Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[VirginiaGirl9]

I want a baby more than anything. But it seems like the harder try to have you, the further the i become from having one. Sometimes I don’t feel normal. How it is it that I can’t do the one thing women were put here to do.. I see all my friends getting pregnant, and I cannot help but to wonder why not me. What have I ever done to deserve this? Why am I so undeserving of a child. Every month I face the disappointment of a bpn. I have gotten to the point that I cannot stand to see another opk. It’s just a reminder that another month has went by and I am still not pregnant. Is it because I can’t afford ivf and other expensive fertility treatments that I do not deserve to be pregnant. I see girls having 3 kids within 2 years. Yet I can’t even have one kid. I feel pathetic. I cannot stand when I hear people say “lighten up it will happen”. I just want to scream at them, because it feel their being insensitive. What if someone deprived them of something they desperately needed? How could one lighten up when they feel like they have been cheated? It’s hard not to let this get you when you feel like your friends constantly rubbing their baby news in your face. I want scream at them and say, “STOP TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY”. It is so awful to me jealous of someone during one of their happiest moments in their life. But I cannot help but feel this way. I even get jealous of actors faking their pregnancy on TV shows. My DH acts supportive, but even though he doesn’t say so but I know deep down inside he blames me. He already has a child so we know it not him. He say even if we never have kids he will still be here. I see how good he is with kids. Why do I feel like im cheating him? Sometimes I feel like he deserves a women who can give him a family. I feel so hurt at times. It has almost been a year, and I feel like I have to come to terms with the fact that I may never have kids. I may have to get use to this heartbreak.

 

[VirginiaGirl9]

My rant : the strangers getting pregnant, I can deal. People I know... im happy for them, a little sad but I get over it. But I reciently got divorced, was ttc with my exhusband for 5 years. It didnt work out, he ended up cheating on me with his best friends wife... bam! They are having a baby.... Now with new partner ttc with pcos. Perhaps there is hope this time....

Im not even going lie im not happy at alll about the people i know getting pregnant. I am furious. I can not stand to see all their post of facebook. It makes me madder and madder. It makes me feel like all my friend are apart of this wonderful club and im not invited and I am constantly looking in from the outside. I feel bad about how i feel but i cannot help it.

 

[VirginiaGirl9]

I just feel I Need a little rant, am in foul mood. I know that I have only been TTC for 6 Cycles now, but! I am completely convinced that I have fertility problems, to the point that I have researched them and decided that I have blocked tubes, going to pay £800 to get this checked out even though I can't really afford it, the stress of not knowing is imposable for me to live with. Two of my friends have just given birth, they got pregnant very easily! another one of my friends is pregnant 1st month trying and a girl at work has just got pregnant by mistake! Also, I have major line eye, always thinking that I have a positive test when it is negative, then feel stupid, like, how would I would get a positive test with blocked tubes!!???

I have been ttc for 9 months its ridiculous. I am in a bad mood too. Its horrible but i want to curse every pregnant women out so they can feel what i feel. Idk what is wrong with me this is really not who i am. I cringe when i see what ttc has done to me.

 

[ashntony]

So my AF started then stopped after a day... why does my boday do this to me? I am about 13-16 dpo. Bah! I am just ready for this cycle to start!

 

[hopeful harry]

So my AF started then stopped after a day... why does my boday do this to me? I am about 13-16 dpo. Bah! I am just ready for this cycle to start!

My AF only lasts about 12 hours since coming off the pill, always thinking 'maybe implantation' but happens every month! Maybe its a good sign for you?! hope so!

 

[kazine]

So irritated. Just had someone jump down my throat on another forum because I said that miscarrying is "the hardest thing when you don't have a living baby". This person instantly assumed I meant that miscarrying when you already have a child "isn't as bad" and tried to guilt me about how hurtful I was being. I wasn't even having a conversation with her, I'd started a new thread for women TTC their first after a loss . She approached me and decided to be offended by what I'd said and accusing me of trying to compete over who is in the most pain or some bull****.

I started the thread recently and have had 3 women decide they're offended by that single comment so I've just thought fuck the thread now, I'm clearly not allowed to post my feelings anywhere without being jumped on.

There was a reason I started a thread for those who didn't have any living children and that was the reason. Maybe I would say things that offended people who already did have chidlren. And I didn't mean to do that so that's why I started the thread but clearly it was in vain.

I only want one baby.

One.

And I don't have any.

And I know there are people out there who share my pain. But apparently expressing it is just too offensive to people who just have to lay the guilt on thick.

Now I'm being accused of "isolating" people from the thread by specifying that it's a thread for those who don't have any living children.

HOW CAN YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING ISOLATED FROM A THREAD, AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT THE THINGS BEING SAID IN THAT THREAD.

There's a reason it's for women without living children and that's because things like what I said might (and clearly are) offensive to those who already have kids!

