that is something you might not want to go through.

I am so sorry that your husband has zero sperm. Have your doctor's done any testing to find out why, and is it something that medications can help (If not someone needs to invent that, if a pill can make a woman ovulate, then one should be able to cream some swimmers)? Would it not even be possible with IVF?

 

[m4e]

Nazz4, I really hope things work out for you, hun. Good luck.

Babymabey, his hormones are super messed up. There isn't much they can do for that that doesn't cause infertility, so there wouldn't be much of a point. IVF MIGHT be possible, but they would have to do a biopsy to find out and we can't afford any of that, esp with how extremely low the chances would be that they could even retrieve any sperm.

 

[MamaTex]

Sorry one more thing. If IUI or IVF were even possible for us, I would have a different point of view. But THOSE aren't even an option for us. The only way we will conceive (unless we see a real life miracle) is through a sperm donor and I want my husband's baby, not a random guy's baby. And even if I was ok with a sperm donor, I could never do that to my husband.

I'm sorry, I would be heart borken... They can't even give him drugs to help him produce sperm?

No. There really is pretty much nothing they can do. His testosterone is extremely low, even lower than it would be if he were in his 60s. If he were producing more T he probably would make sperm, but almost all drugs to help with that are hormone replacement so while they would probably make him feel better, it would not help with the actual problem, since steriods make fertility worse. It doesn't help that the Dr we saw was an ass, but from what I understand a nice Dr would have told us the same thing, just more gently.

Wow. That is quite a hurdle to jump over. I haven't gotten my husband tested, but I really want to. We haven't talked at length about what he can do to do his part. I feel like the weight is on my shoulders to conceive and carry, but it takes two to tango!! I am so sorry you and your husband are going through that. That is awful. I don't want to say to hope for the best, because I know how much that makes me upset to hear that. I don't know about you, but reality weighs on me for than well wishes.

Your story is why I said what I said. It took me 6 months to get pregnant the first time and by the end of that 6th month I had just given up. I couldn't imagine facing the possibility of TTC for 3 years and to have the kind of outlook you guys do. It makes my struggle seem less than yours and it puts things into perspective for me.

 

[Nazz4]

Sorry one more thing. If IUI or IVF were even possible for us, I would have a different point of view. But THOSE aren't even an option for us. The only way we will conceive (unless we see a real life miracle) is through a sperm donor and I want my husband's baby, not a random guy's baby. And even if I was ok with a sperm donor, I could never do that to my husband.

I'm sorry, I would be heart borken... They can't even give him drugs to help him produce sperm?

No. There really is pretty much nothing they can do. His testosterone is extremely low, even lower than it would be if he were in his 60s. If he were producing more T he probably would make sperm, but almost all drugs to help with that are hormone replacement so while they would probably make him feel better, it would not help with the actual problem, since steriods make fertility worse. It doesn't help that the Dr we saw was an ass, but from what I understand a nice Dr would have told us the same thing, just more gently.

Wow. That is quite a hurdle to jump over. I haven't gotten my husband tested, but I really want to. We haven't talked at length about what he can do to do his part. I feel like the weight is on my shoulders to conceive and carry, but it takes two to tango!! I am so sorry you and your husband are going through that. That is awful. I don't want to say to hope for the best, because I know how much that makes me upset to hear that. I don't know about you, but reality weighs on me for than well wishes.

Your story is why I said what I said. It took me 6 months to get pregnant the first time and by the end of that 6th month I had just given up. I couldn't imagine facing the possibility of TTC for 3 years and to have the kind of outlook you guys do. It makes my struggle seem less than yours and it puts things into perspective for me.

I know what you mean, my OH won't quit, or even slow down, smoking... I started him on vitamin C and mulitvitamin but even that he complains about me nagging him to take them every day... And then he complains that he probably can't have kids (which we don't know if that's true or not) and it's like he isn't doing anything to try and make it better so obviously he doesn't care... I know he does, but he should care more I guess. It's frustrating when someone tells you they also want to have a kid, and they act like they're in it and everything, but they won't take the steps to make themself healthier... And he says when I'm pregnant he will quit smoking so it's like, what's the difference between stopping now and stopping whenever I'm pregnant? Oh well, hopefully it doesn't matter, sorry for the rant!

 

[m4e]

I hope you all understand now that when I said what I said about miscarrying, it was very situation specific. My situation isn't like most other people's. I try not to act like mine is soooo much worse than everyone else's, BUT I will say that even here, very few, if anyone at all, can truly understand what I'm going through. I know a lot of you have struggled, but you are SO BLESSED that in the end you will have a baby (and I KNOW you all will). I still hope that maybe somehow that will be me too, but it's hard to not give up. We'll just all keep our fingers crossed or pray or whatever you do for eachother.

 

[flagirlie7]

Not sure you know, but sometimes they used Clomid for guys with sperm issues and testosterone, as it does not cause infertility, like test therapies.

Nazz4, I totally get, saying you care is one thing, but you need to walk the walk too! My DH acts like that too. I will do this and that, we are in it together, but sometimes I feel all alone...

m4e, I am not in the same situation, but we have been 3 years NTNP, followed by 1.5 years TTC, it gets really frustrating NEVER having BFP!! My DH will get tested soon. But I suspect it's been me all along. My mum had 3 MCs, but she got pregnant a few times on her own (trying a while), once with meds. Weboth have PCOS. I am after 3 rounds of Clomid w/TI. More tests now, went through bloodwork, seems pretty ok, and saline sono, which was great (results). Ughh. Once my DH manages to get his test done (and he had been suffering from low drive, I want him to get tested for testosterone), ugh, just to get that man to the doctor... Next, my HSG. Then IUI w/Letrozole in February, hoping. If all pans out.

 

[Pink Petals]

A friend had her baby this weekend... Princess Kate is pregnant...