Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[r8indrops]

Hi ladies,

This is my 1st time posting in any forum EVER. Am really grateful to come across this one as it allows me to do exactly what I need to do now - vent.

My husband n I have been ttc for about 2 years now. We've done at least 5 rounds of iui (SO-IUI & natural). I've been on clomid, husband has gone for varicocele surgery about 6 months ago and his counts have improved since. Visit after visit to the doctors. ... still no good news. It's frustrating yet reassuring at the same time that we seem to be quite "fine" medically. But things are just not happening for us... It doesn't help either that my husband works 4 days a week in a neighbouring country (1 hr flight away) so sometimes in order to try to meet my potential ovulation dates, I would have to fly to him. Thankfully my job has flexible hours (i'm a private tutor so I will try to reschedule). Then of course, everyone close to me starts getting pregnant. Apart from a number of my girlfriends (at least 5 of them), my best friend got pregnant the 2nd time without even knowing how (they weren't trying to conceive- they were trying to space out the 1st child from the 2nd. In fact they were AVOIDING trying to get pregnant). My close cousin (he's like a brother to me) got his wife pregnant just 1 month after they got married even though they weren't trying. I am now the God mother of their children. Yes i'm of course happy for them. And i feel as guilty as hell whenever a tinge of envy comes on... but it hurts. It hurts sooooo bad. And they know that we're trying. I still confide in my best friend but sometimes it's hard being around her when she complains of pregnancy issues. How I wish I can just experience being pregnant. To have a life inside of me. Will it ever happen?

Right now I feel like crying so badly but I can't coz i'm in public

I'm sure there are many of you here who can relate to this sense of hopelessness I feel. I keep telling myself to count my blessings. That I have a husband who is supportive throughout this journey. That he is able to finance all the costly visits to fertility clinics. That my mum is very supportive too and my in laws aren't pressurizing us to have babies.

Then comes the next step - IVF. Well, I'm Catholic (husband's a free thinker) & so... I'm struggling with the decision to attempt ivf which is against the Christian beliefs or to still go ahead with it I'm soooo lost. I really hope we don't have to go through ivf... I'm not afraid of the pain that comes with it but i'm definitely not comfortable with going against my faith

My apologies for the long post but I really appreciate being able to have an outlet to vent out. Thank you for reading this, whoever you are and I hope that this will soon just be a passing phase for all of us and we will all get to be parents soon let's continue to keep the faith and pray for the strength to get through this journey

 

[nmv]

What if I'm already too old...?

I'm so small and my body aches so badly some days that I worry I physically won't be able to be half the mom I wanted to be after the strain pregnancy would put on my body (IF we managed to carry one to term, which my body seems opposed to).

My fingers swell on one hand and the other hand has pain like carpal tunnel....so I'm scared I may drop a baby because my grip strength is getting worse all the time.

My hips and back ache so badly some days I don't want to move.

I'm getting older and really feeling the effects.
Its discouraging.
I'm falling apart and DH wants to wait to try again...I'm starting to think I may have already waited too long.
Maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom....

 

[AandV]

Hi ladies,

I joined this board in August and then we got married, went away for a month on our honeymoon and came back. I joined the TWW website instead but am looking for insight from some new buddies.

When I joined in August I wrote a vent on this board about how we had tried for a month and failed, well here we are now on cycle #7 and it is just getting SO incredibly frustrating and discouraging.We went to see a specialist and did bloodwork tests, HSG, SA and everything came back great. I just do not understand why it’s not working.

This past cycle (#6) my RE prescribed 25 mg of Clomid. I thought it was a joke at first because it is one of the lowest doses of Clomid I have heard of, of course I did my crazy googling and saw some people did actually have success on 25 mg. I apparently ended up doing very well on Clomid, I had 4 follies on it which was impressive. I really don’t think my issue is with ovulation as I have always had a 26-28 day cycle and I have never in my life missed AF.

This cycle my AF came on CD 29 and it was SO frustrating. I thought if everything was good, with 4 follies which is 3 more than I normally would have, why did we still not get pregnant.

We are now on cycle 7 and the 2nd one on Clomid. I went in today for my CD 4 baseline ultrasound and they told me I had no cysts so I can go ahead and continue with Clomid and they told me that my ovaries look excellent and that I have apparently a TON of eggs and my ovarian reserve looks amazing. So again, the question is why!!!

I keep asking the RE if my husband should do another analysis but she says it was good so why waste our time. I feel like I have to keep turning every stone to figure out why. I know it takes people up to a year but I thought that with all these great results we have had at least on Clomid we would have had success.