 

[EmmyReece]

Last cycle was 51 days, this one cd54 and counting Really struggling with concentrating on slimming world even though I know I need to lose the weight to sort my cycles out, just fed up of waiting now

 

[tamithomas]

So irritated. Just had someone jump down my throat on another forum because I said that miscarrying is "the hardest thing when you don't have a living baby". This person instantly assumed I meant that miscarrying when you already have a child "isn't as bad" and tried to guilt me about how hurtful I was being. I wasn't even having a conversation with her, I'd started a new thread for women TTC their first after a loss . She approached me and decided to be offended by what I'd said and accusing me of trying to compete over who is in the most pain or some bull****.

I started the thread recently and have had 3 women decide they're offended by that single comment so I've just thought fuck the thread now, I'm clearly not allowed to post my feelings anywhere without being jumped on.

There was a reason I started a thread for those who didn't have any living children and that was the reason. Maybe I would say things that offended people who already did have chidlren. And I didn't mean to do that so that's why I started the thread but clearly it was in vain.

I only want one baby.

One.

And I don't have any.

And I know there are people out there who share my pain. But apparently expressing it is just too offensive to people who just have to lay the guilt on thick.

Now I'm being accused of "isolating" people from the thread by specifying that it's a thread for those who don't have any living children.

HOW CAN YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING ISOLATED FROM A THREAD, AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT THE THINGS BEING SAID IN THAT THREAD.

There's a reason it's for women without living children and that's because things like what I said might (and clearly are) offensive to those who already have kids!

Ugh yea, so annoying when that happens on here especially when they get offended in a part of the website that is not meant for them especially since it's TTC #1 after a loss. Clearly, if you've had a kid you're not ttc #1. I've seen it time and time again. You're definitely not alone with that one, have had it happen to me before.

I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[flou]

I have been on this journey for nearly three years and I am wondering when will it end. I want to be a mother more than anything. Twice i have achieved a bfp only for them to be taken away from me at 6 weeks. I don't fall pg easily and each time is a struggle to only have to deal with the cruelty of a mc. I have two angel babies who i think about everyday and whom i love so very much. I don't want to hear people say that it will happen eventually or those babies weren't meant to be or other misguided opinions. I want people to acknowledge my difficulties and understand how it feels. I do not expect sympathy but i would like compassion. To understand that no i don't want to attend another baby shower or coo over scan pictures. My silence on baby news isn't me being rude but just that i find it difficult to cope with. That yes i am happy for you but also incredibly jealous as you have the one thing which keeps being denied from me for no particular reason other than chance. I hope one day this journey does end and that it ends with my little one in my arms.

 

[Ladyljstl]

I want to have a BFP so bad I'm going crazy!!! It's been 3 yrs and still no answers from doctors or my body huhhh! Ok maybe you ladies can give me some hope and insight on my situation. Here goes, I have always had irregular periods since age 10 I'm about to be 25 but last year was full of disappointments. Jan. 2013 I had a normal period and after that my period disappeared until I got fed up over BFN test and went to the doc to see what was wrong. Doc tested all my hormones and all came back normal. She prescribed provera to start my period in August 13 which worked then she wanted to put me on BC but I declined and reminded her we TTC. Sept. 11 I had a one day spot period. Oct.27-30 was a spot period. Doc said if I spot it's a period. Nov. 18-23 I had a TMI snotty stretchy brown discharge when I wiped on the TP. Dec. nothing happened. So I took a test but got a BFN. Jan. 21, 2014 I had the same discharge. Since then my BB hurt and I'm having crazy cravings, I have mild cramps, bloating, and my ankles are swollen at night and I'm super fatigued. I have tried contacting doc and get an appt. but nothing right now. I'm afraid to test because I don't want a BFN. Has anyone ever experienced something like this? Does anyone know what could be going on? What should I do? Sorry this is so long I just needed to vent because I know my DH tired of listening.

 

[treeroot]

I shouldn't have anything to vent about. It's only been half a year.
But today I was sad, and had a good cry.
And even though I'm enjoying this wine, I wish there was a reason not to drink it.

 

[Chameleon]

Why did I bother waiting until I could afford a kid to start trying?

Why does the idiot at the store screaming at her kids get to have so many when I can't even have one?

Why does the 16-year-old at my husband's school get a baby when I can't have one?

Why does my best friend get to get pregnant right away with the guy she met three months ago, and it takes me over a year?

Why did I lose the baby I had after only 11 weeks? What the hell did I do wrong?

Why do people with three kids already get to complain about having trouble with number 4? I just want one, for gods' sake!

Okay, I'm done now.

 

[pkaur]

hi..i am 29 years old..nd ttc from last 2 months but not successful yet..but last month what happens is my period date was 22 January but from 19 January I got staining...very little blood spots and for 2 days it goes on but on 21 January heavy bleeding starts..i didn't understand what was that...can anyone explain me plz?

 

[blackclayrose]

So I am normally really positive. I realise that others are going to get pregnant before me and they deserve to have babies and families as well.
But today (DPO15 with my temp dropping below coverline) I see a woman I used to go to school with, a known drug user, pregnant with her second child.

