Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[nmv]

So last month I felt ovulation pain, ran inside and took an opk which came back a strong positive...we had caught it in time to give it our first real shot, and we were successful!!!...on our VERY FIRST try!

FINALLY, after losing 8 family members in the last 3 years, and with all my worrisome fertility issues, we were adding a life...it gave us something so amazing to look forward to!

A HUGE weight had been lifted...
It was about time!!!!!

Then I lost it.
I had my happiness for what seems like moments, and then it was gone.
Torn away like so many loved ones lately.
Now the doc insists I wait until my next cycle to start again....but who knows when that will be....

Ladies, I'm devastated....and SO frustrated!
What's the deal?!!!?!
I feel like I just can't catch a break, and meanwhile I keep losing the people that I wanted to meet my babies the most!

It's getting so hard to stay positive...I feel my strength breaking down.

What does one do in a situation like this?
I'm starting to feel, for lack of a better word....cursed...?
(..yes, I know how silly that sounds..)

 

[zoeh]

So last month I felt ovulation pain, ran inside and took an opk which came back a strong positive...we had caught it in time to give it our first real shot, and we were successful!!!...on our VERY FIRST try!

FINALLY, after losing 8 family members in the last 3 years, and with all my worrisome fertility issues, we were adding a life...it gave us something so amazing to look forward to!

A HUGE weight had been lifted...
It was about time!!!!!

Then I lost it.
I had my happiness for what seems like moments, and then it was gone.
Torn away like so many loved ones lately.
Now the doc insists I wait until my next cycle to start again....but who knows when that will be....

Ladies, I'm devastated....and SO frustrated!
What's the deal?!!!?!
I feel like I just can't catch a break, and meanwhile I keep losing the people that I wanted to meet my babies the most!

It's getting so hard to stay positive...I feel my strength breaking down.

What does one do in a situation like this?
I'm starting to feel, for lack of a better word....cursed...?
(..yes, I know how silly that sounds..)

nmv, I am so, so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. I've never had a BFP, but I understand the feeling of wanting to add new life after losses and feeling "cursed." We haven't lost family members, but my immediate family has lost several close friends in the past two years, and my mom keeps talking so hopefully about "the circle of life," but in a year and a half that circle still hasn't closed :-/. Everyone tells me "it'll happen," but it really is impossible for them to empathize with that internal battle of trying so hard to stay positive and then just wanting to cry. It's OK to feel frustrated and even angry... I think if we didn't that might be rather strange... but even if we might feel cursed, there's always hope. Sometimes it's hard to see, but it's always there.

 

[jellyfish24]

It's so good to know that lots of us are going through the same thing. I've been hiding from BNB for while. I would say we have been TTC for over to years with no luck. At the moment its just really hard seeing all friends my age getting pregnant or have had 2 kids already. Lots of luck and dust to everyone

 

[nmv]

nmv, I am so, so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. I've never had a BFP, but I understand the feeling of wanting to add new life after losses and feeling "cursed." We haven't lost family members, but my immediate family has lost several close friends in the past two years, and my mom keeps talking so hopefully about "the circle of life," but in a year and a half that circle still hasn't closed :-/. Everyone tells me "it'll happen," but it really is impossible for them to empathize with that internal battle of trying so hard to stay positive and then just wanting to cry. It's OK to feel frustrated and even angry... I think if we didn't that might be rather strange... but even if we might feel cursed, there's always hope. Sometimes it's hard to see, but it's always there.

Thank you so much for your reply...sometimes it's hard not to feel alone in all this. I don't think we're built to have so much torn from us so quickly.

The holidays are going to feel so empty without grandma fussing over us and my uncle's stories and laughter...

I wanted so much to be pregnant before entering this part of the year...
I'm worried that I'm reaching a breaking point with all this...