So many people I know got their BFP the first month on Clomid but it seems that many of them had PCOS, it’s so frustrating because basically our RE right now is telling us that nothing is wrong and she is confident we will get our BFP if we keep trying. I don’t know when that will be but I don’t really want to waste another year just on Clomid if we will end up doing IVF in the long run because we just cannot figure out what the issue is.

Today in my Dr’s office I read that the IVF failure rate is still 60% that was really heartbreaking because it seems ridiculous that getting pregnant keeps sounding so IMPOSSIBLE every day.

Dh and I are both 27 years old and very healthy, we never smoked, barely ever drank, I have a sip of wine once in a blue moon, we eat healthy, it’s just so aggravating that we have tried so hard to have healthy habits and now they are just not paying off.

It is becoming very emotionally exhausting to go to all the appointments but to us it is well worth it and would travel across the world to make this happen, the sooner the better. Today we woke up at 4:30 am to go to my bloodwork and ultrasound and yesterday we had to wake up at 5 am. It is tiring and I am so jealous of people that have never had a glimpse behind this curtain and seen how sad and scary it can be.

I hope we can all keep our heads up high, when we are able to and when we are not, I hope we can give each other that support and encouragement.

Nice to “meet” everyone.

 

[AandV]

Please don't say that you are too old, I have seen so many women on the forums trying at the age of 35-41 and some of them have had success.

How long have you been TTC? and have you had any tests done for both you and your DH?

 

[AandV]

Been Trying to conceive since August 2013....
I want a baby so bad, and it seems like everybody around me is getting pregnant
I'm happy for them, but i'm wondering if my turn will ever come....
Sometimes I feel like I need a good scream...

How old are you? I know how you feel, we have since July 2014, I know it is less than you but nonetheless, I know how you feel because we want one so badly too. We have been through cycle monitoring on Clomid right now and I feel so resentful towards people that have never had to go every 3 days to get bloodwork and ultrasounds and be told that everything looks great, yet no baby!!

 

[nmv]

Please don't say that you are too old, I have seen so many women on the forums trying at the age of 35-41 and some of them have had success.

How long have you been TTC? and have you had any tests done for both you and your DH?

I know it sounds ridiculous to think I'll be too old, but there's a good reason for me to feel this way. I've been charting for 2 years...DH FINALLY got on board in October and we gave it one shot...just one...BAM, Preggers!

Then I lost it...implantation problems.

At once my happiness was gone, replaced with the all too familiar devastation..I SHOULD be a mom, I SHOULD be telling my toddler they can expect a baby brother or sister next year....it would look like a person by now....in 2 more months we'd know the sex....

But no...
There is no toddler, there is no baby...
I'm a momma with no children...


Doctor says everything looks perfect and not to worry, but DH wants to wait until...?...
Now it's becoming difficult not to turn on HIM.
Its one thing for nature to take away my chances for kids, but he's stepping in and preventing it...AGAIN.

I'm in limbo. So long as I'm with him, I have no control over when I get to try again...to see the face of my child...hear a tiny voice call me momma.
It seems impossible.
I hate him sometimes for this feeling of hopelessness.
I mean, he's nearly 38!!...Get On Board, or QUIT wasting my time!!!!!

 

[nmv]

Dh and I are both 27 years old and very healthy, we never smoked, barely ever drank, I have a sip of wine once in a blue moon, we eat healthy, it’s just so aggravating that we have tried so hard to have healthy habits and now they are just not paying off.

It is becoming very emotionally exhausting to go to all the appointments but to us it is well worth it and would travel across the world to make this happen, the sooner the better. Today we woke up at 4:30 am to go to my bloodwork and ultrasound and yesterday we had to wake up at 5 am. It is tiring and I am so jealous of people that have never had a glimpse behind this curtain and seen how sad and scary it can be.

Nice to “meet” everyone.

Nice to "meet" you too!

I'm sorry you are having problems getting pregnant.
..but I'm so happy that you have a husband who is on board and actively trying with you! I know that doesn't make you feel better when all your effort so far has produced no result.

Don't hate me for this, I know it seems like bullshit advice...but seriously, try this!!!
You guys are too healthy for it NOT to work!
Stop all the stressful appointments for now, come off the Clomid, and go on a vacation (or at least schedule a couples massage, or something) around the time you'll be ovulating instead. Decide to give yourselves a month or 2 off from actively trying.
I can't tell you how many times I've seen this work.
I got a nephew this way!