Why is a drug user able to get pregnant again before me? I am doing everything I should. I eat healthy, I take my prenatal (horse size) tablets, I only drink alcohol occasionally, I have never smoked and I have never taken drugs.

Now i just want to go home and curl up in my bed and cry untill AF is over and we can try again.

 

[kazine]

Fed up, I just want my baby now

 

[Dashing2014]

Hi everyone, AF is 6 days but couldn't help testing this morning with 10miu. BFN, could it just be way too early or should I of got a faint line with a 10miu? Really disappointed, I've had a lot of symptoms the past few days and foolishly expected a BFP :/

 

[cupcakes57]

I have been ttc for 1 year as of today, Valentines day of all days... I feel such bitterness and sadness and irritation annoyance and anger.

Why are all my friends having babies?

Why do teenagers who dont know crap from shinola get to have babies?

Why do I have so many ill feelings at 19 years old? Ive been TTC for 1 year and I am young. I thought getting pregnant was supposed to be SUPER FRICKEN EASY at my age... that what everyone makes it seem like!!!!!

Why do I torture myself with browsing the babies R us's website and getting a kick out of people magazine and seeing the wacky names celebs name their kids?!?!!

Why do I almost feel hatred towards people I care for simply because they have gotten pregnant when I should be happy for them!!?!?!?!

Why do I know a couple who are having their 5th and living in a tiny 2 bedroom 900 sq ft trailor?!?! While I have just purchased a really beautiful new 3 bedroom 2 bath house in a beautiful area and wonderful school district, when it's just me my fiance and our cats or as I have called them "adoptive babies". WITH, 2 empty extra bedrooms... I can use one at an office/extra bedroom but what am I to do with the other when I know a crib should be in there!

Why is it I want to rub my lower belly and feel my child there?!?!

Why is it I only dream of being on a beach, looking out of the ocean and my fiance sweetly cradling my 6th month belly...

Why does Kim and Kourtney Kardashian get to have kids when they are just another means to an end of money making and their baby daddies are pieces of garbage?!?!?!

Why do Gwen stefani,Halle berry,Celine dion and mariah Cary all get to have babies over 40?!?!!??! IM JUST 19!!!!!!!!!!

Why does IVF and Fertility treatments have to be SO OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive!!!

why why WHY... everything is rhetorical of course but I just had to let it out and let it go...

 

[cupcakes57]

So irritated. Just had someone jump down my throat on another forum because I said that miscarrying is "the hardest thing when you don't have a living baby". This person instantly assumed I meant that miscarrying when you already have a child "isn't as bad" and tried to guilt me about how hurtful I was being. I wasn't even having a conversation with her, I'd started a new thread for women TTC their first after a loss . She approached me and decided to be offended by what I'd said and accusing me of trying to compete over who is in the most pain or some bull****.

I started the thread recently and have had 3 women decide they're offended by that single comment so I've just thought fuck the thread now, I'm clearly not allowed to post my feelings anywhere without being jumped on.

There was a reason I started a thread for those who didn't have any living children and that was the reason. Maybe I would say things that offended people who already did have chidlren. And I didn't mean to do that so that's why I started the thread but clearly it was in vain.

I only want one baby.

One.

And I don't have any.

And I know there are people out there who share my pain. But apparently expressing it is just too offensive to people who just have to lay the guilt on thick.

Now I'm being accused of "isolating" people from the thread by specifying that it's a thread for those who don't have any living children.

HOW CAN YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING ISOLATED FROM A THREAD, AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT THE THINGS BEING SAID IN THAT THREAD.

There's a reason it's for women without living children and that's because things like what I said might (and clearly are) offensive to those who already have kids!

I understand how you are feeling! Some women dont understand the ultimate goals of forums whether they be about a movie,having cancer or a brad pitt lovers forum. We are all here for the same reason. Babies! Some on this site have them, some dont, some are TTC and some have lost multiple babies and some have be trying for ten years with every fertility doctor under the sun and some are pregnant now. Those of us who are struggling to have one need to uplift each other because this can be the toughest part of life besides death from what I'm learning through experience. We share the same goal and have the same pain (emotionally). Forgive those women who might have had a horrible day and just wanted to make you a target because they might be enduring what we are.Extend your hand in the gift of understanding. Feelings are powerful and must be taken for what they are as they are felt. I understand what you meant about the miscarriage and I believe you are right women who have a miscarriage after already having at least once child at the end of the day can be grateful they have their children while women who have none and suffer a miscarriage feel a horrible heart ache. Just breathe its all we can do...

 

[Lazydaisys]

Feeling annoyed by ttc advice from random pregnant people!!! Arrrgggghh just go away -be pregnant and happy! Why are you back in the ttc threads? Leave me to my ltttc misery! X

 

[cupcakes57]

Feeling annoyed by ttc advice from random pregnant people!!! Arrrgggghh just go away -be pregnant and happy! Why are you back in the ttc threads? Leave me to my ltttc misery! X

Isnt that the truth a fmr girlfriend of mine was like "Make sure your on your back an eat citrus"... It was like bitch you have 4 kids with 3 different men, you shut the hell up! lol