It's so good to know that lots of us are going through the same thing. I've been hiding from BNB for while. I would say we have been TTC for over to years with no luck. At the moment its just really hard seeing all friends my age getting pregnant or have had 2 kids already. Lots of luck and dust to everyone

I know that feeling SOOO well....
I'm dreading going to DH's family holiday functions and seeing the pregnant member. (she's DH's cousin's daughter..)
That's right, his cousin who is 2 years older than him is expecting her second GRANDchild and we are miscarrying.

I'm terrified of the way I've started to feel toward pregnant people.
...twice as jealous and nasty as I am happy for them...
Makes me feel like an awful person!

I hope things work out for ALL of us sooner than later.
FX..

 

[zoeh]

It's so good to know that lots of us are going through the same thing. I've been hiding from BNB for while. I would say we have been TTC for over to years with no luck. At the moment its just really hard seeing all friends my age getting pregnant or have had 2 kids already. Lots of luck and dust to everyone

I'm terrified of the way I've started to feel toward pregnant people.
...twice as jealous and nasty as I am happy for them...
Makes me feel like an awful person!

I hope things work out for ALL of us sooner than later.
FX.. [/QUOTE]

Oh gosh, yes; you WANT so badly to be happy for them without any other emotions getting in the way, but it's so fricking difficult not to be like, "Ugghh I don't want to hear about your pregnancy right now!" I tried to be all stoic and happy and attended a baby shower yesterday for a distant relative, but when I got there, I was completely thrown because there were FOUR other heavily pregnant women. I had mentally prepared myself to see *her*, but not them. Turns out all her friends had gotten pregnant within months of each other. I tried to smile and be polite the whole time (couldn't leave early because my car got blocked in :-/), but they were all happy and glowing and there I was having the worst PMS ever, so I really just wanted to burst into tears.

 

[nmv]

Oh gosh, yes; you WANT so badly to be happy for them without any other emotions getting in the way, but it's so fricking difficult not to be like, "Ugghh I don't want to hear about your pregnancy right now!" I tried to be all stoic and happy and attended a baby shower yesterday for a distant relative, but when I got there, I was completely thrown because there were FOUR other heavily pregnant women. I had mentally prepared myself to see *her*, but not them. Turns out all her friends had gotten pregnant within months of each other. I tried to smile and be polite the whole time (couldn't leave early because my car got blocked in :-/), but they were all happy and glowing and there I was having the worst PMS ever, so I really just wanted to burst into tears.

Oh Zoeh....I COMPLETELY get it!


Its an indescribable mixture of emotions, isn't it?!....all blanketed with the guilt of even feeling that way....

You are very strong!
I haven't even met you, but I'm so proud of you for holding it together yesterday!
Its overwhelming to be surrounded by the happiness you want so badly for yourself...I know...

It will happen for us!!!
It just HAS to!

 

[Kallie3000]

nmv, I just wanted to send my thoughts and hugs and support.

For myself, 2014 has been the hardest, most challenging year of my life, hands down. Professional issues, overwhelming work and life stuff, family stuff, health issues, and the entire year of fertility issues and two early miscarriages. I have not had any losses of close family members, and so I feel lucky for that and I really appreciate how hard your year has been, and no one can compare grief or hardship with yours.

What has been helping me so much, though, is that I started going to therapy, I made my own mental and physical health a priority, and I started talking to my friends and family about the issues I've been having.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, you are not being punished, and you don't deserve this. Just wanted to send you love, and my hopes that you get support that you need and deserve!

 

[KBCupcake]

I'm so sorry for those of you who have gotten AF.

I'm thankful today for this thread, a thread specifically for those trying for their firsts. I'm not trying my next cycle which is difficult for me because I want to SO badly, but for insurance reasons I need to wait until January. Oh well.

My first baby's due date (1 MMC, 2 CPs) was a couple days ago. I dealt with that ok, I was mostly annoyed with everything which itself was progress. Today I feel a little bitter. Here's hoping for a fall baby in 2015.