BTW, I've been reading horrible things about the long term effects of Clomid being linked to cancers of the reproductive system.
**PLUS, with cycles as normal as yours, you do NOT need this drug!**
My cycles are ALL out of whack (29-63 days), but my doc is hesitant to even recommend fertility boosting drugs, unless I decide to push for them.

I wish you the absolute best of luck.
It will happen for you, sooner than later...I'm sure of it!

 

[laurac1988]

Wow... Has advice. "Just relax and it will happen" is not always true.
I have regular cycles and am very healthy, but I'm starting clomid next month because my ovulation isn't strong enough.
I would take the above with a pinch of salt and follow your physician's advice

 

[DBZ34]

AndV- Sorry you have to be on this journey....it's hard. But, you haven't hit that year yet, so keep your head up. I'm not going to say it's definitely going to happen for you, because I'm not psychic and truthfully, after 3+ years of TTC #1, I'm a little bitter and jaded, but I have faith that you will do everything you can and I hope so hard that you are rewarded with a BFP. SOON. Like as in next cycle. I want you off this TTC train ASAP...because it sucks.

You may have had 4 follies, but did they tell you how many were actually released?

They shouldn't give you more than 6 cycles of Clomid in a year, just because of the toll it does take on your body. But, also realize that for every woman who gets pregnant on Clomid first cycle, there are loads of women who don't. You're not alone.

There's only a 20% chance of getting pregnant any month (which kind of boggles the mind when you think of all those 'one and done'/ 'not trying' women who get preggo right off the bat. The odds weren't in their favour)...and as it turns out, Clomid doesn't increase your chances of getting pregnant, it increases your chances of having multiples. So, a month when your body is "ready" to have an egg implant, you might have more than one implant. In the UK, the national board has suggested that doctors don't prescribe Clomid only for women with unexplained infertility because, while some women have success with it, it only seems to increase the number of multiple births, not the number of pregnant women.

I was actually really pissed about that because I had TTC for 2 years, finally got referred to an Fertility Specialist, was expecting a Clomid quick fix and got nothing but some progesterone. The national board actually suggests medicated IUI for women with unexplained IF, because there are more cases of women getting pregnant with that treatment. So, my DH and I did it...and it worked. I mc'd soon after though (There's a good chance I have an immune issue, having a confirmation blood test right before Christmas). But if you look at the percentage of success with IUI...it's between 20-25%....not much better than BDing at home. With medicated IUI, it's bumped up to 30%...and that's with directly inserting sperm right up to where it needs to be and making the ovaries produce a load of follies.

I said all that to say this....I think. If you look at IVF and see a 30% success rate, that's a better chance than a couple BDing at home. Actually, a woman in peak health only has, at most, a 40% success rate with IVF in most clinics. The majority of women have a 25-35% success rate. I think the highest rate I've ever seen is at CCRM, but they are revolutionary in their IVF process...I mean, that's all they do, and even then it's not a 100% guarantee. Pregnancy isn't a given because there are so many things at work in a woman's body that medical science is only beginning to touch on. There are no guarantees. None. And yet, women still manage to get pregnant every day. It's kind of a miracle.

What works for one woman might not work for another...and it is so so hard to watch as other women get pregnant doing the same thing you're doing and you get AF. It sucks. But, don't give up. If you give up, you definitely won't get pregnant. And being on the lowest dose of Clomid is a good thing. That means your body doesn't need much of a push to produce good follies. If you keep trying, there's a chance it will work for you.

I'm sorry for the long post...I get verbose sometimes. tl;dr.....Keep going! You can do it!

 

[DBZ34]

nmv- I'm so sorry for your losses.

I'm with you on feeling old. Ugh. I'm only 30 and sometimes I feel like I could be 60 with the way my body acts. It's ridiculous. But I'm sure that when I finally get around to having kids, I'll find a way to be active with them.

I'm sorry your DH wants to wait. I think it's some sort of male coping mechanism after experiencing losses. They hurt just as much as we do and don't know how to express it...so sometimes they withdraw and want to wait until their hearts can take it again. Has your DH said why he wants to wait? I think you should talk to him about how you're feeling...you don't want to resent him and with TTC and a DH standing in your way, it becomes really hard not to. Or you could always just stop telling him about TTC and jump him when you need him.

My DH has started to think of our losses as a video game...we might lose this time, but we're closer to the end than we were before. It's like playing a game, making it to a save point and then losing and starting over again from that save point. We're making progress. He started saying this to me after our third loss. I say, whatever you need to do or how you have to frame it to keep you on the TTC train, go for it. Maybe you need help your DH think about TTC in a new way?



Also, just as an aside. Don't give people "just relax" advice...you don't know what's going on with them medically. Clomid is just a starting point. If it works, great, if not, then they have a new point to start the investigations from. Plus, the lowest dose of Clomid possible is probably not a health risk...

I mean, I could relax until the cows come home, but that wouldn't help me have a baby. I could go on vacation, I could get a massage, do acupuncture, I could sleep more...and that wouldn't help me have a baby. I'm pretty healthy, I do everything "right", I don't smoke, I don't drink, I exercise....and that doesn't help me have a baby. In fact, on cycles where I'm like whatever, F-it and I do drink a glass or two of wine and am the most relaxed I could ever be, I still don't get pregnant. I've come back as normal on almost every single test I've taken over the last three years and still no joy. I'll admit, stress does play a part in TTC and struggling, but sometimes "just relaxing" isn't the answer. Even with normal amounts of stress, a woman only had a 20% chance of getting pregnant each month. "Just relaxing" doesn't increase those chances.

Also, just as a note, if I ignored my doctor and "just relaxed", I wouldn't know I have an immune issue (I have a high NK cells count, and that is the only thing I have come back as abnormal on in the last three years). Actually, my doctor's advice to get a medicated IUI is what jump started my fertility and helped me to even have a chance to get pregnant the last three times. Before that it was 2 years of absolutely nothing but heartache and AF....so before you start dispensing advice, think about how much you actually know about a person's situation.

Sorry..."just relax" always sets me off...it's that 3+ years bitter, jaded thing....I don't really mean to be that way, I just can't help myself.

 

[nmv]

nmv- I'm so sorry for your losses.

I'm with you on feeling old. Ugh. I'm only 30 and sometimes I feel like I could be 60 with the way my body acts. It's ridiculous. But I'm sure that when I finally get around to having kids, I'll find a way to be active with them.

I'm sorry your DH wants to wait. I think it's some sort of male coping mechanism after experiencing losses. They hurt just as much as we do and don't know how to express it...so sometimes they withdraw and want to wait until their hearts can take it again. Has your DH said why he wants to wait? I think you should talk to him about how you're feeling...you don't want to resent him and with TTC and a DH standing in your way, it becomes really hard not to. Or you could always just stop telling him about TTC and jump him when you need him.

(Sorry..."just relax" always sets me off...it's that 3+ years bitter, jaded thing....I don't really mean to be that way, I just can't help myself.)

I wish I could just jump on him when its time, but he has started pulling out again...that's what I mean when I say he is preventing it.
Makes me feel horrible...disconnected from him....reminds me that HE's the reason I wont have a chance this month, because HE wont allow us the opportunity. It has ruined love-making for me.
We've talked about his feelings...we've talked about mine. It apparently doesn't matter, he needs to wait until who-the-hell-knows-when...whenever HE feels WE are ready. He feels a distance and wants us to get along better first, and this desperate near-panic I feel over him actively preventing my children from happening makes it impossible...just pushes me farther away.

Also, I know it pisses people off to hear "just relax"...this is why I prefaced it with "don't hate me". For some people, that really is all it takes. She and her husband are very healthy, young, and have been through a variety of testing showing nothing wrong. At the same time, they are having her go in for check-ups just about constantly, which is very stressful. If they are willing to go to the ends of the earth to make this happen, it certainly couldn't hurt to simply "not try" for a month or 2...and costs a lot less than medical treatments.

Personally, my own cycles get jacked up over stress. That is apparently all it takes because they can't find a single other reason for my sometimes crazy cycles.

At the moment, though, it doesn't matter for me.
I won't have a chance to get pregnant again anytime soon.
(Thanks so much for THAT painful reality, DH!)

 

[zoeh]

I started this unmedicated cycle with absolutely no hope or confidence and so haven't been monitoring other than half-heartedly looking out for ovulation symptoms and making a note of when we've DTD. I thought I'd not worry about TTC again until my next RE appointment in January (ha!). Well yesterday on CD19 I started having light brown spotting and mild cramping. It's still there but much less today. For the past few nights I've had vivid dreams and bloating, which are usually signs of heightened progesterone for me. The most frustrating thing is, I was very sick for about a week, so we've only been able to BD on days 6, 8, 16, and 18, and I've been on an antibiotic that's probably causing this spotting. But now I'm so depressed thinking I might have finally, finally, after two long years, either ovulated on my own around day 15 and missed it, or misjudged my symptoms and actually o'ed yesterday and had ovulation spotting, and either way will arrive just before or on Christmas. After a really rough year in which seemingly EVERYONE around me got pregnant quicker than you could snap your fingers, I just don't think I could handle that.