 

[lady32]

Hello
this is my first time using a forum like this . I have many questions and concerns about TTC. Is this the right place to post ? I'm just trying to make sure before I type out my life story

 

[Kallie3000]

Hello
this is my first time using a forum like this . I have many questions and concerns about TTC. Is this the right place to post ? I'm just trying to make sure before I type out my life story

Lady, this is a 'vent' post, where people post their frustrations and concerns with trying to conceive (TTC) their first baby (#1). I recommend going back to the 'Trying to Conceive' main page, and finding a thread (topic) that is related to your question, or starting a new topic with a clear heading that shows what you are asking about. That will get you more responses!

 

[frenchiemenno]

Been Trying to conceive since August 2013....
I want a baby so bad, and it seems like everybody around me is getting pregnant
I'm happy for them, but i'm wondering if my turn will ever come....
Sometimes I feel like I need a good scream...

 

[KBCupcake]

Post might be offensive to some, idk, I just need to vent.

I'm a member of another TTC forum (another site entirely). I stated openly, while someone was on the subject, that I can't sympathize with ladies who are struggling TTC when they already have a child. I simply can't, it isn't within me. This quickly turned into 2 members (who obviously already have kids) getting in a huff about what I said. I stand by my feelings. I refused to respond to them because I didn't have anything productive or kind to say, only even harsher words that would escalate things, but one of the members dared to say "Right now I feel like I can definitely relate to the hurt of wanting a child and not having one."

How dare someone say this when they already have a child. That sentence heavily implies you're childless, what right do you think you have saying this? I want to give a sincere telling off to this idiot poster, but what good will come of it?

I haven't been TTC very long. Just a year. But with 3 MCs and nothing to show for it I've become bitter and angry. I don't know how women who have had more miscarriages or have been through this longer, have endured.

I'm just so annoyed with the fact I'm seen as "disgusting" because of my lack of sympathy. They act as if I wished horrible things upon them. I didn't. I simply don't care.

 

[nmv]

Post might be offensive to some, idk, I just need to vent.

I'm a member of another TTC forum (another site entirely). I stated openly, while someone was on the subject, that I can't sympathize with ladies who are struggling TTC when they already have a child. I simply can't, it isn't within me. This quickly turned into 2 members (who obviously already have kids) getting in a huff about what I said. I stand by my feelings. I refused to respond to them because I didn't have anything productive or kind to say, only even harsher words that would escalate things, but one of the members dared to say "Right now I feel like I can definitely relate to the hurt of wanting a child and not having one."

How dare someone say this when they already have a child. That sentence heavily implies you're childless, what right do you think you have saying this? I want to give a sincere telling off to this idiot poster, but what good will come of it?

I haven't been TTC very long. Just a year. But with 3 MCs and nothing to show for it I've become bitter and angry. I don't know how women who have had more miscarriages or have been through this longer, have endured.

I'm just so annoyed with the fact I'm seen as "disgusting" because of my lack of sympathy. They act as if I wished horrible things upon them. I didn't. I simply don't care.

We all deserve our feelings, and I doubt you intended your comment as any kind of an attack on them. It is painful for us with nothing to show for all the effort, not to become bitter.

I never imagined that wanting a child of my own would be so hard and make me so bitter. If I could just get 1...just 1!
At this point, for all I know, I'll never be a mom...much less have the 2 kids I always wanted.

After my second miscarriage earlier this month, my husband is spooked and is preventing us from trying again until "WE" are more ready....which clearly means he isn't ready, because I obviously am. So now I'm even starting to look at HIM differently. He's made himself an obstacle, and I'm trying not to resent him...but the bitterness is overwhelming.
His decision is just 1 more disappointment.

 

[KBCupcake]

Post might be offensive to some, idk, I just need to vent.

I'm a member of another TTC forum (another site entirely). I stated openly, while someone was on the subject, that I can't sympathize with ladies who are struggling TTC when they already have a child. I simply can't, it isn't within me. This quickly turned into 2 members (who obviously already have kids) getting in a huff about what I said. I stand by my feelings. I refused to respond to them because I didn't have anything productive or kind to say, only even harsher words that would escalate things, but one of the members dared to say "Right now I feel like I can definitely relate to the hurt of wanting a child and not having one."