 

[BlueWater]

We're not quite TTC but we have been NTNP for 2 years. And I was talking about it with friends, they said "it'll happen"
And I'm like what does it'll happen mean. Does it mean you're trying to comfort me, does it mean since you've said it'll happen I will now get pregnant, does it mean no one really knows what the future holds, or does it mean we need to try harder.
*sigh*

 

[nmv]

We're not quite TTC but we have been NTNP for 2 years. And I was talking about it with friends, they said "it'll happen"
And I'm like what does it'll happen mean. Does it mean you're trying to comfort me, does it mean since you've said it'll happen I will now get pregnant, does it mean no one really knows what the future holds, or does it mean we need to try harder.
*sigh*

I get the frustration...you know they're trying to be positive because they care and want you to be happy....but it feels kind of hollow and doesn't bring much comfort....right?


*SOMETHING AWESOME*
I've read that ladies who track ovulation by watching changes in cm, using OPKs and temping, can increase their odds to nearly 40% each cycle!!! So when you decide to actively start TTC, it could happen faster than you think! I got my on our very first cycle actively TTC!..it wasn't a sticky bean, but I'm very optimistic about my ability to catch ovulation when we start trying again!

Here's what I would do (also known as unsolicited advice, lol)...
After 2 years of not preventing, I would say now is the time to start trying....I've been charting for over 2 years, just to learn more about my body. I track signs and test for ovulation entirely on my own, so it doesn't add any unnecessary stress on the relationship/your love life. I keep an eye out for that EWCM and use OPKs so I know just when to jump DH for the best chances...AND it still feels somewhat spontaneous when it comes as a surprise to him.

So, Amazon has Wondfo OPKs for super cheap..its a small investment that helps take the guess work out of the process!....and check out fertilityfriend....I've tried many, this is the best free cycle tracking tool I've found and has a handy app for your phone!

You can do this!
Go team baby!!!!!

 

[AandV]

We're not quite TTC but we have been NTNP for 2 years. And I was talking about it with friends, they said "it'll happen"
And I'm like what does it'll happen mean. Does it mean you're trying to comfort me, does it mean since you've said it'll happen I will now get pregnant, does it mean no one really knows what the future holds, or does it mean we need to try harder.
*sigh*

I get the frustration...you know they're trying to be positive because they care and want you to be happy....but it feels kind of hollow and doesn't bring much comfort....right?


*SOMETHING AWESOME*
I've read that ladies who track ovulation by watching changes in cm, using OPKs and temping, can increase their odds to nearly 40% each cycle!!! So when you decide to actively start TTC, it could happen faster than you think! I got my on our very first cycle actively TTC!..it wasn't a sticky bean, but I'm very optimistic about my ability to catch ovulation when we start trying again!

Here's what I would do (also known as unsolicited advice, lol)...
After 2 years of not preventing, I would say now is the time to start trying....I've been charting for over 2 years, just to learn more about my body. I track signs and test for ovulation entirely on my own, so it doesn't add any unnecessary stress on the relationship/your love life. I keep an eye out for that EWCM and use OPKs so I know just when to jump DH for the best chances...AND it still feels somewhat spontaneous when it comes as a surprise to him.

So, Amazon has Wondfo OPKs for super cheap..its a small investment that helps take the guess work out of the process!....and check out fertilityfriend....I've tried many, this is the best free cycle tracking tool I've found and has a handy app for your phone!

You can do this!
Go team baby!!!!!

Thank you for your advice and I can feel how heartbroken you are because of what you are going through. I am too and I can sense that from many ladies on here.

I have been on a few boards and I want to say that you ladies have shown me the most compassion, understanding and have really listened to what I had to say and I want to thank you for that because it means so much to me after all this time to be heard rather than just be told to stop stressing out.

I would love to say we will relax and it will happen but the first 3 cycles, I was very relaxed. I was confident it would happen and excited and I only became more jaded as time went on.

On our 3rd cycle it was our honeymoon, we were travelling in Italy for a whole month. During the time I ovulated we happened to be lying on a beautiful beach for 8 days and I thought…how perfect, it was meant to happen now when we are happy, relaxed and just enjoying being together. At the end of the trip I got AF and I was so devastated I didn’t leave the hotel room for a whole day and just cried.

I went and saw a naturopath to help me relax, she did some acupuncture to help with implantation…BFN.

I have been using OPK’s since the first month and always get a positive on day 15 (like clockwork) my AF always comes like clockwork and we always BD every other day or every day for 5 days in a row as per our doctor’s advice. Still BFN. I have also been charting for the last 3 cycles and my chart and OPK’s both confirm my ovulation. I just think that given how far we’ve come, I can’t just give up now and let it happen because we are so upset about it it’s impossible to just forget about this.

I feel like our lives came to a huge halt. We bought a house, got married and were looking forward to decorating the baby room but now it hurts when I even step foot in that room to see it empty and with no light at the end of the tunnel.

My DH is refusing to go on vacation with me until we get our stress under control by seeing a fertility therapist. We are seeing one next week and the first thing she told me is that stress is not affecting my chances of conception and it is not my fault. It is perfectly normal to be stressed out during TTC, especially when it takes longer.

The advice I have for you and Dh is to seek a fertility therapist. My DH made us wait until at least 1 month before the wedding to TTC and I still feel resentment towards him at times as I wanted to a year ago. I tell him that by now we would have probably had a pregnancy and instead we are going through this when I am impatient and beyond ready for a child.

I think you need to have a discussion with DH and seek fertility therapy so you can both communicate better through this. It needs to bring you closer not tear you apart.

Also, I think you need to make it very clear to DH that if he loves you and cares about your happiness, having a baby/family with him is what will make you happy. He cannot deny you happiness and you both need to think about the other person’s happiness, not just your own.

Work on your marriage with him because you need him in order to have a baby and you also need him to have a family. You also want the best relationship with him so your future child will see the love between their parents and grow up in a healthy environment with a good foundation.

Come up with a mutual agreement when is the right time. For us, I wanted to try a year before the wedding, DH wanted to wait until the wedding. We settled on one month right before. That way you are both happy with your agreement and must follow it.

As your dr. explained it to us, the only thing that can explain unexplained is IVF. All results may be great and today she told us DH has the best SA results she has seen yet somehow they may keep swimming to the wrong fallopian tube, or they don’t have the enzyme to break down the outer layer of the shell, or they do but the egg fails to multiply or it fails to implant. There is nothing to test and pinpoint the exact issue, sometimes it’s the same or maybe it’s a different issue each time. Through IVF they can see exactly what happens and they can force the sperm to fertilize the egg. I hope you and DH can come to a mutual agreement but I strongly recommend therapy.

 

[AandV]

AndV- Sorry you have to be on this journey....it's hard. But, you haven't hit that year yet, so keep your head up. I'm not going to say it's definitely going to happen for you, because I'm not psychic and truthfully, after 3+ years of TTC #1, I'm a little bitter and jaded, but I have faith that you will do everything you can and I hope so hard that you are rewarded with a BFP. SOON. Like as in next cycle. I want you off this TTC train ASAP...because it sucks.

You may have had 4 follies, but did they tell you how many were actually released?

They shouldn't give you more than 6 cycles of Clomid in a year, just because of the toll it does take on your body. But, also realize that for every woman who gets pregnant on Clomid first cycle, there are loads of women who don't. You're not alone.

There's only a 20% chance of getting pregnant any month (which kind of boggles the mind when you think of all those 'one and done'/ 'not trying' women who get preggo right off the bat. The odds weren't in their favour)...and as it turns out, Clomid doesn't increase your chances of getting pregnant, it increases your chances of having multiples. So, a month when your body is "ready" to have an egg implant, you might have more than one implant. In the UK, the national board has suggested that doctors don't prescribe Clomid only for women with unexplained infertility because, while some women have success with it, it only seems to increase the number of multiple births, not the number of pregnant women.

I was actually really pissed about that because I had TTC for 2 years, finally got referred to an Fertility Specialist, was expecting a Clomid quick fix and got nothing but some progesterone. The national board actually suggests medicated IUI for women with unexplained IF, because there are more cases of women getting pregnant with that treatment. So, my DH and I did it...and it worked. I mc'd soon after though (There's a good chance I have an immune issue, having a confirmation blood test right before Christmas). But if you look at the percentage of success with IUI...it's between 20-25%....not much better than BDing at home. With medicated IUI, it's bumped up to 30%...and that's with directly inserting sperm right up to where it needs to be and making the ovaries produce a load of follies.

I said all that to say this....I think. If you look at IVF and see a 30% success rate, that's a better chance than a couple BDing at home. Actually, a woman in peak health only has, at most, a 40% success rate with IVF in most clinics. The majority of women have a 25-35% success rate. I think the highest rate I've ever seen is at CCRM, but they are revolutionary in their IVF process...I mean, that's all they do, and even then it's not a 100% guarantee. Pregnancy isn't a given because there are so many things at work in a woman's body that medical science is only beginning to touch on. There are no guarantees. None. And yet, women still manage to get pregnant every day. It's kind of a miracle.