How dare someone say this when they already have a child. That sentence heavily implies you're childless, what right do you think you have saying this? I want to give a sincere telling off to this idiot poster, but what good will come of it?

I haven't been TTC very long. Just a year. But with 3 MCs and nothing to show for it I've become bitter and angry. I don't know how women who have had more miscarriages or have been through this longer, have endured.

I'm just so annoyed with the fact I'm seen as "disgusting" because of my lack of sympathy. They act as if I wished horrible things upon them. I didn't. I simply don't care.

We all deserve our feelings, and I doubt you intended your comment as any kind of an attack on them. It is painful for us with nothing to show for all the effort, not to become bitter.

I never imagined that wanting a child of my own would be so hard and make me so bitter. If I could just get 1...just 1!
At this point, for all I know, I'll never be a mom...much less have the 2 kids I always wanted.

After my second miscarriage earlier this month, my husband is spooked and is preventing us from trying again until "WE" are more ready....which clearly means he isn't ready, because I obviously am. So now I'm even starting to look at HIM differently. He's made himself an obstacle, and I'm trying not to resent him...but the bitterness is overwhelming.
His decision is just 1 more disappointment.

Thanks so very much for your post. I'm very sorry you're going through this with your DH. I've had feelings of resentment and disappointment towards mine during this process and it's very lonely and isolating. Sending you many hugs.

 

[Kallie3000]

I stopped going to fertility support, which was a brand new program in my town, because a) I was the only one that went to the second meeting and b) the facilitator has kids, has no history with infertility, and kept making comments that are totally on the list of 'what not to say'!

 

[lellykins88]

Hello Ladies,

I just need to vent. Today marks my 13th cycle of TTC #1 and as of yet I'm yet to concieve

Bit of history, I came off the pill September 2013 and been TTC ever since. Had MC January and have bad irregular periods - so much so it can vary from 3 days to 2 weeks late sometimes! I'm on the vitamins, watching my diet, cut out booze, legs in the air etc etc, you name it I've tried it and nothing has happened yet.

I think because it was a year ago this month I actually 'thought' I was pregnant I just feel so deflated

As for you KBCupcake - I completely agree with you and I also had a run in with 1 few months back. Its just got to the point now where I'm constantly bitter, I hate AF and I want a family - I want my family and it feels like its never going to happen. Just feel like giving up now - sorry I'm so depressive today!! lol

xx

 

[Wishing_]

I am really about to stop TTC. I hate it. It has been about 2 years. I'm a week late with no sign of AF but yet I keep getting

I'm going to be throwing in the towel real soon. I'm just tired of it all! Time to start searching for a good b/c pill.

 

[DBZ34]

More tests. Tests on top of tests and then a re-test. I wanted answers but I'm not so sure anymore...When is it going end? When will it just be BD, BFP, baby?

 

[sup]

I have been ttc since Jan with no joy. This month approx 1 week after ovulation I had slight cramp and then noticed bright red blood when I went to loo. I assumed it was my period early however next morning no blood and nothing since. Light cramps have continued and I am now 3 days from due date. Could this be implantation bleeding? I have read lots of contradictory information but most this is not normally bright red blood but this has never happened to me before. The wait is killing me!

 

[maltesemom]

I understand how you all feel- I am so thankful to have a place to vent, and to have people who get where I am coming from

DH and I haven't been trying for long at all, but the 2WW & phantom symptoms are killing me. I keep testing, and it's nothing but a BFN! I have no self control- I am compulsively testing (8DPO) and compulsively eating. I feel like an idiot. Oh and also compulsively temping. Last reading was 96.1 is that even normal?!

I just need to know either way now...

I feel for you ladies that have been at this a while. It's rough.