What works for one woman might not work for another...and it is so so hard to watch as other women get pregnant doing the same thing you're doing and you get AF. It sucks. But, don't give up. If you give up, you definitely won't get pregnant. And being on the lowest dose of Clomid is a good thing. That means your body doesn't need much of a push to produce good follies. If you keep trying, there's a chance it will work for you.

I'm sorry for the long post...I get verbose sometimes. tl;dr.....Keep going! You can do it!

Hi Ella,

Thank you for your heartfelt reply and for your advice. I hope you can get off these boards ASAP as well because I can understand how you are feeling.

What is your history on the TTC journey? Have you only done IUI, how many times and what are your next steps?

Clomid only increases your targets which should technically increase your chances but it's really not by too much, maybe like 5%. I know so many people that got a BFP on the first cycle so I guess I was really hopeful.

So they told me I had 4 follies and 3 were all the same size, on CD 11 I was at 16 mm and I ovulated by CD 15/16 so I was monitored and even today we saw the specialist and she said in the u/s it showed I had released all 3 so my chances were good. Now the quality of those eggs cannot be confirmed but Clomid is supposed to help with the quality.

We will not do Clomid for more than 3 cycles, my RE would not prescribe more and would have to move on to something else. In Canada there is currently a shortage of Clomid so for next cycle I will have to switch to Femara or low dose injectables actually.

I strongly believe in fertility treatments. Someone I know conceived all 3 of their kids through Clomid, Injectables and progesterone and my mom had to also take injectables and she ended up having her only chance at a pregnancy....me.

Is IVF in the cards for you or will you continue with IUI?
as our clinic will not do IUI on Xmas or boxing day. She said that IUI just cuts the journey of the sperm in half as it bypasses the vagina and the cervix where a lot of them end up getting stuck and takes them closer to where they need to be.

I know that a relaxed approach will not work for us as we just want a family NOW and we are happier now with fertility treatments than we were before. DH told me he really has noticed a change in me where I am more optmistic and positive, before we saw the specialist I was just crying and miserable every day for months but at least this way, through tests so far I have been able to understand more about our health and also the things that can go wrong and how much power we have over them. I feel that finally we are on the track to doing everything we can, whereas without help I felt like we weren't trying hard enough.

 

[BlueWater]

Sometimes it's not anything to do with "relaxing" sometimes its just life. And I know that sounds sad, but I feel sad.
Life is crazy, on the one hand I have a friend (now 37) who had a child at 19 and feels like she's lost her life on the other hand there's me (26) who worries about 'what if it never happens'

...we're just waiting for financial circumstances to get better, and then we will start TTC. I want to try the SMEP that looks interesting!!!!

 

[AandV]

nmv- I'm so sorry for your losses.

I'm with you on feeling old. Ugh. I'm only 30 and sometimes I feel like I could be 60 with the way my body acts. It's ridiculous. But I'm sure that when I finally get around to having kids, I'll find a way to be active with them.

I'm sorry your DH wants to wait. I think it's some sort of male coping mechanism after experiencing losses. They hurt just as much as we do and don't know how to express it...so sometimes they withdraw and want to wait until their hearts can take it again. Has your DH said why he wants to wait? I think you should talk to him about how you're feeling...you don't want to resent him and with TTC and a DH standing in your way, it becomes really hard not to. Or you could always just stop telling him about TTC and jump him when you need him.

(Sorry..."just relax" always sets me off...it's that 3+ years bitter, jaded thing....I don't really mean to be that way, I just can't help myself.)

I wish I could just jump on him when its time, but he has started pulling out again...that's what I mean when I say he is preventing it.
Makes me feel horrible...disconnected from him....reminds me that HE's the reason I wont have a chance this month, because HE wont allow us the opportunity. It has ruined love-making for me.
We've talked about his feelings...we've talked about mine. It apparently doesn't matter, he needs to wait until who-the-hell-knows-when...whenever HE feels WE are ready. He feels a distance and wants us to get along better first, and this desperate near-panic I feel over him actively preventing my children from happening makes it impossible...just pushes me farther away.

Also, I know it pisses people off to hear "just relax"...this is why I prefaced it with "don't hate me". For some people, that really is all it takes. She and her husband are very healthy, young, and have been through a variety of testing showing nothing wrong. At the same time, they are having her go in for check-ups just about constantly, which is very stressful. If they are willing to go to the ends of the earth to make this happen, it certainly couldn't hurt to simply "not try" for a month or 2...and costs a lot less than medical treatments.

Personally, my own cycles get jacked up over stress. That is apparently all it takes because they can't find a single other reason for my sometimes crazy cycles.

At the moment, though, it doesn't matter for me.
I won't have a chance to get pregnant again anytime soon.
(Thanks so much for THAT painful reality, DH!)

how long have you been trying again? since November?

 

[DBZ34]

Hi Ella,

Thank you for your heartfelt reply and for your advice. I hope you can get off these boards ASAP as well because I can understand how you are feeling.

What is your history on the TTC journey? Have you only done IUI, how many times and what are your next steps?

Clomid only increases your targets which should technically increase your chances but it's really not by too much, maybe like 5%. I know so many people that got a BFP on the first cycle so I guess I was really hopeful.

So they told me I had 4 follies and 3 were all the same size, on CD 11 I was at 16 mm and I ovulated by CD 15/16 so I was monitored and even today we saw the specialist and she said in the u/s it showed I had released all 3 so my chances were good. Now the quality of those eggs cannot be confirmed but Clomid is supposed to help with the quality.

We will not do Clomid for more than 3 cycles, my RE would not prescribe more and would have to move on to something else. In Canada there is currently a shortage of Clomid so for next cycle I will have to switch to Femara or low dose injectables actually.

I strongly believe in fertility treatments. Someone I know conceived all 3 of their kids through Clomid, Injectables and progesterone and my mom had to also take injectables and she ended up having her only chance at a pregnancy....me.

Is IVF in the cards for you or will you continue with IUI?
as our clinic will not do IUI on Xmas or boxing day. She said that IUI just cuts the journey of the sperm in half as it bypasses the vagina and the cervix where a lot of them end up getting stuck and takes them closer to where they need to be.

I know that a relaxed approach will not work for us as we just want a family NOW and we are happier now with fertility treatments than we were before. DH told me he really has noticed a change in me where I am more optmistic and positive, before we saw the specialist I was just crying and miserable every day for months but at least this way, through tests so far I have been able to understand more about our health and also the things that can go wrong and how much power we have over them. I feel that finally we are on the track to doing everything we can, whereas without help I felt like we weren't trying hard enough.

Thanks, AandV.

My TTC history....get ready for the novel.

We've been trying to conceive for 3 years, 5 months. 45 cycles of heartbreak, going on 46. But somehow, we keep going and we're actually feeling pretty positive about things right now.

We only did one IUI. We got lucky and fell pregnant, but I lost my twins pretty early on. Then while we were saving money for the next IUI, I fell pregnant naturally. Two years of NOTHING and then after the IUI, my fertility rebounded and I could finally fall pregnant on my own. Unfortunately, I lost that one as well. But, we were more encouraged that we could do it on our own, so we decided to hold off on getting another IUI. Then, we had another loss, so we switched gears from TTC help to RMC help.

We had just started RMC testing right before we moved from the UK to the US, but we found a new doctor here who is good, though he needs some bedside manner work. But, he's willing to try different things to figure out why I keep having early losses. He sent me for a load of blood tests and so far, I've passed everything with flying colors except that I've come out with a high Natural Killer cell count...I'm going in for a confirmation blood test on Monday. And if it comes out high again, that means my body is attacking the baby while it's trying to implant and is causing my losses. So, I'll have to do intralipids every 6 weeks to keep my immune system under control and allow a baby to grow in there.

So, right now the plan is to see what's going on in there and then figure out what to do next. My FS wants to get a dose of intralipids in me pre-pregnancy, so my body is ready and then do another IUI to see if we can get pregnant again and keep it.

I'm hoping we get lucky before we start thinking IVF, so it's not in the plan at the moment.

I'm with you. I am far happier now that we're getting help than I ever was TTC on our own. I like having the feeling that we're doing something to get to our end goal. And it seems closer now than ever before. But I guess we'll see.

 

[AandV]

Thank you for sharing your story. And I am so sorry that yours has been a long journey, I really hope it ends soon and that you get to have your baby. I can imagine all the emotions you have been going through as I have had a taste of it for 7 cycles now and am happy to see you guys keep going and have good help.

For the Natural Killer cell count test, is that something special you request and is it just a regular blood test? I guess they determined to do it due to the early losses?

It’s so frustrating when you don’t know what the problem is so at least you got an answer for an issue that you can address and get help with and I truly hope it works for you.

We have never had a BFP so I don’t know if something like that could even be an issue for me as I’m not even falling pregnant.